Marriage...expensive or just the wedding?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,338
16,317
113
69
Tennessee
Thank you for the recommendation. But I had a different venue in mind. :)
I got married in Las Vegas in 2014, not at the Little Wedding Chapel but in our room at the Hilton. A local pastor married us on Thanksgiving Day and was witnessed by two bellhops and a room service person. My wife nixed the Little Wedding Chapel venue as well as Elvis performing the nuptials. Because we got married at their hotel the Hilton sprang for the Thanksgiving dinner with all of the trimmings.
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
I got married in Las Vegas in 2014, not at the Little Wedding Chapel but in our room at the Hilton. A local pastor married us on Thanksgiving Day and was witnessed by two bellhops and a room service person. My wife nixed the Little Wedding Chapel venue as well as Elvis performing the nuptials. Because we got married at their hotel the Hilton sprang for the Thanksgiving dinner with all of the trimmings.
I don’t live on the west coast and the setting isn’t ideal for a group. I’m not concerned with simplicity. It’s a memorable event for my loved ones. And considering the needs of older attendees is a must.

A private property with a chapel and accommodations is my preference. They can enjoy the festivities and retire when they’re ready. Without the necessity of going elsewhere. Everything is in one place.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
There are some hotels that have gardens and you can have an reception at their restaurant...have seen a couple, not sure if they have chapels but just call your minister and sure he or she would be happy to officiate in a garden setting.

You could have honeymoon suite and your guests could have the rest if they were coming from far away.

I have been to a few weddings where the reception is quite a distance from the church, plus there is that in between time where you need to hang around or go home to change etc.

If it were me I would make the time getting married just before dinner time. cos hosting lunch AND dinner might be too much. But then I supoose if both families of bride and groom do it, one can do the lunch and the other do the dinner. Depends on how rich and willing those families are I guess.

some people have wedding at home, like a backyard wedding. Maybe they have big homes to do it.
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
I want something private and intimate. It depends where the event is being held but the venues I’m referencing are found in the areas I had in mind. I don’t want to deal with traffic either and that’s a concern when you’re centrally located in a large city.

And I’m not the only one getting married. I’d need his input too.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
My cousins had theres at a restaurant that had a courtyard garden and we just stood around them while they got married.
we had cocktails and then. dinner was just there straight after.

Ive also been to a garden wedding where they got married up the driveway and had catering there afterward a big roast dinner under a marquee. Weather stayed fne.

Ive been to larger weddings held in community halls with lots of feasting and dancing.

Last year I didnt go to any weddings. I have heard of some people getting married at the zoo.

I hadnt really given much thought about where I would since Im not engaged to anyone. But I visited a tree church (church is made from trees) in my garden rambles and thought what a nice place to have a wedding. But again..the .expense. As its far from where I live.

the quaker fellowship announced that one of their friends couple is getting married at a beach up north so it seems everyone is going up there. I think its an older couple, they are carpooling and I think it will be pretty low key as a second wedding for widows. was invited to a wedding last month at local church for a young couple but didnt make it..dont know them very well, some just inivte you to church ceremony open to anybody but its more expense to attend the reception.
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
The tree church sounds nice and unique. I’ve never seen a beach wedding here but it may not be allowed. I know they’re common at resorts and some couples opt for destination weddings which include a honeymoon package. Farms are nice as well. I like the ambiance.

Simplicity is understandable if you have other concerns like purchasing a home and furnishing it. Starting a home or using the excess for something else. If I was going that route, I’d find someone who’s really good at party planning or look on Pinterest. They have great ideas.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
its expensive and time consuming to put on a wedding party, honestly.

But worth the effort to make it a memorable occasion I suppose. Depends on how many guests you have as well, would you have less and spend more on each guest, or have more guests and spend less.

mostly the bride and grooms parents would be footing the bill. If they dont approve of the marriage then sorry you are on your own.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
I've not ever been to a beach wedding.
I dont know if they last...being built on sand lol.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
thinking about this, I have never asked my parents if they would pay for my wedding if I ever got married. It just never occured to me that they would.

My parents are not the kind of people who would for spend all that for me. I'd probably get like $100 or something I'd be lucky. I remember school balls being quite expensive, the first time, mum sewed up a ball gown for me, but it was a big deal.

I did wear the gown to a few balls and weddings after that, but not sure where it is now. ?!

My mum sewed her own wedding gown, I would probably just wear my best gown that I already have.
I think some families pretty much groom their daughters for marriage and tell them from a very young age their expectations on marital matters. Mine never did.
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
My fiancé and I would pay for it. I would cover expenses for my daughter. She wasn’t groomed for marriage per se. But she did receive instruction at an early age about proper suitors (gentlemen) and what that implied. This was well before puberty. And her lessons on character began even earlier.

Sewing a wedding gown is very labor intensive. I wouldn’t do it myself. But I would design it and oversee the work. I would make a few items for her trousseau like linens and items for the home. Maybe his and her sleepwear for them each.

You can put together a nice event if you have extra hands who are creative. This minimizes the costs. Someone who likes to cook, bake, decorate, do crafts, etc.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
My fiancé and I would pay for it. I would cover expenses for my daughter. She wasn’t groomed for marriage per se. But she did receive instruction at an early age about proper suitors (gentlemen) and what that implied. This was well before puberty. And her lessons on character began even earlier.

Sewing a wedding gown is very labor intensive. I wouldn’t do it myself. But I would design it and oversee the work. I would make a few items for her trousseau like linens and items for the home. Maybe his and her sleepwear for them each.

You can put together a nice event if you have extra hands who are creative. This minimizes the costs. Someone who likes to cook, bake, decorate, do crafts, etc.
are you engaged?

I dont think my parents would do anything for me. I dont really expect them to. Mum stopped birthday parties when I reached 10 so I wouldnt even expect a wedding. They had to pay for 4 childrens tertiary education so...wedding? nope.

I dont think grooms are actually supposed to pay for weddings. They just need to pay for the ring which is expensive enough. But then I think of the horrible things diamond miners have to suffer so I dont think I would even accept a diamond ring. Maybe a pearl one that a fiance had dived for himself lol.

Just go to the registry office, have two witnesses and be done with it. Im not even a fan of cake that much. I guess Im not that excited over huge weddings anymore. My family is big enough.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
funny thing was the other week, my work stuffed up my pay, and got my payslip, it had nothing in it. like 0.00

well not funny cos all across the country teachers and support staff werent getting paid.

My friend the one whos getting married, is a reliever teacher and there is just no way she could support her family on just her income. let alone pay for a wedding. Thankfully her fiance does earn more, but he plays the business game. He would be like just take a loan. I dont even know if banks do wedding loans.

You think they would considering how expensive it can be. they do home loans and travel, so why not weddings. put all on credit card.

But then they cant afford to pay their mortgage, so that wouldnt work. Yea I dont know how they figure it out but they been together for more than 10 years now and still havent got married.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
I would start a minsitry weddings on a budget and make meaningful weddings for those on a budget.
I think churches could get behind this. The pastors could offer their homes as honeymoon destinations and swap or billet out their homes so couples could have privacy and a go at rudimentary housekeeping lol.

The wedding could be at church, decorations and refreshments free cos it would all be put on. and shared supper. then to the manse for a week. Why not. Then all the money they save could be put toward their permanent marital abode.
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
are you engaged?

I dont think my parents would do anything for me. I dont really expect them to. Mum stopped birthday parties when I reached 10 so I wouldnt even expect a wedding. They had to pay for 4 childrens tertiary education so...wedding? nope.

I dont think grooms are actually supposed to pay for weddings. They just need to pay for the ring which is expensive enough. But then I think of the horrible things diamond miners have to suffer so I dont think I would even accept a diamond ring. Maybe a pearl one that a fiance had dived for himself lol.

Just go to the registry office, have two witnesses and be done with it. Im not even a fan of cake that much. I guess Im not that excited over huge weddings anymore. My family is big enough.
I’m not engaged. Nor do I plan to meet with a government official to marry. I want something different.

In light of your parent’s out of pocket costs and family size it’s understandable if they won’t bear the expense. My daughter is an only child.
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
I would start a minsitry weddings on a budget and make meaningful weddings for those on a budget.
I think churches could get behind this. The pastors could offer their homes as honeymoon destinations and swap or billet out their homes so couples could have privacy and a go at rudimentary housekeeping lol.

The wedding could be at church, decorations and refreshments free cos it would all be put on. and shared supper. then to the manse for a week. Why not. Then all the money they save could be put toward their permanent marital abode.
Where would the pastor stay while couples are honeymooning at their home? And their children? Most have families. I don’t see that happening unless their property had separate quarters for guests. And I wouldn’t displace someone’s family for a time to honeymoon.

From my understanding in the US, church weddings aren’t free. Couples pay a small fee for the service and room rental if desired. The costs are set by the church.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
Where would the pastor stay while couples are honeymooning at their home? And their children? Most have families. I don’t see that happening unless their property had separate quarters for guests. And I wouldn’t displace someone’s family for a time to honeymoon.

From my understanding in the US, church weddings aren’t free. Couples pay a small fee for the service and room rental if desired. The costs are set by the church.
other accomocations, they could take a holiday themselves or be billeted, or they might have guest quarters and host the couple.
well.. thats what you do anyway if you pay for accomodation . do you not think a hotel, bnb or homestay puts out the host??? unless you already have a home set up most people do not honeymoon at their own home. where do you think people stayed before there were any such things as commericial hotels?

most christians opened their homes to each other and practised hospitality.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
in the US, you just seem to pay for everything...it is user pays. If you dont have money, you lose. there doesnt seem to be any comprehensive welfare system, its sad to see. Even churches do cover charges. Pay per pew.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
couples acrually have to get used to having children around them lol

if they honeymoon together they get to know each other and children may come from that honeymoon time.

dont know what my friend will do with her son on honeymoon either he will come with them or have to stay somewhere else but...reality is some couples already have children!
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
other accomocations, they could take a holiday themselves or be billeted, or they might have guest quarters and host the couple.
well.. thats what you do anyway if you pay for accomodation . do you not think a hotel, bnb or homestay puts out the host??? unless you already have a home set up most people do not honeymoon at their own home. where do you think people stayed before there were any such things as commericial hotels?

most christians opened their homes to each other and practised hospitality.
Why can’t the couple have their honeymoon elsewhere? I don’t understand the logic of removing someone from their home. More importantly, it isn’t the pastor’s responsibility to do so.

Most are overworked and don’t need more on their plate. With two adults getting married and extended families. I think there’s enough options between them to host the pair or send them off.

Pastor’s aren’t running a hostel.
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
in the US, you just seem to pay for everything...it is user pays. If you dont have money, you lose. there doesnt seem to be any comprehensive welfare system, its sad to see. Even churches do cover charges. Pay per pew.
No one is required to have a honeymoon. It isn’t a need or basic necessity. As for the US, if things are so horrid why are so many desiring to come here? It’s evident the gains outweigh the challenges for most.