Why are you single?

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Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
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People like simple answers.. they prefer just one reason but i think it is always a combination of things that have all acted together to bring about ones permanent state of singleness..

So i will give a list..

1) Introversion.. Being an introvert or being that way inclined does not help in one meeting new people and making friends.. Now for sure a lot of introverts find a partner because their introversion is the only detriment to them finding a partner and other attributes they have overcome this..

2) low self confidence.. This is especially an undermining factor for men.. Men have to initiate contact make the first move and that takes a level of confidence.. A person can have good looks, they can have a nice job and be intelligent.. But if they lack self confidence,, well they will not come over well when they do approach someone they are interested in.. As most people know the first meeting between two people is the most important and first impressions often end up being lasting impressions..

3) Not being one of the ""Popular People"" in ones teen years.. Once the reality dawns upon you that you are not the girls or guys ""cup of tea"" or first go to person, The knowledge that you are only going to ever be someones second choice, really demoralizes you and if you are idealistic about relationships you will then have the attitude, if i am not what they want as their first choice and i am just a fall back option, if they fail to get the girl or guy they really want then i am not interested in playing second fiddle to anyone.. I am either someones first choice or i am not going to be a choice at all..

4) Observing the relationship disasters in society around you.. No fault divorce.. Entitlement.. unrealistic expectations of the opposite gender.. the rise of narcissism.. The rising number of users out there.. The Me Too cultural revolution the west has gone through and the loss of set relationship protocols and standards has just made the whole relationship thing look like a game of Russian roulette where 5 cylinders have bullets and one cylinder is clear.. The odds are staked against you and they are getting worse so being single starts to look like the more peaceful path. The path of less stress.. The safer option..
Love conquers all🙏🏻🙂
 
S

Susanna

Guest
I’m too crazy for relationships.

A suitor would be worn out long before being able to say “it’s not you, it’s me😁”.
 

KhedetOrthos

Active member
Dec 13, 2019
284
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A church culture during my teenage years that was much more interested in warning us away from relationships than giving us reasons to form marriages.
A fellow alumnus of an “I kissed dating goodbye” youth/young adult group I see.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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A fellow alumnus of an “I kissed dating goodbye” youth/young adult group I see.
Not entirely, though that was definitely my generation. But it was very much like there was this attitude from all the Christian adults (at least those who worked with youth) that having pre-marital sex was the biggest mistake you could make as a christian teen and it was all but inevitable if you were dating or spending time alone with members of the opposite sex. Very much was a culture that implied you shouldn't express any sort of sexual desire until you're married and then it's fine and you should just be totally okay with feeling and doing what was forbidden. Or as something I read once put it one of the 2 things you learned in church was sex is a nasty dirty horrible thing to do and you should save it to do with the person you love most and marry.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
20,339
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Or as something I read once put it one of the 2 things you learned in church was sex is a nasty dirty horrible thing to do and you should save it to do with the person you love most and marry.
*Lynx snicker-snorts.

Yup, that about covers what we are taught.
 

Tay35

New member
Dec 23, 2019
12
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still looking for a wife that has Christ as the center of her life! is she out there?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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Worshipping the Lord isnt the same as wanting to hold the hand of someone you love.... its not about needing your hand held , its about being close with your love. If its childish to want that.... then I'll gladly call myself a baby . Lol
i raise my hands do you not worship that way and are close to the Lord? Just wondering.

You seem to be missing out on a close relationship. I would choose the spirit over the flesh any day.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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You can't fathom a together alone relationship? I've seen a few rare relationships and read about a few. These have sort of opened my eyes to the fact that if two people have the same mission and it were designed that way, it wouldn't be a distraction. Children are a bit different, but I've seen missionaries manage just fine. Being missional minded can work just as easily here, but it will look considerably different (in my view).

@interdigitation though ;) ...I don't really have much experience, but much like when people hold hands when praying, it seems to be a physical reminder of agreement. It's also a silent signaling method, and there is a lot that can be said without words. Besides, we all are children, and I think you can be child like without being childish. The Lord most certainly holds our hands at times. I suppose that some have a puerile representation of this, but to me it illustrates leaning on the Lord and trusting him.
not many people men to do the mission I do, because men dont really want to look after books or children. In schools and libraries the women out number men like its 10 percent men and 90 percent women.

I dont really get a lot of handholding in my job. I get lots of hugs instead.
 

KhedetOrthos

Active member
Dec 13, 2019
284
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The raising of hands does signal a touchdown during a football game. However, in Christian worship it in no way implies that one is closer to the Lord. In fact, the majority of Christians don’t engage in this practice. In modern times, this has originated with charismatic groups and modern music. Remember, although he loves and cares for his Children, Jesus is neither your buddy nor your boyfriend.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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when I worked as a gardener, it was 90 percent men and 10 percent women. I couldnt even put sunscreen on my own legs without my supervisor saying it was a distraction.

oh the tales I could tell about that guy.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
16,584
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The raising of hands does signal a touchdown during a football game. However, in Christian worship it in no way implies that one is closer to the Lord. In fact, the majority of Christians don’t engage in this practice. In modern times, this has originated with charismatic groups and modern music. Remember, although he loves and cares for his Children, Jesus is neither your buddy nor your boyfriend.
I dont know where you live or what way your worship, But that is my practice.

I dont play football, so no, and Jesus is not my boyfriend, he is my Lord. (and big bro! )
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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I also worship sitting down, and breathing, and n the garden, and eating, but I suppose for some people they do that by themselves and think they are alone cos they cant see anyone.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,243
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There are different styles of worship. Some clap hands. Others sit quietly. Some shout a praise. Others whisper. Some dance. Others stand still.

But if the heart of the person isn’t bowing before the King of kings, then it’s just a show.
 

kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
2,725
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Hello All,

In thinking about meeting different people, I sometimes wonder why they are single. I find it to be an interesting question when it’s asked of me and I do think there is value in trying to answer that question.

So WHY are YOU single?

Is it because of circumstances, past relationships, lack of interest, is it a choice?

There are endless possibilities. If you had to determine why you are in this season of your life, what do you think the answer would be? Do you think your answer is different now than if you had answered when you were younger?

Being single often times becomes this all consuming label that people take on or have placed on them. It doesn’t have to be that way.

For our married friends, you can join in answering, why are you married beyond meeting THE one?


The question isn't why are you single, the question really is why aren't your married?


I told my tennis friends a while back, I don't tell you to get divorced, so don't tell me to get married. It was a great way to end the conversation. If your married, thank God. If your single, thank God.

One of my managers from worked asked me, if I was ever gonna get married. I told him, marriage is punishment in some countries (A Wayne's World joke). He replied (my manager who was married), "marriage is punishment in ALL countries".



 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,884
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Worshipping the Lord isnt the same as wanting to hold the hand of someone you love.... its not about needing your hand held , its about being close with your love. If its childish to want that.... then I'll gladly call myself a baby . Lol

i raise my hands do you not worship that way and are close to the Lord? Just wondering.

You seem to be missing out on a close relationship. I would choose the spirit over the flesh any day.
@Lanolin

Wanting to be near someone you love and hold their hand isn't choosing the flesh over the spirit at all. God made us for community and to worship with others, though of course, we can worship alone as well.

Much of this is just due to personal style.

From your posts (Lanolin), it doesn't sound like you have anyone you really like, trust, or are close to, so it makes sense that you say you don't want to hold someone's hand while worshipping or doing anything else.

But for others... They/we might have people we actually like being around or want to be around, so pulling them close while worshipping God together (being a family) just feels natural, and is most definitely a spiritual, and not just a fleshly, experience.

One of the very reasons God made people was to have a family, and holding hands can be (doesn't has to be, but it can be) a loving expression of that.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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@Lanolin

Wanting to be near someone you love and hold their hand isn't choosing the flesh over the spirit at all. God made us for community and to worship with others, though of course, we can worship alone as well.

Much of this is just due to personal style.

From your posts (Lanolin), it doesn't sound like you have anyone you really like, trust, or are close to, so it makes sense that you say you don't want to hold someone's hand while worshipping or doing anything else.

But for others... They/we might have people we actually like being around or want to be around, so pulling them close while worshipping God together (being a family) just feels natural, and is most definitely a spiritual, and not just a fleshly, experience.

One of the very reasons God made people was to have a family, and holding hands can be (doesn't has to be, but it can be) a loving expression of that.
I have never seen a family hold hands sorry.

as I said, I dont get the holding hands thing. There are other ways to be family, most of which involve eating together, you dont actually have to hold hands!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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I would hold someones hand if they wanted to cross a busy road and they needed someone to go with them. Otherwise, I think you can generally keep your hands to yourselves.

I dont know I guess I m not trwally into the whole hand holding thing. I still dont undertand the whole hand shaking thing. I would rahter give someone a high five than shake their hands.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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sorry hand holders.

Maybe Im just ...different. I like to be hands free I suppose. Most people tend to have their hands on their phones at all times wheras Im just like, you can talk to me if Im right in front of you you know.

My sister gave me a pair of gardening gloves, but I dont wear them. I think because they get hot and sweaty. People used to always remark at my hands because I have long fingers and would ask if I played piano.

sorry to disappoint them bUt I dont play piano. I do sometimes play guitar though.
I dont like wearing rings or bracelets either. I think if you are the type of person that needs to have their hands on something or reminded that you belong to someone then you probably not going to like being single.

I just find that having your hands free to worship is good.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,545
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still looking for a wife that has Christ as the center of her life! is she out there?
Bro keep trusting... there are a lot of women I know like this👌😊