Would You marry without dating?

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Would you marry someone without dating them ever?

  • I would love it that way, but I don't believe anyone would

    Votes: 1 4.2%
  • Yes, I am doing that now

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • That's always been my plan

    Votes: 1 4.2%
  • Is that possible?

    Votes: 4 16.7%
  • I may consider it later

    Votes: 1 4.2%
  • That is a bad idea

    Votes: 8 33.3%
  • Dating is the better/best/only way to do it

    Votes: 3 12.5%
  • I don't know about that

    Votes: 4 16.7%
  • I did that and got married

    Votes: 2 8.3%
  • Tried that, never worked well

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    24
Aug 12, 2013
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#1
Would you marry someone without ever dating them?
Did you know you can? Do you think that is a good or bad idea?
PM me and I can tell you how.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,386
6,460
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#2
There’s a programme called Married at First Sight which is based around what you’ve asked. I personally wouldn’t do it, but obviously the couples on the tv programme would.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,386
6,460
113
#3
Another thing to consider, is that for some it’s a cultural factor. Some countries have the idea of arranged marriage - I personally know a few couples who have had this and seem to live a happy marriage.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,156
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#4
I think like with God, knowing Him, increases our chances of keeping the covenant healthy and strong. I think it to a bad idea. We are called to be equally yoked, how can discern such things without taking time to know the other.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,156
6,732
113
#5
Another thing to consider, is that for some it’s a cultural factor. Some countries have the idea of arranged marriage - I personally know a few couples who have had this and seem to live a happy marriage.
Well, you make a solid point, dog gone it. I still think discernment, wisdom, requires time spent with a life partner before one makes that commitment.
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#6
There’s a programme called Married at First Sight which is based around what you’ve asked. I personally wouldn’t do it, but obviously the couples on the tv programme would.
No, you don't have to marry them at first sight. That isn't at all what it means. You can meet this person and marry them 80 years later if you want. You can go on knowing this person since preschool and have liked 100s of men and women until you were 40, then you decide you want to marry the person you met in preschool. It doesn't mean at first sight they are the only one on your mind to marry or that once you notice them you propose or rush into marriage. No. Not at all.

Before I met my spouse, I met other girls I thought of marrying, I didn't date all them. They wanted to marry as well. I didn't though. Later I met my wife and didn't ever date her either. I didn't want to at first either. I met other girls I thought about, but it was clear later on she was who god wanted me to marry. so we married without ever dating and she wasn't the only one on my mind.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,386
6,460
113
#7
Well, you make a solid point, dog gone it. I still think discernment, wisdom, requires time spent with a life partner before one makes that commitment.
Yeah I don’t know how they do it 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

But totally agree with you sis, I wouldn’t do it either.
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#8
I think like with God, knowing Him, increases our chances of keeping the covenant healthy and strong. I think it to a bad idea. We are called to be equally yoked, how can discern such things without taking time to know the other.
what is the difference between dating and not that makes it a bad idea?

Kissing? rubbing? holding hands? Gifts? Sweet talk? Talking more often? Hanging out a lot?
Can none of that be done without dating?
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,386
6,460
113
#9
No, you don't have to marry them at first sight. That isn't at all what it means. You can meet this person and marry them 80 years later if you want. You can go on knowing this person since preschool and have liked 100s of men and women until you were 40, then you decide you want to marry the person you met in preschool. It doesn't mean at first sight they are the only one on your mind to marry or that once you notice them you propose or rush into marriage. No. Not at all.

Before I met my spouse, I met other girls I thought of marrying, I didn't date all them. They wanted to marry as well. I didn't though. Later I met my wife and didn't ever date her either. I didn't want to at first either. I met other girls I thought about, but it was clear later on she was who god wanted me to marry. so we married without ever dating and she wasn't the only one on my mind.
Maybe you should re-word your question. You asked “would you marry someone without ever dating them?” Hence why I mentioned that tv programme because that’s all what it was about. These people have never seen or meet the people they’ve been matched to, yet they agree to marry. It’s more of a trial to see how the marriage lasts, and whether they choose to pursue a real relationship after the show ends.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,112
2,306
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#10
I was friends for months with my husband before we officially became a couple. A month after that, he said he was going to marry me.

We met 2015. Got engaged in 2016. Married in 2017.
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#11
Maybe you should re-word your question. You asked “would you marry someone without ever dating them?” Hence why I mentioned that tv programme because that’s all what it was about. These people have never seen or meet the people they’ve been matched to, yet they agree to marry. It’s more of a trial to see how the marriage lasts, and whether they choose to pursue a real relationship after the show ends.
Um... the question makes perfect sense when someone asked me.

Think about it, if you don't date someone who you marry, then you WOULD marry WITHOUT dating them. If you would marry them ONLY if you dated them, then no you WOULDN'T.

Why is that difficult to understand? it's a very easy question I ask even kids and teenagers. They understand it.
 

Kaps89

Well-known member
Nov 19, 2018
219
304
63
Kent, England
#12
I think arranged marriages are a bit odd. That's like me going to the supermarket and deciding to marry the girl next to me because she's eyeing up the same biscuits I like. I'm assuming there's some kind of discernment between the families of the couple having the arranged marriage. If not, bit weird like.

In answer to your question I'd want to date the person. I'm not saying I'd want to date them forever but I'd want to make sure we're a good fit and give them the opportunity to do likewise. Then and only then will I become a hubby.

T
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#13
There’s a programme called Married at First Sight which is based around what you’ve asked. I personally wouldn’t do it, but obviously the couples on the tv programme would.
I met my wife. I was seeking the will of God. There's a very long amazing story how God obviously set us together, but her and I only needed to talk about personal things and see each other lives a bit and be sure it was the will of God for us to marry. Dating wasn't needed.
I give you my honest word, we don't have anywhere near a perfect marriage, but compared to every marriage I have ever seen and even how other spouses treat each other at their max, we have the best marriage I have ever seen that I didn't even think anyone would ever have because of seeing how all other marriages go on. Do you people not realize SO MANY dates are full of lies and fake love?

for example, I have been telling young women most guys cheat, want sex, etc. Not that I assume that, but because everywhere I go that is what they tell me and brag about it. They tell me all their plans about how to make a girl like you so she will have sex with you and other things.
It's not always the sex either. It can be other things. Many guys use women like a tool.

I knew this guy my old friend was with, and I told her his plans as he was always buying her things, seeing her every single day of the year after work, he is great at bribing people, getting even great financial deals because he knows how to smart talk to get what he wants, and he told me that he doesn't even like who she is, but he will marry her and just let her live with him until she matures. I told her, all his sweet talk, buying gifts and such will all come to an end, and when you become his wife, he is just going to tell you to clean up, have sex with him and he is going to work all day and play video games and leave you with the children. She didn't believe me. A year later, all I said became a reality. Till this day it continues and all she ever talks about night and day is how depressed she is because he isn't the man she thought he was.
This same stuff happened to countless other women I know. Luckily, some of them met a good guy, most of them ended up with cheating husbands, drug addicts, porn addicts, ones who pay them completely no attention, who wont keep the vows they made to do things with their life, instead their marriage has come out to be calling them the B word, and heifer's, and then their husbands even tell me they don't like their wives.

I looked at my dating life, I always ended up being cheated on.
I realized I can love a woman and show her I do without dating.
if I don't date, she just cant say that I am hers and she is mine.
That way, we wont break up and we cannot be cheated on to be left heartbroken.
Just like we talk dating, I can do that not being a boyfriend. Same with playing games, sharing feelings, hugging, calling, texting, movies, eating together, writing a poem, etc.
I realized there is no difference with dating except that you are just imagining you own someone.

Do I have to date to know my brother? My sister? Dog? Mother or father?
Can I not tell what they want, what they like to do, how they feel, what they believe, or if we could live together nicely? No. Come on people.
Dating isn't what gets you close to someone or shows you who they really are. In fact, more often when you ask someone to date you, especially very young people, they get so excited inside and start dreaming of these fantasy feeling inside themselves that they want to imagine is real, they start telling you before they even know you that they love you in such a short time, but down the road they could start to say why the hate you and don't like you. Growing up, I was very careful after being cheated on who I would believe loved me. Not a single gf loved me. Looking back at everything they said was a lie about how they felt about me.

But even not dating keeps your friends as friends. See, more often when you date someone, then you realize you don't want to be with them, good or bad reason, then you never stay friends usually. You may end up hating or highly disliking each other forever. Even so, what if they were still your friend, your next lover is going to likely want you forever away from your ex friend. So even if you broke up in peace, your wife/husband likely wont want you ever talking to your friend just because many years ago you dated for half a second. heh.

Why I think dating is bad:
1. you can be cheated on
2. you're likely being lied to about love and feelings
3. someone is likely using you
4. you will lose them as your friend
5. your spouse in future wont want you with them
6. its only an imagination, it doesn't really create anything or change anything
7. anything you do dating to get to know someone, you can do without dating. I did.
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#14
I was friends for months with my husband before we officially became a couple. A month after that, he said he was going to marry me.

We met 2015. Got engaged in 2016. Married in 2017.
My wife and I met 2015, a year and few months later we engaged then a couple months later at the end of the year we married in 2016. Almost just like you guys.
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#15
What is VERY bad is when you date someone then your best friend has sex with them and then THEY marry. That happened to me before. If I simply only stayed that girls friend, I wouldn't have been hurt by my best friend and ex gf. I would of just said okay, good for you guys. But no, just thinking I am dating someone broke me. How stupid if I look at it. I set myself up for hurt.
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#16
I think arranged marriages are a bit odd. That's like me going to the supermarket and deciding to marry the girl next to me because she's eyeing up the same biscuits I like. I'm assuming there's some kind of discernment between the families of the couple having the arranged marriage. If not, bit weird like.

In answer to your question I'd want to date the person. I'm not saying I'd want to date them forever but I'd want to make sure we're a good fit and give them the opportunity to do likewise. Then and only then will I become a hubby.

T
Heh hubby. You're funny. That is a compliment. My wife would smack me if I called myself that, in a nice way. And it is fine to want to date, it can still be a good thing but more often for most people it leads to problems.

Those arranged marriages were popular for royal families to not marry some regular not royal person. They'd set only princes with princesses to keep it full royal blood. Since there weren't many, they would just have to marry and accept to love each other for who they are for their royalty to continue. A marriage like that seems it is simply based on a choice. You choose to love them no matter what though there can be a divorce, but at the time you don't know them and that isn't why you are going to marry them. if you can love like that, I find that as a stronger love to want to love and marry someone before you know them. Sounds like the beginning of my marriage with Christ. I didn't know him at first, and even my whole life I couldn't get to know him well enough, so I would just have to accept him as he is and love him anyway. of course, he gave me the love to love him. It isn't my love that loves him.

But I spent countless days and hours talking to my wife before we married. We didn't need to pretend we are together to get to know each other. We just get to know each other and then decide on marriage. Simple.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,219
1,841
113
#17
Um... the question makes perfect sense when someone asked me.

Think about it, if you don't date someone who you marry, then you WOULD marry WITHOUT dating them. If you would marry them ONLY if you dated them, then no you WOULDN'T.

Why is that difficult to understand? it's a very easy question I ask even kids and teenagers. They understand it.
Obviously it didn't click for her. Not sure what the need to rant and condescend to her is for. Not everyone thinks like you. Why is that difficult to understand?
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#18
Obviously it didn't click for her. Not sure what the need to rant and condescend to her is for. Not everyone thinks like you. Why is that difficult to understand?
You're right. Not everyone thinks like me. But how can anyone put this more simply-

Would-You-Marry-Someone-Without-Ever-Dating-Them?
...Hmm, how can I think to rephrase that? Would you marry them if you never dated each other? Will you marry this man even though you were never his girlfriend? Will you marry this dude even if he won't date you but he will propose to you? Will you ask a woman to marry you before you would ask her to date you? Would you be willing to never marry people and just get to know them first to find out if you want to marry?

Does that help make sense?
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,463
1,538
113
#19
Heh hubby. You're funny. That is a compliment. My wife would smack me if I called myself that, in a nice way. And it is fine to want to date, it can still be a good thing but more often for most people it leads to problems.

Those arranged marriages were popular for royal families to not marry some regular not royal person. They'd set only princes with princesses to keep it full royal blood. Since there weren't many, they would just have to marry and accept to love each other for who they are for their royalty to continue. A marriage like that seems it is simply based on a choice. You choose to love them no matter what though there can be a divorce, but at the time you don't know them and that isn't why you are going to marry them. if you can love like that, I find that as a stronger love to want to love and marry someone before you know them. Sounds like the beginning of my marriage with Christ. I didn't know him at first, and even my whole life I couldn't get to know him well enough, so I would just have to accept him as he is and love him anyway. of course, he gave me the love to love him. It isn't my love that loves him.

But I spent countless days and hours talking to my wife before we married. We didn't need to pretend we are together to get to know each other. We just get to know each other and then decide on marriage. Simple.
So how is spending countless days and hours talking to each other something other than dating?

Your question was too broad to answer as asked. Because it is the dominant cultural norm, most of us (in the US and other western nations at least) expect that if we marry at all we will be dating that person before marriage in some form. Dating isn't necessarily the problem, how we approach it and behave in our dating relationships is what causes the problem. Of course it also depends on exactly how you define dating. In my younger years I would eat a meal with a guy friend or go to a movie with him and not consider it a date (because I wasn't and had no intention of dating said guy). Someone else can easily look at that and say if you went to dinner or a movie with a single guy you were on a date (though people don't automatically jump to that conclusion when I do something with one of my single female friends).

I would say that it is less than ideal to marry someone without spending time getting to know them first: call it dating or courting or special friendship or whatever else you want; physical time together not required but recommended. And the corollary to that is that if you are doing those things, then you are probably in or desiring a relationship that most people would call dating. Oh and if you take a trip over to the family forum you'll realize pretty quickly that you can be lied to, cheated on, and hurt in a marriage too; it's not a dating thing.

Oh and arranged marriages still happen in many cultures around the world though usually not in as controlling of a way as they used to, but it certainly isn't just something that royals do.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,156
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113
#20
For me, one more thing I'd like to add. When meeting single men it at first is like meeting single women. I am not set on finding a husband, that is not my goal. So I don't look with eyes of, hey is this the one. I think the better stance, and maybe I am wrong, is that the first date is to find out first if we make good friends. Sure there should be some sort of attraction but the attraction that grows is the friendship. Romance not nurtured from a strong friendship seems more like lust. So yeah, I still vote, seems like a bad idea. I want to develop a strong friendship connection before I go down a committed lifelong journey.