What are Your Thoughts About Financially Independent Women?

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JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
1,191
689
113
It has been many years since I have seen their commercials. Brings back memories. I guess those young ladies liked watermelon.
That's actually supposed to be a big lime.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,619
4,516
113
No running in the library

How many times do I have to tell you?

lol

if you want to chase each other and play tiggy, do it outside.
 

Sculpt

Active member
Apr 18, 2021
141
62
28
I am so looking forward to the guy who replies to your post seoul search, he really has no right to presume and insult your intelligence...

...most women are not even thinking of 'status' or whatever it is when they are in a relationship. what is status anyway.

when FB asks for your 'status' some people just put if they are married or single, but most people dont even answer cos its not even relevant
Didn't want to leave you hanging, Lanolin. Status in the context we were using it is "status in society". Generally speaking the President of the United States, business executive, doctor, hollywood or rock star would have a high status, then there would be a bunch of "levels down" from there to lowest.

'Status' on facebook is married, single, in relationship. Lot's of different uses for status.

By the way, do you know what a sycophant is?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,346
3,526
113
Didn't want to leave you hanging, Lanolin. Status in the context we were using it is "status in society". Generally speaking the President of the United States, business executive, doctor, hollywood or rock star would have a high status, then there would be a bunch of "levels down" from there to lowest.

'Status' on facebook is married, single, in relationship. Lot's of different uses for status.

By the way, do you know what a sycophant is?
Lol.

I can guarantee you that Lanolin is not being a syncophant in this or any case. It's definitely not her style - she always goes her own way.

We just rarely get to see anyone answer their own questions when given a blatant mirror. 🪞

Still waiting and hoping you'll step up to the plate, Sir Sculpt.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,186
4,882
113
By the way, do you know what a sycophant is?
You can't know how hilarious that is, because it's not hilarious for the reason you think. It's MUCH more amusing than you can imagine.
 

Sculpt

Active member
Apr 18, 2021
141
62
28
You can't know how hilarious that is, because it's not hilarious for the reason you think. It's MUCH more amusing than you can imagine.
LOL I couldn't resist. You have no idea how much I enjoy Lanolin. I have to kid her. You have to have a sense of humor, and I'm never dropping mine.

But I'm glad you're here, I was hoping you might clear this up.

If my own word isn't satisfactory enough for you, I've met several people on this site in real life. Most aren't here anymore, but I know Lynx doesn't mind my saying that I spent a week with her family
I dunno about that flood analogy... I've never found it very hard to say no, and I'm a guy.
You weren't doing a Toostie impersonation during Seoulsearch's visit, were you? ;)
 

Sculpt

Active member
Apr 18, 2021
141
62
28
My approach is to break down your post (which assumes the stereotype that women choose men based on money and status,) flip it around, and ask you the same things centered around the male version of this stereotype -- that men are only out for women they find the most absolutely beautiful and for sex.
This reminds of a response from christian writer/speaker Josh McDowell (Campus Crusade for Christ, More Than a Carpenter) to the question a young man asked him, "Should I marry a girl I'm seeing who I'm not physically attracted to?" Josh considered it and said 'no'. (This was in a packet on dating that my Aunt gave me many years ago). Basically he said he thought physical attraction is part of God's plan, and it's not likely in a (potential) spouse's best interest to marry someone who isn't physically attracted to them. They deserve a husband who is physically attracted to them; and vise versa. I don't recall Josh mentioning this a reason for both to stay faithful, but I would think that would be a related Pauline reason as well. Food for thought anyway.

And so, if by, "I'll ask you the same things centered around the male version of this stereotype -- that men are only out for women they find the most absolutely beautiful and for sex" you mean there's something sinful or wrong about a man pursuing to marry a woman he's physically attracted to, I reject that notion. If you weren't insinuating that, then I'm glad to hear it; & please disregard.

And sure, I've heard there's some people who don't desire and/or need that physical attraction in a spouse, and I think that's neutral/fine; but there's nothing at all wrong with those who do. It's a beautiful glue.

I believe there's more to individual physical attraction to someone than just "beauty"... it's not just skin deep, it goes the soul... the soul animates the physical body. My point is I think most men do not care "how beautiful" a woman is, they just care if they are physically attracted to them. I would be happy if everyone thought my wife was ugly, for two obvious reasons: One, there would much less chance of another man trying to woo my wife away from me; and two, maybe once in a blue moon my wife would be a little grateful I was with her when everyone else thought she was so homely (little joke there).

I suppose only men looking to buy women, are 'buying a trophy wife'. On the flipside, there's nothing wrong with a man wanting a wife he's physically attracted (sex appeal - to use your word). That's why he's not marrying one of his male buddies.

So, breaking down your original post again, let's tailor your questions to "the male" side of the coin:
1. These women, "You dated them... but you didn't marry them?"
2. "With these (women)... did you decide to one day drop them? Or did they end it (or maybe they just stop contacting you?"
3. "If you were the one to end it, what were some of the reasons? Any chance it was (because of they weren't beautiful enough to you or had enough sex appeal for you) even if it was subconscious?"

It is also a very Seoulsearch-ian thing to look forward to hearing your answers because I thoroughly answered your questions and feel it's only fair that the other person would be allowed the opportunity to do the same.

I'll be watching for your post -- thanks for taking the time.

P.S. Yes, I know my posts are long and not for the faint of heart. They're for a specific type of poster, though all are welcome to answer, and many just read and answer the title question without reading the background behind it.
Regarding the most recent relationships... The first one we dated about 4 months. Within about a month she told me she thought we were soulmates, wondered how long we have to wait to use the 'love' word and talked about marriage. Then once I really got close to her, over a two-three month period, she said she didn't want a relationship, said she didn't know why, but wanted to keep coming over lovey-dovey 5 nights a week. So she ended the relationship, but under the circumstances I didn't really believe her, thinking she would change her mind. Over the next few weeks some friends with knowledgeable backgrounds woke me up to the fact she was an often insensitive, sometimes cruel, narcissist. So I stopped seeing her.

With the second woman, we became very close very quickly, and without any perceivable triggering event/reason she broke it off without an intelligible reason. But then again, she was very likely schizophrenic (& not because she broke it off).

So, no, I haven't ended a relationship cause a woman didn't have enough sex appeal. If it was ever a significant factor, it probably wasn't outside of my 20s. But I guess you and I are not getting with the right potential spouses these days. Not sure what we're doing wrong, but I hope we start figuring it out. :love:
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,346
3,526
113
LOL I couldn't resist. You have no idea how much I enjoy Lanolin. I have to kid her. You have to have a sense of humor, and I'm never dropping mine.
But I'm glad you're here, I was hoping you might clear this up.
You weren't doing a Toostie impersonation during Seoulsearch's visit, were you? ;)
Oh trust me.

Lynx is a whole lot more appealing than Dustin Hoffman in a dress - and really bad wig. :ROFL:
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,346
3,526
113
Basically he said he thought physical attraction is part of God's plan, and it's not likely in a (potential) spouse's best interest to marry someone who isn't physically attracted to them. They deserve a husband who is physically attracted to them; and vise versa.
I suppose only men looking to buy women, are 'buying a trophy wife'. On the flipside, there's nothing wrong with a man wanting a wife he's physically attracted (sex appeal - to use your word). That's why he's not marrying one of his male buddies.
Hi Sculpt!

I really appreciate your honest answers -- thank you for being brave enough to take a swing.

As far as physical attraction goes (for both men and for women,) my one hang-up is that physical attractiveness does not last, so when we advise people to marry with physical attractiveness in mind, what happens when the wife has gone through a couple of pregnancies (and can't lose the weight or stretch marks,) and the husband's college drinking starts to settle into the shape of an overly inflated tire around his waist?

As an example of this topic, I've posted threads in the past featuring pictures of celebrities known for their good looks (Elizabeth Taylor and Jan-Michael Vincent, a personal childhood crush of mine) and photos of what happened to their impossibly good looks as time went by. And these were people who could afford the very best means of trying to hold on to their attractiveness, but could not.

I've spent the last several decades of my life living around senior populations in which spouses were traded in for better-looking models when looks faded, or where there are still people who are just as interested in romantic love as when they were teenagers, except now the dating pool has white hair (or bald patches, or none at all), turkey necks, liver spots, and bellies the size of expanded beach balls (and I'm talking about the men.) But yet many of these people still hope to find someone to be with (and many are still just as superficial when it comes to looks, as they still hope to snag someone 20 younger and better-looking.)

I've been hanging out in the CC Singles forum for about 12 years, and I've seen the importance of looks and attraction come up in threads all the time.

While I agree that attraction is important to people, I've also come to the personal conclusion that the Christian community is also the pickiest and most challenging to navigate because everyone believes that God "wants the best for them," which they think means that God will give them everything they want in a potential spouse, including dashing good looks.

I also agree that for most, it would be hard to settle into a relationship with, let alone marry someone they're not physically attracted to.

But I can't also help but believe that the only way a couple will stay together is out of faith and commitment to God (if looks are a high priority,) because no one, not even billionaire celebrities who can afford the best of everything, can hang on to their looks.

I'm truly sorry about the dating experiences you've had in your last two relationships -- it really is a jungle out there. I tell all my married friends, "If you've found someone you can stand to put up with and they put up with you, just stick with them because dating is nothing but a shark tank, especially as you get older."

I also understand what you're saying about being ok with everyone else not agreeing with you about what you may find as attractive, and that can be a very beautiful thing. I've always been attracted to quirks and things that other people told me I was weird for liking, lol.

But we are who God made us, and we like what we like. :)

Thank you for your openness and straight-from-the heart answers. Looking forward to more in the future.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,346
3,526
113
You weren't doing a Toostie impersonation during Seoulsearch's visit, were you? ;)
Ha! I just caught the typo in my post that resulted in this comment.

Totally my bad.

I had spent time with both Lynx and Cinder's families that year, but at different times, and I had to tell them both that they sometimes sound so much alike that when I was with either of them, even though it was at completely separate times, I would start to think that I was talking to Lynx when I was actually talking to Cinder and vice versa.

Not because of anything physical, but because the logic and answers in their posts is often structured so simiarly, I couldn't believe how much the same held true in person as well -- if not more so.

Most people's manners of speaking is a bit different than how they write -- not with these two! :ROFL:

So yes, I was basically writing about Lynx and Cinder as if they were the same person, because until I met them separately, I used to joke that they just might indeed be.
 
Feb 5, 2019
26
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Hi Sculpt!

I really appreciate your honest answers -- thank you for being brave enough to take a swing.

As far as physical attraction goes (for both men and for women,) my one hang-up is that physical attractiveness does not last, so when we advise people to marry with physical attractiveness in mind, what happens when the wife has gone through a couple of pregnancies (and can't lose the weight or stretch marks,) and the husband's college drinking starts to settle into the shape of an overly inflated tire around his waist?

As an example of this topic, I've posted threads in the past featuring pictures of celebrities known for their good looks (Elizabeth Taylor and Jan-Michael Vincent, a personal childhood crush of mine) and photos of what happened to their impossibly good looks as time went by. And these were people who could afford the very best means of trying to hold on to their attractiveness, but could not.

I've spent the last several decades of my life living around senior populations in which spouses were traded in for better-looking models when looks faded, or where there are still people who are just as interested in romantic love as when they were teenagers, except now the dating pool has white hair (or bald patches, or none at all), turkey necks, liver spots, and bellies the size of expanded beach balls (and I'm talking about the men.) But yet many of these people still hope to find someone to be with (and many are still just as superficial when it comes to looks, as they still hope to snag someone 20 younger and better-looking.)

I've been hanging out in the CC Singles forum for about 12 years, and I've seen the importance of looks and attraction come up in threads all the time.

While I agree that attraction is important to people, I've also come to the personal conclusion that the Christian community is also the pickiest and most challenging to navigate because everyone believes that God "wants the best for them," which they think means that God will give them everything they want in a potential spouse, including dashing good looks.

I also agree that for most, it would be hard to settle into a relationship with, let alone marry someone they're not physically attracted to.

But I can't also help but believe that the only way a couple will stay together is out of faith and commitment to God (if looks are a high priority,) because no one, not even billionaire celebrities who can afford the best of everything, can hang on to their looks.

I'm truly sorry about the dating experiences you've had in your last two relationships -- it really is a jungle out there. I tell all my married friends, "If you've found someone you can stand to put up with and they put up with you, just stick with them because dating is nothing but a shark tank, especially as you get older."

I also understand what you're saying about being ok with everyone else not agreeing with you about what you may find as attractive, and that can be a very beautiful thing. I've always been attracted to quirks and things that other people told me I was weird for liking, lol.

But we are who God made us, and we like what we like. :)

Thank you for your openness and straight-from-the heart answers. Looking forward to more in the future.
I agree with what you say and that God wanting what is best for us doesn't mean that we get everything we wanted, and I feel like if that were the case and we had only good stuff from him in life then I feel like more people would in fact be rushing towards him in a flash. Being a single Christian means that you have to have faith, patience, and a battle to fight.
Even though being patience is hard... and boring ._. but hey that's why God is next to you!
I would also say it takes two to make a relationship, and two to build the relationship. (Yes technically three I didn't leave God out).
 
Apr 3, 2020
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I absolutely do not understand any kind of push to get people to marry someone they are not attracted to. Were all going to b old someday. Were also going to b dead someday. Thats like torture i have to eat dinner and stare across the table from someone i dont want to look at. What your really doing is adding virtue to unattractive people and taking it from attractive people. Most very over weight people are lazy that is not a positive trait. Ranch sauce on everything never go to gym or running. Not someone i want to b attached to.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,186
4,882
113

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,186
4,882
113
About attraction... Even an attractive personality can fade with time and dementia or a brain tumor. Can you still love your spouse then?

Attraction, physical or emotional, is nice to have. But if that's all we have, it won't last forever.