Regretting losing my virginity...

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DIYhappiness

Guest
#1
Okay so I've had a christian boyfriend for 2 years and a half and we never had sex. I was feeling that it was the right thing. Then we broke up cause things went bad, and I met another guy. The moment I saw him, I knew there was something between us. He says he felt the same way. So as I met this guy in another city where I came back 2 months later to move in for good, we were keeping in touch through texts and facebook everyday while we were away for 2 months. He was the most lovey-dovey guy ever and told me he was waiting for me which was cute. Then I moved here and in his head, waiting for marriage wasn't even applying. But I wouldnt care cause (despite my beliefs) I really felt like it was natural with him. Ive never had strong feelings for anyone else before (not even my ex boyfriend). So I lost my virginity to him. Since then, he acts weird, and weve seen each other only 4 times and had sex 3 out of 4 times (several times a date). And everytime it would feel good until that one last time (last night). I will skip the details but we both decided to have it rough, so we did and it felt great. But this morning I woke up, my whole body was sore. I swear, every part of it. To this time I still feel dizzy and weird.So he told me we would stop doing that. But today I just realized that it wasn't the right thing and that I should stop having sex asap. I saw my pain as a punition from God (seriously). And I don't wanna do it anymore.
SO, as i still like this guy, I always have bad feelings about him since I moved here. He did nothing wrong but it's just intuition. And this morning, when I refused to have sex again cause I was feeling sick, he was like "don't make me rape you!!" I know it probably was a joke but I felt bad about it :(
And I feel like somethings wrong with this guy and I think he fakes his interest. While we were apart he would always tell me that he liked me everyday and things like "i wanna use the L word but im not gonna yet". And now I'm here, when I ask him if he likes me, instead of saying "yea" he's like "what makes you say that?" and he doesnt tell me "i like you" out of the blue anymore.
Most of the time hes soo caring and sweet, but he also acts strange like this. So I think he fakes, and uses me for sex and pretends he's interested just so I don't see through his game.
He told me he never really had a girlfriend and had sex only once, so it makes me feel more like hes interested in having a girl who likes him and to have sex with instead of ME.
I've tried to push those feelings away everytime cause I still like him alot. But I feel so bad about him??
Please I don't want answers like "break up", I want more encouraging answers to make me think through if I should leave him or not. Thank you!

PS: everytime we have sex, he doesnt text me for hours afterwards. I told him I would feel used when it happens and he said that it was because he didn't wanna be clingy and that he would stop, but again he did it and left me without a goodnight. help?
 
Last edited:

JimJimmers

Senior Member
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
48
#2
Okay, I'll try and give you some answers. I'm not convinced him suggesting he was going to rape you was a joke. And if it was, that's a sick joke.


And yes, he probably is using you for sex and faking interest in you.

You don't want me to tell you to break up with him, and that's understandable, but I hope this helps you make the right decision. But you have feelings for him, which are probably stronger now, because God designed sex to bond two people together. So if you break up, it will probably hurt. But God will forgive you for your sin, and not punish you over and over.
 

Nautilus

Senior Member
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#3
Hmmm how to put this in the best way possible..well he is definitely using you for sex, that much is pretty obvious. He knows you like him so manipulating you is easy. As far as the being sore part, thats not necessarily punishment, its what happens, but you would be better off just stopping with this guy regardless. Waiting for marriage is surprisingly not as bad as some might lead you to believe.
 
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DIYhappiness

Guest
#4
Is it so obvious guys? 0.0 well I still have a doubt that maybe he really likes me but isn't good at proving it?
Thank you for your answers!
 
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DIYhappiness

Guest
#5
Yea I know my body hurts cause its meant to be that way but it is what made me start to wonder if I was doing the right thing cause everytime I feel kinda sick afterwards but never that much! 0.0
 
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Livi94

Guest
#6
If you had thought that what y'all are doing isn't wrong would and you are not scared at all, would you have come here? I think you already know what you have to do. Don't let things get too far because something can easily happen that can't be taken back. Y'all need boundaries and more than anything, understanding. He needs to understand your feelings and respect them. Do you think he does that? Or do you think he's faking it? If he's faking it, why stay with him? I'll pray to God to give you strength <3
 

Nautilus

Senior Member
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#7
gosh this is going to sound terrible...but I know what he is doing, I did it myself a while back when I was like 20-21. Young and free and independent had my own place and enjoyed the company but didn't want anything like a relationship to hold me back from living my life. Its a pretty terrible thing to do to someone and it sucks thinking back on it, but I would do exactly what you describe him doing now.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#8
You're just a booty call. You got played. Time to ditch this guy, with as little regards for his feelings as he had for yours while his main goal was to get in your pants. And, if you think for one minute, he is safe, you're nuts. If that guy even made a JOKE or any comment about raping you you need to take that very serious. Tell this guy to get out of your life, and do it in a public place. Don't let yourself be alone with him.
 
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rauleetoe

Guest
#9
Why is nobody asking you this i dunno..but i will..obviously you know it is wrong..my question to you is..do you feel the feeling that you missed it? Not condemnation or guilt..but do you sense you missed the mark...if not..i would question if ypu are right with God..more than a guy in your life, you nees Jesus to change your ways...seek him while he may be found..call while he is near
 

GOD_IS_LOVE

Senior Member
Mar 16, 2009
306
4
18
#10
He is using you. Sleeping with someone without being married to them is a sin and sin leads to the burning fire of hell. So you should stop doing that and ask God to forgive you and never do it again.
 

Crimson_Lark

Senior Member
Apr 17, 2012
207
15
18
#11
This is hard stuff because you are bonded to this guy. Sex bonds and can also blind us to major flaws. I agree with most of what others have posted I will just add this:

You said:
"I always have bad feelings about him since I moved here. He did nothing wrong but it's just intuition."

Trust your intuition! As a woman, I have found it's a great gift and should never be ignored.



 
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Livi94

Guest
#12
^^ YES! What Crimson_Lark said, trust your intuition!
 
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djness

Guest
#13
Probably ought to go buy that pregnancy test. Just the look on his face will be proof enough.
 
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jimmydiggs

Guest
#14
He is using you. Sleeping with someone without being married to them is a sin and sin leads to the burning fire of hell. So you should stop doing that and ask God to forgive you and never do it again.
This post.

You're being used as his personal play toy. Get away from him right now.

This boy is no good. He does not care about you. He just wants sex.
 

Nautilus

Senior Member
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#15
I disagree with the whole sex bonds thing someone mentioned...but otherwise yeah i think the rest of the advice is pretty solid.
 
S

SpaceCowboy

Guest
#16
You need to repent to the Lord.
 
S

Shaije

Guest
#17
Okay so I've had a christian boyfriend for 2 years and a half and we never had sex. I was feeling that it was the right thing. Then we broke up cause things went bad, and I met another guy. The moment I saw him, I knew there was something between us. He says he felt the same way. So as I met this guy in another city where I came back 2 months later to move in for good, we were keeping in touch through texts and facebook everyday while we were away for 2 months. He was the most lovey-dovey guy ever and told me he was waiting for me which was cute. Then I moved here and in his head, waiting for marriage wasn't even applying. But I wouldnt care cause (despite my beliefs) I really felt like it was natural with him. Ive never had strong feelings for anyone else before (not even my ex boyfriend). So I lost my virginity to him. Since then, he acts weird, and weve seen each other only 4 times and had sex 3 out of 4 times (several times a date). And everytime it would feel good until that one last time (last night). I will skip the details but we both decided to have it rough, so we did and it felt great. But this morning I woke up, my whole body was sore. I swear, every part of it. To this time I still feel dizzy and weird.So he told me we would stop doing that. But today I just realized that it wasn't the right thing and that I should stop having sex asap. I saw my pain as a punition from God (seriously). And I don't wanna do it anymore.
SO, as i still like this guy, I always have bad feelings about him since I moved here. He did nothing wrong but it's just intuition. And this morning, when I refused to have sex again cause I was feeling sick, he was like "don't make me rape you!!" I know it probably was a joke but I felt bad about it :(
And I feel like somethings wrong with this guy and I think he fakes his interest. While we were apart he would always tell me that he liked me everyday and things like "i wanna use the L word but im not gonna yet". And now I'm here, when I ask him if he likes me, instead of saying "yea" he's like "what makes you say that?" and he doesnt tell me "i like you" out of the blue anymore.
Most of the time hes soo caring and sweet, but he also acts strange like this. So I think he fakes, and uses me for sex and pretends he's interested just so I don't see through his game.
He told me he never really had a girlfriend and had sex only once, so it makes me feel more like hes interested in having a girl who likes him and to have sex with instead of ME.
I've tried to push those feelings away everytime cause I still like him alot. But I feel so bad about him??
Please I don't want answers like "break up", I want more encouraging answers to make me think through if I should leave him or not. Thank you!

PS: everytime we have sex, he doesnt text me for hours afterwards. I told him I would feel used when it happens and he said that it was because he didn't wanna be clingy and that he would stop, but again he did it and left me without a goodnight. help?
Young sister, my heart goes out to you. 1st of all ALWAYS remember that Jesus loves "YOU!!!" He doesnt make mistakes and you are very valuable to Him and to all of the body of CHRIST. To me it sounds like your instincts are in tact, they are just a little out of focus (love/heavy like) can be blinding. We often are controlled by our emotions, and carried away with the excitement of passion and danger. This is a normal process of becoming a woman. For a woman, our reputation is our Glory, our shining light. "I AM...smart, funny, beautiful, confident, and WORTHY of Love and Respect." And you "YOU ARE" already all of these things and more! little sister. I am not just saying that to be uplifting.. Its the Word of GOD>>>>For HE so LOVED the world (you) that He gave His Only Begotten Son. You already know what to do, and what you are going to do/choose. I just hope that whatever that choice is...that you will find your true respect (who you are in CHRIST) and then the Complete Happy part will be automatic. >>>>Father i lift up Your servant, my young sister to You Father, grant her the gift of revelation that Your Words form Isaiah 41:10 may be made maifest in her HEART Father God, in Jesus Precious Name I pray this now. 41:10 Fear Not for I AM with 'You' be Not dismayed, for I AM 'your' God. I will Strengthen 'You' yes, I will Help 'You' I WILL Uphold 'YOU' with "MY" Righteous "RIGHT HAND." Gods speed little sister....
[email protected]
 
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jesusnme

Guest
#18
=( i would suggest getting out of that relationship...

i know its hard when you have feelings for someone but you will feel better afterwards. And i know any christian boyfriends in the future will appreciate if you save yourself now for him.
 

JimJimmers

Senior Member
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
48
#19
I disagree with the whole sex bonds thing someone mentioned...but otherwise yeah i think the rest of the advice is pretty solid.
Actually, it's true. Maybe not for 100% of the population, but it's sound science involving brain chemistry.
 
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DIYhappiness

Guest
#20
Okay so I asked him, let's say I dont wanna have sex anymore for some reason, would you like me enough to stay with me anyways? And he was like yea, If we can hang out and enjoy eachothers company. Does that mean he's worth it?? Or is he just gonna cheat to have sex? I don't know, he asked me out just after and I don't know if I sould accept thats why I'm asking!!