Wedding Vows For the New Millennium

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Nov 17, 2019
124
85
28
56
New Mexico, USA
#1
Imagine witnessing a young couple getting married in 2020; the bride in her beautiful wedding dress, and the nervous young man in his tuxedo. The backdrop is a stained glass window in the church where they grew up together. The preacher opens his Bible, and begins the marriage ceremony:

“We are gathered here today to join these two people in holy matrimony. Polly-Ann Princess, will you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to conquer, to mold into a perfect Christian and to see to it he is a perfect father?

Will you be with him till death do you part, as long he at least tries to make more money than he does now? After all, he is expected by the church to be the sole provider. Anything else would be a violation of our core beliefs. The elders will be happy to find him a second or third job so he can tithe and still provide you with a new house, a new car, and a trip to Disneyland for the kids every year.

Do you promise to love and obey him as long as he reads his Bible every day? After all, this is his duty as the head of his household. He must project to his family Godly leadership without fail. If he is lacking in this role, I and my staff at the church will be sure and castigate him in front of you. If this doesn’t work, I or any one of the elders will be happy to mentor you one-on-one, especially since you are so darn pretty.

Do you, Polly-Ann Princess, take this under-achiever, to have and to hold as long as your friends in this church say it’s okay to be with him? Do you agree to dump him if he does not display all the attributes of our Heavenly Father? Do you agree that leaving him, later on, maybe what’s best for the kids? After all, you may find that the elder who has been mentoring you is much Godlier, and you will be more than justified in running off with him instead. Don’t worry, no one (including I) will ever say anything. It’s your business what you do with your marriage. Always remember that your happiness is paramount above all.

Do you, Polly-Ann Princess, agree to take him for all the child support you deserve as a modern woman in America? Do you agree that twenty-percent per kid is a paltry sum, considering all the trips to Disneyland and video games your children deserve? Do you agree to not feel guilty taking this guy for a ride for the next ten years? Do you agree that it is okay to remarry six months later to a godlier man who has more money and better looks than this loser?”

At which time, Polly-Ann Princess looks into the groom’s eyes with reverence and says, “Oh, I do, I do.”
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,514
8,015
113
65
Florida
#2
Imagine witnessing a young couple getting married in 2020; the bride in her beautiful wedding dress, and the nervous young man in his tuxedo. The backdrop is a stained glass window in the church where they grew up together. The preacher opens his Bible, and begins the marriage ceremony:

“We are gathered here today to join these two people in holy matrimony. Polly-Ann Princess, will you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to conquer, to mold into a perfect Christian and to see to it he is a perfect father?

Will you be with him till death do you part, as long he at least tries to make more money than he does now? After all, he is expected by the church to be the sole provider. Anything else would be a violation of our core beliefs. The elders will be happy to find him a second or third job so he can tithe and still provide you with a new house, a new car, and a trip to Disneyland for the kids every year.

Do you promise to love and obey him as long as he reads his Bible every day? After all, this is his duty as the head of his household. He must project to his family Godly leadership without fail. If he is lacking in this role, I and my staff at the church will be sure and castigate him in front of you. If this doesn’t work, I or any one of the elders will be happy to mentor you one-on-one, especially since you are so darn pretty.

Do you, Polly-Ann Princess, take this under-achiever, to have and to hold as long as your friends in this church say it’s okay to be with him? Do you agree to dump him if he does not display all the attributes of our Heavenly Father? Do you agree that leaving him, later on, maybe what’s best for the kids? After all, you may find that the elder who has been mentoring you is much Godlier, and you will be more than justified in running off with him instead. Don’t worry, no one (including I) will ever say anything. It’s your business what you do with your marriage. Always remember that your happiness is paramount above all.

Do you, Polly-Ann Princess, agree to take him for all the child support you deserve as a modern woman in America? Do you agree that twenty-percent per kid is a paltry sum, considering all the trips to Disneyland and video games your children deserve? Do you agree to not feel guilty taking this guy for a ride for the next ten years? Do you agree that it is okay to remarry six months later to a godlier man who has more money and better looks than this loser?”

At which time, Polly-Ann Princess looks into the groom’s eyes with reverence and says, “Oh, I do, I do.”
...and the groom says "I don't".
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,358
3,029
113
#3
Somehow I get the feeling there is a hidden MGTOW message here... but I just can't put my finger on it.

*Lynx goes back to read it again to see if he can spot it.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
28,642
7,140
113
#4
Will you be with him till death do you part, as long he at least tries to make more money than he does now? After all, he is expected by the church to be the sole provider. Anything else would be a violation of our core beliefs. The elders will be happy to find him a second or third job so he can tithe and still provide you with a new house, a new car, and a trip to Disneyland for the kids every year.
I thought you were going to say, second or third wife :oops::censored::LOL::LOL::LOL::ROFL::LOL::LOL::censored::oops:
 

Gregoryp

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2019
540
415
63
#5
Let me first quote a YouTube video I came across, about a guy who went on a blind date, and this happened more than once apparently.
Her: that car of yours , do you own it outright or are you paying it off?
Him: sigh, changes the subject
Her later: Those clothes your wearing, are they your best, or do you just wear casual all the time?
Him: Sigh, answers that yes, these are my best clothes
Her: so your a carpenter, your salary must be pretty good
Him; Ughh
Her later: Have you ever married, do you have kids?
Him: BYE
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
11,971
2,307
113
#6
At which time, Polly-Ann Princess looks into the groom’s eyes with reverence and says, “Oh, I do, I do.”
Not to worry, I doubt the groom was paying much attention to those vows anyway.

He was too occupied by thoughts of getting home after the wedding to sit down to his favorite movie, "Darling Dance Club Dolls Who Love Dapper Deacons."

For every Polly Ann Princess, you're going to find a Pornography Pete.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,358
3,029
113
#7
seoulsearch! Behave! :p

You know, for once... just to see what it's like... you never know, you might find you like it.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
11,971
2,307
113
#9
Almost every single has the same complaints:

* Women are out for money.

* Men are out for sex.

* Women will leave you for a more perfect Christian guy.

* Men will leave you for a younger, thinner, prettier model (literally... she has to look like a model.)

It just seems like any overly-done stereotype deserves to be presented with it's opposite gender counterpart for the sake of balance.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,358
3,029
113
#10
Aaaaaah, I see!

Okay that makes sense. Good play seoul.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
11,971
2,307
113
#11
Aaaaaah, I see!

Okay that makes sense. Good play seoul.
No worries Lynx.

You knew you'd get an automatic thumbs down for any suggestion telling me to behave. :)

After all, I have to live up to my moniker somehow. :)
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,358
3,029
113
#12
Moniker... Careful there. You'll fit the stereotype of the snooty girl who has a lot of education and looks down on guys who are not as smart as you.

Well... you won't really fit it. But they'll twist it so you seem to fit it. ;)

Personally I'm shooting for the stereotype of the smart alec guy who makes jokes about everything and never takes anything seriously. :cool: (It makes it MUCH more likely for people to underestimate me, which always comes in handy.)
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,918
2,048
113
#14
Wait. These are vows for the present millennium? Dang. I surely missed out.

*plans another wedding so she can do things right!*
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
11,971
2,307
113
#17
Moniker... Careful there. You'll fit the stereotype of the snooty girl who has a lot of education and looks down on guys who are not as smart as you.

Well... you won't really fit it. But they'll twist it so you seem to fit it. ;)

Personally I'm shooting for the stereotype of the smart alec guy who makes jokes about everything and never takes anything seriously. :cool: (It makes it MUCH more likely for people to underestimate me, which always comes in handy.)
I actually meant my CC moniker...

OutWrite Trouble is where it's at. :cool:

Never mind me. I'm just a nobody who likes to chime in now and then. :)

The Polly Ann Princess Poo Poo just isn't my style. :geek:
 
Nov 17, 2019
124
85
28
56
New Mexico, USA
#18
It just seems like any overly-done stereotype deserves to be presented with it's opposite gender counterpart for the sake of balance.
I agree. But in our current hyper-feminist culture, even our churches are becoming complicit in a one-sided narritive. And men are often too affraid to speak up.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,358
3,029
113
#19
Sorry, I don't know what MGTOW means. Apparently, I live under a rock :D
MGTOW is kind of a counter-feminist movement. Ostensibly it is men who don't want, need or have anything to do with women. We men can handle life ourselves and we don't really care what women do, as long as women leave us alone.

In practice MGTOW seems to be really full of men who believe all women are just like the kind of bride you described in your first post. They think all women are the same, and they think all women are out to get everything they can wring out of men.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
11,971
2,307
113
#20
I agree. But in our current hyper-feminist culture, even our churches are becoming complicit in a one-sided narritive. And men are often too affraid to speak up.
I wonder if it depends on whether one is a man or a woman?

I know in my time of singledom, I regularly hear that women are bloodthirsty vampires scouring the earth in search of any poor man to drain the financial benefit from, to the point where I often wonder if these men even realize that not every woman is like that. I hear it so much on this forum that I put it in my head to be as financially independent as possible so that no man could ever accuse me of ever trying to touch his precious fundages, because I certainly wouldn't want to be seen as a 7th circle of hell feminist.

(However, you can't win for trying. Women who are financially independent are then slammed for being rebellious Jezebels who think they're too good for men and are responsible for breaking up the Godly design for the family.)

It's truly a no-win situation. If you don't work, most men will see you as a parasite. If you do work, you're either expected to pay half the bills AND raise a family or are told that working women are responsible for the collapse of the family unit because they aren't properly submitting to men.

You being a man, I'm sure what you hear probably seems one-sided from your own personal point of view as well.

Which makes me think about the fact that probably all of us believe in a little bit of a stereotype, and how many of us kind of expect to meet someone who will "prove" themselves different?

No wonder we're all single.

I stopped trying to pass tests and jump through any hoops a long time ago.