Tips needed

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Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
763
259
63
Bahrain
#1
So , getting some first dates with girls but not getting a follow up often.

So what are the usual reasons for this occuring?

Anyone with any tips on how to improve 2nd date chances.
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
5,954
2,748
113
#2
So , getting some first dates with girls but not getting a follow up often.

So what are the usual reasons for this occuring?
That really depends on the woman (unless of course you are showing up unbathed).

Anyone with any tips on how to improve 2nd date chances.
Some of the women may have some ideas, but ultimately it's best to just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.
IMO it's better to not get a second date than to be stuck pretending to be someone else out of fear of not getting the second date.
 

RodB651

Active member
Feb 11, 2021
265
180
43
#3
Not getting a follow-up date can be a blessing in disguise.
 

Willow

Well-known member
Oct 10, 2021
406
372
63
ohio
#4
So , getting some first dates with girls but not getting a follow up often.

So what are the usual reasons for this occuring?

Anyone with any tips on how to improve 2nd date chances.
Well since this is a little vague on what goes on unsure. I think some of the worse dates I have had were over eager or talked about their ex's. I personally prefer a type of coffee date for a first date. Do you let them talk mostly? Ask many questions and seem interested. Sometimes people just don't hit it off. May not be looking for the same thing. I usually give a person 2 dates unless they are not who they pretended to be. First dates are hard everyone usually trying to not say the wrong thing.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
3,279
1,459
113
#5
More than once I was so ready for the date to be over...couldn't hardly wait to drop her off and escape.

Make it easy on yourself...if they want to escape make it easier for them to do so.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
3,279
1,459
113
#6
Well since this is a little vague on what goes on unsure. I think some of the worse dates I have had were over eager or talked about their ex's. I personally prefer a type of coffee date for a first date. Do you let them talk mostly? Ask many questions and seem interested. Sometimes people just don't hit it off. May not be looking for the same thing. I usually give a person 2 dates unless they are not who they pretended to be. First dates are hard everyone usually trying to not say the wrong thing.
I usually liked to go bowling or a round of put put (miniature golf)

But just coffee is good.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,670
6,701
113
#7
So , getting some first dates with girls but not getting a follow up often.

So what are the usual reasons for this occuring?

Anyone with any tips on how to improve 2nd date chances.
Part of it is how the chemistry or vibe is between you both on the first date. Assess how you behave and or react to what she does or say. Also, sometimes it’s the nerves for some, which can also play a factor on how the first date plays out.




Each first date varies as well - some come with a mind of set expectations and high standards, while others come in for genuine connections. Great thing about this all is you can control who you wish to go on a second date with, the downside is whether the girl agrees lol.
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
763
259
63
Bahrain
#8
Well since this is a little vague on what goes on unsure. I think some of the worse dates I have had were over eager or talked about their ex's. I personally prefer a type of coffee date for a first date. Do you let them talk mostly? Ask many questions and seem interested. Sometimes people just don't hit it off. May not be looking for the same thing. I usually give a person 2 dates unless they are not who they pretended to be. First dates are hard everyone usually trying to not say the wrong thing.
Yeah I a good listener and prefer to listen and ask questions . I never speak of ex lol

But I just not gifted with right words i think .
Being just myself seems to mean I will remain alone .

Oh well il pray God takes me home soon then , dating is just way too hard for those on the spectrum
 

Willow

Well-known member
Oct 10, 2021
406
372
63
ohio
#9
Yeah I a good listener and prefer to listen and ask questions . I never speak of ex lol

But I just not gifted with right words i think .
Being just myself seems to mean I will remain alone .

Oh well il pray God takes me home soon then , dating is just way too hard for those on the spectrum
I myself would prefer someone being open and honest. God has the right one out there for us. I myself have slowed my roll. I used to try and rush things and looked past things that I should of ran from. I did it because I didn't think I was worthy of a good man. But God knows our needs and desires amen.
 

Kireina

Well-known member
Aug 26, 2020
1,312
1,256
113
#10
Don't know also 🤔 I mean I don't have any tips but just want to encourage you that even though you didn't get a follow up date just keep on trying 😊 there will be another opportunity again and you'll never know maybe your next date will going to be your future wife already 😊
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
763
259
63
Bahrain
#11
I myself would prefer someone being open and honest. God has the right one out there for us. I myself have slowed my roll. I used to try and rush things and looked past things that I should of ran from. I did it because I didn't think I was worthy of a good man. But God knows our needs and desires amen.
you only prefer the open and honest if they also say the right things. if they disagree with you and telll yoy things that you dont like to hear . you wont stay with them becaue they honest.

Truth is girls looking for both honesty and nice talker.

Sadly they lean towards the second usually not the Honesty

jsut my experience as i am on spectrum and have no filter in mouth so just say what is inside. and not realise girls dont want to hear it.

silence is best. but is that really honest if it not spoken
 

Willow

Well-known member
Oct 10, 2021
406
372
63
ohio
#12
you only prefer the open and honest if they also say the right things. if they disagree with you and telll yoy things that you dont like to hear . you wont stay with them becaue they honest.

Truth is girls looking for both honesty and nice talker.

Sadly they lean towards the second usually not the Honesty

jsut my experience as i am on spectrum and have no filter in mouth so just say what is inside. and not realise girls dont want to hear it.

silence is best. but is that really honest if it not spoken
Wisdom in all things. Because I have found out people do not really want to know the truth. It is hard when you do not have a filter. My mom was like that. My son being autistic can be that way. But God has helped him alot. He remains quiet now instead of saying what pops in his head. He and I agreed that God can help us with our thoughts and what we say if we listen and learn to be quiet at times. But it is very hard for him to keep close friends.
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
763
259
63
Bahrain
#13
i get in trouble on dates when i say nothing ... silence is not golden they want my answer.. but the answer will be truth
 

Runningman

Well-known member
Mar 4, 2020
6,008
2,924
113
#14
So , getting some first dates with girls but not getting a follow up often.

So what are the usual reasons for this occuring?

Anyone with any tips on how to improve 2nd date chances.
I would say just need to display a lot of confidence. Have goals, know where you’re going in life, show you’re capable of protecting her, capable of supporting a family, and be able to make decisions with surety.

It kinda depends on the girl you’re with too. The reality is that people, boys and girls, are attracted to materialistic things and what makes them feel good. There are three particular categories where if you have one or all then it’s usually enough to get a second date and more.

Have a lot of money, be good looking, have a great personality. The having a good personality it is just about what you give. If you give her comfort, she thinks you are funny, and you stroke her ego a bit (not too much) then she’ll probably love you.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,118
4,030
113
#15
you only prefer the open and honest if they also say the right things. if they disagree with you and telll yoy things that you dont like to hear . you wont stay with them becaue they honest.

Truth is girls looking for both honesty and nice talker.

Sadly they lean towards the second usually not the Honesty

jsut my experience as i am on spectrum and have no filter in mouth so just say what is inside. and not realise girls dont want to hear it.

silence is best. but is that really honest if it not spoken
Robertt,

I'm sorry I don't have any dating tips that would be helpful, but I appreciate your posts because they are making me think about things from a different perspective.

When you say that you don't have a filter, how far does it extend?

I am not meaning this to be sarcastic in any way -- I'm just trying to understand. This example might be too simple, but if a woman asked you what you thought of her outfit and you didn't like it, would you just say you didn't like it, or that you thought it looked terrible on her?

I know most people, for the sake of being socially polite, would either give an answer that sugar-coats the truth or would try to skip over the question. When I'm in that position, I try to find something positive to add that will tone down the negative. I'm a woman myself, so if a female friend asked about her outfit and I didn't like it, I would try to find something I did like about it but also tell her the truth, such as, "I think the cut of that dress looks good on you, but maybe in a different color that would make your eyes stand out more?"

But for people who struggle with certain disabilities or autism or social anxiety, are they only able to tell the barebones truth as they see it such as, "That outfit is ugly"?

I'm asking this as a sincere question because I'm thinking about my own friendships and how much I have to hold back for the sake of being polite or showing Christian love. It's not that I'm dishonest, but as you said, many times silence can be best. For example, if a friend wants to do something or go somewhere I'm not interested in, sometimes I'll go in order to spend time with them.

Would someone in your position just say they didn't want to go, and that's that?

I hope my questions aren't offensive. It's just that your posts have me thinking that almost everything I do or say is automatically put through my own set of filters that I was taught or are a part of my personality.

I am trying to think of what it would be like to be long-term friends with someone who has no filter, because in the past, these kinds of situations (for me at least) have not worked out.

I don't have a problem with people telling me what they honestly think if they've taken the time to get to know me.

But I tend to match my level of filtering to that of the other person, and would find that while the other person would unabashedly dish out "the truth" to me, they didn't like it when someone else pointed out those same truths to them. I can't stay in situations like that because they are so unequal.

One of the problems I've had with some people labeling me as "normal" (not suffering from what they suffer with) is that they will then expect me to carry most of the weight of the friendship, and forgive whatever they say, no matter how offensive, without ever standing up to them or putting them back in line. If that's the case, I leave as soon as possible.

Please know that I am most certainly NOT saying that you or anyone else struggling with social issues is like this -- I'm just speaking from my own experience.

And I'm hoping you'll keep telling us about your experiences so I can learn more from you.
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
763
259
63
Bahrain
#16
Robertt,

. This example might be too simple, but if a woman asked you what you thought of her outfit and you didn't like it, would you just say you didn't like it, or that you thought it looked terrible on her?
what ever the truth was. if it looked terrible i would tell her.
I know most people, for the sake of being socially polite, would either give an answer that sugar-coats the truth or would try to skip over the question.
sadly i pause in silence and they soon know i think something other than good.
When I'm in that position, I try to find something positive to add that will tone down the negative. I'm a woman myself, so if a female friend asked about her outfit and I didn't like it, I would try to find something I did like about it but also tell her the truth, such as, "I think the cut of that dress looks good on you, but maybe in a different color that would make your eyes stand out more?"
no idea what the cut is and colours i cannot pick when married i left the house colours to her .
But for people who struggle with certain disabilities or autism or social anxiety, are they only able to tell the barebones truth as they see it such as, "That outfit is ugly"?
jsut whatever the truth is.
Dont ask "do i look fat in this," you might get the answer " no more than all the other outfits"

quote]
t. For example, if a friend wants to do something or go somewhere I'm not interested in, sometimes I'll go in order to spend time with them.

Would someone in your position just say they didn't want to go, and that's that?[/quote] sadly i would mention " I dont want to go . but i will go because i love you"
sadly that usually not what woman wants to hear. they want us to love going with them and enjoy it. I go becsaue i dont mind making sacrifices.

But I tend to match my level of filtering to that of the other person, and would find that while the other person would unabashedly dish out "the truth" to me, they didn't like it when someone else pointed out those same truths to them. I can't stay in situations like that because they are so unequal.
i love honest responses. if i say wrong thing i want to be told.

One of the problems I've had with some people labeling me as "normal" (not suffering from what they suffer with) is that they will then expect me to carry most of the weight of the friendship, and forgive whatever they say, no matter how offensive, without ever standing up to them or putting them back in line. If that's the case, I leave as soon as possible.
well that is ok if the person was dlieveratly trying to hurt you. you should stand back up to them. but if it is accidental then yes we need to show the love of christ. so yes i can see i need to avoid a person who would rather strike back rather than educate and show grace.
 

Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,124
472
83
#17
When you say that you don't have a filter, how far does it extend?

I am not meaning this to be sarcastic in any way -- I'm just trying to understand. This example might be too simple, but if a woman asked you what you thought of her outfit and you didn't like it, would you just say you didn't like it, or that you thought it looked terrible on her?
Her: What do you think of my dress?

Me: 😯

Oh, look...a squirrel.
 

Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,124
472
83
#19
women are not that dumb. that may work once. next time they will press for an answer.
I was semi-joking.

All kidding aside, I've got to be one of the most straightforward and honest people alive. That most definitely was not always the case. In fact, I used to be the most timid and cowardly "yes men" to ever walk the face of this earth until God dealt severely with me, and I finally repented and got delivered.

Anyhow, I honestly don't care about a woman's clothing, unless she's literally dressing like a whore, so it's normally not an issue for me at all.
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
763
259
63
Bahrain
#20
I was semi-joking.

All kidding aside, I've got to be one of the most straightforward and honest people alive. That most definitely was not always the case. In fact, I used to be the most timid and cowardly "yes men" to ever walk the face of this earth until God dealt severely with me, and I finally repented and got delivered.

Anyhow, I honestly don't care about a woman's clothing, unless she's literally dressing like a whore, so it's normally not an issue for me at all.
yes i tell my girl when i have one. I love you. You choose what you want