Reasons for leaving a church..

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Nov 15, 2020
1,897
358
83
Newcastle, NSW, Australia
#41
Hello True_believer

We attend church to worship God and Christ is the head of the church (Ephesians 5:23). Therefore since Christ is the head, you are accountable to Him for your actions and not your pastor who is actually one of his servants. Your pastor did not have the right to scold you for your actions. If he thought you were wrong, he was supposed to say it in a kind and respectful way.
God also loves your non-believing relatives and Christians are called to preach the gospel to everyone and love everyone. God does not want us to treat others as outcasts because they are not believers. How does this pastor think that you will be able to tell them about the gospel if you reject them?

Personal experience

I have been to many churches because I was trying to find the most biblical church. Unfortunately your experience is not unique; I have come across Christians from different churches that left the church because of rude pastors. The problem is that what happened in this church could happen in another church. Maybe you will not encounter a rude pastor, but you might encounter a rude pastor wife, elder, deacon or fellow Christian. Therefore even if you have left your current church, there is no guarantee that you will not experience something similar again in another church.

Jesus’s experience

The church leaders when Christ was on earth were rude and mean to him. They always tried to find fault with him and were always either criticizing Him or his disciples. They even called Jesus horrible names (John 8:48, Matthew 11:19), which was not justified.
One time the congregation at a synagogue Jesus had attended tried to push him over a cliff (Luke 4:29). So even Jesus had negative experiences with church leaders and even the congregation.

Other Considerations

I believe that you should also consider the long term and short term implications. The decision could cause an impact on not only you, but others as well.
  • Have you consulted God about your decision and asked Him if you should have left?
  • You have left this church, are you now attending another church? Not going to church has a big impact on some Christians and can cause them to back-slide. How are about yourself? Will it have a negative impact on you and your spiritual life?
  • If you are not currently attending a church, do you intend on finding another church and how soon will you do so? Perhaps not going to church for a long time will not have a negative impact on your spiritual life. However, it might have an impact on your un-believing family members. Could it cause them not to take your Christian beliefs seriously? Could it cause them to further feel justified in not accepting Christianity and further lead them away from God? Remember that you are also a witness to your un-believing family members and your actions could have an impact on their beliefs on Christianity.
  • What possible impact did leaving your current church have on your other church members? Did you hold a leadership position within the church and were you a role model to some of the congregants (maybe the youth)? Would you leaving have a negative impact on them, since they have lost your influence? Will you continue to communicate with those you had a good relationship with or will you sever all ties?

Suggested action points
  • If leaving your current church will have a negative effect, the devil might bring more opportunities for you to come across other rude Christians to tempt you to leave the next church you go to.
  • Think about how you will handle the situation if it does happen again, whether it is with another pastor or someone else in another church. How will you handle the situation? What will you say if you do decided to confront the person?
  • Although your pastor’s reaction was not right, you also need to be careful of un-believers. (Both friends and family) They might try to turn you away from God and prevent you from worshipping Him. I have seen this with my own family. (They on the other hand do believe in God, but most of them do not take religion or church seriously and expect other family members to have the same mind-set). Your relative asked you out of everyone in your family to attend the graveyard with her knowing it would clash with the time that you were supposed to attend church. You need to make sure that your family does not make a habit of stopping you from worshipping God. Your relative could have chosen Saturday to attend the graveyard or on Sunday afternoon after church. You should not reject your family, but you should respectfully make it clear to them that you take your religious beliefs seriously and they should avoid interfering with your religious practices.

Overall, was it the right thing to leave the church or not? I personally do not know. You need to pray and ask God if it was.

Out of curiosity, why did your relative want to attend the graveyard, what did you both do when you got there? (You do not have to respond if it is personal).
whoa, that is a lot to read .. :LOL:
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,627
4,522
113
#42
I can understand if you were like one of the speakers or someone who organised the communion or on the roster and you just didnt tell anyone you were going to be away that sunday that might throw the pastor but he could always call someone else and forgive you if you didnt inform him right?

What happens if you are sick or just cant make it (your car breaks down or you break a leg or something?) Or your neighbours house catches fire and they arent christians do you just go, sorry, I need to go to church, someone else can call the fire brigade.
 
Nov 15, 2020
1,897
358
83
Newcastle, NSW, Australia
#43
I can understand if you were like one of the speakers or someone who organised the communion or on the roster and you just didnt tell anyone you were going to be away that sunday that might throw the pastor but he could always call someone else and forgive you if you didnt inform him right?

What happens if you are sick or just cant make it (your car breaks down or you break a leg or something?) Or your neighbours house catches fire and they arent christians do you just go, sorry, I need to go to church, someone else can call the fire brigade.
As funny as that is, some sense should be used, not that "common sense" is common either. Call the pastor and ask him would a house fire be an inconvenience.
 
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,964
113
#44
if any have or need a 'pastor', pray that he has the gift to discern enough to trust and know
that when a member of his congregation is absent that they are attending to a 'weightier'
matter of the Law, 'love-faith, mercy', these are above traditional attendance...
 

true_believer

Well-known member
Sep 24, 2020
453
255
63
#45
I left the Islamic religion at 12 years old because I disliked the endless rules and restrictions along with the micromanaging from Muslim family members and teachers. I don't need a pastor acting like a helicopter mullah.
 
Nov 15, 2020
1,897
358
83
Newcastle, NSW, Australia
#46
W
I left the Islamic religion at 12 years old because I disliked the endless rules and restrictions along with the micromanaging from Muslim family members and teachers. I don't need a pastor acting like a helicopter mullah.
Which year did you leave, and, where did you go ?
 
Dec 13, 2020
36
31
18
Texas
#47
"Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." Luke 5:31-32

Your pastor should've been happy you helped your family member. Christ exists all around us, and sometimes the best ministry happens simply by being there for those in their hour of need. Going to church doesn't automatically guarantee anyone is a good Christian, and missing service for ANY reason doesn't automatically mean they're a bad one; the pastor should know that better than anyone else. I would've left that church, too. Sounds like the pastor could do with some self-reflection.
 

true_believer

Well-known member
Sep 24, 2020
453
255
63
#48
I just have to chalk this up experience as part of my spiritual growth and emotional maturity.
 

HumbleOne

Active member
Jul 10, 2021
132
68
28
#52
I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...

Sounds very legalistic and built on works. I was thinking of going to a church close to my house and I did some research on it. The statement of faith was 90 pages long. I made it about 16 pages in and had to stop. This church even dictated the type of furniture you could have in your house. Placing a lot of burdens on people. . Always do good research on the church and visit a few times. If you feel that a Church that you're attending is straying from God's word, then it's ok to leave.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,627
4,522
113
#53
most churches or insitituions are only there for as long as they can pay off the mortgage, and then by that time the buildings are falling to bits, but the land is worth more than the building, so some greedy pastors are considering selling them off, especially in urban areas where land is precious and airspace even more.

I dont think there is such a thing as consecrated or holy ground anymore. They probably would dig up a cemetary or graveyard to put a carpark there.
 

HumbleOne

Active member
Jul 10, 2021
132
68
28
#54
most churches or insitituions are only there for as long as they can pay off the mortgage, and then by that time the buildings are falling to bits, but the land is worth more than the building, so some greedy pastors are considering selling them off, especially in urban areas where land is precious and airspace even more.

I dont think there is such a thing as consecrated or holy ground anymore. They probably would dig up a cemetary or graveyard to put a carpark there.
I think it's sad that when reach such a point.
 
Jul 16, 2021
8
11
3
#55
As a pastor I would have to say that yours was off base in criticizing you. Sure, call and check in to see if you and your family are okay. Definitely offer condolences on the loss. In finding out about the unchurched family member, have a conversation about witnessing to the person. Offer to go with you to visit the family member. Include the family member in prayer list.
Even if you had missed more regularly he should share the Law and Gospel in an evangelical way.
 

mustaphadrink

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2013
1,547
271
83
#56
Sad to say too many pastors are more about control than serving. As I have studied the scriptures, it is a standout that anyone who is in leadership is a servant, not a dictator.

I really do believe that control equals rejection. If you don't have rejection you do not need to control. If you have rejection, and Derek Prince said that at least 50% of pastors have it, you feel inadequate and you cover it up with control.

One church I used to go to had a pastor that said from the pulpit, "You can do it my way or leave." About 50% of the congregation left.

So many pastors have not worked out that they are there for others, not themselves. That is not surprising as I looked up a website that listed jobs for pastors. There were 263 adverts and not one of them required you to have a servant heart. All of them wanted people who could make trhings happen.
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
3,600
623
113
#58
while on vacation, I visited a church. I was ushered into the Pastor's class. I was not aware that their Sunday School started 20 minutes early. The Pastor immediately after I sat down started verbally abusing me for being late to his class.
I stood up said, I will not take your abuse and left. As I was going to my car I saw that everyone in that class was then leaving too. I learned that within a few days that church closed its doors because everyone left and went to the church down the street. It turns out the pastor was causing problems left and right. My standing up to him is what they needed to make a positive decision to go to a church that taught servanthood.
 
Jul 30, 2021
69
34
18
#59
I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...
I'd have thought that spending time with the dying unsaved during a vulnerable time may have been just the opportunity needed to show God's love. After all, people ARE the ministry's goal.
 

JaumeJ

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2011
19,070
5,074
113
#60
I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...
We are to win them b by out love. It seems that not going with the folks with the bereavement and ailment would have been taken as sourced by evil. You did the right thing ..