I feel utterly suicidal today, I can't seem to go on anymore

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Oct 2, 2019
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#1
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed
 
I

IFOLLOWHIM

Guest
#2
Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is in your midst,a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exhalt over you with loud singing

Psm.55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord,and he will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved.

Psm.9:9/10 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,a stronghold in times of trouble.


PLEASE,please do not give up!💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
2,476
1,875
113
#3
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed
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Aug 10, 2019
314
280
63
Canada
#4
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed
A message like this makes me sad, and I said a prayer for you....not that your life end, but that you find God's loving Grace and the strength to go on. Its easy to lose faith in this broken world....we have made a mess of God's wonderful creation in so many ways.

I don't know your situation at all, if you have more to share please do.
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,250
113
#5
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed
dare i say ive been there? well i dont know exactly how you feel but i certainly have had a death wish.
ive seen your other posts. you have a lot going for you.it would be a waste
God Bless
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
7,164
4,841
113
65
lawton ok
#6
I don't know what happened to get you into the state of despair and depression that you are into now. You have however taken a positive step forward by placing you burden and pain on the alter and asking for help. That's a big step. I myself have prayed to die in my sleep and acted foolishly hoping it would shorten my life. When I finally let go and let God, things began to change. My prayer for you is not only that you ask for Good Orderly Directions. But that you recognize and follow them when they become available. All in accordance with will of the Father in Jesus precious name. AMEN.
 

MegMarch

Well-known member
Nov 11, 2019
310
318
63
#9
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed
I’m so sorry. The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Prayers for Jesus’ victory to reign over you.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
69,933
8,460
113
#12
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed

Amore, we are not promised an easy life while we're here. We aren't even promised a HAPPY life. None of us fully understand God, and we aren't supposed to. Time waits for no person, we're all aging and will die some day. I hope and wish to die every day, but guess what? Only GOD gets to decide when I or anyone else dies. :) That isn't our choice to make. We simply have to push through life as best we can, because that's our only choice.

True love comes from GOD, not man. :) Look to Him to love you, and don't seek the love of a man, because men will nearly always let you down..

I know you've read my depression and suicide testimonies, so I know that YOU know it IS possible to bring your journey "from darkness to light." :)
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
7,993
4,253
113
#13
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed
No judgment. But I think it’s a good thing to lose faith in this world. Because the world will always let you down.

It is run by the enemy and he hates you and delights in your depression, anxiety and fear.

Your Heavenly Father loves you. So much so that He gave His Son to die for you.
Please don’t give the enemy joy. Realize if you have been born again, you are a daughter of the One True King!!!
Meditate on that sister.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
814
710
93
#14
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed
Hey.... listen... it will pass... there may be many storms in life, and some that seem to hard to bear, but if we trust that God is somehow working it all for our good then we will get through. If we know Him then no matter how bad the suffering is, it will be totally worth it one day. Wait on Him quietly and let Him speak to you in the stillness and ask Him to heal your broken heart💔He will bind up your broken heart.... give yourself time, and care, and keep trusting and loving God... He has you here for a purpose, there is only one of you in the whole world and He may use you at some point to save another's life even. We don't understand a lot of stuff this life throws at us but there is a spiritual battle raging against us and the enemy of our souls comes to steal, kill and destroy- these thoughts that come at us about suicide are evil and we must keep our armour on, so keep holding up the shield of faith (trusting) and keep reading some Bible a bit every day ( I use Daily Light app) look in Ephesians 6 about the armour of God. This storm will pass trust me it will.... it's bad I know.... but it will pass. Remember you are very precious X
 

EliBeth

Senior Member
Dec 5, 2013
587
319
63
#15
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed
Dear one, Amorette, I am so sorry for your pain and despair. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. You are precious, my Sister. You have great value. How are you today?

>>Psalm 42💓
 

blueluna5

Active member
Jul 30, 2018
182
106
43
#16
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed

Christmas time is very hard when going through tough times. Even though on social media everyone looks like there life is perfect, remember not to judge your worst circumstance on everyone else's best circumstance. It's not real... It's just the blessings you see.

Remember life has ups and downs. Nothing, literally nothing stays the same. When you're going through a hard time remember good times are ahead. Though it seems meaningless it's not. God corrected Job on that. Because Job was obviously depressed and saying how he shouldn't have been born. God essentially tells him I'm all knowing and I love you and created you for a purpose.




Luke 1:3 “Do not be afraid; Zechariah; the prayer you no longer pray has been heard.”

https://www.google.com/amp/s/feedingonjesus.com/2017/12/11/the-prayer-you-no-longer-pray/amp/
 
Nov 9, 2019
53
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San Francisco
#17
Hi Amorette,

I definitely have been in your place before. Please know that whatever is happening now will surely pass. That might sound silly and cliche, but it's true. Whenever I used to feel especially suicidal, I just focused on surviving minute by minute. A lot of those horrible feelings truly come from fear of the future. Whenever we are fixated on the future, the current task at hand can be too difficult to bear. I think your current task will be to be gentle with yourself. Know that you are God's treasure and that as He has a wonderful plan for you while you're drawing breath on this earth. He loves you so, so much and He wants to shoulder your burdens. I know how scary anxiety and suicidal thoughts are. They're paralyzing. I pray that you'll find peace during this difficult time. Know that there is always calm in the storm. God will gift you with the peace and strength you need to survive. Know that it won't always feel like you're just surviving or hanging on by a thread. You can and will thrive alongside God.

I pray that you will be able to surround yourself with people who love you. I also encourage you to seek the guidance of a therapist if you are not doing so already. Most importantly, I pray that you will be able to fall in love with yourself and see yourself the way God sees you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God will never forsake you.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
4,679
4,370
113
#18
I have lost faith in this world, I feel blinded and crippled to understand God and grasp His hand. I am starting to sense despair. I am starting to sense meaninglessness. I feel helpless, time isn't waiting for me, things are coming up back to back in my life, i have no time to recuperate. I am utterly...paralysed with anxiety within for how am unable to do anything ...
Please pray that I die soon out of some lung pathology as I felt hopeful when my chest xray came to be abnormal, i felt hopeful that i will die soon. So pray that I die very soon. i am unable to bear this. Judge me if you want but you are not in my shoes...it hurts bad ... i have run out of tears. True love doesn't seem to be a reality , it seems am lost...am crushed
We can't base our joy on our surroundings. God put us places for a reason and will hear us when we pray. 'We walk by faith not by sight' and we are told to 'Fight the good fight of faith'. You have many friends here so please keep posting and remember 'The joy of he Lord is our strength'.
The c0-founder of the largest Christian TV network came down with depression, the enemy was trying to hold back a great thing. One night she had a dream of walking out to the shore and just keep walking. In her dream, she heard men laughing out load
on her right, and turned to see...it was Jesus. Laughing like He is our joy, so she then started on road to recovery and getting involved in helping others whenever she could. I pray miracles of healing, hope, joy and all the fruit of the Spirit are showered upon you, my dear sister. in Jesus' name, Amen.
Please watch this short but powerful testimony of co-founder of TBN, Trinity Broadcasting Network.
 
Dec 23, 2019
48
33
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godfoundme.weebly.com
#19
Each person is different, going through different experiences in this life, and just as everybody has their own way to grieve, we all have different reactions and ways of coping. Our emotions are natural, but sometimes Satan who comes to steal, kill, and destroy can take advantage of the negative ones. Recently, somebody I know was expressing how when they are upset, they don’t want overly-positive or feel-good messages but want to be able to feel heard, express their sorrow, and perhaps indulge in something that is empathetic to the way they are currently feeling like listening to a particular sad song or watching something dark on television. This person is not a believer. For me, I do like to remind myself of what God says or distract myself temporarily with something like a sit-com. I might watch something sad to let some of that out, but then I do like to end with something positive. I don’t know your preferences, but since I noticed many of the previous posts had some good positive encouragement, I thought I’d add some from a different but still Biblical perspective.

Think about Paul in the Bible, who prayed for a “thorn in the flesh” of his to go away, but God answered that His grace is sufficient and didn’t take it away (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). He was beaten and jailed, but kept preaching and singing praises to God. He stated that he knew and had lived in all sorts of circumstances, including hunger and need (Philippians 4:12). He said, “For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me… My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account” (Philippians 1:21-24). “For in this tent, we groan, being burdened… We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him” (2 Corinthians 5:4, 6-9).

If we use Paul as an example, he sometimes was overwhelmed, wrote his letters with tears, and worried about the people he ministered to. He would personally rather be with God in heaven, but he knew that he was doing the Lord’s work down here. He sometimes lived in abundance, but other times had to endure hardship and suffering. We are only promised no more suffering and no more tears in the new heaven and new earth after Christ’s second coming. For now, the whole world is groaning in the labor pangs before his second arrival. There is pain, suffering, and evil in this broken world. Things can become hard and burdensome, but God told us to come to Him with our burdens and the Bible also says to bear one another’s burdens, encourage one another, and build each other up. The fact that you posted here means that though your flesh might be telling you to give up and wish for death, another part of you longs for some comforting words, change, and hope. God is the one that can give us that hope. Whether through His people, Word, or even a particular song at the right place and time… I hope that this current difficult time improves soon and pray that you and others who may stumble upon this don’t give up, but fight those negative thoughts with God’s truth. Satan is the father of lies, don’t listen to him. Light casts out darkness. God’s Word is a light unto our path (Psalm 119:105). Please don’t give up. Read the Word, pray, and know that you’re not alone.
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
941
646
93
#20
@Amorette read Job Chapter 7.

I know there are times when you have no interest in reading scripture based off how you feel. I have been in similar positions, and was lying on the ground feeling "black depression" but there happened to be a bible next to me and the thought occurred, I could read. NO...silence. FINE!!. I opened it up to that exact chapter, and it eased my complaint that I was not alone in this. Essentially, no one understood him. Not his wife, not his friends, and the Lord was doing something that is difficult to pinpoint.

Job had it rough as did Elijah. Personally, there is comfort in knowing others have been in a similar place before and I draw strength from that. It doesn't take away the anguish but it allows a bit of commiseration/grasp that you may find beneficial. I pray your eyes are open to that.