Would you be willing to wait for the person you like/love for 10 years?

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christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
566
250
43
#1
I had some fun discussion with close friends about relationship.
It started with this phrase, "settle for nothing less than your best," and the discussion revolved around the meaning of 'your best.'
Then someone suggested how some people find their perfect match when they are well advanced in their age like 68.
Then the next question came up was would you wait for your "perfect" person until you turn 68, if meeting that perfect person was guaranteed. (my friends were in their 30's-50's for your reference)

Now, I'm ready to go to bed and a new question just popped up and just wanted to get it out here (so I can go to sleep):
If you like/love someone now, would you be willing to wait for the person for 10 years (or even 5 years) if starting a relationship with that person was guaranteed?

If your answer is yes, then that's great.
But my real question is 'what if your answer is no?'
Is that a fairly good evidence to show that your liking/loving of the person was somehow not strong/genuine enough, maybe based on something else other than love?
I guess I'm not really looking for answers or responses - it's just a thought.
Just a thought.

Goodnight folks.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,937
4,141
113
#2
I've been waiting 41 years so far. What's another 10? I'm busy with stuff I like and don't really see any need for a girl in the immediate future anyway.
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
4,813
1,803
113
#3
I feel the same. Ive already been waiting years whats a few more?? Id rather wait and have a nice settled marriage than marry really young where both people arent through deciding what kind of life they want.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,577
1,660
113
#4
A lot can change in 5 - 10 years. 5 years ago I was living on the other side of the world, CC singles was much more lively and enjoyable and I think we were still having nearly nightly live chats, I think that was before I tried to change my eating habits so my eating habits were way different, my preferred denominational affiliation was different a whole lot of things were different. So if someone was in love with who I was 5 years ago (let alone 10) would they still be in love with me now, especially if there hasn't been any of that shared experience and growing together that is part of a relationship.

But I think of other people I know and for some reasons or outcomes I might be willing to wait. I'm thinking of the very messed up guy who became too close of a friend and at the time I kind of wished for a miracle and that he might become someone with a heart truly after God who could be someone I could love, if I had been promised then that he would come to his senses and get himself sorted out and become such a guy but it would take time would I have waited for him? Another young friend (about 30) lost his wife to cancer recently and was left with a preschooler to raise on his own, I'm not interested in him and like too many of my friends he's in another country, but it would be pretty reasonable to wait for someone in a similar situation as they have a lot of adjustment and grieving to do. And since this is hypothetical if I knew that some married guy I did kind of like but he was taken would be going through that 4 or 5 years in the future but then we'd get together, well yeah I'm certainly not going to steal some poor dying lady's husband when she needs him most. (ooo so much death, I can be kind of morbid about lifelong relationships I guess, but waiting around for someone you're interested in to get divorced is too ethically murky for me).

But if the only guarantee I'm given is that in 5-10 years this person will pop back up in my life and we could start a relationship, there's no good way of knowing if the person who came back into my life then would even be a person I'd want to have a relationship with so no I don't think I'd be waiting around in that circumstance.
 

christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
566
250
43
#5
@cinder
Honest and interesting thought.

I would, in my 30's, probably be willing to stick around for, let's say, 5 years if starting a relationship with the person I like/love was guaranteed. Now, being in my mid 40's, I'm not so sure if I will be willing to wait. And why is that? (1) perhaps I've become less patient over the years, (2) I trust God more than when I was in my 20's and 30's that He will provide in less than 5 years (sounds illogical and baseless or maybe, like one friend pointed out, I'm afraid of 'what if someone better comes along?) and/or (3) maybe I have grown more indifferent toward the idea of starting a new relationship/marriage as I have gotten older.

What scared me little was that I found myself less likely waiting even starting a relationship was guaranteed - have I become less committed over the years or have I simply become shallow? Or perhaps, like I mentioned, I have become indifferent toward the idea of relationship/marriage.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,937
4,141
113
#6
That is... a very good point cinder. So good that I am tempted to steal it and claim it as mine. I won't of course, but it's tempting. :D

If I knew a girl ten years ago, would I now still love her enough to marry her? For that matter I've changed myself... would she still love me?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,934
3,608
113
#8
Hold on wait, whats the cut off date for marriage? Is there like a law saying no you too old? I thought it was legal at 18. Did anyone marry at 18? Or 28? Your supposed to marry someone and stay married until you or they die right? Well how does anyone of us really know how long we got to live.

Also there is no law against staying single. I know in some countries, like singapore, the govt tries to force people to marry by setting them up. But I dont think that really works. They just import babies from elsewhere.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,937
4,141
113
#9
And for some reason my music nerd brain is now playing a song...

Don't you know, things will change
Things will go your way
If you hooooooooold on
For one more day, yeah
If you hold on for one more day
 
Jul 20, 2019
1,228
874
113
#10
It has to be a soul based connection, from the heart. Not from the ego. The foundations need to be strong and based on faith. You will know when you meet the right one, they stay in your heart and mind. As soon as eye contact was made I knew. It certainly wasn't a decision made via ego. So it goes without saying they too must have felt the same connection, if not, then its not soul based connection. So therefore don't wait for them and move on. Some cant handle the intense connection and emotions with such an encounter and run away from it. It is an extraordinary thing to experience
 

Cyberpunk

New member
Sep 7, 2019
3
4
3
#11
I had some fun discussion with close friends about relationship.
It started with this phrase, "settle for nothing less than your best," and the discussion revolved around the meaning of 'your best.'
Then someone suggested how some people find their perfect match when they are well advanced in their age like 68.
Then the next question came up was would you wait for your "perfect" person until you turn 68, if meeting that perfect person was guaranteed. (my friends were in their 30's-50's for your reference)

Now, I'm ready to go to bed and a new question just popped up and just wanted to get it out here (so I can go to sleep):
If you like/love someone now, would you be willing to wait for the person for 10 years (or even 5 years) if starting a relationship with that person was guaranteed?

If your answer is yes, then that's great.
But my real question is 'what if your answer is no?'
Is that a fairly good evidence to show that your liking/loving of the person was somehow not strong/genuine enough, maybe based on something else other than love?
I guess I'm not really looking for answers or responses - it's just a thought.
Just a thought.

Goodnight folks.
I can tell you by experience that I myself have been waiting for someone for 27 year's. I've tried to let go and move on, but everytime I do the desire to be with her just hit's me all over again. So I guess I'll just have to wait, even untill the end of time :)
 

love_comes_softly

Well-known member
Feb 13, 2019
637
700
93
#12
My initial thought is, yes of course I'd wait, but I don't know if that's true.

I suppose the thought that makes me second guess myself is, "why wait?". IF you know who that person is and it's guaranteed that you'll be together, why is there a waiting time?

I think knowing who it is and having to wait 10 years for them, watching them live their life, sounds pretty awful, possibly probably hurtful.

I guess I'd feel a bit different if I felt like the Lord told me I'd marry a certain person and they didn't know. That would make me wait.
 

Chidera

New member
Jul 28, 2019
3
4
3
#13
I’m 21 and I doubt I’ll be willing to wait. I’m not in a hurry to get married but I also don’t feel like waiting around for someone.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,937
4,141
113
#14
This is obvious, but I'll mention it anyway: Jacob and Rachel.

According to the Bible, seven years and then seven more years seemed like only a few days and a few more days.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,934
3,608
113
#16
Wondering what the waiting is for...till they get out of jail?

Or something else? 10 years is a long time to not see anyone....?!
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,455
6,518
113
#17
34 and still waiting and to be fair, at least 7 of those years I didn’t wait and did my own thing which resulted in things not working out because I put my needs/desires before God’s plans and purposes for me.

Now, it’s God before everything and everyone in my life and I’m not saying it’s easy (it’s hard sometimes) but He’s the One that keeps me focussed and in check.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#18
If you like/love someone now, would you be willing to wait for the person for 10 years (or even 5 years) if starting a relationship with that person was guaranteed?
Why will I need to wait 5 or ten Years? And while I'm waiting what is the other person doing? And how will I know that it is guaranteed?

Then the next question came up was would you wait for your "perfect" person until you turn 68
But why stop at 68? How about waiting till age 100? And how will I know he is "perfect"?
 
Aug 2, 2009
23,651
3,335
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#19
What would make a person worthy of a 10 year wait? If she's so beautiful that you'd be willing to wait 10 years for her, you'll just end up losing her to someone else. Beautiful women stay single for two main reasons: 1- by choice, or 2 - because they're too picky and you'd have to be her dream man to even have a chance with her.
 
Aug 2, 2009
23,651
3,335
113
#20
The thing about Jacob and Rachel is that Rachel was her father's property. She couldn't just run off with Jacob. He was virtually guaranteed to have her in marriage after 7 years by her father (although he was tricked).... If you wait for someone now, there are no guarantees.