Advice with current concern

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Junior Member
Jan 29, 2018
Before I became a Christian I had a friend whose mom worked in the school system. My current mom at the time was mistreating me and I used my friends mom to intervene and get the school involved. The friendship with the girl ended due to drama, and a bit after I found God, or God found me. One of the first things God condemned me on was how I split my family apart and kicked my mom out. My mom didn't really mistreat me, she just was a very stern woman in Christ, punishing me just as the Bible instructed her to do so. By the grace of God I have been able to create a relationship like never before with my mom and I am very grateful. However I continued to stay close to my friends mom because her daughter, my ex friend was ignoring me and all I wanted to do was reach out to her and get her out of the pit she started digging for herself.
As God found me and started to open my eyes to what was and was not of God, what is and is not biblical, I saw how the family, though labeled as "Christians" were not living a Christian life, I do have real examples I can provide if you do not feel assured to trust my accusation. There came some moments when I was reading the Bible and being condemned about my friendship with the mother (Psalm 1:1 “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers.”
Psalm 26:4-5 “I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites. I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked.” And more).
I want to break the tie I have with her, every time I am in company with her I sin by not speaking up. She speaks softly and sweetly like honey but her actions are the opposite and the fruits of her spirit have been evident in her life. I care for her salvation, I think she is a false convert and I have spoken to her about it. I have given her tracks, I've conversed to her about the Bible just to be even more assured that it is not her standard, and that she is against a good amount of it. There's so many things going on in her life right now that just yell her false conversion and I can't seem to present the legitimacy of God and his power and wrath. Personally I think it has to do with the sweet way she talks that just weakens me and shrinks my will to get across to her. She also just seems to be using my gift of serving.
My two top spiritual gifts are serving and showing mercy and I have been condemned for serving her and for showing her mercy. By serving her I have come to understand that I could be bringing peace in her mind about her sinful life, which is the last thing I want to do. I want to serve God, not wicked. This is my dilemma I can break it off with her by telling her the truth to my reasoning, being that I don't want to give her false assurance in her salvation or what not, and that also that her wicked lifestyle is not approved by me. Here is where I need advice: (even though I'm leaning to breaking up the tie with her), will I be in any way sinning by not showing her love and mercy by continuing to help her out with things that she simply doesn't want to do herself. I want to show love to people and this seems borderline. The greatest commandment given is to show love, would it be unloving to stop the "friendship?"
"I'm going to back off, I'll pray for you. I still love you, but I do not condone your lifestyle."
Would my actions in any way oppose the commandment to love one another?
All Glory to God.
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Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that
home or town and shake the dust off your feet."
Matthew 10:14


Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
Paragraphs are your friend. Wall of text is your enemy.


Senior Member
Aug 24, 2011
First, the word you’re looking for is ‘convicted’, not condemned (there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus).

Second, when you do things for someone that they can do for themselves but they just don’t want to, that’s not serving or loving them; it’s enabling laziness.

You seem to be very wrapped up in the situation- try to look at it from someone else’s perspective: you are basically beating your head against a wall with this whole family. Nobody ever comes to Christ (a true conversion) from being badgered and having their sin thrown in their face. It sounds like you’re in the early, over zealous stage of being a believer- that’s great! But tone it down a notch or two if you want to actually be an effective evangelist.

I think you should back off of this family- you have done your duty by sharing the Gospel, and they’re ignoring it. Move on, and pray for them. From a distance. Don’t let drama and pride keep you locked into what was an unhealthy situation before you were saved and is now an unhealthy AND futile situation.


Senior Member
Sep 21, 2017
South Australia
Bad company ruins good character

Ever heard the expression about falling in with the wrong crowd
or choosing the wrong friends.
Your salvation is at risk, let alone hers.


Junior Member
Jan 10, 2017
This is a tough situation. The best advice is to listen to what God has put in your heart. If she is not truly a Christian, it sounds like you have done your best to show her the truth. I kind of agree with the concept that your "service", while very well meaning, could be enabling. Matthew 10:!4 says "And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet." It sounds like it might be time to do just that. We don't always get to see the fruits of God's word. Sometimes we plant the seed, or water, or fertilize, etc. But we don't always get to see the salvation. Give yourself some time to grieve the loss of the relationship while allowing God to guide you to the next task. Prayers for guidance, strength and peace.


Junior Member
Jan 31, 2017
This is a hard situation, I think many of us have been in this place. You have a lot of grieving as there has been loss on many levels. I think of Romans 8:28 as God brings good from everything for those who believe. It is a celebration that your relationship with your Mom has been restored! It sounded painful and now you and your Mom have a Godly relationship.
While it is understandable that you want what is right and good for others, we are called to be an example but we cannot force. Every person gets there differently. People are not always convicted of the truth when told. There are many reasons why people can't see the truth or resist it when they see it. The power of prayer is not to be underestimated! Pray for this family faithfully. It may be time to put some distance between you and see what else God has for you. Ask God to align your will with His will and you will know what you are called to do here. I wish you peace and comfort. God bless you!


Junior Member
Aug 17, 2017
Dear JennaEAPC,
Thank you for sharing us about your testimony of conversion and the way that God sometimes uses people for He find us. Praise God! because you realize that your mom was doing well when she corrected you. At the beginning when a mother correct us may be that make us feel uncomfortable but I think that the Holy Spirit gave you the gift of understanding to realize that she was not mistreating you but that she corrects you because she loves you and she wants that you are virtuous person, holy young girl (the better version of yourself). Let me ask you some questions that you said in your post: Why do you think that God condemns you in the way that you reacted with you mom and family? The Sacred Word says that: God is a God slow to anger and full of mercy or steadfast. Ex 34,6. He does not see us for our sins but for who we are. It is ok that you want to evangelize your friend, but let me tell you that conversion is a process in each person and it is necessary first that you pray for him/her. Sometimes people are not going to turn to God because we are using words to convince them about the truth but it will be for our actions, or our lifestyle. They need to see that in all our actions reflect the love of God. Jesus came to the world not for the righteous but to save sinners. Mk 2,17. And there’s a big party in heaven when one sinner turns to God. We are not God to judge others. Remember the teaching of Jesus: Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Mt 7,1-2. Only God has the right to judge all of us. That is not our role. We are calling to see others like God see us. Our Lord desires mercy and no sacrifices. Mt 9,13. You say very well when you say in your post the greatest commandment is: Love God with all your heart, soul and mind and show love to others as ourselves. Your friend needs to see that in you that even if he/she is not practicing a Christian life you can show to him/her an unconditional love and friendship. I was in a similar situation in the past. I met a person who I thought was practicing her faith and I wanted to share my faith with her. I realized in time, she did not want to accept the invitation from God. I tried to preach to her, even we started to read Christian books to grow spiritually. I also realize that she needed to forgive her relatives and gave to her some prayers that she can use or recite by herself, because forgiveness is the first step for healing and change. But all these efforts didn’t work with her. So I asked to the Holy Spirit the gift of understanding and I discovered that I must to move on and just pray for her. So I think that I would ask myself the following question: Is this friend and family taking me closer to God or keeping me away from Him? That is question that I would do to myself, to discern if it is prudent to continue this friendship or to lean the person and the family towards God. As a Christian my priority is to work in my conversion and holiness. I encourage you to discern that in prayer. I hope this helps. I will keep you in my prayers, my friend.


Senior Member
Jan 28, 2013
Hi Jenna, Your asking if you should walk away? yes you should listen to what your heart is saying. What your feeling, like your abandoning friends? There is a time for everything, this is not a time to embrace and you know that. There is a time to ignore your feelings and place people in God's hands and accept that He doesn't need your help (to save the world, "It is finished). As for the reason your to walk away, it's a very important one that I also wish I had figured out much sooner: By trying to help (enabling) you are not working out your own renewal. It may leave you feeling empty for a while giving up trying to help and focus on the inner Journey to find the Lord in your own situation. But its the very thing they are avoiding, and by being there, your also avoiding your inner journey. This is more common than you realise. There is a vast difference between rescuing and being a light. One is a babe in Christ like your friend that you are tempted to identify with, and the later is walking in the light to get more light, and because it's an inner journey with God, there is a sacrifice, a cross: no longer loving this present world. Many begin the Journey and seem to get disoriented, "Many shall seek to enter in and shall not be able." There is a beginning part of the Journey to enter into rest on my page, if your interested. It also explains about Christians who are worldly: in the mind of the flesh (divided spirit). Paul addressed this to the church at Corinth and Jesus did also: Revelation 3:15.