I've been very weak and foggy in my mind. Anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and a feeling of worthlessness. Everything feels like it's crashing down. Freshmen year I had similar feelings to this and i really thought that i'd be my end, especially since i didn't know God well. Now this moment in junior year, these feelings are happening again, these thoughts seem to be out to kill me like last time, not everyday hurting me, but wanting to push me over the edge, the thoughts haven't calmed down in awhile. God has been the only thing holding these feelings back, and thinking of him all day has calmed me down, and yet I need so much God I've been doing poorly on my homework and responsibilities. So i'm sitting still, the world going by, as I hold onto God my shield desperately so I don't give up to suicidal thoughts surrounding me. I feel like I'm barely surviving. Pain is overwhelming. I plan on finally telling my family about my feelings because of this. I just feel scared of what will happen after. Suicide has become an obsession at the back of my mind, I feel like a walking corpse. I'm worried about schoolwork, but i'm just tired of surviving alone and i want to get the help i need. I just don't know why God keeps helping me even when I'm worthless, or even why he cares if i kill myself or not. I know these are obvious questions, but everything has gotten so fuzzy and foggy in mind....
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