"You want to hang out?"

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tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#21
When did asking a woman for a date become a difficult thing. Why question the motives? Who cares? Why do you need to know someone well to accept a date? This is what a date is for. A date isn't an obligation to marriage of financing a house. It's a date. Thats how you learn more about someone. You don't have to see each other again afterwards. Or has the word date evolved to mean something else.
I think your being naive. There are bad guys out there that all women should not accept a date from...

Because there are players out there?]Women have every right and good judgement to say NO to certain guys. That's common knowledge, common sense. Sometimes the woman knows a guy well enough to say No to him asking her out for a date. Something as simple as a man making sexual comments about the woman should be a red flag.
Tommy's been around the block a time or three so he's certainly not naïve in these matters. I believe that what he is saying, from a guy's perspective is that if you are single and see a woman that interests you then perhaps you leave your fears behind and actually ask her out. The worst that can happen is she say's no. You just simply roll the dice and go for it. At least that's the way I roll 'em.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
22,958
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#22
Maybe these girls see it as he doesn't have the confidence to ask her out on a date....so he takes the cop out and asks them to "hang out."
Girls want a guy that's confident because...well you know...he kinda has to lead the whole family. :rolleyes:

Calmador, I wouldn't read too much into it. If you have confidence issues, work on yourself.
I believe that you have a firm grasp of the underlying reason that some guys are scared to death of asking a woman out on a date because of a lack of confidence.
 

Calmador

Senior Member
Jun 23, 2011
929
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#23
You might think I'm being naive, but I would like to know exactly what your response to my post has to do with what I wrote. You make absolutely no sense in regard to what I wrote. I can only hope, you accidentally responded to the wrong post. No where in my post did I write that a woman couldn't decline an invitation for a date. I was lamenting over how some have turned a simple date into hassle. I also questioned if a date means something else now than it did 20 years ago.
Maybe were not on the same page. You said, "Why question motives? Who cares?" I would think women care if she's going out with a safe person. Would you care if your daughter just automatically said "Yes" to every guy that asked her out? I think you would. In fact, I'd bet you'd lecture her about what kind of guy to look for or even accept a date from.

Even before the date... (Maybe not in your day) people like to know the person your going on a date with is someone who is safe, half-decent, or someone your interested in already... even before the date.
 

Calmador

Senior Member
Jun 23, 2011
929
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#24
So what about the opposite.. meaning when a girl asks a guy to hang out?
Especially when she wants to date him, but she never lets him know this.
And she continues to ask him to hang out with her, hoping that he will get the message without her telling him that she wants to date him?
I'm a traditionalist when it comes to dating. I want to ask the girl out.

I've never been in that situation. I guess the guy would have to wise up. Or the girl would have to give him signs he understands better. Something as simple as being overly-nice works on me... or a lot of smiling and compliments.
 

Calmador

Senior Member
Jun 23, 2011
929
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#25
Well, that must be because I'm not very smart. Ha ha.
lol I think a lot of the nay sayers are thinking about their routine only and not thinking of the obvious problems.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
2,480
179
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#26
When did asking a woman for a date become a difficult thing. Why question the motives? Who cares? Why do you need to know someone well to accept a date? This is what a date is for. A date isn't an obligation to marriage of financing a house. It's a date. Thats how you learn more about someone. You don't have to see each other again afterwards. Or has the word date evolved to mean something else.
I won't claim to know how it is in every social group or dynamic, but as our society has mixed men and women more in social settings, the lines between what is a date and what is not a date have become quite uncertain and people have many different definitions. Examples: I can think of at least two different guys I went to movies alone with, but I wasn't dating either of them and it wasn't a date and that was understood by both parties. I can think of (especially back in my college days) several different guys that I would have dinner with one on one (even cooked for when I was cooking my own meals my senior year of college) and those weren't dates and weren't intended to be either. And truthfully even now, if I got to talking with a guy about something that we were both interested in; I wouldn't consider it a date if we went to participate in a related activity together.

As for when a guy asks me to hang out (or when I use the words myself), the phrase to me means this is a casual encounter without any serious romantic interest or intent. It's an absolutely just friends scenario; and regardless of any feelings or attraction on my part, if the guy just wants to hang out as friends, I'll treat him as just a friend and I expect the same of him. So yes, if you want to be more than just friends with the woman, don't ask her to hang out, use words that communicate more interest ( I might also add that if you don't want to be more than just friends, don't make her the buddy you do everything with so you're not doing it alone; she will eventually either get the wrong idea, or wish you wanted more and that's really not fair to her).

And I think part of the problem with asking a woman out on a date then, is you spend that time getting to know her and relating to her as a friend; and then it's awkward to change the established pattern and say you want to be more than friends, and now you're dealing with a friend that you care about and don't want to put through that awkwardness or discomfort rather than a stranger you barely know and who you never have to see again if things go badly. So yes, for those of us who are comfortable and accustomed to relating to members of the opposite sex as just people and friends. It can get complicated quickly. There may be people out there in the US whose friends are still primarily of the same gender and think of people of the opposite sex as only dating prospects rather than friendship prospects, but that certainly isn't the reality for many in the younger generations.
 

spunkycat08

Senior Member
Dec 7, 2013
400
2
0
#27
I won't claim to know how it is in every social group or dynamic, but as our society has mixed men and women more in social settings, the lines between what is a date and what is not a date have become quite uncertain and people have many different definitions. Examples: I can think of at least two different guys I went to movies alone with, but I wasn't dating either of them and it wasn't a date and that was understood by both parties. I can think of (especially back in my college days) several different guys that I would have dinner with one on one (even cooked for when I was cooking my own meals my senior year of college) and those weren't dates and weren't intended to be either. And truthfully even now, if I got to talking with a guy about something that we were both interested in; I wouldn't consider it a date if we went to participate in a related activity together.

As for when a guy asks me to hang out (or when I use the words myself), the phrase to me means this is a casual encounter without any serious romantic interest or intent. It's an absolutely just friends scenario; and regardless of any feelings or attraction on my part, if the guy just wants to hang out as friends, I'll treat him as just a friend and I expect the same of him. So yes, if you want to be more than just friends with the woman, don't ask her to hang out, use words that communicate more interest ( I might also add that if you don't want to be more than just friends, don't make her the buddy you do everything with so you're not doing it alone; she will eventually either get the wrong idea, or wish you wanted more and that's really not fair to her).

And I think part of the problem with asking a woman out on a date then, is you spend that time getting to know her and relating to her as a friend; and then it's awkward to change the established pattern and say you want to be more than friends, and now you're dealing with a friend that you care about and don't want to put through that awkwardness or discomfort rather than a stranger you barely know and who you never have to see again if things go badly. So yes, for those of us who are comfortable and accustomed to relating to members of the opposite sex as just people and friends. It can get complicated quickly. There may be people out there in the US whose friends are still primarily of the same gender and think of people of the opposite sex as only dating prospects rather than friendship prospects, but that certainly isn't the reality for many in the younger generations.
This goes for males and females.
When the girl asks the guy to hang or or when the guy asks the girl to hang out.
And one of them wants more than just friendship.
 
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Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,016
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#28
"Would you like to go out to...with me?" = Date
"Wanna hang?"= Friends
That's my experience.
Men...really though...it's nice to let a woman know where you stand when you've had a few dates...either you're into her or not. You need to open up and just tell her. Don't drag it out because this can be painful. You'll know if she's into you if she agrees to keep dating...if she is...that means she's having feelings for you. If you aren't having feelings for her, then just be honest. It may hurt a little at first but chances are she'll end up respecting you for not playing around with her emotions.
 

Calmador

Senior Member
Jun 23, 2011
929
13
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#29
"Would you like to go out to...with me?" = Date
"Wanna hang?"= Friends
That's my experience.
Men...really though...it's nice to let a woman know where you stand when you've had a few dates...either you're into her or not. You need to open up and just tell her. Don't drag it out because this can be painful. You'll know if she's into you if she agrees to keep dating...if she is...that means she's having feelings for you. If you aren't having feelings for her, then just be honest. It may hurt a little at first but chances are she'll end up respecting you for not playing around with her emotions.
I see two factors.

How long is she okay with the guy learning whether he is into her or not, before or after dating?

^ All guys who have good intentions (looking for a relationship) will take SOME time. Except those guys that only need an instant... a moment to look at you with their eyes.

How fast can a guy figure out whether or not he's into her?
 
Jun 24, 2017
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#30
The problem I have with "wanna hang out" is that it's way too ambiguous. It can imply the person wants sex, but not necessarily a relationship. Sort of a step up from "netflix and chill".
 

slave

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2015
6,235
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#31
For me the phrase "hang out" simply means to be together in retreat, or be in fellowship in a home away from home. But, that is the view of me as a Christian and one who is not prejudice toward any hidden agendas. So, this idea of connecting one reference to other conditions environmentally is interesting to me, because it gives grounds for us to learn more about how to live our lives according to God's will and not in micromanaging our lives according to human reasoning.

The Bible teaches me that faith in God is indeed a terrific venture in the dark; many will be ill-willed toward many things in their heart; but we have to believe, as Christians, that God is love in spite of all that contradicts it. Every one of our souls represents some kind of battlefield. The great point for us Christians is to remain perfectly confident in God, and nothing else!

I have no interest in judging phrases, nor men or woman who do things in relationship to relationships to mankind experientially. But I love the fact that in the real world events, God is there to do real transformations within us to change not only the way we see things and live them out, but also, how we become determined, therefore, thru God-given desire to do His will in those practical moments where the rubber meets the road.

I'm not criticizing this thread, I am simplifying MY life when I say that seeking Him first with all my might, takes all my focus, thus, I am much more child-like in my approach to life. I cannot afford, in God's economy, to waste time figuring out whether she understands my way of living, or for her to figure out my way of living. I just need to focus on living rightly so - in Christ, and to desire, by way of God's will thru righteousness, to determine to be around those who do the same showing themselves in their behaviors, so I can connect with the right person God would have me be equally yoked with. Its that simple for me. I am not going to try to read peoples minds, for I cannot do so anyway. Many lives have many different interpretations of the same thing, thus, I praise God for our new creation having a uniquely single-minded viewpoint to life thru Spiritual living.
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,176
482
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#32
[VIDEO]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZ3fjQa5Hls[/VIDEO

Why making a discussion out of semantics? People are different. Some like it formal, some would rather just relax and hang out. So what? It is the journey the two are starting together that is important. And if a guy wants to hang out instead of having a 7 course meal with violin and harp...perhaps that man is not the right one for you. Atleast you are not in sync. If you are in sync, it doesn't matter what you do. Because it is all about being together and getting to know eachother.
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,651
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#33
This thread falls into the same trouble all gender oriented threads do. There is no single answer. Some women will hate if a guy does X, other women won't care and some will like it.
Reverse genders, it's the same thing.
Much of it is how people choose to perceive the behavior. Some women may think the 'hang out' thing is weak. Others may prefer it over going on dates.
I, for one, have always hated the idea of going on a date. I don't want to be stuck in some awkward situation, being judged, while myself being a judge, to try and determine if i like the person enough to go through it again. Ugh, no thanks. I'd rather be in a more casual setting where people don't feel they have to try to look their best. I want to see who they Really are. Show them who i really am. Hang out, be friends. Take it slow. Not to mention it's a more solid point to start a relationship if it works out that way. You have already established a genuine friendship first, and build from there.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#34
Times are different, and hanging out is the new dating.

As usual, I can only speak for me because I can't pretend to know what other people think or what their motivations are...and I don't want to know either. Being that I have never, ever approached a woman in my life, it's easy for other people to say "it's because you have no confidence", and while it's true I have no confidence and never have, that has no bearing on my having never approached a woman. I've never approached because I've never seen a woman who caught my attention enough to bother approaching her. It takes a whole lot more than a pretty face and a nice body to catch my attention. Now, that statement is one where a lot of men will say "BS...you're just saying that", and they are entitled to state their opinion, and I understand that most people in the world have trouble understanding when somebody doesn't think like them. We're programmed from an early age to not like "different" or "weird". That's okay.

If a guy doesn't ask a woman out on a date, it's not necessarily because he has no confidence. Maybe he thinks "dating" is antiquated. It kind of is. It might be that he has no table manners. Most people I've met don't. It might be that he doesn't care to drop money on a date...maybe he's a cheapskate, maybe he's not.

If a guy doesn't approach a woman, it's not necessarily because he has no confidence. Maybe he's seen the blowback from 3rd wave feminism and just doesn't feel like risking it. Maybe he thinks that if she's interested she can approach him and take the risk of rejection...equal treatment and all that jazz.

Maybe he's psychologically wounded. Maybe he thinks she is too. Maybe he's truly only interested in being friends - there are guys like that in the world believe it or not. Maybe he just wants to appreciate seeing a pretty gal but doesn't care to get into a relationship. Maybe this, maybe that.

So many possibilities other than "the guy has no confidence".
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#35
If someone asked me if "Do you want to hang out?" I'd think he was asking for a one night stand, as that is what the phrase means to many people, now. It is not a completely innocuous phrase. I think if you want to date a woman, man up and ask her on a date. It is not a marriage sentence. It is one date- one coffee or one lunch. If you find out you don't like her, she has the IQ of a rock, the personality of a wall, then no harm no foul. You're out a few hours and the price of some coffees or a lunch.

Looks get them to come, personality gets them to stay. It is perfectly fine to ask a woman out if she appeals to you. It doesn/t mean you have to marry the woman.
 

Stuey

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2009
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#36
For those ladies who are wanting confidence and certainty. May I ask, what are you wanting them to be confident with? Do you want a guy who acts like he is certain he's interested in you already, even though he doesn't know you well? If I did this, I would be be acting and I don't really know how a guy is meant to know he is interested if he doesn't know you well.

I feel like this is likely to lead to an intense period of dating where after two weeks the guy tells you he isn't interested. Surely it would be better to get to know each other as friends first?

I really don't think dating is the casual thing it used to be. There are too many expectations attached to dating these days and it's a far too high pressure environment. Personally I'd much rather be friends first.


Cinder I think that guys particularly need to be clear when things are a date and when they aren't.
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#37
For those ladies who are wanting confidence and certainty. May I ask, what are you wanting them to be confident with? Do you want a guy who acts like he is certain he's interested in you already, even though he doesn't know you well? If I did this, I would be be acting and I don't really know how a guy is meant to know he is interested if he doesn't know you well.

I feel like this is likely to lead to an intense period of dating where after two weeks the guy tells you he isn't interested. Surely it would be better to get to know each other as friends first?

I really don't think dating is the casual thing it used to be. There are too many expectations attached to dating these days and it's a far too high pressure environment. Personally I'd much rather be friends first.


Cinder I think that guys particularly need to be clear when things are a date and when they aren't.
Alright, I am a throwback, for sure. I don't think it is such a great big, colossal effort to go on a date. If you find you don't like her romantically after a few dates- then tell her so. No harm, no foul. It would be way worse to be friends "with aspirations" for several months and nothing come out of it. What I mean is this- and I think Tinuviel means this, but can't be sure- if there are no romantic intentions, then state that up front. Women don't have an infinity of time to waste on a guy who dithers.

If you like a woman and think to yourself "I might want to be in a relationship with her", go on a couple of dates and see. This "let's be friends first" mentality is harmful to both the man and the woman. Invariably, one party is not on the same page. It gives women mixed signals. Some one will get hurt. It may be her, it may be you.

I think they had it right a few generations back- date casually and if there is no chemistry, try again.

Here are a few things to remember about women: "He who hesitates is lost." "Carpe Diem" "No guts, no glory." While you are spending months dithering, another man may swoop in and ask the lady to date. Women in general, know pretty quickly whether or not they want to go out with a man- like within a few days. Friending her for months is not going to coax her into liking you romantically, and is kind of beta. Be alpha, not beta.

Uncertainty and ambivalence are UNATTRACTIVE. Confidence and boldness is ATTRACTIVE.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,413
403
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#38
Would you like to go on a date?

see, easy.