Teenage Dating (Looking for Boyfriend)

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Renee321

Guest
#1
#1
Hey everyone,

I'm not even sure how many people will read this, let alone people at all!
Especially people around my age!
Before you do~ I'd love you to take a look at my profile, learn a bit more about me.
I'm young, I know, but I've been through a lot romance wise.
I've had relationships where I have been cheated on, I've been in a really physically abusive relationship, and it has been hard lately for me to develop a good perspective on boys.
Plenty of girls mess up too, dont get me wrong!
But based on things that have happened to myself, I've become almost skittish around boys.
Recently, something rather heart breaking happened.
I'd been in a relationship for a little over two years. Perfect Christian boy. Incredibly handsome. Treated me perfectly. Said he wanted to marry me. BAM. He ditches. Leaves me.
I don't know what happened, where I went wrong, but its really messed me up...
It has caused me to cut, need pills for depression, and I've realize-he isn't worth it.
I'm not going to do that to myself anymore.
But, it has been a little over a half a year since this has happened~ And I would love to find a new person to get involved in my life. I want a Christian boy who knows my worth, AND his own worth. That respects me, and knows that I'll respect him.
I'm a sucker for romance, and have always wanted to find love young~
But I'm looking for very loyal relationships. As my mom says. 'Don't date if he wont make a good mate.'
Meaning, 'mate,' as in mate for life.
Thank you so much for reading! It means a lot! <3

Sincerely,
Renee~
 
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kayem77

Guest
#2
#2
Hi Renee. First of all, welcome to CC, I sincerely hope you find some light in these forums :) (I read your profile). I'm sorry to hear that you've been through a lot. I know that disappointments can make our hearts grow bitter and it becomes hard to ignore the resentment we are hoarding inside. I've been there.

I gotta say your mom is right. Dating shouldn't be taken lightly, after all it's your heart we're talking about. And this is why I think you are focusing on the wrong things. Don't focus on boys right now...they (and you) are too young to think of a serious relationship, let alone marriage. What's gonna happen is this : they will break your heart when they fail you, or you will allow them to break your heart when you realize they are humans and can't meet your needs. The relationship will end and you will be left out feeling empty again.

Maybe that sounds pessimistic, but I just want you to realize that boys aren't the answer. You know who knows your worth? God. He created you. If you are willing to have a relationship with him, he will never let you down. Love is not bad, God created it. But love without God is empty. I'm 20 and I've never dated (and I consider myself young:) ), believe me, True love is worth waiting for.
 
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ChristOurSaviour

Guest
#3
#3
hello . went through. hmm i seee your prity young. romance will come with your age.. and a person cant fake romance. wait for your mr perfect.. romance will jut happen itself . that feeling of perfection will come.. i will surely help you out,as i was once a teen.. see you around and god bless you mate
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
Your priorities are way out of whack. Do you know how unlikely it is that you will find and marry someone at your age? Its pretty evident you are not mature or capable of knowing what kind of guy is good for you, and if you don't believe me, look at the choices you're made so far and the effects its had on your life.
Dating before you're even old enough to marry is a waste of time. Dating in your teens is nothing but a breeding ground for hurt, anger, bitterness, loss of self esteem, and a distraction from whats important in life.
Also, romance is often misunderstood by many adult women, let alone teen girls.
To be in a good, healthy, long lasting relationship takes maturity and a lot of understanding what it means to be in a relationship. Despite what most people think, its not something people understand naturally. It takes time and effort to learn it properly. I thought i understood marriage, but i was in my mid-30's before i realized i had marriage totally wrong, and learned what it truly meant to be married. And i see a lot of people my age that STILL don't know what marriage is all about.
I suggest you forget about dating til you're old enough to marry. Take this time to increase your walk with God, get your priorities straight, focus on school, just going out and having fun with friends, and taking the time to learn about relationships, and learning how to spot warning signs in people. Most people will show you small signs that indicate what kind of person they REALLY are (not who they say they are, or try to pretend to be) but you have to learn to see these signs, and have the personal strength to bypass any attraction to them and acknowledge the problems you see and avoid these people.
Also, it seems you need to work on your self worth. If you feel the need to have a guy in your life so badly this early, that you will cut yourself over one, then you are definately not personally, emotionally or spiritually ready to be dating anyways.
 
Jilly81

Jilly81

Senior Member
#5
Jan 16, 2011
2,367
138
63
#5
Hey, Sis. Sad to read your story :(. Here's my best tip: To truly fall in love, fall in love with Jesus first :). He absolutely adores you, and I'm praying right now that He'll reveal His Love to you. When I was younger, I thought that I'd only be really happy if I had a boyfriend, but fortunately, like always, God was right and I was wrong :). -Jill
 
IBDesmond

IBDesmond

Senior Member
#6
Jan 25, 2013
148
3
0
#6
Ugly said:
Your priorities are way out of whack. Do you know how unlikely it is that you will find and marry someone at your age? Its pretty evident you are not mature or capable of knowing what kind of guy is good for you, and if you don't believe me, look at the choices you're made so far and the effects its had on your life.
Dating before you're even old enough to marry is a waste of time. Dating in your teens is nothing but a breeding ground for hurt, anger, bitterness, loss of self esteem, and a distraction from whats important in life.
Also, romance is often misunderstood by many adult women, let alone teen girls.
To be in a good, healthy, long lasting relationship takes maturity and a lot of understanding what it means to be in a relationship. Despite what most people think, its not something people understand naturally. It takes time and effort to learn it properly. I thought i understood marriage, but i was in my mid-30's before i realized i had marriage totally wrong, and learned what it truly meant to be married. And i see a lot of people my age that STILL don't know what marriage is all about.
I suggest you forget about dating til you're old enough to marry. Take this time to increase your walk with God, get your priorities straight, focus on school, just going out and having fun with friends, and taking the time to learn about relationships, and learning how to spot warning signs in people. Most people will show you small signs that indicate what kind of person they REALLY are (not who they say they are, or try to pretend to be) but you have to learn to see these signs, and have the personal strength to bypass any attraction to them and acknowledge the problems you see and avoid these people.
Also, it seems you need to work on your self worth. If you feel the need to have a guy in your life so badly this early, that you will cut yourself over one, then you are definately not personally, emotionally or spiritually ready to be dating anyways.
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^^^subtle....very subtle :|^^^


I agree with what Kayem.

It seems your focus is on what you can get from a relationship rather than what you can bring to it. Pretty much everything you want from a relationship, you have to be able to bring to it too. You want security from a relationship, you too must be secure. You want stability from a relationship, you too must be stable.

I'm not gonna bore you with a massive essay, alls I will say is this. Age has very little to do with dating. It's more about maturity. Focus on your relationship with God. He knows the desires of your heart and if you focus on him, everything will fall into place.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#7
#7
Wow. You've been in a relationship since you were 11 years old? I credit you for wanting a relationship with a mature Christian boy but I'd hold off for quite a few years.
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#8
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#8
Ugly said:
Your priorities are way out of whack. Do you know how unlikely it is that you will find and marry someone at your age? Its pretty evident you are not mature or capable of knowing what kind of guy is good for you, and if you don't believe me, look at the choices you're made so far and the effects its had on your life.
Dating before you're even old enough to marry is a waste of time. Dating in your teens is nothing but a breeding ground for hurt, anger, bitterness, loss of self esteem, and a distraction from whats important in life.
Also, romance is often misunderstood by many adult women, let alone teen girls.
To be in a good, healthy, long lasting relationship takes maturity and a lot of understanding what it means to be in a relationship. Despite what most people think, its not something people understand naturally. It takes time and effort to learn it properly. I thought i understood marriage, but i was in my mid-30's before i realized i had marriage totally wrong, and learned what it truly meant to be married. And i see a lot of people my age that STILL don't know what marriage is all about.
I suggest you forget about dating til you're old enough to marry. Take this time to increase your walk with God, get your priorities straight, focus on school, just going out and having fun with friends, and taking the time to learn about relationships, and learning how to spot warning signs in people. Most people will show you small signs that indicate what kind of person they REALLY are (not who they say they are, or try to pretend to be) but you have to learn to see these signs, and have the personal strength to bypass any attraction to them and acknowledge the problems you see and avoid these people.
Also, it seems you need to work on your self worth. If you feel the need to have a guy in your life so badly this early, that you will cut yourself over one, then you are definately not personally, emotionally or spiritually ready to be dating anyways.
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Yeah +2 to this!

From your post it sounds like you've been dating since you were 10 or earlier! What the heck?!? You're not ever going to have success in relationships unless you put your foot down now and decide not to date again at least until you're 18. 20 is even better. Seriously; whatever you sow now, you'll reap it later.
 
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libertygirl

Guest
#9
#9
You're precious and valuable, guard your heart for the right person. You'll most likely meet him when you're older, but that's okay, he'll be worth the wait. Right now let God be your everything. Seek Him and let Him teach you, so when the right guy comes along you'll be able to recognize him. :)
 
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Chrissy77

Guest
#10
#10
I can't imagine my 14 year old son "going out" let alone dating at his age. This is why my church sets up standards so that the things that have happened to you do not take place. We don't allow our kids to date until they are at least 17 1/2. Since they will not even be thinking of marriage until they of legal age, this makes perfect sense. Besides the fact that this protects all involved from doing something that later on in life they would regret. Then again our kids only date in public settings so that they aren't tempted into doing something in appropriate. My son, while he notices girls, is interested in what any 14 year old is such as games, computers, and outdoor stuff. I have to agree with what everyone else has said about getting your focus off of having a boyfriend. God will put someone in your life when you are older whom he sees fits. Take it from a woman who kissed her first boyfriend at 18. There is something to be proud of to walk down the aisle to the man you are marrying knowing that you are pure and that you have both kept yourself for each other.

I am sorry for what you have endured at so young an age but I would advise you to look into filling any loneliness you may be feeling by nourishing friendships with a few (girl)friends and making the most of these last years before you take on the world.
 
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Renee321

Guest
#11
#11
Thanks so much! I agree with you and appreciate the advice~ :) Some people aren't being too kind about it. ^^'
But thanks for the welcome :)
 
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Renee321

Guest
#12
#12
Thank you very much~ I appreciate your kind words :)
 
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Renee321

Guest
#13
#13
I understand~
I haven't grown up in the best evnironments, and where I'm from, kids are losing there virginity as young as 8, 9, 10; I have managed to hold onto mine. Pregnant girls walk the hall at my school, we have a day-care on the inside, I'm offered drugs daily; it's been hard. But I know there are people out there who have it like me if not worse~ So I try and be thankful :) My parents aren't really 'good people' or the best role models so I've had to use my own means to find God. And I have some self-worth; I'm suprised I have the amount I do. You can thank my mom for conditioning me to be the way I am. ^^'
But many of my friends and people I know have found love young; I'm not even sure God is real. I'm trying to find my way.
I came here to find people to give KIND advice; not quite so blunt.
But thanks for your time anyways~ I'm trying to get better and thats what counts.

Renee~
 
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Renee321

Guest
#14
#14
Thanks so much! I appreciate tons~ This meant a lot to me~ Thanks!

Renee~
 
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Renee321

Guest
#15
#15
Thanks for your time~ I appreciate you commenting and will take your advice into consideration!

Renee~
 
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Renee321

Guest
#16
#16
Thakns so much~ It means a lot :) I appreciate your kind words. Not everyone has been so kind. ^^'

Renee~
 
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Renee321

Guest
#17
#17
Thanks for your advice~ It's appreciated!
Well, where I'm from, we don't go to church often; and we date whenever we'd like... There are not rules, which leads to bad things.
But I appreciate your words~ Thank you.

Renee~
 
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helloIamRuthie

Guest
#18
#18
Renee321 said:
Thanks for your advice~ It's appreciated!
Well, where I'm from, we don't go to church often; and we date whenever we'd like... There are not rules, which leads to bad things.
But I appreciate your words~ Thank you.

Renee~
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you know i have been through alot of what you have been through but a little later in life. if you ever want to talk or have questions. you can message me. i have to agree with what everyone has said. you will only end up getting hurt at this age. and trust me i remember being a teen and thinking i knew everything and asking for help but never listening. i was always rebellious and did things my way. but it only cause me down a long road of hurt and confusion. don't let your raging hormones take control of you. look for answers in the gospel and in prayer. god will do wonders if you believe he will. use your teen years to strengthen your connection with god. before you know it the years will pass and you will grow into a beautiful woman who values herself and does not need anyone to make her feel complete because she has enough love already from our dear lord. one thing i can tell you. looking and searching for love will never fill a void in your heart, it will just dig a deeper hole. you have come to the right site though. everyone on here I've talked to so far have great insight and experience.
 
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Chrissy77

Guest
#19
#19
Renee, I understand some of what people may be saying may seem hurtful and harsh but they are just trying to open your eyes to things you may be missing. You are correct in saying that there are people who have gone through worse things then yourself, but unfortunately that doesn't make it any easier on you, does it?

In the end, stay close to God and he will guide your steps in love.
 
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feddy

Guest
#20
#20
hy.. hv a frndshp wid me ..??
 
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