Good clean Christian Humor

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MichaelOwen

Senior Member
Nov 6, 2017
745
51
28
#1
So....I have decided to make a thread with good clean Christian jokes and humor. Anything you see or come up with, Christian memes, jokes, one liners, post them here on this thread, but please only good clean Christian jokes :) I'll start it with one I heard a while back.

So one day a man was sleeping in his bed when his wife woke him up on Sunday. Still half asleep and groggy, he looked at his wife and scowled saying, "I don't wanna go to church this morning!" She asked him why and his reply was, "Those folks down there don't appreciate me one single bit!" Her reply, "Well you gotta go!" "Oh yeah, why's that?" She said, "Cause you're the pastor!"
 

mar09

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2014
3,675
146
63
#2
Hi michael,
Maybe it's the same feeling some of our pastors truly feel, coz we often dont appreciate them one single bit, even shake their hand to say thank you after the message??.. I am still looking for that joke to post, so wait!
 

Innerfire89

Senior Member
Aug 23, 2017
586
16
0
#3
a burgeler broke into a house at night when he knew the family was out. He snuck into a widow and started looking around with his flashlight when he heard a voice say, "Jesus Is watching you!"
He he turned around and found a parrot in the corner of the room. He asked the parrot what it's name was an it answered "Moses." Then he asked "What kind of people name their parrot Moses?" The parrot answered "The kind of people who name their pit bull Jesus."
 

MichaelOwen

Senior Member
Nov 6, 2017
745
51
28
#4
Pastor Derrick, who was not
averse to berating his congregation for abusing the Sabbath, still liked to lay out "sick" on an occasional Sunday morning to play golf

At crack of dawn one
midsummer morning, he was spotted on the tenth tee one Sunday by an angel; and
the angel was much annoyed.


"Father, he should be
punished!" he said as he reported the miscreant to God.


"And so he shall be, my son.
Watch this!" the heavenly Father replied. The pastor teed off on the
335 yard, par four hole, and his ball arced gracefully in direct line with the
pin. It dropped onto the green and a gentle breeze caught it and carried it a
few.feet right into the hole. The angel turned to God with a puzzled look on his face.

"Father, I thought you were
going to punish him and instead you've given him what every golfer dreams of - a
hole in one!!"

The good Lord smiled. "I
have punished him! Who can he tell?"

 

MichaelOwen

Senior Member
Nov 6, 2017
745
51
28
#13
Susie, who was six years old was sitting in her first grade class one morning when the teacher said, "Today we are going to learn about whales. Did you know that it is physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being? Science has proven that the jaws and alignments and structure make it nearly impossible for a whale to swallow a human." Susie, who always paid attention in Sunday school, stood up and spoke up, "But what about Jonah, he was swallowed by one and he survived to tell about it?!" The teacher, "I'm telling you, it's scientifically proven that a whale cannot swallow a human being." Susie said before she sat down, "Well, when I get to heaven, I'm going to ask Jonah." The teacher said, "But what if Jonah didn't go to Heaven?" Susies reply, "Then you ask him!"
 

MichaelOwen

Senior Member
Nov 6, 2017
745
51
28
#15
Everyone is posting some serious stuff, so I thought I'd come here and post something a little on the light side, maybe to brighten everyone up a little and get a chuckle and a laugh.

So it's summertime in the Bronx, where a widowed man and his son lived. After his wife's passing, he decided the best thing to do would be to send his son to some of the local churches and see what they were like, since neither one of them had been to church before. So one morning he sends his son off to a local Baptist church near their street for Sunday school one morning. It wasn't but about 20 minutes later that the son comes home to his daddy, scared out of his mind like he'd seen a ghost. His dad asked him, "Son, what are you doing back home?! You're supposed to be in Sunday school right now!" The son replied, "Deddy, they's teaching awful horrible things down there at dat there church. I don't think knowing God gonna be for us." The dad, puzzled, asked his son what they were teaching, and the son's reply, "Well, I hear the youth pastor say that God said that, "If you draw a knife upon me, i'll draw a knife upon you!"
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,563
364
83
Germany
#16
I was trying to be cool with a friend walking backwards rapping “ice ice baby“ and when i tuned around i walked right into a wall....
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
15,064
944
113
#17
Who was the funniest person in the Bible?
Sampson. He brought the house down.

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
15,064
944
113
#18
What is the difference between Catholics and Baptists? Catholics will actually acknowledge each other at the liquor store.
 

joefizz

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2017
13,677
471
83
25
#19
Pastor Derrick, who was not
averse to berating his congregation for abusing the Sabbath, still liked to lay out "sick" on an occasional Sunday morning to play golf

At crack of dawn one
midsummer morning, he was spotted on the tenth tee one Sunday by an angel; and
the angel was much annoyed.


"Father, he should be
punished!" he said as he reported the miscreant to God.


"And so he shall be, my son.
Watch this!" the heavenly Father replied. The pastor teed off on the
335 yard, par four hole, and his ball arced gracefully in direct line with the
pin. It dropped onto the green and a gentle breeze caught it and carried it a
few.feet right into the hole. The angel turned to God with a puzzled look on his face.

"Father, I thought you were
going to punish him and instead you've given him what every golfer dreams of - a
hole in one!!"

The good Lord smiled. "I
have punished him! Who can he tell?"

Took me awhile to get this one,the guy can't tell anyone he got a hole in one because he would have to admit that he laid out from church and wasn't sick!
 

joefizz

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2017
13,677
471
83
25
#20
Lumber Jack:I heard you saw logs what inspires you to do so!?
Church member: everytime the pastor starts talking I start sawing...