Break up advice

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MattieD

Junior Member
Oct 8, 2017
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#1
Me and my gf broke up today. Im not really sure how to handle this. We broke up because her dad disapproves of me which is stupid because im not a bad guy. I know im not the most best behaved kid in the world but compared to some of her exs im an angel. I really love her and I dont want to just lose her. I would do anything to get her back and I know she wants me back too. But I dont know if we get back together it would really piss off her dad which might not be a good idea. But I dont know if I can be happy without her.
 
Sep 30, 2017
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#2
You two are just kids, you should respect her father's wishes absolutely. Don't take his rejection too hard, because it might not have anything to do with you. Something, it could be in the way she has been acting, has caused him to feel the need to assert control over your ex's dating habits. Honestly, he may just not trust you. More than likely, he feels the need to protect her which is his job and at this age she definitely needs her father doing this in her life.

However, if you want to try again to make it work- you have to make it right with Dad. You need to talk to him, man to man and let him know how you feel, what your intentions are, and let him know that you want to fix the relationship between him and you. I'd opt to give him more control over the situation by telling him he can set the rules and boundaries of the relationship. Then follow them. Give him the opportunity to learn to trust you and get to know you.

If he says no, you got to take it because going behind his back will only make things worse. If you two still want to pursue love after that, you both have to go the slow path of becoming people that he trusts as single individuals. Then, maybe in a few years when you're older he'll feel differently about it.

It's a lot of work, yeah, but love always is. It's not just the feeling you find yourself engulfed by. The odds are always going to be against you, more now than ever with the fluidity of marriage these days.(And I'm not trying to assume you guys are close to the marriage part yet, just trying to give you some perspective) 52% of marriages end in divorce and there are a lot of ongoing, loveless marriages. I'm not saying this to discourage you- but if you really do love her, no matter what the current situation comes by, it will include self control, selflessness, patience, and perseverance.
 

MattieD

Junior Member
Oct 8, 2017
6
0
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#3
Hmm thanks Foxtail. Ill ask her tomorrow if she can persuade him to talk to me. I really do see a future with this girl and I dont want to give up on it yet. Hopefully her dad will be up for it and maybe if he gets to know me more he wont be as mad.
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
812
57
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#4
If what you are saying is accurate, then it would seem that she is making bad choices in men, no wonder her dad is on the defensive, I really like the advice that Foxtail gave. I wish you both the best.
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,665
635
113
#5
Me and my gf broke up today. Im not really sure how to handle this. We broke up because her dad disapproves of me which is stupid because im not a bad guy. I know im not the most best behaved kid in the world but compared to some of her exs im an angel. I really love her and I dont want to just lose her. I would do anything to get her back and I know she wants me back too. But I dont know if we get back together it would really piss off her dad which might not be a good idea. But I dont know if I can be happy without her.
I would like to address one thing you said. "I'm not the most well behaved kid in the world but compared to some of her exs I'm an angel".
Comparing yourself to exes and saying you're better than that doesn't qualify you as being good for her. It could also be seen as you're "less bad" than her exes. But less bad still isn't good.
You don't look good for being not as bad. You look good for actually being good for her. Not compared to others, but someone can look at you without knowing who she's dated before and say "he's good for her".
Chances are her dad feels this way.
Or what if another guy comes along and is good for her? Then you compared to him will just be another ex that makes him look good.
It's not about comparisons, it's about the ability to love someone in such a way there is no need to compare. And part of that is in your character.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
7,411
535
113
#6
Me and my gf broke up today. Im not really sure how to handle this. We broke up because her dad disapproves of me which is stupid because im not a bad guy. I know im not the most best behaved kid in the world but compared to some of her exs im an angel. I really love her and I dont want to just lose her. I would do anything to get her back and I know she wants me back too. But I dont know if we get back together it would really piss off her dad which might not be a good idea. But I dont know if I can be happy without her.


At the ripe old age of 14, just exactly how many ex's has your girlfriend already had?
Ummmm....
Ya know, there are things in our culture which really border on absurdity, and we don't even notice them.


Anyway, Mattie, I know you're upset and feeling very emotional about all of this; I realize it's personal, and emotional, and it hurts... but the stark reality is, you are both children. No teenager wants to hear that, but it's still a fact. You're both children, and in a few years you'll probably be madly in love with some other girl, and not even remember this girl's name.

This feels like the end of the world, but it's not.
You're going to be fine.

Let me give you a bit of advice.
Women come and go, but a good hunting dog will always be there for you.
: )
 
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Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,574
381
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Germany
#7
At the ripe old age of 14, just exactly how many ex's has your girlfriend already had?
Ummmm....
Ya know, there are things in our culture which really border on absurdity, and we don't even notice them.


Anyway, Mattie, I know you're upset and feeling very emotional about all of this; I realize it's personal, and emotional, and it hurts... but the stark reality is, you are both children. No teenager wants to hear that, but it's still a fact. You're both children, and in a few years you'll probably be madly in love with some other girl, and not even remember this girl's name.

This feels like the end of the world, but it's not.
You're going to be fine.

Let me give you a bit of advice.
Women come and go, but a good hunting dog will always be there for you.
: )
ROFLLLLL XD
 

Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
558
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#8
Dude, you're 14. Save yourself several years of idiocy and find a good hobby and forget about girls for about 6 years.
Just stop the nonsense of dating at 14. It's stupid. I've been there....I've done that. If I could do it again I'd take my own advice.
Just stop. Her dad is trying to protect his daughter....maybe he hasn't always but now he is. Good for him...good for her. Get over it. And get a hobby that doesn't include a girl.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#9
Right now you're probably hurting unbelievably. That's normal. But do you know what? It will go away. You'll get over it. I know you don't want to hear that right now, but there it is. This is the time God has given you to develop. Between the ages of 14-17 was when I changed the most mentally and spiritually; (so far in my life). So...I guess my advice to you would be to give girls a break until your soul and mind mature a bit more.
 

MattieD

Junior Member
Oct 8, 2017
6
0
0
#10
Well her dad is willing to meet me to talk about it so depending on how that goes I will either be back with her (or working on what he wants me to do before we get back together) or ill be off girls for a while
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,574
381
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Germany
#11
hmmm couldnt you figure out a way to say this kess insulting than you did... hurting people even more when suffering is a bit more stupid than falling in love at a younger age.

Dude, you're 14. Save yourself several years of idiocy and find a good hobby and forget about girls for about 6 years.
Just stop the nonsense of dating at 14. It's stupid. I've been there....I've done that. If I could do it again I'd take my own advice.
Just stop. Her dad is trying to protect his daughter....maybe he hasn't always but now he is. Good for him...good for her. Get over it. And get a hobby that doesn't include a girl.
 

Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
558
33
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#12
hmmm couldnt you figure out a way to say this kess insulting than you did... hurting people even more when suffering is a bit more stupid than falling in love at a younger age.
You're reading blunt as hurtful. My post wasn't designed to hurt anyone and the OP is clearly ignoring any advice he doesn't want to hear. Want to know something? I've dated one girl. And I married her. I can't imagine life without her. My choices were very similar to this guys and I'm confident when I say that love doesn't make anything easy. I love her more than I love me....but relationships are hard work and at 14 you really need to focus on finding who you are and not on building a romantic relationship. Her dad is right. They have their whole lives ahead of them and the mistakes that can be made when incredibly young people get involved are life changing. There aren't do overs. I fell in love before 14......that didn't protect me from making idiot choices :D I don't regret my life but I regret rushing things and putting us in a place where we had no choice but to grow up. If I seem harsh it's likely mostly my personality but also...real life is harsh. Part of growing up is learning that the whole world doesn't have your best interest at heart.
 

Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
558
33
28
#13
Well her dad is willing to meet me to talk about it so depending on how that goes I will either be back with her (or working on what he wants me to do before we get back together) or ill be off girls for a while
If you really like her learn to say "yes sir" lol. And listen to him. He's not as dumb as he might seem :p
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,929
1,794
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#14
And be respectful with her dad. Don't have an attitude. If he says he doesn't want you dating his daughter, then do what Corbin said and forget about girls for awhile. You're a kid, go do kid stuff. Baseball, basketball, that sort of stuff..
 

MattieD

Junior Member
Oct 8, 2017
6
0
0
#15
She is having a sleepover on Friday so I'll talk to him then. And before anyone gets worried about guys and girls being at the same sleepover, the girls are sleeping in her room and guys in the lounge. Im hoping that him allowing boys to her sleepover is a sign that he is a reasonable guy
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,574
381
83
Germany
#16
You're reading blunt as hurtful. My post wasn't designed to hurt anyone and the OP is clearly ignoring any advice he doesn't want to hear. Want to know something? I've dated one girl. And I married her. I can't imagine life without her. My choices were very similar to this guys and I'm confident when I say that love doesn't make anything easy. I love her more than I love me....but relationships are hard work and at 14 you really need to focus on finding who you are and not on building a romantic relationship. Her dad is right. They have their whole lives ahead of them and the mistakes that can be made when incredibly young people get involved are life changing. There aren't do overs. I fell in love before 14......that didn't protect me from making idiot choices :D I don't regret my life but I regret rushing things and putting us in a place where we had no choice but to grow up. If I seem harsh it's likely mostly my personality but also...real life is harsh. Part of growing up is learning that the whole world doesn't have your best interest at heart.
Whoa u arent just being blunt with him. And yes i didnt think u meant to hurt him but still....
Ur kicking somebody's butt for emotions, yet u r married atmy age urself. Yall don't make sense for me. Im out and need some coffee next time before i come here
 

renewed_hope

Senior Member
May 9, 2016
1,921
104
63
#17
Me and my gf broke up today. Im not really sure how to handle this. We broke up because her dad disapproves of me which is stupid because im not a bad guy. I know im not the most best behaved kid in the world but compared to some of her exs im an angel. I really love her and I dont want to just lose her. I would do anything to get her back and I know she wants me back too. But I dont know if we get back together it would really piss off her dad which might not be a good idea. But I dont know if I can be happy without her.
Ya know, after thinking about this for a while, I came up with a couple possibilities...I remember not wanting to hurt a person's feelings and blame my parents as to why I can't talk to them anymore or two, her dad wants her to focus more on school and family and having a boyfriend has been a distraction for her. I wouldn't take it too personally and just continue being you
 

Gracie_14

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2017
763
142
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#18
the world has changed dramatically… including the age teens start dating…
 

Gracie_14

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2017
763
142
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#19
as a teen, lots of teenagers want to discover life once they turn 14 yrs. they start experimenting and getting into messy situations which obviously involves relationships. a teen guy thinks, "i so need a gf." while a girl thinks, "i so need a bf." during this time they are beginning to realize their attraction to the opposite sex and just want to go by their impulses. it also involves pressure from friends. wow, the world has changed!
 

Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
558
33
28
#20
the world has changed dramatically… including the age teens start dating…
Not really. People married far younger in the past. But they also grew up. They didn't like at home till 30 while they found themselves. They didn't date 100 people and sleep with 40 of them.