Hello,
Joined here to seek for some advice and opinions.
I do have a really complicated situation in my life that started...well...not too great...
Situation started 6 years ago...
At that time I wasn't christian, I believed in God per se, but not Jesus, I considered all religions similar and as long as I lived by being good and honest I believed I will be okay...how wrong I was...
Anyway, I met a girl, online, we started to talk, and she seemed like a really nice person and all...we really clicked...
I was 25 at the time, and after about a week, I found out that she is actually 15...in any of the conversations I wasn't able to see, I thought I really talk with a girl at least 2-3 years younger...definetley not that much younger...I actually was surprised...
Anyway, we continued to communicate, then at some point she started with sex talk, and here and there, we actually started to do "hot chats", believe me...I did not expect that...
But still for a reason...I just...can't explain...I just can't...we continued communicating...
I questioned myself so many times what am I doing...she is 15...but...I was so drawn to her...
What I also have to mention, she was already doing this with many other men, even older than me, pictures and everything...
Anyway, she lived in a different city, she actually when we met, had a plan to go with other guy to to oral to him but she never did...and if she did not meet me she would probably ended up being with quite a lot of men and maybe get STD-s maybe even got pregnant...that is why I always believed that God did connected us...and I still do...
Next time we met, she did that to me, a day later, we had real sex...she had a birthday in the meantime so she was 16...anyway...from that day, we entered a relationship that lasts 6 years, we had so many ups and downs, we actually had sex every day...but we really did fell in love despite the sexual part...
3 years ago after we got engaged, she turned her life to God and about two months I did too...we got baptized together....
Of course all the time we had issues with her parents (father mostly) and my parents (both, they are muslim)...my parents ar not that big issue due to the fact I moved out...
But her parents, I always felt, even to this day, they want us to break apart...especially her dad...maybe I am wrong, but that how I feel the "vibe"...even they do support us they don't seem too happy about it, and they always have something negative to comment on every of my flaws...I understand that I have flaws, everyone does, but it always seemed to me that they do that on purpose just to show her that I am not good for her...
That "vibe" was always around...I always felt it somehow...maybe I am wrong but that is how it felt...
Anyway, after baptizing, everything went well, life got better with God, we were blessed.
We bought a house in a small village about 40 miles from the capital...she did not move in, she stayed at her parents while we waited to get married....but the marriage never happened, never got enough money, for 3 years now...it is quite hard to earn enough money to organize a ceremony here, especially the way she wanted it with relatives an all...it just costs money that I couldn't earn...especially as I do have a loan for a house...
From that time till today our relationship started to really change, our relationship with God started to change...to decline exactly...we started to fall in sexual sin again...every month or so when I came to visit her...it would just happen...the lust...in the beginning it was just touching and we stopped, than oral than it went to full...
Every time we did it we felt soo wrong...we felt ashamed...we never enjoyed it...it was just instinct...base desire just to rip each other...
But still relationship was somewhat okay....but...
She was always chatty with guys online...always...she did keep herself faithful...even she had all kinds of offerings, and always somehow guys who want only one thing actually contacted her and she due to her kindness and maybe sheer naiveness that she might talk normally with someone for once never rejected...only when the guy started to send pics and request pics, she would "cut the line"...
But then it happened 4 months ago...a guy...48years...they chatted...and it happened...worst thing you can do even if you're not Christian....
She sexted with him, pics and hot chat...not once...as she said quite a few times...
I was hurt...but I found some strength to forgive her...if she wouldn't repeat it...
But...then...the guy came to her town...and...despite all...they had...some sex...he gave her some oral..but she didn't do that to him...even the sexting happened after that...
You can only imagine how broken I felt after she told me...
She was always, and I mean always, completely honest, and told me entire storyline...so I do believe her...
And again I found forgiveness...even for that...I just love her so much...
After that she explained that she is not happy with us for some time, that she wants a man like that mentioned guy, that I am not good with her sisters, that I am not interested in helping her pay for school and that guy offered that, that he is seeing everything good in people and I am seeing only bad things, that I change to slow...
The guy is btw. from canada and works as a psychologist and we live in a country with not so good economic status...so...of course he can afford 1000$ to spare, my monthly paycheck is less than that...his is definitely not that low...
They continued to chat, and he sweetmouthed her so much...talking trash about me, and she yet was saying that she would go with him if she could...
Last week we went together with her family on a vacation, and there everything was...well...not too great...
She was telling me that my touches dont excite her...not even kisses...she feels torn...she loves me still...she cares about me...but she feels torn...
I actually had a dream (maybe a vision) at that time, which is in one part us naked hugging and then jumping for some reason to a scene where that guy is on airport leaving, and then she kisses him in front of me, while grabbing my hand ant not letting me leave after I felt disgusted and disappointed...and the moment I wanted to rip from her hand, something pushed me back to her...and then I woke up...
As her mother has some abilities to interpret dreams/visions, I went to her...and we talked, and all and she said she can't interpret that...and the conversation started and we talked...
She kept her side well that I should break up with her daughter, and after talking with her dad, similar conversation...but it just felt wrong...I felt that it's not their Christian opinion or rational, it is just their "protective" parent opinion which is completely subjective from past experience...
All that ended up in her talking with them alone a few days later, which again resulted in her telling me that she wants "distance" and she gave me the ring back...
Her father told her that she has no fear of God and that she was taken up by "liberalism" (whatever that meant)...and that we need to turn our head to God and that if his plan is for us to be together it will happen...and that we need to repent for the sin that we committed when we started...that that sin is destined to be a sinking ship...that after we repent honestly we can start all over...I do agree with that to some point...but...I just feel that it is unnecessary to break up like this...but then again she always blindly listened to them...even when it seemed unfair to her or us...
It is really painful for both of us...we are both broken and don't know what to do...
The story is long, and there is a lot more in our relationship that can be said....but until the "cheating" part happened, she never said that much...she said that I am passive, that I consider when I gave the ring that she is mine and that is it...
I never felt like that...and told her so many times....and she never believed me, because "I always defend myself and lie just to save everything"
The truth is...I love her...I really do...to the bone...I want to be the one who will make her smile, to be the one who will make her happy...and I always felt that IS the Gods plan for us...but whenever I said that she says "oh you're just saying that because it is in your favor"....
But I do really feel it...deep in my heart I know that Holy Spirit inside me is telling me that...I just can't explain that to her...she is just somehow blinded by some fortification in her head that I am always lying to defend...even if I truly did come to my senses and changed so much...she just doesn't see it...or she doesn't want to see that because of anger and rage...
Her parents also say that my opinion that God does not separate people but connects them...is flawed and bad and only in my benefit...am I really that wrong??
I only ask honest advice....I know that I did wrong from the start...I know that I did a bad sin...
But I really do feel she is the one God has for me...and I can't shake that feel from my heart...
Joined here to seek for some advice and opinions.
I do have a really complicated situation in my life that started...well...not too great...
Situation started 6 years ago...
At that time I wasn't christian, I believed in God per se, but not Jesus, I considered all religions similar and as long as I lived by being good and honest I believed I will be okay...how wrong I was...
Anyway, I met a girl, online, we started to talk, and she seemed like a really nice person and all...we really clicked...
I was 25 at the time, and after about a week, I found out that she is actually 15...in any of the conversations I wasn't able to see, I thought I really talk with a girl at least 2-3 years younger...definetley not that much younger...I actually was surprised...
Anyway, we continued to communicate, then at some point she started with sex talk, and here and there, we actually started to do "hot chats", believe me...I did not expect that...
But still for a reason...I just...can't explain...I just can't...we continued communicating...
I questioned myself so many times what am I doing...she is 15...but...I was so drawn to her...
What I also have to mention, she was already doing this with many other men, even older than me, pictures and everything...
Anyway, she lived in a different city, she actually when we met, had a plan to go with other guy to to oral to him but she never did...and if she did not meet me she would probably ended up being with quite a lot of men and maybe get STD-s maybe even got pregnant...that is why I always believed that God did connected us...and I still do...
Next time we met, she did that to me, a day later, we had real sex...she had a birthday in the meantime so she was 16...anyway...from that day, we entered a relationship that lasts 6 years, we had so many ups and downs, we actually had sex every day...but we really did fell in love despite the sexual part...
3 years ago after we got engaged, she turned her life to God and about two months I did too...we got baptized together....
Of course all the time we had issues with her parents (father mostly) and my parents (both, they are muslim)...my parents ar not that big issue due to the fact I moved out...
But her parents, I always felt, even to this day, they want us to break apart...especially her dad...maybe I am wrong, but that how I feel the "vibe"...even they do support us they don't seem too happy about it, and they always have something negative to comment on every of my flaws...I understand that I have flaws, everyone does, but it always seemed to me that they do that on purpose just to show her that I am not good for her...
That "vibe" was always around...I always felt it somehow...maybe I am wrong but that is how it felt...
Anyway, after baptizing, everything went well, life got better with God, we were blessed.
We bought a house in a small village about 40 miles from the capital...she did not move in, she stayed at her parents while we waited to get married....but the marriage never happened, never got enough money, for 3 years now...it is quite hard to earn enough money to organize a ceremony here, especially the way she wanted it with relatives an all...it just costs money that I couldn't earn...especially as I do have a loan for a house...
From that time till today our relationship started to really change, our relationship with God started to change...to decline exactly...we started to fall in sexual sin again...every month or so when I came to visit her...it would just happen...the lust...in the beginning it was just touching and we stopped, than oral than it went to full...
Every time we did it we felt soo wrong...we felt ashamed...we never enjoyed it...it was just instinct...base desire just to rip each other...
But still relationship was somewhat okay....but...
She was always chatty with guys online...always...she did keep herself faithful...even she had all kinds of offerings, and always somehow guys who want only one thing actually contacted her and she due to her kindness and maybe sheer naiveness that she might talk normally with someone for once never rejected...only when the guy started to send pics and request pics, she would "cut the line"...
But then it happened 4 months ago...a guy...48years...they chatted...and it happened...worst thing you can do even if you're not Christian....
She sexted with him, pics and hot chat...not once...as she said quite a few times...
I was hurt...but I found some strength to forgive her...if she wouldn't repeat it...
But...then...the guy came to her town...and...despite all...they had...some sex...he gave her some oral..but she didn't do that to him...even the sexting happened after that...
You can only imagine how broken I felt after she told me...
She was always, and I mean always, completely honest, and told me entire storyline...so I do believe her...
And again I found forgiveness...even for that...I just love her so much...
After that she explained that she is not happy with us for some time, that she wants a man like that mentioned guy, that I am not good with her sisters, that I am not interested in helping her pay for school and that guy offered that, that he is seeing everything good in people and I am seeing only bad things, that I change to slow...
The guy is btw. from canada and works as a psychologist and we live in a country with not so good economic status...so...of course he can afford 1000$ to spare, my monthly paycheck is less than that...his is definitely not that low...
They continued to chat, and he sweetmouthed her so much...talking trash about me, and she yet was saying that she would go with him if she could...
Last week we went together with her family on a vacation, and there everything was...well...not too great...
She was telling me that my touches dont excite her...not even kisses...she feels torn...she loves me still...she cares about me...but she feels torn...
I actually had a dream (maybe a vision) at that time, which is in one part us naked hugging and then jumping for some reason to a scene where that guy is on airport leaving, and then she kisses him in front of me, while grabbing my hand ant not letting me leave after I felt disgusted and disappointed...and the moment I wanted to rip from her hand, something pushed me back to her...and then I woke up...
As her mother has some abilities to interpret dreams/visions, I went to her...and we talked, and all and she said she can't interpret that...and the conversation started and we talked...
She kept her side well that I should break up with her daughter, and after talking with her dad, similar conversation...but it just felt wrong...I felt that it's not their Christian opinion or rational, it is just their "protective" parent opinion which is completely subjective from past experience...
All that ended up in her talking with them alone a few days later, which again resulted in her telling me that she wants "distance" and she gave me the ring back...
Her father told her that she has no fear of God and that she was taken up by "liberalism" (whatever that meant)...and that we need to turn our head to God and that if his plan is for us to be together it will happen...and that we need to repent for the sin that we committed when we started...that that sin is destined to be a sinking ship...that after we repent honestly we can start all over...I do agree with that to some point...but...I just feel that it is unnecessary to break up like this...but then again she always blindly listened to them...even when it seemed unfair to her or us...
It is really painful for both of us...we are both broken and don't know what to do...
The story is long, and there is a lot more in our relationship that can be said....but until the "cheating" part happened, she never said that much...she said that I am passive, that I consider when I gave the ring that she is mine and that is it...
I never felt like that...and told her so many times....and she never believed me, because "I always defend myself and lie just to save everything"
The truth is...I love her...I really do...to the bone...I want to be the one who will make her smile, to be the one who will make her happy...and I always felt that IS the Gods plan for us...but whenever I said that she says "oh you're just saying that because it is in your favor"....
But I do really feel it...deep in my heart I know that Holy Spirit inside me is telling me that...I just can't explain that to her...she is just somehow blinded by some fortification in her head that I am always lying to defend...even if I truly did come to my senses and changed so much...she just doesn't see it...or she doesn't want to see that because of anger and rage...
Her parents also say that my opinion that God does not separate people but connects them...is flawed and bad and only in my benefit...am I really that wrong??
I only ask honest advice....I know that I did wrong from the start...I know that I did a bad sin...
But I really do feel she is the one God has for me...and I can't shake that feel from my heart...
