J
So I love my boyfriend and his beautiful daughter of 9 years old (dating 4 years feb6th2013) I plan to spend the rest of my life with him and his daughter. He says he also plans on us growing old together and has even told me his plans for our future. We talk about everything, and nothing. we love spending time together cause we are such good friends and have so much in comon. we never even really have arguments. I am so grateful to God for placing him in my life! He is my Best friend and I love him very much. I can't imagine life without my boyfriend, his daughter, or any of his family that I have come to call my own.
A little over a year ago I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me a couple of times with one woman (that i know of) by sleeping with her. He called me from work and asked me to check his phone for something... he must have forgot he had inappropriate texts and pictures from the woman he cheated with. *(before you get judgey about invading his privacy; he asked me to go into the text section of his phone and i could see a nude photo had been received) I had all day to think about how to respond to the months of messages and photos. He was saying he was just at home playing video games on his day off...he would leave as soon as i left for work, then return before I came home on my lunch break. other times he would say (while going to pick up his daughter) that he was going to be gone a while cause he and his ex needed to discuss things about their daughter... But he wasn't even at her house yet. he would sleep with the other woman and then pick up his daughter. all while i was making us a family dinner at home. Some nights, i was trying to get his attention and feeling ignored or other nights we were out doing something fun, like celebrating his birthday and me working so hard to make sure he had fun... he is texting her that he would rather be having fun with her.
When i confronted him, at first he tried to treat me like I was being ridiculous and stupid. making up stories. then I told him HOW I knew and he fessed up. When i asked how many times he said a few. when i asked why, he said he didn't know. when i asked what i did wrong and why he wasn't happy, he said i didn't do anything wrong and he was/is very happy with me. so i asked again,why... he said, that he was just trying to comfort her. he knew the guy she had just been dumped by and he felt bad for her and was being her shoulder to cry on and it just got out of control. he didn't want to hurt her feelings by turning her away... apparently my feelings were non-existent at the time. He put her feelings and her needs, her wants, over me and mine and our relationship. he admitted he never would have told me...he promised to never do it again and he loved me so much..blah blah blah...
I'm not a saint, i admit I got drunk at home that night, puking and crying myself to sleep. he held me, begging forgiveness... i probably would have just kicked him out if I were sober. ( I own my home and the things in it. he lives with me.)
I say i forgive him but i don't think i have. i am still very hurt from this. it haunts my dreams, plagues my thoughts, and sometimes actually makes me sick to the point of vomiting (that happens when i get really upset, example: when someone i love dies)
Now, anytime he goes anywhere without me, i have an anxiety attack thinking about what he might really be doing. I have never been the type to be invasive. I don't like to pry. I respect people and their privacy just as i hope others will do for me. so even tho i want to look in his phone again, i want to call and nag him when he will be home, i figure that will drive him away. so i suffer silently. cry myself to sleep wondering if the man i love, sleeping beside me, was in another bed just hours ago.
I still love him and want to be with him forever. I just really need to get past this and I don't know how.
I haven't talked to anyone but my boyfriend about any of this. I still tell him everything. how im feeling, my worries...good, bad, everything. But I can't talk to anyone else. My mother once told me " Don't ever tell your friends and family about your relationship problems. When you forgive and forget... your friends and family never will. I know she is right.
If we can get past this, i don't want my friends or family holding us back.
But I need to tell someone. I need to feel heard. I need ....Advice. i just don't want to worry, wonder, or cry anymore.
Thank you so much for reading,
- Cheated out of happiness.
A little over a year ago I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me a couple of times with one woman (that i know of) by sleeping with her. He called me from work and asked me to check his phone for something... he must have forgot he had inappropriate texts and pictures from the woman he cheated with. *(before you get judgey about invading his privacy; he asked me to go into the text section of his phone and i could see a nude photo had been received) I had all day to think about how to respond to the months of messages and photos. He was saying he was just at home playing video games on his day off...he would leave as soon as i left for work, then return before I came home on my lunch break. other times he would say (while going to pick up his daughter) that he was going to be gone a while cause he and his ex needed to discuss things about their daughter... But he wasn't even at her house yet. he would sleep with the other woman and then pick up his daughter. all while i was making us a family dinner at home. Some nights, i was trying to get his attention and feeling ignored or other nights we were out doing something fun, like celebrating his birthday and me working so hard to make sure he had fun... he is texting her that he would rather be having fun with her.
When i confronted him, at first he tried to treat me like I was being ridiculous and stupid. making up stories. then I told him HOW I knew and he fessed up. When i asked how many times he said a few. when i asked why, he said he didn't know. when i asked what i did wrong and why he wasn't happy, he said i didn't do anything wrong and he was/is very happy with me. so i asked again,why... he said, that he was just trying to comfort her. he knew the guy she had just been dumped by and he felt bad for her and was being her shoulder to cry on and it just got out of control. he didn't want to hurt her feelings by turning her away... apparently my feelings were non-existent at the time. He put her feelings and her needs, her wants, over me and mine and our relationship. he admitted he never would have told me...he promised to never do it again and he loved me so much..blah blah blah...
I'm not a saint, i admit I got drunk at home that night, puking and crying myself to sleep. he held me, begging forgiveness... i probably would have just kicked him out if I were sober. ( I own my home and the things in it. he lives with me.)
I say i forgive him but i don't think i have. i am still very hurt from this. it haunts my dreams, plagues my thoughts, and sometimes actually makes me sick to the point of vomiting (that happens when i get really upset, example: when someone i love dies)
Now, anytime he goes anywhere without me, i have an anxiety attack thinking about what he might really be doing. I have never been the type to be invasive. I don't like to pry. I respect people and their privacy just as i hope others will do for me. so even tho i want to look in his phone again, i want to call and nag him when he will be home, i figure that will drive him away. so i suffer silently. cry myself to sleep wondering if the man i love, sleeping beside me, was in another bed just hours ago.
I still love him and want to be with him forever. I just really need to get past this and I don't know how.
I haven't talked to anyone but my boyfriend about any of this. I still tell him everything. how im feeling, my worries...good, bad, everything. But I can't talk to anyone else. My mother once told me " Don't ever tell your friends and family about your relationship problems. When you forgive and forget... your friends and family never will. I know she is right.
If we can get past this, i don't want my friends or family holding us back.
But I need to tell someone. I need to feel heard. I need ....Advice. i just don't want to worry, wonder, or cry anymore.
Thank you so much for reading,
- Cheated out of happiness.
