Porn/Sex Addiction (Warning: graphic words)

[QuestionTime]

Greetings,

I wanted to post this here for discussion sakes. I originally wrote this as an answer to a question online at Yahoo Answers, just a few days ago. The person was asking for help with his problem.

I'll post what I wrote (with a few additions) and I'll talk about it more below. I didn't use slang words so it shouldn't be offensive but if the mods want it edited I will do so. I think it's okay as it is.

This is something that I have struggled with for many years. The answer is most certainly "Not" to put blockers on your TV and internet. Why? Because you will find an outlet one way or another. If you want porn bad and can't get easy access to it you will resort to desperate measures. If it's not on TV it will be at the XXX video store. You'll drive there and buy a vid and take it home and watch it. That's not the answer.

Try harder and determine not to do it is useless as well, because the more you try to stop thinking about porn/sex/masturbation, the more power you will give it over you. You will walk around in fear of it controlling you. If you live in fear of something it has power over you.

I came across a site yesterday called Candeocan or something like that. They say pay $200 and we'll fix your problem. I haven't done so yet but I have listened to some of their free materials and am convinced they are on to something; something that isn't addressed anywhere else and I am unsure why.

Let me present to you my current conclusion on the matter. This conclusion is based on Biblical knowledge and other knowledge gleaned over the years:

I have no desire personally to smoke a cigarette. I find smoking repulsive. Likewise, I have no desire to pick up a bottle of alcohol and drink myself silly. Some people however are addicted to cigarettes and alcohol. What's the difference?

I think the difference is that they see the cigarette and the beer bottle differently than I do. They see that object as having great power over themselves. It's like the ancients did, building statues and giving themselves over to serve and worship the statues. It's ridiculous, but to them it was very real. In their minds they saw that statue as having great power over them.

What am I getting at? I'm thinking that maybe breasts and vaginas are just pieces of flesh that have no power over anyone, unless someone gives power to those objects. Take a gyno doctor for instance. He looks at vaginas all day long. Now yes, some gynos have been perverts, but many don't get phased at all by seeing a vagina. It's their job and they are helping their patient.

So if a caring gyno doc can look at a vagina and not become aroused by it, then the power of the vagina to arouse does not then exist in the vagina, but rather in the mind. It was your mind and mine that first sexualized those images we saw. We could have just seen a naked body that is beautifully created by God, but we were young and immature and we gave power to the breasts and vaginas. We worshiped the body parts.

As we grew older we forgot about the woman inside the body. God intended us to love the woman, and her body was a means by which we may enjoy a relationship with her. Instead we turned the body into a god and gave those body parts power over us.

So, my conclusion is that to break the vice, we need to take the power away from the object. We have to stop believing that breasts and vaginas can force arousal in us. We have chosen to become aroused by them, we are not forced to be.

Therefore, start thinking differently about women's bodies. The Bible says that if you are a Christian that God has set you free. We tell God he is a liar and that body parts are more powerful than He is. That's a lie from the father of lies.

The Bible says that we need to "renew our minds." The first step to renewing our minds is to think differently, to have a different perspective on the issue. Start thinking differently today! How? Stop believing that a naked body has power over you.

And will it be hard to stop? Probably. Your body gets conditioned to the rush the images have brought you. But suffer through it by realizing that before you knew how to make yourself ejaculate, your body already had a proven and effective way of ridding itself of dead sperm: Wet Dreams.

It's about time we get a different answer then throw the porn out and try harder; or go to the gym. lol.

Take care!

Thanks for reading this far!

The reason I really want to post this, is because I have never heard anything like it before. I have done repeated Google searches on the matter, trying to find websites that say exactly what I am saying above.

This Candeocan website (I'm not trying to promote it, I haven't paid for the service) has some free materials to listen to. The central idea is that the main person responsible for the website became free from his porn addiction by learning about new brain science. This science involved moving a paralyzed arm rather than teaching a person with a paralyzed arm how to use the functioning arm to replace the paralyzed arm.

In the past people with a paralyzed arm would be trained on how to use the remaining arm to live a normal life with. But a certain scientist took a different approach. He put the working arm in a sling, and moved the paralyzed arm around for the functions of life. What happened was that the brain would develop a new - sorry I don't know all the terminology - a new place within itself dedicated to controlling the paralyzed limb. So where the dead part of the brain relating to the paralyzed limb was, a new identical - but functional - part was created elsewhere in the brain. The result of this was that the person was eventually able to control the paralyzed arm again.

Using this knowledge the main creator of Candeocan then became free of his addictive sexual behavior. Okay, that's all I know about it so far, but that really got me thinking about how he may have accomplished this. It got different scriptures swirling around in my mind. Lastly, it gave me a lot of hope that there are other methods to try, and hopefully one that will solve the problem.

In conclusion, I wanted to post this here for two main reasons. One, I want discussion on the matter; two, I want to know if what I'm saying above makes sense; and thirdly - okay I said two reasons but I'll add a third - I want to know why I can't find anything similar to what I wrote above on any sex addiction website. Why have I never heard this in a sermon, etc.?

Okay, I'll turn it over to you all for comments/debates and hopefully a lot of good answers!

Quest

 

[greatkraw]

Greetings,

I wanted to post this here for discussion sakes. I originally wrote this as an answer to a question online at Yahoo Answers, just a few days ago. The person was asking for help with his problem.

I'll post what I wrote (with a few additions) and I'll talk about it more below. I didn't use slang words so it shouldn't be offensive but if the mods want it edited I will do so. I think it's okay as it is.

This is something that I have struggled with for many years. The answer is most certainly "Not" to put blockers on your TV and internet. Why? Because you will find an outlet one way or another. If you want porn bad and can't get easy access to it you will resort to desperate measures. If it's not on TV it will be at the XXX video store. You'll drive there and buy a vid and take it home and watch it. That's not the answer.

Try harder and determine not to do it is useless as well, because the more you try to stop thinking about porn/sex/masturbation, the more power you will give it over you. You will walk around in fear of it controlling you. If you live in fear of something it has power over you.

I came across a site yesterday called Candeocan or something like that. They say pay $200 and we'll fix your problem. I haven't done so yet but I have listened to some of their free materials and am convinced they are on to something; something that isn't addressed anywhere else and I am unsure why.

Let me present to you my current conclusion on the matter. This conclusion is based on Biblical knowledge and other knowledge gleaned over the years:

I have no desire personally to smoke a cigarette. I find smoking repulsive. Likewise, I have no desire to pick up a bottle of alcohol and drink myself silly. Some people however are addicted to cigarettes and alcohol. What's the difference?

I think the difference is that they see the cigarette and the beer bottle differently than I do. They see that object as having great power over themselves. It's like the ancients did, building statues and giving themselves over to serve and worship the statues. It's ridiculous, but to them it was very real. In their minds they saw that statue as having great power over them.

What am I getting at? I'm thinking that maybe breasts and vaginas are just pieces of flesh that have no power over anyone, unless someone gives power to those objects. Take a gyno doctor for instance. He looks at vaginas all day long. Now yes, some gynos have been perverts, but many don't get phased at all by seeing a vagina. It's their job and they are helping their patient.

So if a caring gyno doc can look at a vagina and not become aroused by it, then the power of the vagina to arouse does not then exist in the vagina, but rather in the mind. It was your mind and mine that first sexualized those images we saw. We could have just seen a naked body that is beautifully created by God, but we were young and immature and we gave power to the breasts and vaginas. We worshiped the body parts.

As we grew older we forgot about the woman inside the body. God intended us to love the woman, and her body was a means by which we may enjoy a relationship with her. Instead we turned the body into a god and gave those body parts power over us.

So, my conclusion is that to break the vice, we need to take the power away from the object. We have to stop believing that breasts and vaginas can force arousal in us. We have chosen to become aroused by them, we are not forced to be.

Therefore, start thinking differently about women's bodies. The Bible says that if you are a Christian that God has set you free. We tell God he is a liar and that body parts are more powerful than He is. That's a lie from the father of lies.

The Bible says that we need to "renew our minds." The first step to renewing our minds is to think differently, to have a different perspective on the issue. Start thinking differently today! How? Stop believing that a naked body has power over you.

And will it be hard to stop? Probably. Your body gets conditioned to the rush the images have brought you. But suffer through it by realizing that before you knew how to make yourself ejaculate, your body already had a proven and effective way of ridding itself of dead sperm: Wet Dreams.

It's about time we get a different answer then throw the porn out and try harder; or go to the gym. lol.

Take care!

Thanks for reading this far!

The reason I really want to post this, is because I have never heard anything like it before. I have done repeated Google searches on the matter, trying to find websites that say exactly what I am saying above.

This Candeocan website (I'm not trying to promote it, I haven't paid for the service) has some free materials to listen to. The central idea is that the main person responsible for the website became free from his porn addiction by learning about new brain science. This science involved moving a paralyzed arm rather than teaching a person with a paralyzed arm how to use the functioning arm to replace the paralyzed arm.

In the past people with a paralyzed arm would be trained on how to use the remaining arm to live a normal life with. But a certain scientist took a different approach. He put the working arm in a sling, and moved the paralyzed arm around for the functions of life. What happened was that the brain would develop a new - sorry I don't know all the terminology - a new place within itself dedicated to controlling the paralyzed limb. So where the dead part of the brain relating to the paralyzed limb was, a new identical - but functional - part was created elsewhere in the brain. The result of this was that the person was eventually able to control the paralyzed arm again.

Using this knowledge the main creator of Candeocan then became free of his addictive sexual behavior. Okay, that's all I know about it so far, but that really got me thinking about how he may have accomplished this. It got different scriptures swirling around in my mind. Lastly, it gave me a lot of hope that there are other methods to try, and hopefully one that will solve the problem.

In conclusion, I wanted to post this here for two main reasons. One, I want discussion on the matter; two, I want to know if what I'm saying above makes sense; and thirdly - okay I said two reasons but I'll add a third - I want to know why I can't find anything similar to what I wrote above on any sex addiction website. Why have I never heard this in a sermon, etc.?

Okay, I'll turn it over to you all for comments/debates and hopefully a lot of good answers!

Quest

the bit in green is quite good

the second bit sounds like rubbish

Q: what is worse than trying to control yourself in your own strength and failing?
A: trying to control yourself and succeeding

the worst thing we can do is to succeed in our own strength

we need to rely on God; that is the way to true victory
to have the strength for that we need intake daily of Bible doctrine

if you are listening to a message you aren't also gonna look at porn at the same time

they cannot coexist and you gotta make a choice

the other thing is to keep reminding yourself everytime you sin you are turning your back on God and He wants your company - you are making a choice and offending Him

 

[QuestionTime]

Q: what is worse than trying to control yourself in your own strength and failing?
A: trying to control yourself and succeeding

the worst thing we can do is to succeed in our own strength

we need to rely on God; that is the way to true victory
to have the strength for that we need intake daily of Bible doctrine

if you are listening to a message you aren't also gonna look at porn at the same time

they cannot coexist and you gotta make a choice

the other thing is to keep reminding yourself everytime you sin you are turning your back on God and He wants your company - you are making a choice and offending Him

Thanks for your response Greatkraw!

First I would like to ask why you think the last part of my post was rubbish? Surely you don't doubt that scientists were able to cause the brain to heal a paralyzed limb? I suspect that you doubt that particular information could help anyone overcome an addiction.

The main author of the website who overcame his addiction says that God built an ability into our brains to learn new habits, even at older ages. I really don't doubt God has given our brains this ability, however the ability to overcome sin hinges on our belief. God told us that we are forgiven, and that the power of sin is broken. Now our brains are capable of believing this to be true, and consequently when we believe these things to be true, we have renewed our minds as the Bible commands us to do. Our brains then create new belief and behavior patterns according to what we now know to be true. This seems to me a logical thing because I doubt we could do anything in this world without functioning brains.

Now on to another topic, specifically as to your advice above, I will perform a quick synopsis. You suggest that porn addicts ought to "rely on God," and busy themselves with reading the Bible and listening to sermons, and then they will be too busy to serve the flesh and satan. As well you suggest that we see sin as a personal offense to God.

I have heard such suggestions before and have practiced them, but haven't had success with them personally. Firstly, the statement "rely on God" is such an unclear thing to me. I really don't understand how to "rely on God." Can you give me step by step instructions on how to do this? Certainly I have tried to do so over the years, rely upon Him. Cast my cares upon Him and expect deliverance, pray to him in times of temptation, etc., etc.. Because this hasn't worked for me in any way, degree, shape or form, does this mean that I haven't sincerely tried to rely on God?

Moving further, as regarding the suggestion to busy ourselves with Bible reading/prayer/sermons and service, I have been there, done that. I've blanketed myself with 60 minutes of prayer, 60 minutes of Bible reading, and then have promptly gone back to my addiction in absolute shock and horror. I promise you that those are the most condemning and confusing failings that have ever occurred, when I have given myself to the Lord so thoroughly and have then promptly turned my back.

Now don't take my rebuttal personally, I'm just explaining how my experience with your suggestions has not been a successful one. This is mainly the thing that has concerned me because I have seen these same suggestions written on a thousand websites and in many books, and it has never helped me an ounce. However, this new concept of body parts having no power over me is something I've not heard before. That's what I wanted to talk about. Why haven't I heard this before? I do appreciate how you put this part of my post in green however.

Quest

 

[MahogonySnail]

Why is it bad to succeed in your own strength? I don't see it matters how.

 

[QuestionTime]

Why is it bad to succeed in your own strength? I don't see it matters how.

The concept of "succeeding in your own strength" is a misnomer. It's not possible to succeed in your own strength or else Christ died in vain.

Quest

 

[sunshine_debbie]

the bit in green is quite good

the second bit sounds like rubbish

Q: what is worse than trying to control yourself in your own strength and failing?
A: trying to control yourself and succeeding

the worst thing we can do is to succeed in our own strength

we need to rely on God; that is the way to true victory
to have the strength for that we need intake daily of Bible doctrine

if you are listening to a message you aren't also gonna look at porn at the same time

they cannot coexist and you gotta make a choice

the other thing is to keep reminding yourself everytime you sin you are turning your back on God and He wants your company - you are making a choice and offending Him

Before I came back to God, I would read my Bible but I couldnt smoke. Dont ask me why. I am a reader, a big one and have thousands of books. But I could not read my Bible and smoke at the same time. Now I dont smoke so it doesnt matter.

Gods conviction or personal choice - You make the call

Debbie

 

[Not_The_Righteous]

In my experiences in dealing with men with this particular sin-issue and addiction I've come to a few conclusions:

1) Biblical accountability is absolutely essential - The best place for a secret is where it can no longer hide. Confession needs to take place among brothers in the Lord who really know the struggler (sorry, but online really isn't ideal) and in an environment where they will encourage the struggler on a regular (even daily) basis to continue in repentance even when the biology cries out for satisfaction.
A tool used in many recovery programs I've seen used well is http://www.covenanteyes.com/ .

2) The thought-process resonse needs to be thinking MORE when the addiction is triggered, and not thinking LESS. What needs to change is the object of thought - away from illicit sex and self gratification, and towards Christ and His sacrifice and all of the implications thereof. A friend of mine who struggled with this (and is now a Godly, free man) says "it's hard for images of naken women to remain attractive when you start thinking of a naked, bloodied, tortured and slain Saviour and all that means for me.

Don't empty the head if you struggle - FILL it... with something far better.

3) Along that line of thinking, a porn addiction depends heavily on objectification of the women the subject is lusting after. The OP mentioned this, but work needs to be done with the struggler to recognize this objectification and begin the hard work of repenting of it as well. These people in the porn industry live very broken lives, are the victims of lifelong sexual abuse that quite often starts very early, and very often end up addicted to drugs and living in ways most cannot imagine.

That's not an extensive or complete list... just some thoughts. The really big part os accountability. Trying to take this on alone rarely if ever yields the kind of repentance and freedom the subject seeks. God knew what He was doing when He designed Christians to be a part of a local church.

 

[QuestionTime]

Hello Debbie,

I'm glad to hear that you couldn't smoke. I've heard stories and known people as well who were prayed for that they would be sick if they drank or smoked again. Amazingly they did get sick and quickly stopped their bad habits!

I don't know what you mean by your statement: God's conviction or personal choice. If you are asking me if I know that my behavior has been sinful; I most certainly do. However that conviction has not brought about an inability to act contrary to God's Word like you have experienced. In fact, I would say the guilt - or more likely, the condemnation - has driven me to the sin more than it has to God.

Trust me, I'm no rookie to Christianity. I've read Wesley and Finney, Andrew Murray, Smith Wigglesworth and William Booth as well as other old saints. I've read about sanctification and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. I've watched Leonard Ravenhill preach and sang victoriously along with Keith Green.

The issue isn't an unwilling heart, it's unbelief because I haven't known how to believe that I am dead to sin. But now perhaps I have stumbled upon the way, the means by how I may know that I have died. I do hope to find some discussions on that topic.

Quest

 

[QuestionTime]

That's not an extensive or complete list... just some thoughts. The really big part os accountability. Trying to take this on alone rarely if ever yields the kind of repentance and freedom the subject seeks. God knew what He was doing when He designed Christians to be a part of a local church.

Thanks for your response. As far as accountability, I've been there and done that a thousand times. I used to have pastors avoid me because they thought me such a hopeless and annoying case. One pastor in particular moved away and promised to write. He did so, however he didn't include a return mailing address. Another pastor saw me on the street and walked by me so steaming mad I feared to even say hello.

Beyond that I found real Christian males who are my friends still today. They know my deepest secrets and love me unconditionally. One of them is a man of great holiness and I love him greatly. This has been no aid to me however.

The issue I have with your suggestion of accountability, is that it's the old battle thinking that all the Christian websites teach. There are millions of Christian men who are in the same boat I am in, and have read all the same materials and have pursued all the same courses that I have. They are still in the same place I have been in, still feeling stuck and hopeless. They've long forgot "Promise Keepers" as they failed to keep their promises just as I did.

You see, if you are battling something, fighting not to commit a certain act, you are living in fear of something. If I determine not to lust after a woman, and I call my friends and say: "I lived today without doing it, but it was hard!" Well, that is giving power to the object. That is walking around in fear, and when you fear you give power to the thing you live in fear of.

So my conclusion is simply this: Don't fear the naked body because it doesn't have any power. Change how you view the naked body. It has no power. None, none at all. So if it has no power, there is no fear and no need for accountability because there will be no falling into sin.

Surely this is faith and what Jesus said, that if the Son sets you free you are free indeed. So if I am free, then nothing has power over me. No nudity, no cigarettes, no alcohol, no nothing.

Quest

 

[Not_The_Righteous]

You see, if you are battling something, fighting not to commit a certain act, you are living in fear of something. If I determine not to lust after a woman, and I call my friends and say: "I lived today without doing it, but it was hard!" Well, that is giving power to the object. That is walking around in fear, and when you fear you give power to the thing you live in fear of.

The kind of "accontability" you're talking about isn't really what I am talking about. Sorry about your experience with pastors.

The accountability and encouragement (note, they go together) are not about doing/not doing whatever the particular sin you struggle with. It's about being lured by the "sweeter song" of Christ more than it's about tying yourself to the mast in torment while you hear the siren's song.

Whatever "websites" teach - what I am talking about works - has worked- and is working for men all over the place. I've never been to a "Promise Keepers" convention and, to be honest, don't think the answer lies in fancy solutions but more on the church being what it was intended to be and functioning the way it was intended to function.

Are you a member/participant of a local church?

 

[QuestionTime]

Are you a member/participant of a local church?

I was a member of a world-wide house church that we had to leave because we found out the leadership was up to no good. Sexual abuse, financial abuse and more. The "Overseer" has now been arrested and has appeared in court multiple times.

The people that I knew however were far from the Overseer in both distance and character. They were the most genuine Christians I have ever known. I begged and pleaded for us to stay together as a group and create our own church; instead everyone else decided to set off to local churches instead.

They have all since settled in local churches and I have been unable.

Really... It is late for me and I am sleepy. I am uncertain that I can bare at this moment to talk about my disgust with every church I have ever seen compared to the real Christians I met in the house church. They became my family, even closer to me than my parents. They chased after me when I struggled, they welcomed me to sleep overnight in their homes. They lived by the motto that spiritual family is closer than blood relatives. I showered at their homes, they fed me and they taught me about God.

They loved me with a love I have never known before or since that time! They accepted me with all my faults, and even forgave many evils of mine, because they were real Christians! They said that I owed them nothing, except the debt to do the same things for other people.

In every other despicable excuse for God's Church you walk in the doors, and a few people may walk up and say hello, even fewer actually really care to strike up a conversation. If you are shy you will get ignored.

We used to joke how people in regular churches could attend for 6 months and then disappear without even an ounce of concern. When Lindsay left her church that she attended since youth, not a person contacted her at all. About 3 years later she received a letter saying they were going to remove her from the church mailing list as she hadn't attended in so long.

You walk in and the women ignore you. You have to go out of your way to be personable with everyone in order to get any reciprocation whatsoever. If you aren't confident - which I never used to be - you melt inside for fear of rejection.

In the House Church it was a rebuke-able offense if you didn't go out of your way to greet the new person. You were expected to make that person feel like they were as loved as your own family. I remember how Alison and Marie came to my apartment and stood outside calling my name. They didn't know which suite I was in, and weren't even sure it was the right apartment building. They looked foolish to the world because of what they were doing, but they were motivated by a higher love.

They chased after me, they wouldn't let me get away. They picked me for church, gave me a Bible and taught me to be clean and responsible. They filled my fridge with food when I was in need. The women even came and cleaned my apartment for me!

That was a real Christian Church. When I find one again I'll be happy to attend.

Quest.

 

[andrew12]

i have never heard of this

 

[MahogonySnail]

The concept of "succeeding in your own strength" is a misnomer. It's not possible to succeed in your own strength or else Christ died in vain.

That may be true but on this topic, there are plenty of non-christians who succeed over porn in their own strength or aren't tempted by it at all. There are practical methods and programs which can work. Even sheer will power can do it. You don't have to wait to be set free by waiting for a shining light from above. Just do it.

 

[QuestionTime]

i have never heard of this

What are you referring to specifically? Do you mean my concept of the female body not having power over you? Something else?

Quest

 

[greatkraw]

do you understand how to get forgiven and cleansed of your sin when you do transgress?

until you practice 1 John 1 9 you cannot tap into God's power anyway

 

[andrew12]

What are you referring to specifically? Do you mean my concept of the female body not having power over you? Something else?

Quest

hhmm .. yes that is the point that i never heard man , yesterday when i read that, i felt more free and i could sleep in peace . this principle is a blessing.

 

[QuestionTime]

do you understand how to get forgiven and cleansed of your sin when you do transgress?

until you practice 1 John 1 9 you cannot tap into God's power anyway

I do understand forgiveness and cleansing of sin. However, my understanding is much different than the general understanding of this scripture found in most Churches in the world today.

My understanding is the same as Andrew Murray, Smith Wigglesworth, John Wesley, Charles Finney, William Booth and other saints of the past. They taught that the cleansing is one and the same with being filled by the Spirit, and being filled by the Spirit is the removal of the sin nature. The cleansing is a one time occurrence, not a repeated occurrence, for if we are cleansed of all sin, then no sin remaineth.

Quest

 

[Jennifleur]

I really think the idea of having an accountability partner is a good one. In your first post you mentioned not being drawn to smoke or drink, and that makes sense, because there are many temptations and sinful activities out there, and we are not equally drawn to all of them. Some are more tempting than others, to each person. For instance, cigarettes. My parents both smoke, and the chances of children of smokers becoming smokers themselves is 80%+, yet I can't stand the smell of the smoke or anything to do with them. Pornography, however, is one of the more common addictions for men, and unfortunately today's society doesn't help much with that aspect. Between Victoria's Secret commercials, intimate scenes in television shows, society telling us to play fast and loose in this department, and women dressing provocatively (because, hey, we should be proud of our bodies or some such nonsense, and that guys should just learn to look away. Yeah, really nice idea there.**I'm being sarcastic here, in case there's any confusion.), it's no wonder there's a problem here. And it has been known t destroy families, so it only makes even more sense that it has become such a problem.

For that reason, I think it helps to have an accountability partner. It should be another man, because most women just aren't going to understand what you're going through on a personal level. Most women just aren't wired the same way, and we do not struggle with this the way that men do. You didn't mention whether or not you were married, but sometimes being honest with your spouse can be a good idea too. If you are married, I'm not saying that your wife should be your accountability partner, because that will be added stress on both of you, and the last thing any of us wants is to be "policed" at home, even if the person is well-meaning. But, having an honest talk with her might help her to understand that you are indeed struggling, and she might want to know how she can help, and then you can let her know how she can help. Of course, telling her is completely up to you. Not everyone would be understanding, and sometimes it helps just to tell that one person you've chosen as your accountability partner. That person will be there to listen to you when you struggle, and offer help but also offer words of truth when you do stumble. It's important to have some kind of support. I think, if you're going to look for a program to help you break this addiction (which is not a bad idea), it should be biblically based. Anything that doesn't include God isn't very likely to succeed. My suggestions aren't worth much, I admit, as I've never been in your shoes. But hopefully you're getting some good advice from this thread.

 

[meto]

I found my husband late on Halloween night on the computer looking at 2 young, beautiful naked blonds on the internet. Instead of having intimate time with me he found it on the internet. He since has stated he has done this for 7 years having seen hundreds of naked women. We have been married 32 years. Many difficult situations we have been through. We were both virgins and christians when we married. But life has thrown some real loops and the year after our youngest child (3 children) graduated from high school he was doing pornography. We have been active in many ways in churches (I a volunteer church organist 12 years for example) but currently just are attending church. Sitting in church with my husband is a different experience now. We have had many arguments through the years and we have not been perfect people. He states since being caught he has repented and has asked forgiveness from me but we still argue. I never dreamt on my wedding day the things I would have experienced in life. Now I'm not sure to stay together or separate/divorce. The relationship is very changed. Any comments?

 

[QuestionTime]

Pornography, however, is one of the more common addictions for men, and unfortunately today's society doesn't help much with that aspect. Between Victoria's Secret commercials, intimate scenes in television shows, society telling us to play fast and loose in this department, and women dressing provocatively (because, hey, we should be proud of our bodies or some such nonsense, and that guys should just learn to look away. Yeah, really nice idea there.**I'm being sarcastic here, in case there's any confusion.), it's no wonder there's a problem here. And it has been known t destroy families, so it only makes even more sense that it has become such a problem.

Greetings and thanks for your post Jennifleur!

When I read your comments above Jennifleur, all I can envision in my mind is helpless men locked in eternal chains of God's own making. Somehow a wicked God has made men so helpless that if a woman's nipple pops out of her top, the man - bound by divine and unchanging decree - must stare at her body and then go home and masturbate.

God forbid that this is so! How awful a lie satan has laid upon us that a nipple should hold such power over men! "O tell it not in Gath! Lest the daughters of the uncircumcised rejoice; lest the sons of unbelief triumph!"

Quest