Hi, HistoryPrincess. I can’t relate to the intense anger you’re feeling, but I wanted to respond because you seem like you’re putting the weight of the world on your shoulders. That’s not healthy or possible for anyone to sustain long-term.
I know it sounds difficult, but letting go of your anger and frustration is about the only thing you can do. It might seem like you can’t move on, but if you look closely the world is full of people who have to let go—of drugs, past abuse, alcohol, relationships, dreams, fears. Anger is no different. It might make you “feel alive” now but the more you allow it to control your thoughts and emotions, the less you are able to overcome it, and the unhappier you will become.
People will always find ways to disappoint you whether they are Christians or not. You can’t paste a label on someone that says “Christian” and expect them to be perfect. The world loves to use that argument, and if we or someone in the Body ever deviates from that, they lump us all together under a new label: “Hypocrite”. That’s pretty unfair, but we have to let it go because that’s just how the world works.
There are plenty of arguments we could all make about what we do or don’t agree about the Bible, contemporary Christianity, etc. But we can’t control a single aspect of it. What you’re looking for is control over every facet of your life and everything you don’t like about the world. You already know that kind of control doesn’t exist for people. And that appears to be what frustrates you.
You have a lot of honest insights about the world that people tend to avoid because they bring up uncomfortable dialogue. I’ve appreciated the subsequent posts that you and lonelysummer have made in this thread about the realities of certain topics. But you are consumed by those topics to the point of retreating from the world entirely, which will make you ruminate on those thoughts all the more. That creates a very vicious cycle.
God does answer prayer, but you have to take the initiative to believe and work with Him. It’s not a matter of saying “God help me!” and then walking away. You have to accept the fact that the majority of the time He won’t respond in any way that you can sense, and that He won’t always answer in the way you want Him to. The second you pray to Him about something, you are putting that thing into His hands willingly. It’s already in His hands to care for, but there’s something about us coming to Him of our own choice that gives God even more room to work in us.
That’s all I wanted to say. You sound like an intelligent, caring person and I respect the fact that you’re willing to ask the hard questions. I’ll be praying that you find peace and strength in God.