Waiting too long to seek God

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Jan 18, 2019
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I keep waiting so long for everything to be so easy and clear.

God helps me get awareness about problems but I still don’t do enough.

God helps me learn things, and I write them down but then I don’t practice them, I go back to sin, waiting to go to God when I “learn enough”.

It’s wrong, but I feel like these are some things that have been stuck in my head:

I feel like I’m waiting for a time where to believe God I don’t need faith because apart of me feels like faith is too difficult and it wants God not to hold my hand but to drag me, to force me, and live my life for me.

Apart of me wants God to do everything to keep my relationship with him alive, when I have to seek him.
Apart of me is just so afraid because of while I’m certain that God stays, I’m so worried if I won’t stay which will mess everything up.

I think I keep waiting for myself to be perfect to go to God when I don’t need to be.
Apart of wants to seek God when I stop having desires to sin, and with all these things I wait for, I get scared I’m waiting too long, but I’m scared and confused trying to forget.