Your thoughts on friendships with non-Christians?

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Oct 2, 2019
9
24
3
#1
I wasn't sure if I should post this on the Young Adults Forum or not. I might be a little too old here (turned 26 last July), and I assume this board is targeted more at the 18-21 crowd. Though, at the same time, a lot of my online interactions have been with young adults/early-mid 20's, so I feel I would relate a little more easily here, maybe.

Anyway, I'm just interested in what your thoughts are on friendships with non-Christians? I know, on one hand, we are called to witness to unbelievers. Though at the same time, there are some verses warning not to be bound with unbelievers, as there is no fellowship with light and darkness.


It's a difficult topic for me personally. I think most of my closest friendships are with unbelievers. Just to give some background information: I have a lot of mental illness/disability related issues and have had a lot of difficulty adjusting out in the 'real world'. (Though, since last summer, I've started taking medications that are starting to help.) So, over the past many years, I've found myself turning to the internet for social interaction, for better or worse.

For the most part, I used to avoid having close relationships even online. For one reason that I just seem to have difficulty connecting to or relating with most people. And also because I just didn't trust people on the internet to be 'real'.

Though in the last several years, I started to change on that, I think just driven through my realization of my loneliness. Since I still have difficulty in the 'real world', I began to find friendships online. Just a few people. I try to be very cautious, and I'm already naturally introverted anyway.

Only one of them is a Christian believer. I know the Lord brought our friendship together, and we have a strong bond in our shared faith. She is a generation or so my elder.


I've tried to visit more Christian communities online over the past couple of years. There are many nice communities, but I guess for me personally, I have trouble fitting in. I think a part of that is also the generational thing. On most places I visit, it seems like most of the believers are a couple of generations ahead of me. So I always feel out of place, I find it hard to find people closer to my own time to identify with.

So what's happened is, for better or worse, I've found that most of my close friendships of recent years has been on the more 'secular' game sites I've visited over the past decade or so. Unfortunately I have a hard time finding Christians on those sites. But there are a few people I've felt very connected to. The problem is they aren't believers, which makes me feel uneasy. My mindset is that your closest friends should probably share your spiritual commitment to Christ.

There is also a part of me that thinks that God also brought those people into my life to witness to them. For the three people I'm mainly thinking of, I've found opportunity over the past couple of years to share my faith with them. They didn't seem hostile to what I shared. They were glad I shared it with them. For the third person, I haven't quite found a good conversation opportunity to bring it up yet.

I've also shared a lot about my mental health/real life-related difficulties with them and struggling through them, which is the main way I've connected with those three people.

I've prayed extensively for the salvation of all three of them. And I believe God has given me a few signs, especially over the last month or so, to keep praying and to expect good results to come of this.

At the same time, I'm also concerned I might be compromised by more selfish desires. I think there is a part of me that just wants to be friends with them just for the sake of having friends to be companions with.

I only still hear from one of the three unbelievers regularly, every week or so we'll write back and forth. I had only gotten to know her this year.

The other two, I haven't heard from in a long time, and those were the two I had prayed the hardest for in the last few years.

One told me she wanted a close friendship, and I saw a lot of signs that God wanted me to witness to her, though she sort of disappeared this year. I think she's still active online, but she seems to avoid writing to me. I wondered if I put too much pressure on her to grow a friendship which is difficult for her own introversion, or if maybe it's more of a spiritual warfare thing getting in the way.

Another one of these friends hasn't spoken to me for years. We had a few heated arguments about how well our friendship was functioning. I tried to apologize for my part in the arguments, but I think I estranged her too much with harsh things I said at the time. And any time I tried to reach out to her again, she had an extreme dislike of me, she seemed like a different person. The Holy Spirit warned me to my mind one day to keep a safe distance from her because she was surrounded in darkness. I've been praying for reconciliation of this friendship for the past few years.



Anyway, that's basically all I wanted to share in this topic. I'm not sure if I'm making a big mistake when I let myself get too attached to these few unbelievers I've been friends with, and I wonder if I'm endangering myself to spiritual attack too much. At the same time, however, I also believe God has been working in these people. And also, I have a hard time finding more Christians to identify with, I've been praying about that for a while.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
31,836
9,842
113
65
Florida
#2
I see nothing wrong with having friendship with non-believers just as long as they are not sick and twisted. Jesus had fellowship with many non-believers so this may be an example worth emulating. The bible mentions that if your spouse is an unbeliever that you should not seek to leave the marriage as long as the spouse is willing to stay with you, and that it might be possible for the non-believer to eventually become a believer by the example you set and your treatment of the unbelieving spouse. If this is not a classic example of friendship and fellowship with a non-believer then I don't know what is. Pretty hard for a non-believer to form a Christian friendship if they get shunned by that Christian.
 

Locoponydirtman

Well-known member
Oct 9, 2018
2,831
1,702
113
Texas
#3
Live out Christ before them, and witness Christ to them. Don't enable sinful lifestyle.

That's about all there is to it. We do live in this world, and we are called to the work of Christ in this world.
 

3angelsmsg

Junior Member
Mar 1, 2018
344
412
63
#4
Many times, we deceive ourselves. That we have the best of intentions for unbelievers yet, it is because of our selfish desires. Jeremiah states that our heart is deceitful above all and desperately wicked. And I have also have become friends with unbelievers and you will make big mistake if you think they will change. I would encourage you to interact with believers as far as possible and spend lots of time getting to know our Lord.
KJV John 17
3 And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.

May God be a comfort to you.
 

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
6,182
1,277
113
29
Arizona
#5
I’m not really sure, I think that it’s really hard to have a deep friendship for both people if the faith pages aren’t the same. It tends to very quickly show the difference in values once you actually become like a very good friend.

If you happen to have people that you go to work with or school with and are friendly with them, I think that’s one thing. But it’s hard to be a really long standing friend if you’re not on the same page like I said.
 
E

EliBeth

Guest
#6
A youth leader I once had told an analogy that stuck in my head. It was this: A Christian is standing on a chair. An unbeliever is standing on the ground. It is rather easy for the unbeliever to drag the Christian down. Conversely, it is much more difficult for the Christian to pull the unbeliever up.
Now, with God all things are possible. But, too, I think we must be cautious as to who we become close to. Sometimes we try and hold onto the world and Jesus at the same time. We must remember that He is a jealous God.
God has asked me to give up people before. May sound strange, but they were idols. One of the greatest things you can do for your relationship with God is to give up what is causing you to be distracted from Him.
 
E

EliBeth

Guest
#7
At the same time, I think it is good that you were bold and intentional about starting spiritual conversations. And of course praying for others is wonderful. Having the recognition of an opportunity to share the Gospel and actually doing it is huge. I just think we have to be careful who we let be our close friends. My Dad told me over and over again growing up, "Be a friend to those who need a friend."

Do you attend church? No judgement. Hebrews 10:25 urges us to not forsake meeting together. For we are called to encourage one another. This may seem intimidating, but God can give you confidence and the ability to interact with others. The church is His body and family! I would encourage you to pray that He would give you solid Christian friends, some or all of whom you meet face to face. 😊 Also, I used to be SO shy and introverted. God has done a work in me.
Just some thoughts.
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
1,252
865
113
#8
Well there was a picture/text post on FB (whatever you would call those things) that essentially said The Lord moves people out of your life they don't leave.


I've had strong relationships with other people consistently sowing but eventually realized we were growing in different directions to put it mildly.


I have less and less inclination to blindly sow into people's lives if they don't want what I have anymore. It seems to take something out of me. I'm not quite at the point of spreading the gospel in the same fashion that the twelve were sent out to do, but I have wrestled with the "shake the dust off your sandals" scripture and I see this being effected in some fashion.

I'm glad for the change, somewhat sad but not too much.



I have a melancholy picture of all my past "spiritual discussions". Did they lead anyone to Christ? Not that I know of. Certainly opened the door to belief in God but that isn't what saves. Maybe they had an effect, and there were times where I felt like the Lord was in it. Potentially softened hard soil a bit and I could tell if I looked but it seems I have may have run the course on that venture generally speaking.

I had one experience where I was laying a foundation and sort of using light strokes to talk about the Father and we were connecting and going deep until I mentioned Jesus in passing to start with and he closed down and became vicious. I was taken quite aback. Showed me something though.


I realize all this is probably not too encouraging but if people are hungry and you having living water you will find some that will receive you.

Conversations with other believers I have certainly seen great utility in however.
 
Oct 18, 2019
37
38
18
#9
In my experience and observations friendships with no-believers tends to be more trouble than it's worth. Non-believers - especially with theists - means the coming together of, at least, two minds with entirely incompatible world views and moral codes. In fact, the atheist, knowingly or unknowingly, abandoning morality entirely. Therefore, the burden is placed on the Christian to make concessions to maintain those associations. How can you guard your senses like Yeshua instructed if your in-group does not? How can you ensure no corruption escapes your lips when conversation necessitates that it does? This is the danger of being around non-believers, you will to some extent conform to their standards. Fellowship is important for maintaining biblical standards. I know this isn't easy, and I've had to abandon all of my friendships. Still awaiting genuine Christian fellowship after all that time. On occasion, there may be a non-believer who is more compatible with your faith. In today's world that remains a rather rare thing, as all people groups are taking a side one way or the other, with no middle-ground. It's important to remain vigilant, now more than ever.
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
1,252
865
113
#10
In my experience and observations friendships with no-believers tends to be more trouble than it's worth. Non-believers - especially with theists - means the coming together of, at least, two minds with entirely incompatible world views and moral codes. In fact, the atheist, knowingly or unknowingly, abandoning morality entirely. Therefore, the burden is placed on the Christian to make concessions to maintain those associations. How can you guard your senses like Yeshua instructed if your in-group does not? How can you ensure no corruption escapes your lips when conversation necessitates that it does? This is the danger of being around non-believers, you will to some extent conform to their standards. Fellowship is important for maintaining biblical standards. I know this isn't easy, and I've had to abandon all of my friendships. Still awaiting genuine Christian fellowship after all that time. On occasion, there may be a non-believer who is more compatible with your faith. In today's world that remains a rather rare thing, as all people groups are taking a side one way or the other, with no middle-ground. It's important to remain vigilant, now more than ever.
Nicely put.


Am curious what you think of "middle men" as I call them. Seemingly stuck on the fence.
 
Oct 5, 2019
44
26
18
#11
I wasn't sure if I should post this on the Young Adults Forum or not. I might be a little too old here (turned 26 last July), and I assume this board is targeted more at the 18-21 crowd. Though, at the same time, a lot of my online interactions have been with young adults/early-mid 20's, so I feel I would relate a little more easily here, maybe.

Anyway, I'm just interested in what your thoughts are on friendships with non-Christians? I know, on one hand, we are called to witness to unbelievers. Though at the same time, there are some verses warning not to be bound with unbelievers, as there is no fellowship with light and darkness.


It's a difficult topic for me personally. I think most of my closest friendships are with unbelievers. Just to give some background information: I have a lot of mental illness/disability related issues and have had a lot of difficulty adjusting out in the 'real world'. (Though, since last summer, I've started taking medications that are starting to help.) So, over the past many years, I've found myself turning to the internet for social interaction, for better or worse.

For the most part, I used to avoid having close relationships even online. For one reason that I just seem to have difficulty connecting to or relating with most people. And also because I just didn't trust people on the internet to be 'real'.

Though in the last several years, I started to change on that, I think just driven through my realization of my loneliness. Since I still have difficulty in the 'real world', I began to find friendships online. Just a few people. I try to be very cautious, and I'm already naturally introverted anyway.

Only one of them is a Christian believer. I know the Lord brought our friendship together, and we have a strong bond in our shared faith. She is a generation or so my elder.


I've tried to visit more Christian communities online over the past couple of years. There are many nice communities, but I guess for me personally, I have trouble fitting in. I think a part of that is also the generational thing. On most places I visit, it seems like most of the believers are a couple of generations ahead of me. So I always feel out of place, I find it hard to find people closer to my own time to identify with.

So what's happened is, for better or worse, I've found that most of my close friendships of recent years has been on the more 'secular' game sites I've visited over the past decade or so. Unfortunately I have a hard time finding Christians on those sites. But there are a few people I've felt very connected to. The problem is they aren't believers, which makes me feel uneasy. My mindset is that your closest friends should probably share your spiritual commitment to Christ.

There is also a part of me that thinks that God also brought those people into my life to witness to them. For the three people I'm mainly thinking of, I've found opportunity over the past couple of years to share my faith with them. They didn't seem hostile to what I shared. They were glad I shared it with them. For the third person, I haven't quite found a good conversation opportunity to bring it up yet.

I've also shared a lot about my mental health/real life-related difficulties with them and struggling through them, which is the main way I've connected with those three people.

I've prayed extensively for the salvation of all three of them. And I believe God has given me a few signs, especially over the last month or so, to keep praying and to expect good results to come of this.

At the same time, I'm also concerned I might be compromised by more selfish desires. I think there is a part of me that just wants to be friends with them just for the sake of having friends to be companions with.

I only still hear from one of the three unbelievers regularly, every week or so we'll write back and forth. I had only gotten to know her this year.

The other two, I haven't heard from in a long time, and those were the two I had prayed the hardest for in the last few years.

One told me she wanted a close friendship, and I saw a lot of signs that God wanted me to witness to her, though she sort of disappeared this year. I think she's still active online, but she seems to avoid writing to me. I wondered if I put too much pressure on her to grow a friendship which is difficult for her own introversion, or if maybe it's more of a spiritual warfare thing getting in the way.

Another one of these friends hasn't spoken to me for years. We had a few heated arguments about how well our friendship was functioning. I tried to apologize for my part in the arguments, but I think I estranged her too much with harsh things I said at the time. And any time I tried to reach out to her again, she had an extreme dislike of me, she seemed like a different person. The Holy Spirit warned me to my mind one day to keep a safe distance from her because she was surrounded in darkness. I've been praying for reconciliation of this friendship for the past few years.



Anyway, that's basically all I wanted to share in this topic. I'm not sure if I'm making a big mistake when I let myself get too attached to these few unbelievers I've been friends with, and I wonder if I'm endangering myself to spiritual attack too much. At the same time, however, I also believe God has been working in these people. And also, I have a hard time finding more Christians to identify with, I've been praying about that for a while.
Hello, I am also looking for Christian friends to share my faith you can PM me if you like
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,256
113
#12
some of my non Christian friends are more civic minded honest reliable people than me.
I often find that in life. God throws us curve balls to spoil our nice neat sterotypical prejudices.
People are surprised to discover I 'm Christian.
 
Oct 2, 2019
9
24
3
#13
Hello, I am also looking for Christian friends to share my faith you can PM me if you like
Thank you! I apologize for replying so late, I have been distracted away.

I tried to send you a PM, though it seems this site requires a $24 or $100 subscription for that to work.
 
I

IFOLLOWHIM

Guest
#14
I wasn't sure if I should post this on the Young Adults Forum or not. I might be a little too old here (turned 26 last July), and I assume this board is targeted more at the 18-21 crowd. Though, at the same time, a lot of my online interactions have been with young adults/early-mid 20's, so I feel I would relate a little more easily here, maybe.

Anyway, I'm just interested in what your thoughts are on friendships with non-Christians? I know, on one hand, we are called to witness to unbelievers. Though at the same time, there are some verses warning not to be bound with unbelievers, as there is no fellowship with light and darkness.


It's a difficult topic for me personally. I think most of my closest friendships are with unbelievers. Just to give some background information: I have a lot of mental illness/disability related issues and have had a lot of difficulty adjusting out in the 'real world'. (Though, since last summer, I've started taking medications that are starting to help.) So, over the past many years, I've found myself turning to the internet for social interaction, for better or worse.

For the most part, I used to avoid having close relationships even online. For one reason that I just seem to have difficulty connecting to or relating with most people. And also because I just didn't trust people on the internet to be 'real'.

Though in the last several years, I started to change on that, I think just driven through my realization of my loneliness. Since I still have difficulty in the 'real world', I began to find friendships online. Just a few people. I try to be very cautious, and I'm already naturally introverted anyway.

Only one of them is a Christian believer. I know the Lord brought our friendship together, and we have a strong bond in our shared faith. She is a generation or so my elder.


I've tried to visit more Christian communities online over the past couple of years. There are many nice communities, but I guess for me personally, I have trouble fitting in. I think a part of that is also the generational thing. On most places I visit, it seems like most of the believers are a couple of generations ahead of me. So I always feel out of place, I find it hard to find people closer to my own time to identify with.

So what's happened is, for better or worse, I've found that most of my close friendships of recent years has been on the more 'secular' game sites I've visited over the past decade or so. Unfortunately I have a hard time finding Christians on those sites. But there are a few people I've felt very connected to. The problem is they aren't believers, which makes me feel uneasy. My mindset is that your closest friends should probably share your spiritual commitment to Christ.

There is also a part of me that thinks that God also brought those people into my life to witness to them. For the three people I'm mainly thinking of, I've found opportunity over the past couple of years to share my faith with them. They didn't seem hostile to what I shared. They were glad I shared it with them. For the third person, I haven't quite found a good conversation opportunity to bring it up yet.

I've also shared a lot about my mental health/real life-related difficulties with them and struggling through them, which is the main way I've connected with those three people.

I've prayed extensively for the salvation of all three of them. And I believe God has given me a few signs, especially over the last month or so, to keep praying and to expect good results to come of this.

At the same time, I'm also concerned I might be compromised by more selfish desires. I think there is a part of me that just wants to be friends with them just for the sake of having friends to be companions with.

I only still hear from one of the three unbelievers regularly, every week or so we'll write back and forth. I had only gotten to know her this year.

The other two, I haven't heard from in a long time, and those were the two I had prayed the hardest for in the last few years.

One told me she wanted a close friendship, and I saw a lot of signs that God wanted me to witness to her, though she sort of disappeared this year. I think she's still active online, but she seems to avoid writing to me. I wondered if I put too much pressure on her to grow a friendship which is difficult for her own introversion, or if maybe it's more of a spiritual warfare thing getting in the way.

Another one of these friends hasn't spoken to me for years. We had a few heated arguments about how well our friendship was functioning. I tried to apologize for my part in the arguments, but I think I estranged her too much with harsh things I said at the time. And any time I tried to reach out to her again, she had an extreme dislike of me, she seemed like a different person. The Holy Spirit warned me to my mind one day to keep a safe distance from her because she was surrounded in darkness. I've been praying for reconciliation of this friendship for the past few years.



Anyway, that's basically all I wanted to share in this topic. I'm not sure if I'm making a big mistake when I let myself get too attached to these few unbelievers I've been friends with, and I wonder if I'm endangering myself to spiritual attack too much. At the same time, however, I also believe God has been working in these people. And also, I have a hard time finding more Christians to identify with, I've been praying about that for a while.



You have expressed yourself so well here! We must love all mankind,it is our commandment as followers of Jesus! He knows how to protect us if we trust Him. That said the world is at enmity with righteousness but we must show ourself friendly to have friends. As long as you are getting respect for your belief,and are being heard when God opens the door....just trust Him!
 
E

EliBeth

Guest
#16
Thank you! I apologize for replying so late, I have been distracted away.

I tried to send you a PM, though it seems this site requires a $24 or $100 subscription for that to work.
Please excuse my diversion from the original topic theme, but how did you find this out? I'm not contending you, just wondering where you accessed that bit of information. 🙂
 
Oct 2, 2019
9
24
3
#17
Please excuse my diversion from the original topic theme, but how did you find this out? I'm not contending you, just wondering where you accessed that bit of information. 🙂
I had clicked "Start conversation" with GODsHumblePrincess and it took me to a page stating I needed to subscribe.
 
T

tasha66

Guest
#18
I think when you choose non christians as mates, you have to be very, very careful. I put another post on here not long ago, about getting too close to one particular man - who I was ONLY friends with - and he took one too many liberties after a while. If you have mates that are non christians, you have to be very careful not to be led into their sinful lifestyle. You are more than likely setting yourself up for disappointment.
I keep my distance now if non christians want to befriend me. I'm still polite but I make it clear their dope smoking, alcoholic, screwing-around type of lifestyles do not interest me in the slightest.
Tell people you are a Christian and 9 times out of 10 they will leave you alone for good!
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
6,698
1,705
113
Germany
#19
When picking friends , christian or not, you need to let God give u discernment. I fell hard when not listening to it and since I have, ive been having people from all backgrounds backing me and me backing them. Christianity and religion we tall about and tho some dont believe, we respect each other and dont take each other down.
I find that bad christian friends can be worse than bad non christian friends. Thats my opinion
 
Nov 9, 2019
53
65
18
20
San Francisco
#20
In my life, I have found my secular friends to be one of my greatest blessings. I went to a very Christian high school so when I started going to a (notoriously) secular public university, I was very scared about making friends. I was afraid that many nonbelievers would only care about partying and hooking up. I was pleasantly surprised to find that this is not the case. While many of my friends are secular, they are wonderful people. I find myself wanting to be an example of Christ's love to them. Having secular friends makes me all the more passionate about praying for those who do not believe. I have friends who are queer, pagan, Muslim, promiscuous, atheist, etc. When I pray for those people, I'm not looking down on them as non-Christians. That's not the point. I find the more I spend time with these people, the more I fall in love with them as people. I want them to be saved not just because they are not Christian, but also because they are my dear friends whom I love very much.

Of course, I think it is important that you have fellowship with believers as well. Like you said, it can be very easy to give in to secular ways when you are surrounded by secular people. Just make sure you have some Christian friends you can confide in and everything should be fine.