"Women Only Want Money"; "Men Only Want Sex." How Do You Cope With These Assumptions?

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cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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#81
Add to that the Duluth Model, which is part of police training in most North American jurisdictions. It teaches officers to assume that in cases of domestic violence, the man is always the aggressor.
Reminds me of a great quote from one of my favorite authors. Something along the lines of: Truly treat all people equally and assume all sides are capable of being just as big of scumbags as the others.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#82
I've seen the look on Mel and her husband's face. I know they are quite happy and content with life. They are a fine example of what a happy/content marriage can be.

I think the question about how many children they have is out of line and it strikes me as sarcasm. That's their business not yours.
its not sarcasm its just curious.
she dont have to answer.

I get asked all the time by children...!

Like I said, it doesnt matter what people think of me. Its what God thinks thats imprtant.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#83
Isnt it kind of weird that you cant ask a couple or a married person if theyve got any children?

especially if the thread of the topic they talking in has kinda something to do with it?

wasnt I just saying about money is used for raising children and sex is like what you need to do to have them? Or is this just TOTALLY unrelated lol
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#84
even if you dont have sex, I think to adopt children you at least need some money. (in practical terms, maybe even in the legislation they require it?)
 

true_believer

Well-known member
Sep 24, 2020
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#85
I have found that someone whether man or woman who subscribes to gender stereotypes is generally not very bright or intellectually lazy. That's not someone you can have a meaningful communication with, let alone a relationship.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,974
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#86
I have found that someone whether man or woman who subscribes to gender stereotypes is generally not very bright or intellectually lazy. That's not someone you can have a meaningful communication with, let alone a relationship.
One point I think we're losing sight of in this discussion is the difference between stereotypes as descriptive and stereotypes as proscriptive. It's one thing to look at the behavior of a group of people who have certain similarities and say that this group of people tends to be like this. It's another thing to interact with an individual within that group and tell them how they are supposed to be, because people in that group are like that.

As a timely example, let's take hypothetical random guy who wants to make his new girlfriend feel special for valentines day. So he buys her some flowers and fancy jewelry that costs him quite a bit because women like that kind of stuff. Now suppose poor hypothetical random guy is my new boyfriend and even though I'm female, I think that expensive jewelry is a waste of money, especially for me as I don't have anywhere to really wear it and it's just not practical. I'd probably try to be nice about it (because I do fit the stereotype that women give points for trying even when it's a fail), but it's clear that I'm not very crazy about his gift and it didn't have the intendend impact. So guy has a choice of how to react and can either make a mental note that this girl is different and learn about her, or berate her for not being how she's "supposed to be" as a woman. One of these will quickly destroy the relationship.

As a previous poster said, assumptions aren't the part we object to as much as people being unwilling to abandon those assumptions in the face of the evidence or making unreasonable demands because of them.

So yeah if guy wants to invite a girl out but request she cover her share of the expenses or plan a really cheap activity because he feels like his dates are only after his money that's reasonable. If a guy decides he's going to pay for everything but keeps making comments to the woman about how she better appreciate all this and just sounds like he's keeping score on who is giving what.... I don't think any healthy woman is going to be ok with that. (And to be fair there's the opposite side of girl asking if they can go do expensive things for dates, then getting nagging, upset, or dumping the guy when he won't take them and pay for them).
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,891
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#87
I think stereotypes can be broken and if you dont fit them its ok.
A stereotype, literally, is a mould that you would use to make an identical copy of something.

As we know, only identical twins are truly identical and even then they will have some differences. I have brothers that are twins and they like different things and I can tell them apart even though people that arent family cant. (theres also fraternal twins, but I wont go into the science of them)

I cannot say just cos one brother likes something that the other brother will as well, even though they are both male and exactly the same age.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,891
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#88
My dad worked as a printer so I know a bit about typography. Just regarding stereotypes.

nowadays we have so many different fonts (which is really cool) that not everything would be in Times Roman for example, and not every letter of the alphabet looks the same. Even your 'a's can have different shapes.
 
#90
Or maybe there is a 3rd category of men who are after God’s heart and want the covenant of marriage!

Or.... have the gift of contentment

Idk!

My husband didn’t pressure me at all when we were dating. I guess I’m ugly 😅
You're blessed 🤗!!! (and not ugly lol!)
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,891
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#91
melita, for the record, you are lovely dont ever let a man or anyone make you think you are ugly.

even if you might eventually lose all your teeth...!

God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and Hes got you written in the lambs book of life so thats all that matters.
 
Feb 21, 2021
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#92
Rather than going on those assumptions, I like to give people a fair shot without assuming anything.

I believe time reveals what fruit they're producing. Sometimes you can discern this on the first date, and sometimes it takes longer to identify.

The gold-digging Christian date will request expensive restaurants, steer conversations to the topic of money, status, possessions, as what kind of car you drive, how much you make, what kind of house you live in, etc. They will rarely, if ever, contribute, and they won't like simple, low- or no-cost dates.

The Christian date who wants sex will listen to you speak about your purity boundaries, your plan to wait until marriage, wanting to maintain innocence during dating, then will behave as if you never said that.

They will attempt to seduce you. Their kisses will be seductive and an attempt to push boundaries instead of being innocent and respectful. They will touch you inappropriately, act as if they didn't know they were touching you there or say they did it by accident, suggest going to the bedroom "because the bed would be more comfortable than sitting on the kitchen chairs or sofa," etc.

The best way to deal with both of these types? RUN!
 

Runningman

Well-known member
Mar 4, 2020
3,212
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#94
"Women Only Want Money"; "Men Only Want Sex." How Do You Cope With These Assumptions?
Actually, a lot of men and women are literally like this. I think it's because that's all they want and they aren't ashamed to say so; they're just making their needs known. Lust and greed are real things so it's just an ugly truth we have to deal with.

This is basically how prostitution started. Men wanted a no-strings minus the complicated relationship and responsibilities of fatherhood. Women wouldn't just do it for free: they wanted money in exchange.


Obviously this isn't true for all men and women, but it's so common it really poisons the watering hole of dating.

I guess you could say there's a lot of catfish out there.

Keep looking and be really picky because there are still some quality men and women out there.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,891
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#95
In the Bible Tamar asked for a staff, seal and cloak when Judah couldnt afford to pay on the spot.
 

true_believer

Well-known member
Sep 24, 2020
466
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#96
What a truly sensible and Godly men need is a woman will be his best friend and help mate.
After a day of working and working out, I need a woman to come home to that will remind me why it's worth to endure my daily struggles.
 
#97
Rather than going on those assumptions, I like to give people a fair shot without assuming anything.

I believe time reveals what fruit they're producing. Sometimes you can discern this on the first date, and sometimes it takes longer to identify.

The gold-digging Christian date will request expensive restaurants, steer conversations to the topic of money, status, possessions, as what kind of car you drive, how much you make, what kind of house you live in, etc. They will rarely, if ever, contribute, and they won't like simple, low- or no-cost dates.

The Christian date who wants sex will listen to you speak about your purity boundaries, your plan to wait until marriage, wanting to maintain innocence during dating, then will behave as if you never said that.

They will attempt to seduce you. Their kisses will be seductive and an attempt to push boundaries instead of being innocent and respectful. They will touch you inappropriately, act as if they didn't know they were touching you there or say they did it by accident, suggest going to the bedroom "because the bed would be more comfortable than sitting on the kitchen chairs or sofa," etc.

The best way to deal with both of these types? RUN!
Omg that's so creepy and wrong! I pray I never run into that ever (a guy trying to make passes at me)!!! The thought of this makes me not want to date even the more 🙅‍♀️ LOL (call me super guarded, but I don't care). I pray that God would help us women and men to discern those things by the holy spirit and like you said runnnn like Joseph ran from Potiphar's wife😆. I just know that there are good men holding on to God waiting for an honorable and godly women (not a gold digger) and vice verse for us women holding on for a Godly and honorable man (not a horndog).
Honestly I also think a man can also be dating for money too and a women can be dating for sex too, sin is sin after all whether it's lust or greed.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,509
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#98
Honestly I also think a man can also be dating for money too and a women can be dating for sex too, sin is sin after all whether it's lust or greed.
All I know is, I hope I don't wind up with a woman who will criticize me to her friends.

There's this one woman on the job who regales us all with tales of her husband's shortcomings... including how he is lacking in the bedroom. I've never met the guy and I still feel sorry for him.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,974
2,019
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#99
Omg that's so creepy and wrong! I pray I never run into that ever (a guy trying to make passes at me)!!! The thought of this makes me not want to date even the more 🙅‍♀️ LOL (call me super guarded, but I don't care).
I'm very much in your boat of being super guarded, but it does raise the question... how is a good guy who is dating you with the hopes of possibly marrying and having sex with you someday supposed to express the he is interested in having sex with you but is willing to wait for the right circumstances? Because I imagine that's kind of a big conundrum for all those decent Christian guys that have intact sex drives. And my understanding is that eventually for a healthy marriage you do have to be able to discuss those kind of things (but seriously not on the first or second date guys).
 
All I know is, I hope I don't wind up with a woman who will criticize me to her friends.

There's this one woman on the job who regales us all with tales of her husband's shortcomings... including how he is lacking in the bedroom. I've never met the guy and I still feel sorry for him.
I hope you wind up with someome that will build you up and encourage you whether you are around or not! Gosh that's so sad 😞 to hear that happens. Often makes me wonder, why a wife would do that though (what's the motive behind it)?!?! I couldn't imagine the reasons, but I pray they stop.