Just thought I'd share this short story I wrote a few months ago...please Critique it! 
WATCH WHERE YOU STEP
Fifteen year old Mackenzie was living in Germany after her parents death, but until their passing, she had lived in America. Her parents had been wealthy, and she inherited a large sum of money, as well as an old manor, five hundred years old. This manor was in Germany, and Mackenzie had never seen it before; her parents had only been there once. It was owned by her father's family for centuries, and it was always to be passed down. Now it was Mackenzie's turn to inherit it.
Upon stepping on the threshold before entering the Manor's gate, she felt a strange queasiness inside of her. She held the old key to the gate in her hand, and slowly slipped it into the key hole, not heeding the warnings inside of her. The courtyard was crumbling; where there was once a fountain bubbling with mirth, all that was left was a ruined stone circle. Yet another gate, and again, a queasiness began to settle inside of her, but all the same, she unlocked this gate too.
Before her stood the manor, four stories high. It looked old and mysterious, as if some secret hovered above it, or something was ready at any given moment to jump out and settle on it's prey. Mackenzie thought these things, but she still paid no heed to the warnings. She boldly walked upto the great doors and cleared away the cobwebs, presently getting to the keyhole. As she was putting the key into the lock, a voice behind her said,
"Watch where you step, my pretty lass."She spun round and saw no one, and figured she was only imagining it. She presently unlocked the door, and the door creaked open, she saw what looked like a face in front of her, rotting and decaying. She was about to run out when it said, "watch where you step, pretty lass. Watch where you step!"
Mackenzie rushed out the door, and got to the fountain ruins, and was going to keep going, but something caught her eye. She looked at the ruins of the fountain, and picked up an old piece of paper that said,
'Watch where you step, pretty lass. Watch where you step!'
She was so frightened she could barely breathe; she was determined to let nothing catch her eye again but when she got to the first gate, it closed, and on a plaque on the gate it said,
Pretty lassy, watch where you step.
Mackenzie tried opening the gate, but it was useless, and however hard shetried, she could not open it.
The last words Mackenzie saw before she left this world to go to the heavens were,
Pretty lassy, watch where you step.
WATCH WHERE YOU STEP
Fifteen year old Mackenzie was living in Germany after her parents death, but until their passing, she had lived in America. Her parents had been wealthy, and she inherited a large sum of money, as well as an old manor, five hundred years old. This manor was in Germany, and Mackenzie had never seen it before; her parents had only been there once. It was owned by her father's family for centuries, and it was always to be passed down. Now it was Mackenzie's turn to inherit it.
Upon stepping on the threshold before entering the Manor's gate, she felt a strange queasiness inside of her. She held the old key to the gate in her hand, and slowly slipped it into the key hole, not heeding the warnings inside of her. The courtyard was crumbling; where there was once a fountain bubbling with mirth, all that was left was a ruined stone circle. Yet another gate, and again, a queasiness began to settle inside of her, but all the same, she unlocked this gate too.
Before her stood the manor, four stories high. It looked old and mysterious, as if some secret hovered above it, or something was ready at any given moment to jump out and settle on it's prey. Mackenzie thought these things, but she still paid no heed to the warnings. She boldly walked upto the great doors and cleared away the cobwebs, presently getting to the keyhole. As she was putting the key into the lock, a voice behind her said,
"Watch where you step, my pretty lass."She spun round and saw no one, and figured she was only imagining it. She presently unlocked the door, and the door creaked open, she saw what looked like a face in front of her, rotting and decaying. She was about to run out when it said, "watch where you step, pretty lass. Watch where you step!"
Mackenzie rushed out the door, and got to the fountain ruins, and was going to keep going, but something caught her eye. She looked at the ruins of the fountain, and picked up an old piece of paper that said,
'Watch where you step, pretty lass. Watch where you step!'
She was so frightened she could barely breathe; she was determined to let nothing catch her eye again but when she got to the first gate, it closed, and on a plaque on the gate it said,
Pretty lassy, watch where you step.
Mackenzie tried opening the gate, but it was useless, and however hard shetried, she could not open it.
The last words Mackenzie saw before she left this world to go to the heavens were,
Pretty lassy, watch where you step.