Things going downhill

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Jan 18, 2019
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#1
I've been very weak and foggy in my mind. Anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and a feeling of worthlessness. Everything feels like it's crashing down. Freshmen year I had similar feelings to this and i really thought that i'd be my end, especially since i didn't know God well. Now this moment in junior year, these feelings are happening again, these thoughts seem to be out to kill me like last time, not everyday hurting me, but wanting to push me over the edge, the thoughts haven't calmed down in awhile. God has been the only thing holding these feelings back, and thinking of him all day has calmed me down, and yet I need so much God I've been doing poorly on my homework and responsibilities. So i'm sitting still, the world going by, as I hold onto God my shield desperately so I don't give up to suicidal thoughts surrounding me. I feel like I'm barely surviving. Pain is overwhelming. I plan on finally telling my family about my feelings because of this. I just feel scared of what will happen after. Suicide has become an obsession at the back of my mind, I feel like a walking corpse. I'm worried about schoolwork, but i'm just tired of surviving alone and i want to get the help i need. I just don't know why God keeps helping me even when I'm worthless, or even why he cares if i kill myself or not. I know these are obvious questions, but everything has gotten so fuzzy and foggy in mind....
 
Jan 18, 2019
49
36
18
#2
I've been very weak and foggy in my mind. Anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and a feeling of worthlessness. Everything feels like it's crashing down. Freshmen year I had similar feelings to this and i really thought that i'd be my end, especially since i didn't know God well. Now this moment in junior year, these feelings are happening again, these thoughts seem to be out to kill me like last time, not everyday hurting me, but wanting to push me over the edge, the thoughts haven't calmed down in awhile. God has been the only thing holding these feelings back, and thinking of him all day has calmed me down, and yet I need so much God I've been doing poorly on my homework and responsibilities. So i'm sitting still, the world going by, as I hold onto God my shield desperately so I don't give up to suicidal thoughts surrounding me. I feel like I'm barely surviving. Pain is overwhelming. I plan on finally telling my family about my feelings because of this. I just feel scared of what will happen after. Suicide has become an obsession at the back of my mind, I feel like a walking corpse. I'm worried about schoolwork, but i'm just tired of surviving alone and i want to get the help i need. I just don't know why God keeps helping me even when I'm worthless, or even why he cares if i kill myself or not. I know these are obvious questions, but everything has gotten so fuzzy and foggy in mind....
 
Jan 18, 2019
49
36
18
#3
I told my parents about it, and so far things are getting better, I was so nervous I'd be unable to do it, but i was able to do it! Even when things seem so bad at times, things get better!
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
1,083
305
83
#4
Hello Michael,
I am so very glad that you told your parents about what is going on in your life, and even though I am sure that they were unprepared for this, It is my hope that they will know how to respond. it is not normal to feel this way, and you desperately need some support and help. I hope that your parents find a good counselor for you, as it is needed at this rough time in your life. You are precious and valuable, even if your mind is disagreeing with this, it is truth.

I am suprised that you have not already gotten some response, but I am sure it will come later. It is good that you came, and I hope you can get some really good advice.

Do you go to church? Do you feel comfortable talking to your pastor or your youth pastor? Are your parents Christian?

All of these things are important to your well being and need to be addressed.

Christians are in a warfare, and the newer you are to the faith, and the younger , it seems that the enemy fights you harder. The more you get rooted and grounded in the faith the more protection you have.

I urge you to seek out all the help you can find, and if anyone gives you advice that does not seem to set well with you, then maybe hold off from receiving from them for a time. You definatley need as many people praying for you as you can find. This is a very good start, and if you have not listed your prayer request in the prayer forum i urge you to do so. and also you can send a prayer request to [email protected], that is a Christian radio station that is in my area, that has a prayer ministry, you will not hear back from them but i assure you that they will pray. And CBN also has a prayer ministry you can access online, as also Facebook has several, just sign up to it, and then type in prayer in the search box it will bring up several for you.

As the prayers start coming in you should begin to feel better, but do not let up, you still need counseling, and prayer on your own, as well as from your parents, and your pastor and youth pastor.

I would suggest that you begin to rebuke those negative thoughts as soon as they come into your mind, just say I rebuke that thought, in Jesus name, and it will flee from you, but in the begining it is like a spoiled child, it (the bad spirit) will come back time and time again, do not get weary, stand your ground, and the more prayers are going up for you the stronger you will be. We do not war against flesh and blood, but principalities and powers of the air, wickedness in high places. In other words we war against evil spirits, that come to torment our minds, but our weapons are mighty to the pulling down of stronholds.

You need to also pray for forgiveness for every sin that you can possibly think of that you or your ancestors may have committed, because what has gone on before does affect us negatively or positively , and in your case it is negatively, so it could be that there are ancestral curses that need to be broken, and you can do it by asking for forgiveness whether it was you that committed them or a close or distant relative, it take one who is willing to pay the price to serve the Lord to break these things from our lives. it would also help to get some books on warfare, and curses, and suicide all from a Christian perspective. There is a christian ministry in Hot Springs Ark , that carries these books that can be very helpful to you. 501-525-8204 Lake Hamilton Bible Camp, and they can pray with you also for freedom. Just tell them what you are going thru.

I hope to be able to hear some good news from you!! God bless and keep you, amen.
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,250
113
#5
Our minds can be our worst enemy. The biggest bully of all.
Dont trust your current thoughts michael. Those annoying disturbing thoughts want your attention. Like spoilt children.
Stay strong. Ignore them.
Take care
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
941
646
93
#6
Are you in high school? I dropped out and got my GED due to not having private school credits transfer via financial hostage.

Not due to it being too hard but my sisters dropped out for reasons you are describing. School is quite taxing...you are essentially in a melting pot of so many different things.

I'm just putting forward the idea of getting your GED if you are in high school. There's no shame in it. The pressure is off...there are plenty of careers that you can pursue that are 100k+ year that don't need a degree just training. High school diplomas matter for very little and not everyone is cut out for college.

You can also go to college with a GED (I did). I would just consider it if you are in high school.

Can do it at 16.
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
7,995
4,254
113
#7
I've been very weak and foggy in my mind. Anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and a feeling of worthlessness. Everything feels like it's crashing down. Freshmen year I had similar feelings to this and i really thought that i'd be my end, especially since i didn't know God well. Now this moment in junior year, these feelings are happening again, these thoughts seem to be out to kill me like last time, not everyday hurting me, but wanting to push me over the edge, the thoughts haven't calmed down in awhile. God has been the only thing holding these feelings back, and thinking of him all day has calmed me down, and yet I need so much God I've been doing poorly on my homework and responsibilities. So i'm sitting still, the world going by, as I hold onto God my shield desperately so I don't give up to suicidal thoughts surrounding me. I feel like I'm barely surviving. Pain is overwhelming. I plan on finally telling my family about my feelings because of this. I just feel scared of what will happen after. Suicide has become an obsession at the back of my mind, I feel like a walking corpse. I'm worried about schoolwork, but i'm just tired of surviving alone and i want to get the help i need. I just don't know why God keeps helping me even when I'm worthless, or even why he cares if i kill myself or not. I know these are obvious questions, but everything has gotten so fuzzy and foggy in mind....
Matthew 10:31 New King James Version (NKJV)
31 Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

In fact Michael, you are SO valuable that the Creator of Heaven and earth became flesh, and shed His Blood and died for YOU! Meditate on that a while.

So, why are you feeling worthless? Our enemy the devil wants to kill, steal, and destroy us. He will whisper through all kinds of ways all sorts of lies that he wants us to believe. He HATES us! The very last he wants is for an unafraid, bold, Child of the one True King, to be an effective witness for Christ to bring the Gospel message to others that need it.

Recognize where these thoughts and attacks come from with the understanding that your Father in heaven is always watching His little boy. THAT'S why He KEEPS helping you. Be Blessed, and at Peace. In Jesus precious Name.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
4,682
4,370
113
#8
We all must 'fight the good fight of faith'. ANY negative thoughts are LIES and must be combated with Scriptures that ARE the truth from God.
''God has not given us the spirit of fear, but love peace and a sound mind'. Fill your mind with good messages and put post=its around your place that say what our Creator thinks of us.
'For I know the thoughts I have toward YOU, say the Lord, Thoughts of PEACE and not evil, to GIVE YOU a future and a hope'.
You'll be in my prayers too, and don't be afraid to talk about this with those you trust, we are all a family, God bless YOU!
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
1,600
356
83
#9
I've been very weak and foggy in my mind. Anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and a feeling of worthlessness. Everything feels like it's crashing down. Freshmen year I had similar feelings to this and i really thought that i'd be my end, especially since i didn't know God well. Now this moment in junior year, these feelings are happening again, these thoughts seem to be out to kill me like last time, not everyday hurting me, but wanting to push me over the edge, the thoughts haven't calmed down in awhile. God has been the only thing holding these feelings back, and thinking of him all day has calmed me down, and yet I need so much God I've been doing poorly on my homework and responsibilities. So i'm sitting still, the world going by, as I hold onto God my shield desperately so I don't give up to suicidal thoughts surrounding me. I feel like I'm barely surviving. Pain is overwhelming. I plan on finally telling my family about my feelings because of this. I just feel scared of what will happen after. Suicide has become an obsession at the back of my mind, I feel like a walking corpse. I'm worried about schoolwork, but i'm just tired of surviving alone and i want to get the help i need. I just don't know why God keeps helping me even when I'm worthless, or even why he cares if i kill myself or not. I know these are obvious questions, but everything has gotten so fuzzy and foggy in mind....
Go see your doctor. Venifaxine helps.
 
T

tasha66

Guest
#11
M, please go see a Doctor, or get your parents to take you there.
I'd also caution you about getting advice on a strange internet site if you are really young, which you sound like you are.
This is something better off dealt with by professionals. You should get some bloods done first, just to check nothing is wrong. The symptoms you describe could be a range of things: low blood sugar, Diabetes, a cardiac (heart) condition, thyroid - anything.
Please get your parents to take you to a doctor for a full check up.
I hope you feel better soon.