Would you consider a woman in her 20s twice divorced

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Court_11

New member
Dec 2, 2019
24
13
3
#1
My ex-husband was involved in crime and I had a restraining order three weeks after we were married. I was grieving the loss of my father and wasn’t thinking correctly

We were divorced

He propositioned me to come back to him on the day before thanksgiving and I was so lonely I agreed. He drugged me and we were remarried that day

We were divorced again

I feel like I’m too young to never marry again or ever experience having Children but I don’t know what sort of divine intervention is necessary for a man to consider me after what I’ve been through

Is the biblical thing to remain single until he dies in 60 + years?

Am I to wait for him to change and return back if he ever cleans up his life?

Am I forever his wife in the eyes of god?
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
532
249
43
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#2
Hey Court - your story reads a little like a cliff note. A lot of information packed in, so help me understand. So you were married to your husband who was involved in a crime and three weeks later (after you found out, I guess) you filed a restraining order. A question here would be - typically a restraining order is meant to protect you from physical harm - so were you in danger of being harmed?). Then, did your father pass away while you were married or did he pass before you were married which is the reason you weren't thinking straight with your married choice?

So, you were divorced and you agreed to be married again around Thanksgiving (was this a year ago?) because he was apparently still in your life. He drugged you and you were remarried. So - did he drug you without your knowledge? Or did you knowingly do some drugs with him? And once under the influence, did you go along with being married again or was the marriage forced upon you? And just so I know, what happened with the restraining order during this time?

Then, you were divorced a second time. So, a question might be - did your husband serve any time in prison? How long a period of time did all this transpire. Is he still in your life and are you willing to wait for him to "clean up his life"? Are there any indications he's doing so?

There are a couple of biblical allowances for divorce - one is sexual immorality or more explicitly adultery and another is an unequally yoked marriage, meaning that one partner is not a believer and abandons the marriage. If you consider these two reasons carefully, I think you could understand the ramifications of each and how far reaching they are.

Marriage is considered by God as a "one flesh" union and it's meant to be an unbreakable covenant between us and God. It's an important symbol as God is meant to be the Husband and His church as the Bride. When a covenant between you and your husband is broken, it symbolizes a break in His union as well.

I'm not going to talk about your ex husband here - I'm going to talk about you. When your husband committed a crime, did you feel the one-ness of marriage? When you filed a restraining order was your "union before God" a consideration? When you were under the influence of drugs, did you think about God's covenant that He made to us before you were married a second time?

Neither you or I are in the heart changing business, Court. This is God's territory. But by our own introspection and conviction, I believe that by living a life as a Bride of God we are symbolic of our covenant to Him. And because we were "touched" by God in His image, we are also symbolic to other people as well. This in itself is witness. In your case this could serve as witness to your ex. Or maybe it won't. His choices are his.

Finally - you are already divorced. You made this choice before knowing the answers you seek and there is always always consequence. We are by the Grace of our God of Israel the forgiven sinner, but the sin itself plays on. So, I would read His Word and understand Matthew 19:9 and 1 Corinthians 7 and see exactly where you fall but mostly where you're going from here.

God speed Court!
 

Court_11

New member
Dec 2, 2019
24
13
3
#3
Hi. Thank you so much for your thorough reply.

1. My father died in sept 2015

2. Met him Sept 2016- we barely knew each other but I was so incredibly lonely and he seemed very interested in me
3. I was married in October 2016
4. Restraining order Nov 2016- because of physical and emotional abuse
5. divorced Nov 2017
After no contact for a year

6. Remarried nov 2017, I don’t do any drugs he gave me Xanax as I had to fly to see him we don’t live anywhere near each other
7. March 2019 divorced

* he never did any time, his family was heavily involved in the mafia and are more white collar criminals
* he started using drugs at 13 but supposedly calmed down a little bit
* he is an attorney
* his Facebook status says ‘single’ I don’t believe he’s seeing anyone

I was inconsolable and was not getting along with my mothers new partner and family and just wanted one of my own
I was far from faith at the time and not once did I think about marriage as a convenant with god but a way to get away from my home with my mother and find safety and end my loneliness, those are not the right intentions for a marriage and I am so incredibly remorseful but I don’t know if it was never sanctified- we were married in a courthouse each time, he is Roman Catholic though he doesn’t live a life that includes god. I don’t believe he cheated on me ever.
 

Court_11

New member
Dec 2, 2019
24
13
3
#5
I am referencing this verse fr Corinthians in my query:
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.And a husband must not divorce his wife.
 

Court_11

New member
Dec 2, 2019
24
13
3
#7
Hey Court - your story reads a little like a cliff note. A lot of information packed in, so help me understand. So you were married to your husband who was involved in a crime and three weeks later (after you found out, I guess) you filed a restraining order. A question here would be - typically a restraining order is meant to protect you from physical harm - so were you in danger of being harmed?). Then, did your father pass away while you were married or did he pass before you were married which is the reason you weren't thinking straight with your married choice?

So, you were divorced and you agreed to be married again around Thanksgiving (was this a year ago?) because he was apparently still in your life. He drugged you and you were remarried. So - did he drug you without your knowledge? Or did you knowingly do some drugs with him? And once under the influence, did you go along with being married again or was the marriage forced upon you? And just so I know, what happened with the restraining order during this time?

Then, you were divorced a second time. So, a question might be - did your husband serve any time in prison? How long a period of time did all this transpire. Is he still in your life and are you willing to wait for him to "clean up his life"? Are there any indications he's doing so?

There are a couple of biblical allowances for divorce - one is sexual immorality or more explicitly adultery and another is an unequally yoked marriage, meaning that one partner is not a believer and abandons the marriage. If you consider these two reasons carefully, I think you could understand the ramifications of each and how far reaching they are.

Marriage is considered by God as a "one flesh" union and it's meant to be an unbreakable covenant between us and God. It's an important symbol as God is meant to be the Husband and His church as the Bride. When a covenant between you and your husband is broken, it symbolizes a break in His union as well.

I'm not going to talk about your ex husband here - I'm going to talk about you. When your husband committed a crime, did you feel the one-ness of marriage? When you filed a restraining order was your "union before God" a consideration? When you were under the influence of drugs, did you think about God's covenant that He made to us before you were married a second time?

Neither you or I are in the heart changing business, Court. This is God's territory. But by our own introspection and conviction, I believe that by living a life as a Bride of God we are symbolic of our covenant to Him. And because we were "touched" by God in His image, we are also symbolic to other people as well. This in itself is witness. In your case this could serve as witness to your ex. Or maybe it won't. His choices are his.

Finally - you are already divorced. You made this choice before knowing the answers you seek and there is always always consequence. We are by the Grace of our God of Israel the forgiven sinner, but the sin itself plays on. So, I would read His Word and understand Matthew 19:9 and 1 Corinthians 7 and see exactly where you fall but mostly where you're going from here.

God speed Court!

if I truly want his forgiveness and a relationship of closeness with him how can I start. I am trying to present my body as a living sacrifice to him to hear his will but I also want to learn more. I am only 25 and very confused

How all of this happened so fast
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
532
249
43
33
#8
I am referencing this verse fr Corinthians in my query:
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.And a husband must not divorce his wife.
Yeah, unless the reasons fall under the exceptions noted.

You know - I think it's a pleasure to God that you are now taking your actions into account and making sure you are not doing things displeasing to Him. But let me ask you this (I know I have a lot of questions, but I mean them as more introspection for you, so if you don't wish to answer then don't ). Do you want to reconcile with this man?

If your husband does want to reunite and you don't, or the other way around, it falls under the category of abandonment where one does not share the same Godly faith as the other. Please read 1 Cor 7: 12-15 as I think your past marriage might fall under this. Again, I don't know for sure and you know particulars I don't, so if you have a pastor/priest you can take this to, then please do.
 

Court_11

New member
Dec 2, 2019
24
13
3
#9
Yeah, unless the reasons fall under the exceptions noted.

You know - I think it's a pleasure to God that you are now taking your actions into account and making sure you are not doing things displeasing to Him. But let me ask you this (I know I have a lot of questions, but I mean them as more introspection for you, so if you don't wish to answer then don't ). Do you want to reconcile with this man?

If your husband does want to reunite and you don't, or the other way around, it falls under the category of abandonment where one does not share the same Godly faith as the other. Please read 1 Cor 7: 12-15 as I think your past marriage might fall under this. Again, I don't know for sure and you know particulars I don't, so if you have a pastor/priest you can take this to, then please do.
I want to make the best of this in the most spiritually and also socially acceptable way.

If he could be transformed into a god fearing man I would be glad to re-start but there are some fundamental personality clashes about both of us, we may not even be normally compatible if we willed it so.

I have no inclination to have more than one Husband if it were possible for something good to come of this.

He is not speaking to me right now and I’ve been reaching out intermittently since October

I assume he figures we have nothing left to discuss and doesn’t care about where we stand in the eyes of god, only that in the eyes of the law we are not married

Speaking only for myself, I feel like entering into marriage was like playing with a loaded gun without ever understanding the life long consequences and I don’t know how to right this
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
532
249
43
33
#10
if I truly want his forgiveness and a relationship of closeness with him how can I start. I am trying to present my body as a living sacrifice to him to hear his will but I also want to learn more. I am only 25 and very confused

How all of this happened so fast
It has been a wild 4 or 5 years for you. My dad died a little before then. He raised me. Anyway, I can relate some to what you're going through.

Where do you start? The good news is you've begun. You are being called Court. What an honor this is! That the Almighty is reaching for you. The reason I know this is because you are convicted of your sins and you desire the higher things of God. Things I can't explain. Things I can't fathom. Do you believe Jesus is the Christ, the savior of man? That whoever believes in Him will have everlasting life? Don't be confused by everlasting life. It's life that begins now as the old you is sacrificed and dies for the new. Today. Now.

God of Israel hears prayers from the heart. No one can say that prayer better than you. Confess your sin to Him and ask Him to come into your life. Proclaim Christ Jesus as the Son of God and realize His torture and death on the cross for YOU. Read His Word. I'd recommend the New International Version to start. And live your life pleasing the Lord God as your first desire. Believe me, the scales fall away from your eyes and you see.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
5,336
2,090
113
#12
Hi. Thank you so much for your thorough reply.

1. My father died in sept 2015

2. Met him Sept 2016- we barely knew each other but I was so incredibly lonely and he seemed very interested in me
3. I was married in October 2016
4. Restraining order Nov 2016- because of physical and emotional abuse
5. divorced Nov 2017
After no contact for a year

6. Remarried nov 2017, I don’t do any drugs he gave me Xanax as I had to fly to see him we don’t live anywhere near each other
7. March 2019 divorced

* he never did any time, his family was heavily involved in the mafia and are more white collar criminals
* he started using drugs at 13 but supposedly calmed down a little bit
* he is an attorney
* his Facebook status says ‘single’ I don’t believe he’s seeing anyone

I was inconsolable and was not getting along with my mothers new partner and family and just wanted one of my own
I was far from faith at the time and not once did I think about marriage as a convenant with god but a way to get away from my home with my mother and find safety and end my loneliness, those are not the right intentions for a marriage and I am so incredibly remorseful but I don’t know if it was never sanctified- we were married in a courthouse each time, he is Roman Catholic though he doesn’t live a life that includes god. I don’t believe he cheated on me ever.
Jesus said the only thing that justifies divorce is if your partner commits adultery...

But you can separate and live apart without divorcing..

Note He is still married to you.. So he will have to remain celibate while you are apart..

If He ever does cheat on you then that is grounds for a Biblical divorce..

It is always best to have yourself sorted out before you go out looking for the most important person you will meet in your life to come together in the most important relationship one can have with another person on earth... So many people just rush into the first person available and end up running into a brick wall.. So if you get another opportunity to have a go at this ever again make sure you get things right.. Don't be that type of person who stumbles from one disaster to the next.. You will hurt yourself and if you have children you will hurt them also..
 
Jan 8, 2018
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744
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#15
My two cents...

Ultimately God knows the heart. Ask for forgiveness and seek Him first in all the things you do. We all fall short and we can’t change the past, but learn from it. I believe God has a huge amount of mercy and grace since He did all the work on dying on the cross for us, Biblically you are free to remarry. Pray about it and if the Holy Spirit tells you otherwise then go with what God speaks to you. I’ll say a prayer that God will give you wisdom and discernment with this situation.
 
Jan 8, 2018
656
744
93
#16
You Biblically can still get married, but I would not want to date you until you have a LONG GOOD WALK WITH JESUS!!!!
Im sure glad God accepts us where we are instead of telling us you better prove first to me that you demonstrate the fruits of the spirit before I accept you into my kingdom.
 
Jan 8, 2018
656
744
93
#17
Jesus said the only thing that justifies divorce is if your partner commits adultery...

But you can separate and live apart without divorcing..

Note He is still married to you.. So he will have to remain celibate while you are apart..

If He ever does cheat on you then that is grounds for a Biblical divorce..

It is always best to have yourself sorted out before you go out looking for the most important person you will meet in your life to come together in the most important relationship one can have with another person on earth... So many people just rush into the first person available and end up running into a brick wall.. So if you get another opportunity to have a go at this ever again make sure you get things right.. Don't be that type of person who stumbles from one disaster to the next.. You will hurt yourself and if you have children you will hurt them also..
Also what Bees said the unequally yoked marriage or if the unbeliever wants to leave then let him leave.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
1,482
1,249
113
#18
@Court_11

I'd spend less time focused on your past and more on your present. Your past does not have to define who you are, or will become, unless you choose to let it.
It's true some men may discount you due to your past, but if you grow past all of those things that caused you to make those choices, and stay focused on the present, there are men who will see you for who you Are. Not who you were.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,121
1,140
113
#19
So if I understand what I'm reading right, in a haze of grief and lonliness you made a very poor decision to marry an abusive man who is a criminal with ties to the mafia. Now you aren't so much wanting to get back with him as wondering if God is basically going to take the position of you made your bed now lie in it and if you want a husband you're stuck with the one you chose?

My best advice is to take it one day / month / year at a time. Because time will do several things, it will show whether this man is out of your life for good or not; it will give you time to grow in your knowledge and understanding of God and his will; and it will give you space to develop other interests and support systems in your life. What the looks like practically, and what I would advise, is decide that for the next year or so, you're not going to date anyone or seek a relationship period. After one year you can re-evaluate and see where your conscience and emotional health stand in regards to dating. If you don't have a local church, finding one that can help you connect with people and get involved in some christian teaching would be a wonderful way to help deal with some of the lonliness. Many churches even have divorce care programs if you want a place to help you process things better.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
5,336
2,090
113
#20
Also what Bees said the unequally yoked marriage or if the unbeliever wants to leave then let him leave.
Paul said that.. I was thinking of adding that.. But i was not too sure of the religious beliefs of her husband..

Oh and for the sake of clear communication what is a Bees ????