Just need some support!

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Tuna2206

New member
Feb 4, 2019
14
18
3
#1
Hey everyone,

I am new here, and I am not even exactly sure what I’m doing right now posting haha.

Anyways, It’s been a bit of a hard few months for me! I didn’t ring in the new year how I thought I would.

My partner of 5 years, with whom I share 2 beautiful children, broke up with me.
We were engaged and supposed to get married this month! I am only 22, and she is 21! She basically told me she hasn’t been happy for a very long time (which I kinda knew but never wanted to believe) and that she wants to go off and do her own thing with no controls or constraints...

She isn’t a Christian and refuses to believe that God is with us or even exists in the way that’s i know he does!
I was lost for a long time, I was saved when I was 8, but lost my way when I hit my teen years! After all that went down with my ex, I came back to God and I am now re-saved and trying every day to Love and Trust in God!

Every day is a struggle, I have come to the ‘end’ a couple of times over the last couple of months! I am currently trying the Love Dare on my ex and it seemed to be working quite well, until I found out ‘the hard way’ about another guy...
I found them, it was fairly innocent, but I lost my cool and blanked out! I lost it at her and scared my kids, I made myself look so foolish and just down right pathetic really...

I spoke with my good friend and Pastor and he basically told me, not to give up, but to let go and Just Love her! The same way that God loves us and the same way that Jesus loved us enough to take away all our sins on the cross!

So I decided to do that, I just want her so badly to be saved! Not for me, but so she can experience the same Love and Grace that I have and all of you have!

I guess why I’m writing is just to find some like minded people for encouragement and support while I go through this big trial!

Any advice would be greatly apprecitated, so would any scriptures or learning material! I am newly back on my God Path and just want to stay the course now!

Thanks all, sorry, just needed an outlet to release I guess haha!
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
67,977
5,909
113
#2
First of all, while she goes and "does her own thing", what about your kids? What happens to them? Second, WHY were you with an unbeliever, and obviously living together and having premarital sex? That's a sin but I'm sure you already know that..

Third, there is NOTHING "fairly innocent" about catching your partner with another guy. Cheating is never innocent.

My suggestion is that you go for custody of your kids while she goes astray doing her own thing. Pray for her and give her to God, but for goodness' sake don't try to get her back. You're better off without her.
 

Tuna2206

New member
Feb 4, 2019
14
18
3
#3
First of all, while she goes and "does her own thing", what about your kids? What happens to them? Second, WHY were you with an unbeliever, and obviously living together and having premarital sex? That's a sin but I'm sure you already know that..

Third, there is NOTHING "fairly innocent" about catching your partner with another guy. Cheating is never innocent.

My suggestion is that you go for custody of your kids while she goes astray doing her own thing. Pray for her and give her to God, but for goodness' sake don't try to get her back. You're better off without her.

Thank you, I have had a very in depth chat with a family friend and she’s telling me the same thing!

As I said, I went astray for a long time and am now back on the path of righteousness and God! I know that it was a sin to live and sleep with her before marriage, but please do not judge me for being with an unbeliever!
God tells us to go to them, not hide from them!

My kids are my number 1 and I am on a war path to keep them safe and protected! I guess that’s why I have held on for so long... I pray that she will come to know God and that maybe some day in the future we may reconcile but on the right terms and only if it is God’s will!
 
Feb 6, 2019
22
33
13
#4
Hi, I just want to let you know that I just said a prayer for you. I can tell through your message that you are in pain. My brother continue to pray for her and while praying believe that she is saved. From here on out try and be an example, love her. If it doesn’t work out you already know that God has a wife for you. I’m praying for you her and the kids brother. I’ll make sure I put it in my phone to pray for the next couple days also. Continue to serve God. With love your sister in a Christ.
 

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
May 3, 2017
1,832
1,675
113
58
#5
Hi...
I would advice you first and foremost to get your head in the Bible , this is the only way that God reveals His will for us...
Don`t give up praying for her , remember , it is God who does the calling , you just walk in righteousness by living a godly life...
I would also get some kind of access to your children ASAP , many a child has been brainwashed by a parent , so these little ones need to see you often to know when lies are spoken against you...
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart
and lean not on your OWN understanding
In ALL your ways acknowledge Him
and He WILL direct your paths.
Sent with love...xox...
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
1,233
1,027
113
#6
So a woman who refuses to accept spiritual beliefs the way you do, that doesn't love you anymore (and a very good chance she cheated if she's already with another man), broke up with you and moved on, views being with you as 'controls and constraints' and you want her back?

I understand the difficulty in letting someone go, but sometimes we need to step back and ask ourselves what's Best, not what we want.
I know I'm not "like minded (aka tell me what i want to hear) but I thought I'd speak up anyways. I have zero doubt you'll refuse every word but at least my conscience is clear for speaking up. Good luck.
 
E

EM9642

Guest
#7
Yeah I agree with Subhumanoidal, she clearly doesn't want to be with you anymore and you should just move on and focus on your kids.
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
987
213
43
#9
Wow, this is a very tough place to be, I bet you are beginning to feel old before your time? Only 22, with 5 years and 2 children, and an unsaved and unfaithful woman. Mercy, I sure am glad you have Christ, I am at a loss as to what to say, so I will just pray for you.

Father God, I thank you so very much for the faith that this young man has in you, I pray that his faith will increase, and never fail, comfort him in his afflictions, give him your wisdom, help him to stay the course, and to be the best father possible to his children, help him to devote himself to them, because they need him, and they need you, help him to know how to teach them and train them in the way they should go, send him help with them, so that it will not be so hard on him, help their mother to find you as well, and we give you praise, in Jesus mighty name, amen.
 

Tuna2206

New member
Feb 4, 2019
14
18
3
#10
Hi, I just want to let you know that I just said a prayer for you. I can tell through your message that you are in pain. My brother continue to pray for her and while praying believe that she is saved. From here on out try and be an example, love her. If it doesn’t work out you already know that God has a wife for you. I’m praying for you her and the kids brother. I’ll make sure I put it in my phone to pray for the next couple days also. Continue to serve God. With love your sister in a Christ.
Thank you! It means so much to me!
I have the same outlook as you in this situation! I understand that we can’t get what we want all the time, but God will provide me with what I need! Which in tern will become what I want haha!

I will continue to pray and just keep on trusting in God! I do truely believe that this is all a big test for me! I’m just not 100% sure in which direction it’s taking me yet! I will never lose faith and I will love her forever, if nothing more than the mother of my kids!
 

Tuna2206

New member
Feb 4, 2019
14
18
3
#11
Hi...
I would advice you first and foremost to get your head in the Bible , this is the only way that God reveals His will for us...
Don`t give up praying for her , remember , it is God who does the calling , you just walk in righteousness by living a godly life...
I would also get some kind of access to your children ASAP , many a child has been brainwashed by a parent , so these little ones need to see you often to know when lies are spoken against you...
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart
and lean not on your OWN understanding
In ALL your ways acknowledge Him
and He WILL direct your paths.
Sent with love...xox...
Thank you! That’s exactly what my pastor keeps telling me as well! I do think about how God is working every time I pray for her! That some day, somewhere God will show Himself to her and then Bam! Saved! Haha!

This situation is tough atm, but I will never lose out on seeing or raising my kids! I have them 1 week out of every 3, due to my work! But that’s one thing that I’ll never let change!

Thank you heaps for the advice and support!
 

Tuna2206

New member
Feb 4, 2019
14
18
3
#12
So a woman who refuses to accept spiritual beliefs the way you do, that doesn't love you anymore (and a very good chance she cheated if she's already with another man), broke up with you and moved on, views being with you as 'controls and constraints' and you want her back?

I understand the difficulty in letting someone go, but sometimes we need to step back and ask ourselves what's Best, not what we want.
I know I'm not "like minded (aka tell me what i want to hear) but I thought I'd speak up anyways. I have zero doubt you'll refuse every word but at least my conscience is clear for speaking up. Good luck.[/QUOTE

There is a little more to the story than that, and she isn’t actually ‘with’ anyone atm, but yeah! I know it might sound silly and pathetic or maybe a little far fetched, but ai honestly feel like God is telling me to Hold On!

I feel that he keeps sending me to the book of Hosea! I read it almost daily!

I do understand and respect and appreciate your point and opinion, but I guess I just have to wait and see where God takes me!
 

Tuna2206

New member
Feb 4, 2019
14
18
3
#13
Yeah I agree with Subhumanoidal, she clearly doesn't want to be with you anymore and you should just move on and focus on your kids.
All I do is for my kids! And for God, it has taken me a while to find a proper grasp on the second one! However God gifts me with the strength and determination to battle on! He can move mountains with the smallest of faith, I will continue to grow mine and pray for a miracle! No matter whether it may come in the form of my ex, or a new path!
 

Tuna2206

New member
Feb 4, 2019
14
18
3
#14
He does not tell us to sleep with them, only to witness to them!!
This is very true, and I do understand that I am reaping what I sowed!

However, at the time of all of this sinning, I was unsaved the same as she is currently! I was lost and made some bad decisions, but my kids are my 2 biggest blessings!
 

Tuna2206

New member
Feb 4, 2019
14
18
3
#15
Wow, this is a very tough place to be, I bet you are beginning to feel old before your time? Only 22, with 5 years and 2 children, and an unsaved and unfaithful woman. Mercy, I sure am glad you have Christ, I am at a loss as to what to say, so I will just pray for you.

Father God, I thank you so very much for the faith that this young man has in you, I pray that his faith will increase, and never fail, comfort him in his afflictions, give him your wisdom, help him to stay the course, and to be the best father possible to his children, help him to devote himself to them, because they need him, and they need you, help him to know how to teach them and train them in the way they should go, send him help with them, so that it will not be so hard on him, help their mother to find you as well, and we give you praise, in Jesus mighty name, amen.[/QUOTE

Thank you! 😊
Sometimes it gets a bit much, but I have great support and the best defence in my corner!
God is always with me and I am seeing that more and more every single day!
 
Feb 6, 2019
22
33
13
#16
Thank you! It means so much to me!
I have the same outlook as you in this situation! I understand that we can’t get what we want all the time, but God will provide me with what I need! Which in tern will become what I want haha!

I will continue to pray and just keep on trusting in God! I do truely believe that this is all a big test for me! I’m just not 100% sure in which direction it’s taking me yet! I will never lose faith and I will love her forever, if nothing more than the mother of my kids!
This morning I woke up and it had pray for Tuna on my phone and I had to look again, I was like oh yea. I said a prayer for you brother. Keep trusting and believing.
 

Tuna2206

New member
Feb 4, 2019
14
18
3
#17
This morning I woke up and it had pray for Tuna on my phone and I had to look again, I was like oh yea. I said a prayer for you brother. Keep trusting and believing.
Thank you so much again!
My Real name is Tanner btw haha nice to meet you! 😊
 

littlelady

Junior Member
Dec 28, 2015
67
65
18
#18
Hey everyone,

I am new here, and I am not even exactly sure what I’m doing right now posting haha.

Anyways, It’s been a bit of a hard few months for me! I didn’t ring in the new year how I thought I would.

My partner of 5 years, with whom I share 2 beautiful children, broke up with me.
We were engaged and supposed to get married this month! I am only 22, and she is 21! She basically told me she hasn’t been happy for a very long time (which I kinda knew but never wanted to believe) and that she wants to go off and do her own thing with no controls or constraints...

She isn’t a Christian and refuses to believe that God is with us or even exists in the way that’s i know he does!
I was lost for a long time, I was saved when I was 8, but lost my way when I hit my teen years! After all that went down with my ex, I came back to God and I am now re-saved and trying every day to Love and Trust in God!

Every day is a struggle, I have come to the ‘end’ a couple of times over the last couple of months! I am currently trying the Love Dare on my ex and it seemed to be working quite well, until I found out ‘the hard way’ about another guy...
I found them, it was fairly innocent, but I lost my cool and blanked out! I lost it at her and scared my kids, I made myself look so foolish and just down right pathetic really...

I spoke with my good friend and Pastor and he basically told me, not to give up, but to let go and Just Love her! The same way that God loves us and the same way that Jesus loved us enough to take away all our sins on the cross!

So I decided to do that, I just want her so badly to be saved! Not for me, but so she can experience the same Love and Grace that I have and all of you have!

I guess why I’m writing is just to find some like minded people for encouragement and support while I go through this big trial!

Any advice would be greatly apprecitated, so would any scriptures or learning material! I am newly back on my God Path and just want to stay the course now!

Thanks all, sorry, just needed an outlet to release I guess haha!
I totally understand what it is like to come to this online space in a position of hurt and seeking support. It was brave of you to put what's on your heart out there for discussion. You'll meet criticism as you've already seen in some replies but you'll find encouragement here too and you seem very open to both which is good.

You mention your pastor a few times in this thread which is good as it indicates you're plugged in at a church and are speaking to someone spiritually wise about all of this. As others have said, keep going back to the bible and reasing His Word, it will give you fresh perspective, strength, encouragement, wisdom, and hope. Pray through all these messy emotions and just keep giving things to God. Let yourself feel the release of knowing He has this and you can trust Him with it.

I understand what you are saying about being with your ex when you weren't a Christ follower, and nobody is without sin so no judgement there. You are looking to God now and that is what counts. The past is the past, and as you say you have two wonderful blessings in your children. I'm sorry you have to navigate this complicated situation at only 22, many older than you couldn't. Respect for staying positive as best you can and seeking support. I really hope you all find peace, whatever that looks like - it is entirely possible that she will be saved some day. Maybe you'll be togeyher, maybe you won't, I obviously can't say God's will for you. For now, focus on your relationship with God and your kids, and keep getting involved at church and praying for your ex.

Praying for you, your kids and their mum. God's got you, remember that :)
 
Feb 6, 2019
133
132
43
#19
just want to let you know , you are not alone! I went through something very similar and I empathize with you.Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength Isaiah 40:31, praying for you
 

Tuna2206

New member
Feb 4, 2019
14
18
3
#20
I totally understand what it is like to come to this online space in a position of hurt and seeking support. It was brave of you to put what's on your heart out there for discussion. You'll meet criticism as you've already seen in some replies but you'll find encouragement here too and you seem very open to both which is good.

You mention your pastor a few times in this thread which is good as it indicates you're plugged in at a church and are speaking to someone spiritually wise about all of this. As others have said, keep going back to the bible and reasing His Word, it will give you fresh perspective, strength, encouragement, wisdom, and hope. Pray through all these messy emotions and just keep giving things to God. Let yourself feel the release of knowing He has this and you can trust Him with it.

I understand what you are saying about being with your ex when you weren't a Christ follower, and nobody is without sin so no judgement there. You are looking to God now and that is what counts. The past is the past, and as you say you have two wonderful blessings in your children. I'm sorry you have to navigate this complicated situation at only 22, many older than you couldn't. Respect for staying positive as best you can and seeking support. I really hope you all find peace, whatever that looks like - it is entirely possible that she will be saved some day. Maybe you'll be togeyher, maybe you won't, I obviously can't say God's will for you. For now, focus on your relationship with God and your kids, and keep getting involved at church and praying for your ex.

Praying for you, your kids and their mum. God's got you, remember that :)[/QUOTE

Thank you!
I am just trying to stay positive and for the most part I am! God has given me so much new strength and resiliency!
I know that this is all part of my path and that everything happens for the good of us!

I am getting as plugged in at church as my work schedul allows, and I talk to my pastor very regularly!

I pray whenever I am free! Plus at least 30 mins designated a night! I read my bible every day as well! And I have found that no matter the situation I can always find refuge in God and He always helps me through the tough thoughts and feelings!

I will just keep moving forward and hoping for my miracle! 😊 if that’s with my ex or someone new!

I am so thankful for the prayers and encouragement!

Will keep pushing and keep trusting in God!