Moving on

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Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
590
113
#1
Sometimes it is just best to move on.
Sometimes when I try to help someone, or walk by their side through a stressful time, I get the idea I am being taken advantage of.
The Bible says that if someone asks us to walk a mile with them, to walk two miles. I get it, but does there come a time when we must say NO MORE?!
Just a couple of months back a friend of mine from way back decided that I was a burden to him. He mentioned that he wanted to put our friendship on hold "for a while". I agreed, but it hurt. I feel I was taken advantage of by walking that mile with him. He got what he wanted from me, now he wants to be left alone...
I am not so offended now, I am moving forward. Moving on. Hurt still? Yes indeed.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
38,923
15,108
113
67
Tennessee
#2
Sounds like he was just a fair-weather friend. His loss, your gain. How can one put a friendship on 'hold' anyway? That sounds rather lame. Seems to me that you are now the one is relieved of the burden of trying to be a good friend to him. Yes, moving forward in a positive direction.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
6,866
3,147
113
#3
Sometimes it is just best to move on.
Sometimes when I try to help someone, or walk by their side through a stressful time, I get the idea I am being taken advantage of.
The Bible says that if someone asks us to walk a mile with them, to walk two miles. I get it, but does there come a time when we must say NO MORE?!
On an individuel basis i would say yes when it is becoming clear that an individuel is just using us.. But we should not allow some bad experiences with individuels to turn us into people who will no longer walk a few miles with anyone..

We need to remember we do not walk a few miles with others for our benifit ( although sometimes it is a great blessing of joy we have when we end up being of help to the one we walk with :) ) We walk with others the extra mile because thats what Jesus our LORD and Redeemer wants us to do..
 

Deuteronomy

Well-known member
Jun 11, 2018
2,615
2,874
113
65
#4
Sometimes it is just best to move on.
Sometimes when I try to help someone, or walk by their side through a stressful time, I get the idea I am being taken advantage of.
The Bible says that if someone asks us to walk a mile with them, to walk two miles. I get it, but does there come a time when we must say NO MORE?!
Just a couple of months back a friend of mine from way back decided that I was a burden to him. He mentioned that he wanted to put our friendship on hold "for a while". I agreed, but it hurt. I feel I was taken advantage of by walking that mile with him. He got what he wanted from me, now he wants to be left alone...
I am not so offended now, I am moving forward. Moving on. Hurt still? Yes indeed
.
Hi Homewardbound, perhaps you could and should continue to pray for him. W/o knowing more about the situation, it isn't easy to comment (just FYI, I'm not asking you to give us anymore information), but a "fair-weather friend" is what he seems anyway, like @tourist has already pointed out.

That said, perhaps the Lord is not ready for you to simply dismiss your friendship with him out-of-hand, as @Adstar mentioned above, especially if you are making an impact of his life for the better where the Lord is concerned. The thing is, if he doesn't want to remain friends, there is nothing that you can do about that. Then again, there is nothing to stop you from praying for him, and from still being there for him if he changes his mind about your friendship in the future.

The Bible tells us that the first "ingredient" in godly love for others is "patience" .. 1 Corinthians 13:4. The Bible also tells us to act both wisely and for the good of others and to not lose heart in doing so .. e.g. Matthew 7:12; Galatians 6:9-10.

People can be so very disappointing at times, can't they :( PTL that God never is however :)

Praying for you. Would you like us to pray for your friend as well? If so, is your friend a Christian?

Thanks!

~Deut
 
Apr 8, 2019
46
75
18
#5
Jesus does tell us that sometimes the best thing to do is move on. Better to go and spend time with people who will not use you and where an actual relationship can be made. I've had friends leave before so I understand that it is difficult but something you will realize is that true friends will stick around through anything. You're doing the correct thing by moving forward.

I know this verse is mainly for spreading the message but I think it can apply to any relationship that you may have in life, Matthew 10:14, "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet." Obviously try to grow the relationship and be kind but if they remain toxic all you have left is to leave.

I'll be praying for you and your friend, best of luck and God bless.
 

Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
590
113
#7
On an individuel basis i would say yes when it is becoming clear that an individuel is just using us.. But we should not allow some bad experiences with individuels to turn us into people who will no longer walk a few miles with anyone..

We need to remember we do not walk a few miles with others for our benifit ( although sometimes it is a great blessing of joy we have when we end up being of help to the one we walk with :) ) We walk with others the extra mile because thats what Jesus our LORD and Redeemer wants us to do..
Correct fellow believer! I am not going to stop going the extra mile with people. Not at all. It is an honor to serve the Lord in that way. But for some, the extra mile does come to an end. Thanks for the reminder Fellow Believer!
 

Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
590
113
#8
Hi Homewardbound, perhaps you could and should continue to pray for him. W/o knowing more about the situation, it isn't easy to comment (just FYI, I'm not asking you to give us anymore information), but a "fair-weather friend" is what he seems anyway, like @tourist has already pointed out.

That said, perhaps the Lord is not ready for you to simply dismiss your friendship with him out-of-hand, as @Adstar mentioned above, especially if you are making an impact of his life for the better where the Lord is concerned. The thing is, if he doesn't want to remain friends, there is nothing that you can do about that. Then again, there is nothing to stop you from praying for him, and from still being there for him if he changes his mind about your friendship in the future.

The Bible tells us that the first "ingredient" in godly love for others is "patience" .. 1 Corinthians 13:4. The Bible also tells us to act both wisely and for the good of others and to not lose heart in doing so .. e.g. Matthew 7:12; Galatians 6:9-10.

People can be so very disappointing at times, can't they :( PTL that God never is however :)

Praying for you. Would you like us to pray for your friend as well? If so, is your friend a Christian?

Thanks!

~Deut
Yes, my friend is a believer. Thanks for praying for both of us Deuteronomy!
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,095
4,019
113
#9
Hi Homewardbound,

You seem like such a compassionate person - many kudos to you. I know that as Christians, we can actually expect that there will be times we'll be taken advantage of, but it always hurts when it happens and it makes me sad to read about this happening to you.

I was torn for many years over how much we should help other people. After all, the Bible tells us, as you pointed out, to go that extra mile, turn the other cheek, and "Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you" (Matthew 5:42.)

This is just my own experience, and yours might be different, but I've found that God will give me direction regarding various situations. I once had a "friend" who was asking me for money, and this person even hit me with the Bible passage, "Keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking" (Matt. 7:7-12), and told me, "I'm supposed to keep asking, so I'm asking you." The person also implied that I was wrong for not meeting their request, because they were obeying what God had commanded them in the Bible.

I asked God about this, and felt that the answer He gave me was, "Yes, (this person) is supposed to ask, but they're supposed to be asking ME, not you." I relayed this answer back to the person, took all the expected hellfire and damnation reaction one would expect (being told I wasn't a real Christian and how could I let Satan enter my heart, etc.), and promptly walked away from that situation and that person.

The Bible also tells us, "Do not be fooled. Bad character corrupts good morals" (1 Corin. 15:33), and while I'm certainly not trying to claim that I am any better than another person, there are others I want to strive to be more like and others I definitely do not want to be like (such as those who use the Bible and faith as manipulation tactics.)

I can relate very well to some of what you're saying because as a chronically single person, I run into this all the time. I can't tell you how many times another single person or someone going through a hard time has latched on to me because they figure, "You're single, you don't have kids - you should have all the time in the world to listen to ME, help ME, serve ME, and keep ME company." And then, once their situation gets better or they find someone, they disappear, except when they need something again or need someone around them to try to make them look better.

It's hard not to be bitter when people are using you like a Kleenex. They cry their eyes out, tell you all their problems and use you for comfort without ever asking or caring about you as a person, then throw you away once they feel they've gotten everything they can squeeze out of you and move on. Or, they'll come running back as soon as things go bad with their latest significant other (even though you've warned them of red flags the entire time.)

Something that really helped me was the story of the 5 wise young women and the 5 foolish young women who were preparing for a wedding party (Matthew 25.) The 5 wise young women had planned ahead and prepared, bringing extra oil; the 5 foolish young women who didn't prepare thought they could just ask the wise women for some of their oil. But the foolish women were not only told no, but they were also shut out of the wedding party.

I know the aforementioned parable is about preparing for the kingdom in heaven, but I really believe that God was leading me to understand that this is part of our preparation here on earth as well. There is a certain point where even God says, "Enough. You've had time and you've had opportunities and you've wasted them all, so now you're going to have to learn on your own."

This has helped me to make a distinction between helping or enabling people, and I have tried my best to cut down or cut out the enabling, which has made serving the people who aren't trying to just use someone a whole lot easier.

I certainly understand that there are times when we are to continue doing good to someone who hurts or wrongs us - it's just that I used to think I had to be nice to all of them, and I believe God actually confronted me to stop enabling various cycles of behavior.

I'm sorry for this long post, but I hope this might have been of some help.

God bless you, Homewardbound!

I pray that God will comfort you and send you people who are serious about being true friends in your life. :)
 

Homewardbound

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
590
113
#10
Hi Homewardbound,

You seem like such a compassionate person - many kudos to you. I know that as Christians, we can actually expect that there will be times we'll be taken advantage of, but it always hurts when it happens and it makes me sad to read about this happening to you.

I was torn for many years over how much we should help other people. After all, the Bible tells us, as you pointed out, to go that extra mile, turn the other cheek, and "Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you" (Matthew 5:42.)

This is just my own experience, and yours might be different, but I've found that God will give me direction regarding various situations. I once had a "friend" who was asking me for money, and this person even hit me with the Bible passage, "Keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking" (Matt. 7:7-12), and told me, "I'm supposed to keep asking, so I'm asking you." The person also implied that I was wrong for not meeting their request, because they were obeying what God had commanded them in the Bible.

I asked God about this, and felt that the answer He gave me was, "Yes, (this person) is supposed to ask, but they're supposed to be asking ME, not you." I relayed this answer back to the person, took all the expected hellfire and damnation reaction one would expect (being told I wasn't a real Christian and how could I let Satan enter my heart, etc.), and promptly walked away from that situation and that person.

The Bible also tells us, "Do not be fooled. Bad character corrupts good morals" (1 Corin. 15:33), and while I'm certainly not trying to claim that I am any better than another person, there are others I want to strive to be more like and others I definitely do not want to be like (such as those who use the Bible and faith as manipulation tactics.)

I can relate very well to some of what you're saying because as a chronically single person, I run into this all the time. I can't tell you how many times another single person or someone going through a hard time has latched on to me because they figure, "You're single, you don't have kids - you should have all the time in the world to listen to ME, help ME, serve ME, and keep ME company." And then, once their situation gets better or they find someone, they disappear, except when they need something again or need someone around them to try to make them look better.

It's hard not to be bitter when people are using you like a Kleenex. They cry their eyes out, tell you all their problems and use you for comfort without ever asking or caring about you as a person, then throw you away once they feel they've gotten everything they can squeeze out of you and move on. Or, they'll come running back as soon as things go bad with their latest significant other (even though you've warned them of red flags the entire time.)

Something that really helped me was the story of the 5 wise young women and the 5 foolish young women who were preparing for a wedding party (Matthew 25.) The 5 wise young women had planned ahead and prepared, bringing extra oil; the 5 foolish young women who didn't prepare thought they could just ask the wise women for some of their oil. But the foolish women were not only told no, but they were also shut out of the wedding party.

I know the aforementioned parable is about preparing for the kingdom in heaven, but I really believe that God was leading me to understand that this is part of our preparation here on earth as well. There is a certain point where even God says, "Enough. You've had time and you've had opportunities and you've wasted them all, so now you're going to have to learn on your own."

This has helped me to make a distinction between helping or enabling people, and I have tried my best to cut down or cut out the enabling, which has made serving the people who aren't trying to just use someone a whole lot easier.

I certainly understand that there are times when we are to continue doing good to someone who hurts or wrongs us - it's just that I used to think I had to be nice to all of them, and I believe God actually confronted me to stop enabling various cycles of behavior.

I'm sorry for this long post, but I hope this might have been of some help.

God bless you, Homewardbound!

I pray that God will comfort you and send you people who are serious about being true friends in your life. :)
Thank you for your thoughts, Fellow Believer, I take comfort in knowing I am not alone in this. The Christian walk can be hard at times, but He is walking with us. Thanks again for this!