What Kind of Man Can God Trust With One of His Daughters?

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What is the most important thing for a man to have before marriage?

  • Physical aptitude

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • A high sex drive

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    10
  • Poll closed .
Apr 15, 2022
337
101
28
USA
#1
I'm talking about marriage here. I think most people want to be married.

Loving earthly fathers are very protective of their daughters and very picky about a potential husband (many fathers prefer there isn't any potential husband at all until the father is ready). God is no less protective of His spiritual daughters.

What do you think are the qualities that God would want a man to have or that He would see in a man that would make Him happy to give one of His daughters to the man in marriage?
 

Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
May 19, 2022
1,383
639
113
#2
Well, I obviously voted for "good character".

Seeing how marriage was ordained by God to represent the union between Christ and the church, any potential husband needs to have "good character" or "godly character" in order to truly love his wife as Christ loves the church.

Such character doesn't develop via osmosis or suddenly appear after a man sleeps one night with his Bible under his pillow.

Instead, it may take years of humble preparation before the Lord in true submission to him, his Spirit, and his word.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#3
Somebody who cares.

All the rest - provider, protector, good listener, all that - will come from caring. If the guy doesn't care about her, all the rest of the stuff is just an act, and it will wear down and blow away in time.
 
S

SimpleSheep

Guest
#4
The most important thing is good character. But I also voted for a big bank account and stable job. Usually the mother has to stay at home with the kids especially the first few years. I think it's important for a man to have a stable job if he wants a family. A big bank account is even better and feels more secure.
Obviously a big bank account isn't a dealbreaker...but the other two are.
 

brighthouse98

Senior Member
Apr 16, 2015
618
295
63
70
#5
Fine question Sons! SECURITY!!!!!!!! A woman not only needs to feel secure but as a Man of God I would make her secure!! If I had a daughter, she would be aware of how important money is! I know!!!! Money is not everything right?? LOL In this world it is!! I would always want more then not enough, and a woman does to!

Next as most have talked about and I fully agree Character! (James 1:22-27!!) Words mean much to a woman, and even more important they need to see as well!! What a godly man comes to find out is that the woman you love is a mirror of oneself! Next Communication!!! A woman, well most women, look for encouragement, I treat my woman as if she was myself. You must watch your words!! If you get into an argument and children are around, go to a bedroom and work it out, do not let your children see this, it does affect them!

You may not think it is a big deal, but it is! Your woman wants and needs to feel special, make sure she is! If you wish for your woman to follow you, she must do this on her own, you as a man can never make her!! Remember YOU as a man are to be the example AT ALL TIMES!! Finally, to the woman, TEST him!!!! Make sure he is not a wolf in sheep clothing!

One dear lady in our Church who was about 17 showed me her new boyfriend, I took him aside and said I would like to show you something, I know how men are!! Abagail is a dear friend of mine, she has some faith in you, and here is my gun collection Jim (his name) The Lord will repay a wrongdoer, and you know what Jim?? So DO I!!

Do we understand each other brother?? He turned white as ghost!! LOL Yes sir he said, Now go and make her feel special! I will he said. A year later they got married. He works hard, and places her before himself like a good disciple would!! Sorry, this is a bit long, but I used to be a bodyguard many moons ago, and trust is not one of my strongest qualities. lol Fine question!!! Thanks!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#6
God isnt wanting his son to marry

Jesus never married

But obviously Jesus already had good charachter though He wasnt given to marriage. I think he had more important things to do, like heal the sick and preach the good news.

Joseph was told to marry Mary, but not because he was necessarily a good character. Joseph had been espoused and he had to honor his word. He was actually thinking of divorcing her when he found out that Mary was pregnant. And he did not have a 'large bank account' either. His job as carpenter required physical aptitude, but that was for his job. A husband is not the same as a JOB. Though he did go to a STABLE for Jesus birth lol


It was more his lineage, to give Jesus his ancestral name.

as for the last item lol. Some people have one track minds on here, how many posts about sex is the OP making?!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#7
Jesus did have brothers and sisters though, they were not begotten like Jesus was.
 
Apr 15, 2022
337
101
28
USA
#8
Fine question Sons! SECURITY!!!!!!!! A woman not only needs to feel secure but as a Man of God I would make her secure!! If I had a daughter, she would be aware of how important money is! I know!!!! Money is not everything right?? LOL In this world it is!! I would always want more then not enough, and a woman does to!

Next as most have talked about and I fully agree Character! (James 1:22-27!!) Words mean much to a woman, and even more important they need to see as well!! What a godly man comes to find out is that the woman you love is a mirror of oneself! Next Communication!!! A woman, well most women, look for encouragement, I treat my woman as if she was myself. You must watch your words!! If you get into an argument and children are around, go to a bedroom and work it out, do not let your children see this, it does affect them!

You may not think it is a big deal, but it is! Your woman wants and needs to feel special, make sure she is! If you wish for your woman to follow you, she must do this on her own, you as a man can never make her!! Remember YOU as a man are to be the example AT ALL TIMES!! Finally, to the woman, TEST him!!!! Make sure he is not a wolf in sheep clothing!

One dear lady in our Church who was about 17 showed me her new boyfriend, I took him aside and said I would like to show you something, I know how men are!! Abagail is a dear friend of mine, she has some faith in you, and here is my gun collection Jim (his name) The Lord will repay a wrongdoer, and you know what Jim?? So DO I!!

Do we understand each other brother?? He turned white as ghost!! LOL Yes sir he said, Now go and make her feel special! I will he said. A year later they got married. He works hard, and places her before himself like a good disciple would!! Sorry, this is a bit long, but I used to be a bodyguard many moons ago, and trust is not one of my strongest qualities. lol Fine question!!! Thanks!
You think your comment was long. You should check out some of mine. Even I wouldn't read them they're so long. Lol.

You scared poor Jim into righteous living. Long ago, I used to automatically side with the woman which is what men naturally do. When God got a hold of me, He began teaching me how to "judge with righteous judgment" (Matthew 7:1) because that's how He judges. For me, this makes life better because you're no longer biased in favor of one side over the other (this applies to everything: men and women, political parties, ethnic groups, rich and poor, etc.). Before my encounter with God, I was of the opinion that my sister was always right and her boyfriends were always wrong. After my encounter, my sister was surprised to call me about her boyfriend who'd dumped her and to see that I didn't take her or his side. He didn't want to be with her, so he was free to leave her. She cried and cried. Too bad. That's life. It's always the most enjoyable to judge two parties who are both in the right (like my sister and her ex). It's hardest (or most discouraging) to judge when both parties are in the wrong; then things get complicated.

I think that when it comes to finances, overall security, leading, providing, protecting, etc., those things are naturally built into a man to begin with, and the more God refines him (ie. get his carnal self-centered nature out of the way), the more those natural masculine qualities will rise to the fore. What do you think?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#9
I think that when it comes to finances, overall security, leading, providing, protecting, etc., those things are naturally built into a man to begin with, and the more God refines him (ie. get his carnal self-centered nature out of the way), the more those natural masculine qualities will rise to the fore. What do you think?
What do I think? I think you're full of it.

My dad is one of the most Godly men I know, but mom was the one who managed accounts in our home because he sucked at it. And dad was fine with that, because he was able to acknowledge where somebody was better than he at something and let her do it.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#10
That's one big thing a man needs before he can expect God to trust him with a wife: He needs to be able to admit she is better than he is at some things. They can't work together as a team if he can't bring himself to admit she has some areas where she is stronger.
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
1,012
546
113
#11
What do I think? I think you're full of it.

My dad is one of the most Godly men I know, but mom was the one who managed accounts in our home because he sucked at it. And dad was fine with that, because he was able to acknowledge where somebody was better than he at something and let her do it.
Was she happy to do the finances or would she rather have your Dad be good at it and take care of that? What I mean by that is there were things in my marriage I could do and possibly didnt need a man for, but honestly I didnt want the responsibility of doing certain things like being the big decision maker, and I started to resent him for it. But there were things in the marriage that I sucked at eg cooking and he had a natural ability for, I was better at organizing than him. I do have to wonder tho, what would have happened if God had been in our lives and refined my husband as SonsofCaleb said.
 
Apr 15, 2022
337
101
28
USA
#13
There were things in my marriage I could do and possibly didnt need a man for, but honestly I didnt want the responsibility of doing certain things like being the big decision maker, and I started to resent him for it. But there were things in the marriage that I sucked at eg cooking and he had a natural ability for, I was better at organizing than him. I do have to wonder tho, what would have happened if God had been in our lives and refined my husband as SonsofCaleb said.
When God is the Director of a thing, the outcome can be absolutely astonishing and amazing.

We live in a world that is run by the Law ('Law' here has to do with natural laws that govern the human body as well as man's/governmental laws); therefore, we are used to functioning under Law: take care of your health; eat well; get plenty of rest and sleep; get a job; etc. We are used to having to work for everything we get. With a very few exception (like our central nervous system, our respiratory system, and our automatic eye-wash (blinking)), we have to literally work and struggle just to stay alive.

We have to work just to be able to buy things we need. We shell out money for a home, food, and things like a car or/and phone which is a total necessities. After watching our parents do this and doing it ourselves, our concept of Grace has long flown the coop and is on another continent now. The Law has disarmed us of the hope for something better. This is a problem because from before the Creation of the worlds, God always functioned first from Grace. (My brief definition for each word here is that Law 'operates whether or not you can keep up' (it doesn't wait up for you; that's how the world turns), but Grace 'operates based on what you can actually handle' (it meets you where you are and takes your needs and weaknesses into account).)

Because God functions from Grace but we are swallowed in a world of Law, it's naturally hard for us to see, believe for, and receive from God on many occasions and to understand the concept of Grace as it applies not to initial salvation but to the way God works as a Person. This is all to say that if God was 'allowed' to build a relationship (or business or ministry or family or anything), the results would and can far exceed what we're used to seeing. For example, in a marriage where one person is good at some things and the other is good at other things, God can cause each person to learn, acquire, or 'absorb/osmose' the skills or whatever it is they need to make the relationship easier on both parties. As you wrote, "I do have to wonder tho, what would have happened if God had been in our lives and refined my husband." It would've been way different if both of you were in Christ and He was in the midst of you.

Solomon said, "Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it" (Psalm 127:1).

That house can also be a marriage, a family, a business, and anything that man can strategize, plan, and do but that God can always do far better. I have told a few friends that 24 hours in a day is more than enough (because people always stress about time). I told them that if I was married and had four children, that I'd have enough time in a day to drive 30 minutes to a full-time and 30 minutes back (that's nine hours gone just from working), stop for one hour another believer's house who needs ministry/support (10 hours gone), go home and spend time with each of my four kids (this is the fun part), have enough time for two fifteen-minute naps, have time to spend and relax with my wife, maybe have time for an extra hour of work on the laptop, and still have time to get seven to eight hours of sleep (depending on whether or not I spent that hour on the laptop) before getting up, eating breakfast, spending some time with God, then heading back to work. Especially considering that that hour stop at another person's house won't happen every weekday, this is easily doable.

Now, most people would wonder how this is possible. There are two main 'tricks' to this:

1. As far as the energy, God supplies Grace. He really does. Isaiah 40:31 says that people who trust in God will "renew their strength" and "will run and not grow weary". To run here means 'to work' or 'to labor' or 'to exert or exhaust energy'. I have experienced this and it's true. If you have a wife and family, God will supply all the energy you need as long as you are 'tied to' (trust in) Him in a living, not rote, relationship.

2. As far as the children, one would question how you could spend time with four different children with such a time crunch. This is the fun part: God creates each individual differently. If we've heard of the 'five love languages' between romantic couples, each person also has a general 'love language'. God is willing to tell parents their children's spiritual identity and how to raise them if the parents ask Him. If a child has a unique calling, then God might tell the parents without them having to ask (but you should still ask). This was the case with Samson's parents. After an angel appeared to Manoah's barren wife (Samson's parents) and told her she would have a child (ie. Samson) and how to raise him, she told Manoah the news. Manoah also wanted to know how to raise the child, therefore, "Manoah prayed to the Lord: 'Pardon your servant, Lord. I beg you to let the man of God (the angel) You sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born.' God heard Manoah, and the angel of God came again" (Judges 13). (Parents might not know this but they have to ask. Most things God gives or reveals He does so to those who ask, not those who sit idly or don't ask.) Each child will have a different identity and will receive love in a different way. God is able to show the parents all of this; so, of my four children in the above example, one child might only need only fifteen minutes for daddy dandle her on his knees; another child might need thirty minutes to play in the yard with daddy; one child might need only five minutes for daddy to show him something from work; and another child might need twenty minutes for daddy to read her a story or do school work with her. When added up, spending time with the children can be well under 1 1/2 hours, because at the end of the day, children just want to know that daddy is home. They don't need to spend long periods of one-on-one time with him as long as he's there. As long as his presence is in the home, the children are happy and feel secure. Their spirits are fed by his presence (resulting in not needing long periods of his time) whereas their souls are fed by doing things with him (eg. one-on-one time). But when their spirit is fed, their soul needs less 'feeding' which means that if daddy is home, then he doesn't need to spend a lot of personal time with each of them. (This is why children whose fathers aren't in the home or are barely home will seek out entertainment and excitement to satiate their souls in order to compensate for the absence of their father('s love) which would satiate their spirit.)

God knows how all these things work. It's up to husbands and wives to ask Him about each other and then together to ask Him about their children. He's more than happy to answer (as He did with Manoah, Samson's father) because God is a Builder. He primarily builds people and couples and families, and He has the expertise to know where each person fits, how to order and use time wisely, and how to make everything work efficiently. You said, "I do have to wonder tho, what would have happened if God had been in our lives and refined my husband." Depending on how much room He had to work, the results could have been absolutely astonishing. The Bible says God "is able to do abundantly/immeasurable above all that we ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20). We can repeat that, but we can hardly understand or believe it because we've lived under Law (ie. "You must do all these things just to live") our whole lives and find it hard to grasp the concept of Grace (ie. "God is willing to meet you where are you are and based on your limitations"). But Eph. 3:20 is definitely true.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#14
it seems God will trust.....


sons of Caleb!!!

yay!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#15
Did I get it right?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#16
Iru, Elah and Naam

however there were lots of sons of other men in the Bible that didnt make it. Although these werent the sons that got put in the fiery furnace and didnt get singed.
 

brighthouse98

Senior Member
Apr 16, 2015
618
295
63
70
#17
Hi Brother Sons At, 69 years old at least I can still look!! Lol you made such a fine point as well!! When you are in a relationship keep others out of it!! Family especially! You not going with them, and usually the advice they will give you will hurt you both, not always!! But most of the time. Keep your mouth shut to them about your personal life!!

And when you do talk about your lady, never ever!!!! say anything bad!! Your part of her now you know if you truly love her. I have never married myself brother, came close once but she had a 13-year-old who made the exorcist look like child play he was so spoiled, I went with her for about 2 years, and it was after I left the Lord got a hold of me in a mop closet in college!!

LOL And taught me not to be a user of people anymore! I was not a nice guy before the Lord bro! Anyway, thanks so much for your input!!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#18
I have told a few friends that 24 hours in a day is more than enough (because people always stress about time). I told them that if I was married and had four children, that I'd have enough time in a day to drive 30 minutes to a full-time and 30 minutes back (that's nine hours gone just from working), stop for one hour another believer's house who needs ministry/support (10 hours gone), go home and spend time with each of my four kids (this is the fun part), have enough time for two fifteen-minute naps, have time to spend and relax with my wife, maybe have time for an extra hour of work on the laptop, and still have time to get seven to eight hours of sleep (depending on whether or not I spent that hour on the laptop) before getting up, eating breakfast, spending some time with God, then heading back to work. Especially considering that that hour stop at another person's house won't happen every weekday, this is easily doable.
When you put it that way it sounds so simple...

Too bad it doesn't work that way. I know a lot of parents who wish it did.
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
7,926
3,316
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#19
The answer is a man who has a heart like Jesus has for His church.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it..."
Ephesians 5

There's a lot more that the Bible teaches us about marriage, but that one verse is the best summary that comes to mind.
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
1,012
546
113
#20
When God is the Director of a thing, the outcome can be absolutely astonishing and amazing.

We live in a world that is run by the Law ('Law' here has to do with natural laws that govern the human body as well as man's/governmental laws); therefore, we are used to functioning under Law: take care of your health; eat well; get plenty of rest and sleep; get a job; etc. We are used to having to work for everything we get. With a very few exception (like our central nervous system, our respiratory system, and our automatic eye-wash (blinking)), we have to literally work and struggle just to stay alive.

We have to work just to be able to buy things we need. We shell out money for a home, food, and things like a car or/and phone which is a total necessities. After watching our parents do this and doing it ourselves, our concept of Grace has long flown the coop and is on another continent now. The Law has disarmed us of the hope for something better. This is a problem because from before the Creation of the worlds, God always functioned first from Grace. (My brief definition for each word here is that Law 'operates whether or not you can keep up' (it doesn't wait up for you; that's how the world turns), but Grace 'operates based on what you can actually handle' (it meets you where you are and takes your needs and weaknesses into account).)

Because God functions from Grace but we are swallowed in a world of Law, it's naturally hard for us to see, believe for, and receive from God on many occasions and to understand the concept of Grace as it applies not to initial salvation but to the way God works as a Person. This is all to say that if God was 'allowed' to build a relationship (or business or ministry or family or anything), the results would and can far exceed what we're used to seeing. For example, in a marriage where one person is good at some things and the other is good at other things, God can cause each person to learn, acquire, or 'absorb/osmose' the skills or whatever it is they need to make the relationship easier on both parties. As you wrote, "I do have to wonder tho, what would have happened if God had been in our lives and refined my husband." It would've been way different if both of you were in Christ and He was in the midst of you.

Solomon said, "Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it" (Psalm 127:1).

That house can also be a marriage, a family, a business, and anything that man can strategize, plan, and do but that God can always do far better. I have told a few friends that 24 hours in a day is more than enough (because people always stress about time). I told them that if I was married and had four children, that I'd have enough time in a day to drive 30 minutes to a full-time and 30 minutes back (that's nine hours gone just from working), stop for one hour another believer's house who needs ministry/support (10 hours gone), go home and spend time with each of my four kids (this is the fun part), have enough time for two fifteen-minute naps, have time to spend and relax with my wife, maybe have time for an extra hour of work on the laptop, and still have time to get seven to eight hours of sleep (depending on whether or not I spent that hour on the laptop) before getting up, eating breakfast, spending some time with God, then heading back to work. Especially considering that that hour stop at another person's house won't happen every weekday, this is easily doable.

Now, most people would wonder how this is possible. There are two main 'tricks' to this:

1. As far as the energy, God supplies Grace. He really does. Isaiah 40:31 says that people who trust in God will "renew their strength" and "will run and not grow weary". To run here means 'to work' or 'to labor' or 'to exert or exhaust energy'. I have experienced this and it's true. If you have a wife and family, God will supply all the energy you need as long as you are 'tied to' (trust in) Him in a living, not rote, relationship.

2. As far as the children, one would question how you could spend time with four different children with such a time crunch. This is the fun part: God creates each individual differently. If we've heard of the 'five love languages' between romantic couples, each person also has a general 'love language'. God is willing to tell parents their children's spiritual identity and how to raise them if the parents ask Him. If a child has a unique calling, then God might tell the parents without them having to ask (but you should still ask). This was the case with Samson's parents. After an angel appeared to Manoah's barren wife (Samson's parents) and told her she would have a child (ie. Samson) and how to raise him, she told Manoah the news. Manoah also wanted to know how to raise the child, therefore, "Manoah prayed to the Lord: 'Pardon your servant, Lord. I beg you to let the man of God (the angel) You sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born.' God heard Manoah, and the angel of God came again" (Judges 13). (Parents might not know this but they have to ask. Most things God gives or reveals He does so to those who ask, not those who sit idly or don't ask.) Each child will have a different identity and will receive love in a different way. God is able to show the parents all of this; so, of my four children in the above example, one child might only need only fifteen minutes for daddy dandle her on his knees; another child might need thirty minutes to play in the yard with daddy; one child might need only five minutes for daddy to show him something from work; and another child might need twenty minutes for daddy to read her a story or do school work with her. When added up, spending time with the children can be well under 1 1/2 hours, because at the end of the day, children just want to know that daddy is home. They don't need to spend long periods of one-on-one time with him as long as he's there. As long as his presence is in the home, the children are happy and feel secure. Their spirits are fed by his presence (resulting in not needing long periods of his time) whereas their souls are fed by doing things with him (eg. one-on-one time). But when their spirit is fed, their soul needs less 'feeding' which means that if daddy is home, then he doesn't need to spend a lot of personal time with each of them. (This is why children whose fathers aren't in the home or are barely home will seek out entertainment and excitement to satiate their souls in order to compensate for the absence of their father('s love) which would satiate their spirit.)

God knows how all these things work. It's up to husbands and wives to ask Him about each other and then together to ask Him about their children. He's more than happy to answer (as He did with Manoah, Samson's father) because God is a Builder. He primarily builds people and couples and families, and He has the expertise to know where each person fits, how to order and use time wisely, and how to make everything work efficiently. You said, "I do have to wonder tho, what would have happened if God had been in our lives and refined my husband." Depending on how much room He had to work, the results could have been absolutely astonishing. The Bible says God "is able to do abundantly/immeasurable above all that we ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20). We can repeat that, but we can hardly understand or believe it because we've lived under Law (ie. "You must do all these things just to live") our whole lives and find it hard to grasp the concept of Grace (ie. "God is willing to meet you where are you are and based on your limitations"). But Eph. 3:20 is definitely true.
Thank you, that was very insightful and I appreciate it. I think my flaw is in the past I have put my trust in God but it has never been consistent because my faith would flourish then flounder with all the worldly distractions. I just said a prayer about this because humbling myself and learning to trust God all the time with my life is what I need. I dont know why it didnt occur to me to ask God about the spirits of my family, now that I realise the bonds it could strengthen.