Too young, but too old

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Feb 5, 2019
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#1
So hello world I am Andrew. I haven't been on here in two years so I don't really know what to expect on here other than I find this is a good constructive use of my time.

To the point of the thread, do you ever, as a young adult, feel that you are too young but at the same time too old. I do really know the age range on here per say, but me being a 20 year old boy I just feel in an awkward stage of life. I'm too old to relate to the younger generation of "kids" as I don't really post and snap and am not interested in putting 12 hours of screen time into a phone. And on the other side of that coin I am so young that I can't relate to anyone because they're older.

Me personally I would say I grew up mostly outside and on a Ps2 so honestly not a lot to me, but for older people their like "back in my day I WAS the TV antenna" or "so young". While some of the today's "kids" are like what's a box TV? It's a stage of life that I find quite intriguing. Not able to truly connect with others. And to make things somewhat even more unrelatable, people are okay with drugs, smoking, random love... uhh bad things. So it's even more difficult to relate to people today because a lot of younger people aren't Christian and I just feel alone with that too, even though I know I'm not and I have church and friends, but still. On top of that it's like I have to live up to these expectations that I'm a Christian and I should certainly do my best to be like one. Most of my friends are older so I feel like I'm actually like 27 so that probably doesn't help.

But yeah some observations I've noticed:unsure:
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,851
2,328
113
#4
So hello world I am Andrew. I haven't been on here in two years so I don't really know what to expect on here other than I find this is a good constructive use of my time.

To the point of the thread, do you ever, as a young adult, feel that you are too young but at the same time too old. I do really know the age range on here per say, but me being a 20 year old boy I just feel in an awkward stage of life. I'm too old to relate to the younger generation of "kids" as I don't really post and snap and am not interested in putting 12 hours of screen time into a phone. And on the other side of that coin I am so young that I can't relate to anyone because they're older.

Me personally I would say I grew up mostly outside and on a Ps2 so honestly not a lot to me, but for older people their like "back in my day I WAS the TV antenna" or "so young". While some of the today's "kids" are like what's a box TV? It's a stage of life that I find quite intriguing. Not able to truly connect with others. And to make things somewhat even more unrelatable, people are okay with drugs, smoking, random love... uhh bad things. So it's even more difficult to relate to people today because a lot of younger people aren't Christian and I just feel alone with that too, even though I know I'm not and I have church and friends, but still. On top of that it's like I have to live up to these expectations that I'm a Christian and I should certainly do my best to be like one. Most of my friends are older so I feel like I'm actually like 27 so that probably doesn't help.

But yeah some observations I've noticed:unsure:
I'm definitely not 20. 46. But various things seem to affect the kinds of things you're feeling. As a teen I had teen friends, but I also had many adult friends, through church. For me slipping between hanging out with other 24 year olds or hanging out with 30 year olds was easy.
But by 20/21-ish I would say I had less options. The people you knew as teens go off to school or change priorities. The adults may have moved on in their own adult lives.
And I too struggled with feeling like I was living as a Christian for others, not for myself. Well, actually that was exactly what I was doing by the point. Claiming the title, and trying to act the part in public, but my heart wasn't in it.
Seems to me if you're in a place where making friends is trouble, but you're also struggling with having to look the part of a Christian. Now might be the time to focus on the spiritual, while you're more isolated. So that when you get back to having friends you can have worked through the play acting part of your faith and let what is shown be genuine and not a copy of what others tell you it should be.
Define yourself and your identity first, then you'll be a better friend (and Christian) when the friends come along.
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
6,980
3,448
113
#5
So hello world I am Andrew. I haven't been on here in two years so I don't really know what to expect on here other than I find this is a good constructive use of my time.

To the point of the thread, do you ever, as a young adult, feel that you are too young but at the same time too old. I do really know the age range on here per say, but me being a 20 year old boy I just feel in an awkward stage of life. I'm too old to relate to the younger generation of "kids" as I don't really post and snap and am not interested in putting 12 hours of screen time into a phone. And on the other side of that coin I am so young that I can't relate to anyone because they're older.

Me personally I would say I grew up mostly outside and on a Ps2 so honestly not a lot to me, but for older people their like "back in my day I WAS the TV antenna" or "so young". While some of the today's "kids" are like what's a box TV? It's a stage of life that I find quite intriguing. Not able to truly connect with others. And to make things somewhat even more unrelatable, people are okay with drugs, smoking, random love... uhh bad things. So it's even more difficult to relate to people today because a lot of younger people aren't Christian and I just feel alone with that too, even though I know I'm not and I have church and friends, but still. On top of that it's like I have to live up to these expectations that I'm a Christian and I should certainly do my best to be like one. Most of my friends are older so I feel like I'm actually like 27 so that probably doesn't help.

But yeah some observations I've noticed:unsure:
It will level out as you near 30. I just went through my twenties and felt the same way. But myself being an old soul, I often had a hard time relating to kids my age. Around older people I mostly listened as to I didn't have as much life experience to chat about what I have been through. So I would listen and ask lots of questions.

Now at the age of 30 I now can relate to all ages above me in many different areas now that twenties was filled with all the typical adult mistakes and learning curves like finances, buying a house, car, getting married, having kids, understanding the political climate, etc.

But if I live long enough, I will then understand the reality of older age and the struggles or blessings that come from a aging body, mind, and soul.
 
Feb 5, 2019
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#6
I don't feel neither too young nor too old.
I suppose the simple wisdom of your response is simple enough you are just right in the way you've lived thus you feel neither old or young maybe I too can get there someday.
 
Feb 5, 2019
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#7
I'm definitely not 20. 46. But various things seem to affect the kinds of things you're feeling. As a teen I had teen friends, but I also had many adult friends, through church. For me slipping between hanging out with other 24 year olds or hanging out with 30 year olds was easy.
But by 20/21-ish I would say I had less options. The people you knew as teens go off to school or change priorities. The adults may have moved on in their own adult lives.
And I too struggled with feeling like I was living as a Christian for others, not for myself. Well, actually that was exactly what I was doing by the point. Claiming the title, and trying to act the part in public, but my heart wasn't in it.
Seems to me if you're in a place where making friends is trouble, but you're also struggling with having to look the part of a Christian. Now might be the time to focus on the spiritual, while you're more isolated. So that when you get back to having friends you can have worked through the play acting part of your faith and let what is shown be genuine and not a copy of what others tell you it should be.
Define yourself and your identity first, then you'll be a better friend (and Christian) when the friends come along.
I like that last part "define yourself" and I do relate and agree with what you say. I have always struggled with "my identity" because so much of my life has been "do this, do that, follow directions" and I am truly great at doing that, people have even given me the nickname "the machine" :LOL:, but it's hard to find yourself, which is also why I'm here, just being a sponge haha.
I have also been doing my best to read the entire Bible actually as of this year, front to back, like a story with wisdom only these events are real. I am joyful to know God, but I wish I could understand it all, but I suppose that is the part where sometimes reading helps and overthinking is wrong, and things are things because they are things, and that no one could ever understand God.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
36,662
13,827
113
66
Tennessee
#8
I suppose the simple wisdom of your response is simple enough you are just right in the way you've lived thus you feel neither old or young maybe I too can get there someday.
You will, just keep on fighting the good fight and keep your eyes on the prize.
 
Feb 5, 2019
26
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#9
It will level out as you near 30. I just went through my twenties and felt the same way. But myself being an old soul, I often had a hard time relating to kids my age. Around older people I mostly listened as to I didn't have as much life experience to chat about what I have been through. So I would listen and ask lots of questions.

Now at the age of 30 I now can relate to all ages above me in many different areas now that twenties was filled with all the typical adult mistakes and learning curves like finances, buying a house, car, getting married, having kids, understanding the political climate, etc.

But if I live long enough, I will then understand the reality of older age and the struggles or blessings that come from a aging body, mind, and soul.
Exactly that old soul feeling, I suppose it just comes with time and age.

Edit: also I read your testimony and that is amazing that you came out of that healing and better! God is good.
 

Poinsetta

Well-known member
Nov 24, 2018
8,044
5,086
113
#11
I'm definitely not 20. 46. But various things seem to affect the kinds of things you're feeling. As a teen I had teen friends, but I also had many adult friends, through church. For me slipping between hanging out with other 24 year olds or hanging out with 30 year olds was easy.
But by 20/21-ish I would say I had less options. The people you knew as teens go off to school or change priorities. The adults may have moved on in their own adult lives.
And I too struggled with feeling like I was living as a Christian for others, not for myself. Well, actually that was exactly what I was doing by the point. Claiming the title, and trying to act the part in public, but my heart wasn't in it.
Seems to me if you're in a place where making friends is trouble, but you're also struggling with having to look the part of a Christian. Now might be the time to focus on the spiritual, while you're more isolated. So that when you get back to having friends you can have worked through the play acting part of your faith and let what is shown be genuine and not a copy of what others tell you it should be.
Define yourself and your identity first, then you'll be a better friend (and Christian) when the friends come along.
Me too! In my teens i had many adult friends from church and i saw them as my only true real permanent friends for life and the after life. After my teens in my twenties i had to move on to diff churches because everyone was just leaving and so i had to look for God on my own and get to know him more intimately but i was alone and had no other people's opinions just some very little bible studies but i learned that people come and go so just stick with what you have. [and tell no one] jk it's something the grinch would say. #my holiday self talking now :)
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,851
2,328
113
#12
I like that last part "define yourself" and I do relate and agree with what you say. I have always struggled with "my identity" because so much of my life has been "do this, do that, follow directions" and I am truly great at doing that, people have even given me the nickname "the machine" :LOL:, but it's hard to find yourself, which is also why I'm here, just being a sponge haha.
I have also been doing my best to read the entire Bible actually as of this year, front to back, like a story with wisdom only these events are real. I am joyful to know God, but I wish I could understand it all, but I suppose that is the part where sometimes reading helps and overthinking is wrong, and things are things because they are things, and that no one could ever understand God.
Yes, unfortunately Christians have turned Christianity into a bit of a hive mind. Individuality is almost seen as a sin itself. That's not true. Keep that in mind.
And obedience from a Christian perspective is "do this to prove yourself", whereas obedience to God is "what I do, I do happily, not out of obligation".

I grew up in the Christian culture and also suffered identity crisis. People say to find your identity in God, but then slap a bunch of demands on you that are not of God, but tell you it is. So you end up spinning in circles.

The bible talks about the body having different parts for different uses. The culture tries to turn everybody into the same part.
If God didn't make you to be a mouth, stop trying to be a mouth. Find where you were created to be, not where you're told you should be.

Of course the irony is me telling you to do that. 😂
If it's not what you want to do, don't do it. What works for one doesn't work for all. But maybe it's a good place to start.
 
Feb 5, 2019
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#13
Yes, unfortunately Christians have turned Christianity into a bit of a hive mind. Individuality is almost seen as a sin itself. That's not true. Keep that in mind.
And obedience from a Christian perspective is "do this to prove yourself", whereas obedience to God is "what I do, I do happily, not out of obligation".

I grew up in the Christian culture and also suffered identity crisis. People say to find your identity in God, but then slap a bunch of demands on you that are not of God, but tell you it is. So you end up spinning in circles.

The bible talks about the body having different parts for different uses. The culture tries to turn everybody into the same part.
If God didn't make you to be a mouth, stop trying to be a mouth. Find where you were created to be, not where you're told you should be.

Of course the irony is me telling you to do that. 😂
If it's not what you want to do, don't do it. What works for one doesn't work for all. But maybe it's a good place to start.
I agree with that and I too think that's where I disagree with that part of Christianity for today. I suppose everyone just needs to figure it out on their own, to an extent. At least for me I enjoy doing things on my own and solving them out, it's the challenge of finding that solution and overcoming it. When people come into help I don't really enjoy it, but I'm not mean about it either I just listen and carry on, but it doesn't mean I don't like advice either. Actually one of my closer older friends does nothing BUT talking, like all the time, and it's just sort of exhausting to me to listen and not have an input.

Perhaps that fault is also mine for not speaking up to him about that, but I feel our friendship has been drifting apart due to this unbalance of him (And his family I'm almost family to them), talking so much.

But yeah me, myself and I think that today much of the Christian Church in general doesn't value individualism as much, AS MUCH. Not that it doesn't, I think there is a balance between the body of Christ(church friends and relationships and the church), and what you yourself can do as a Christian. It goes back to that "no one can help be saved except yourself(and Jesus)". AND No one will know if you are saved or not being only Jesus truly knows which is individualism also. It's just the nature of it I would think:unsure:
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
6,980
3,448
113
#14
Exactly that old soul feeling, I suppose it just comes with time and age.

Edit: also I read your testimony and that is amazing that you came out of that healing and better! God is good.
It has definitely been a journey
 

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
May 13, 2021
870
489
63
#15
I think that i messed up so much in my teens that I jumped into a 30s mind from 21. 20s are over rated
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,357
170
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#16
I think a lot of people our age feel where you're coming from. I think the key is to decide to belong and enjoy the time wherever you are, otherwise you may end up feeling that no matter what your age. People are just people. The only thing that really matters is that they ARE Christians. Sure, the different age groups have different things that they like/are into, but we can still relate if we really want to.
 
Oct 1, 2021
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#17
Hey Andrew,

I relate very much to what you are saying. I don’t know where you’re from. I live in America. General consensus seems to be that if you’re too young to remember 9/11/01 they label you Gen Z. I fall into that category and I do not relate to Gen Z. I grew up playing sports in the neighborhood and running around the woods with a bunch of boys. My video game experience was N64, gamecube, ds. I didn’t have a cell phone until highschool, and then I didn’t have a smart phone until college. On the other hand, I don’t think I could be labeled a millennial for cultural differences and worldview, but I relate more to millennials than gen z. Obviously I’m overgeneralizing because that is what generation labels do. I think there is an age range overlapping gen y and gen z where we don’t relate to either perfectly but we understand each partially.

I didn’t have many close friends my age when I was growing up, it seemed that many were trying to behave like their older siblings (millennials) and I didn’t feel comfortable cursing, smoking, doing drugs. My classmates called me an old man, not intending to put me down, it seemed they were trying to rationalize why I didn’t behave like them by placing me in a mental compartment. We got along fine and hung out all the time, but there was that distance that never went away.

Although, I do think I partially relate to gen x. I would have no complaints about a day spent grilling with the neighbors, playing spades and horsehoes, and listening to 50s-70s rock. In fact, I look forward to days like those in the future when I am independent and can afford to. I’ve been looking around my area for square/contra dances to get involved in because I have a bit of a free spirit and an old soul. Every summer I attend free summer concerts sponsored by local government and businesses, and all the old folks know me because for years now I have been improving my dance skills and publicly humiliating myself for all of our enjoyment.

My best friend until I was 15 was my cousin 9 years older than me. He passed when he was 24. My best friend then through high school was another guy in my grade who somehow also liked Arlo Guthrie, dancing/public humiliation, shooting hoops and biking around the area, and playing yugioh and the video games I like. Since turning 18, I have spent more time with the men in my church through small groups and bible studies, so although I still talk mostly to my highschool friends in discord, I do have connections with Christian men in their 30s-80s. Of course I am the young one in those circles but it works.

I spent July 2019 in Missouri for a job I had. I was sharing an airbnb with 7 other strangers. I was one of the youngest, but we were all ages 19-23 except for one dude who was a lot older. I connected with him most, and he also told me I acted like I was much older. I think it’s because of my worldview and all the time I spent with people older than me.

Anyway, the upshot if all this is: I understand where you’re coming from and how it feels. The loneliness is something I’m still dealing with and trying to work through. And, if you want a friend, I’d be happy to connect on Discord or something.