Why are you single?

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love_comes_softly

Well-known member
Feb 13, 2019
680
738
93
#1
Hello All,

In thinking about meeting different people, I sometimes wonder why they are single. I find it to be an interesting question when it’s asked of me and I do think there is value in trying to answer that question.

So WHY are YOU single?

Is it because of circumstances, past relationships, lack of interest, is it a choice?

There are endless possibilities. If you had to determine why you are in this season of your life, what do you think the answer would be? Do you think your answer is different now than if you had answered when you were younger?

Being single often times becomes this all consuming label that people take on or have placed on them. It doesn’t have to be that way.

For our married friends, you can join in answering, why are you married beyond meeting THE one?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,233
4,400
113
#2
cos I was born that way. why are you single?
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
18,557
10,306
113
#3
I'm not sure I can answer that without throwing the ex under the bus.

(... ponders that scenario for a moment... )

Um... what was the question?

;)
 

Aerials1978

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2019
1,184
714
113
#6
I’m single because I forsaken the marriage God gave me.
😭
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,465
6,583
113
#7
Hello All,

In thinking about meeting different people, I sometimes wonder why they are single. I find it to be an interesting question when it’s asked of me and I do think there is value in trying to answer that question.

So WHY are YOU single?

Is it because of circumstances, past relationships, lack of interest, is it a choice?

There are endless possibilities. If you had to determine why you are in this season of your life, what do you think the answer would be? Do you think your answer is different now than if you had answered when you were younger?

Being single often times becomes this all consuming label that people take on or have placed on them. It doesn’t have to be that way.

For our married friends, you can join in answering, why are you married beyond meeting THE one?
I don’t know why I’m single but it shouldn’t be something of a burden to carry.

It could be a choice thing for me, but I am trusting in God with this one now because the last attempts of me trying to have relationships failed because I didn’t listen to God and did my own thing. Since then, He has taken me out of those situations and now I am content on focussing on my relationship with Him first :)

If marriage is on the cards, then so be it, if not then I am okay with it as well. I honestly just want to share the Gospel of Jesus and want the same impact that I received when I surrendered to Him to those who don’t know Him at all - sometimes I cry because there are so many people who don’t know Jesus and don’t have that relationship with Him.

Sorry, kind of went off topic lol.
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,264
113
#8
I will answer for 3 of my brothers:
1. (63) might be single because I am disabled, on a disability pension and therefore have less choice of partner.
2. (57)Im single because I cant find the perfect Christian woman who is both beautiful and devout.
3. (55) Im single because my ex wife dumped me. ( but she remains my business partner)
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,979
4,778
113
#12
Because I'm apathetic.

...Or maybe I'm just pathetic. Lots of people think being single is a problem they should help me fix.
 

Going_Nowhere

Well-known member
Nov 10, 2019
1,503
671
113
#13
...Or maybe I'm just pathetic. Lots of people think being single is a problem they should help me fix.
Unfortunately, certain people want you to think that you are a loser or sad person if you are single. Such a close-minded view those types of people have.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,979
4,778
113
#14
Well you can't blame them really... there's a metric ton of songs bewailing the lack of a spouse. We are raised to think people who can't find a partner are sad, lonely, blah blah blah, and if you are single and NOT sad and lonely and blah blah blah then there is just something incredibly weird about you.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,925
1,977
113
#15
If I'm going to be brutally honest here it's probably a combination of:
Introversion
Stubborness that tends to resist people who think I need or must do something, just to prove them wrong or not let them dictate my decisions (so no I don't need a husband and I don't have to want one either).
A church culture during my teenage years that was much more interested in warning us away from relationships than giving us reasons to form marriages.
And a far future view that wants to be able to see how the relationship will play out over 10 or 20 years before investing too much into it.
And for some reason I just can't mentally cast myself in that role of someone that another person would be romantically interested in.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
6,628
3,023
113
#16
People like simple answers.. they prefer just one reason but i think it is always a combination of things that have all acted together to bring about ones permanent state of singleness..

So i will give a list..

1) Introversion.. Being an introvert or being that way inclined does not help in one meeting new people and making friends.. Now for sure a lot of introverts find a partner because their introversion is the only detriment to them finding a partner and other attributes they have overcome this..

2) low self confidence.. This is especially an undermining factor for men.. Men have to initiate contact make the first move and that takes a level of confidence.. A person can have good looks, they can have a nice job and be intelligent.. But if they lack self confidence,, well they will not come over well when they do approach someone they are interested in.. As most people know the first meeting between two people is the most important and first impressions often end up being lasting impressions..

3) Not being one of the ""Popular People"" in ones teen years.. Once the reality dawns upon you that you are not the girls or guys ""cup of tea"" or first go to person, The knowledge that you are only going to ever be someones second choice, really demoralizes you and if you are idealistic about relationships you will then have the attitude, if i am not what they want as their first choice and i am just a fall back option, if they fail to get the girl or guy they really want then i am not interested in playing second fiddle to anyone.. I am either someones first choice or i am not going to be a choice at all..

4) Observing the relationship disasters in society around you.. No fault divorce.. Entitlement.. unrealistic expectations of the opposite gender.. the rise of narcissism.. The rising number of users out there.. The Me Too cultural revolution the west has gone through and the loss of set relationship protocols and standards has just made the whole relationship thing look like a game of Russian roulette where 5 cylinders have bullets and one cylinder is clear.. The odds are staked against you and they are getting worse so being single starts to look like the more peaceful path. The path of less stress.. The safer option..
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,364
1,432
113
#18
the rise of narcissism..
This...

Why would you not want what’s best for people, especially with Jesus in your heart. It just doesn’t make any sense.

I’ve dealt with three women who had a narcissistic heart. One in a relationship, one with a family member, one with a co worker. As an empath, it wore me out to where I have a hard time trusting now. I will not deal with it again. I’d rather stay single and just be patient.