Divorce? And how did you get the courage to actually go through with it?

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Akerswife

New member
Nov 24, 2018
3
3
3
#1
I’m currently married and am as miserable as I’ve ever been. He’s bipolar and a narcissist so it’s very difficult being married to him. We have four kids so I’ve tried staying together for them but I think it’s better for the kids if we weren’t together. He’s always rude to me accusing me of cheating when I haven’t. Calls me names when he’s upset in a bipolar flare up. I’m just getting so depressed from it. He’s a great guy when not having his flare ups but when is enough enough? I can’t keep being told f you and called names anymore. He blames me for his mood swings. My oldest daughter who’s 8 tells me I should divorce him so we can be happy again. I’ve tried leaving him three times before but he begged me to take him back and that he’d get help and change. But it always goes right back to this. I feel in my heart the best thing to do is leave him but something inside me fills me with fear. Fear of how will I ever get by financially with four young kids. Fear of where would we live. Fear of being single for forever and unwanted. The list goes on and on. Or even the judging eyes that I would have on me if I did. I don’t tell anyone but my family what he puts me through so people think he’s great when in reality it’s a nightmare. I feel alone and wished I had more emotional support. Any special bible verses that I should read to help give me guidance or support? I just want to be my happy self again. ☹️
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
26,531
5,059
113
#2


Hello, Akerswife, what a terrible situation to be caught in. My heart goes out to you.



It sounds like you love your husband, though he is incapable
on his own of changing those things which drive you away.



Sometimes people need consequences before they will take the dire need for
change seriously enough to actually do anything to start the process of change.




It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into how to proceed.


Divorce may not be the solution you are looking for, but temporary separation.



Is your husband under a doctor's care and on meds for his condition?
 
Jul 20, 2019
90
61
18
#3
I’m currently married and am as miserable as I’ve ever been. He’s bipolar and a narcissist so it’s very difficult being married to him. We have four kids so I’ve tried staying together for them but I think it’s better for the kids if we weren’t together. He’s always rude to me accusing me of cheating when I haven’t. Calls me names when he’s upset in a bipolar flare up. I’m just getting so depressed from it. He’s a great guy when not having his flare ups but when is enough enough? I can’t keep being told f you and called names anymore. He blames me for his mood swings. My oldest daughter who’s 8 tells me I should divorce him so we can be happy again. I’ve tried leaving him three times before but he begged me to take him back and that he’d get help and change. But it always goes right back to this. I feel in my heart the best thing to do is leave him but something inside me fills me with fear. Fear of how will I ever get by financially with four young kids. Fear of where would we live. Fear of being single for forever and unwanted. The list goes on and on. Or even the judging eyes that I would have on me if I did. I don’t tell anyone but my family what he puts me through so people think he’s great when in reality it’s a nightmare. I feel alone and wished I had more emotional support. Any special bible verses that I should read to help give me guidance or support? I just want to be my happy self again. ☹️
all I can say is, I had narcissist parents, and fell in love with a narcissist, fortunately for me, the lord protected me and we never got to the dating stage, saying that, I have since learnt, they can never change. There souls are destroyed and they only work on ego. There is no choice but to leave.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
9,906
4,660
113
#4
I’m currently married and am as miserable as I’ve ever been. He’s bipolar and a narcissist so it’s very difficult being married to him. We have four kids so I’ve tried staying together for them but I think it’s better for the kids if we weren’t together. He’s always rude to me accusing me of cheating when I haven’t. Calls me names when he’s upset in a bipolar flare up. I’m just getting so depressed from it. He’s a great guy when not having his flare ups but when is enough enough? I can’t keep being told f you and called names anymore. He blames me for his mood swings. My oldest daughter who’s 8 tells me I should divorce him so we can be happy again. I’ve tried leaving him three times before but he begged me to take him back and that he’d get help and change. But it always goes right back to this. I feel in my heart the best thing to do is leave him but something inside me fills me with fear. Fear of how will I ever get by financially with four young kids. Fear of where would we live. Fear of being single for forever and unwanted. The list goes on and on. Or even the judging eyes that I would have on me if I did. I don’t tell anyone but my family what he puts me through so people think he’s great when in reality it’s a nightmare. I feel alone and wished I had more emotional support. Any special bible verses that I should read to help give me guidance or support? I just want to be my happy self again. ☹️
Welcome to CC!

Your story is best shared in the Family forum; this forum is for introducing yourself. If you post your story there, you're likely to get more responses. :)
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
2,621
2,151
113
#5
Welcome to CC and so glad you're here. I agree w/Magenta. The only way he is going to take you seriously is if you separate AND don't go back unless you know he is serious. Lack of respect is a big no-no and definitely not good for your children to witness. If you don't respect yourself, they won't either. Get some prayer partners that will agree for open doors for you to stay while you work this out. Is he saved....either way sincere prayer partners would help, as the Word says.
GOD BLESS YOU and there is a prayer forum here is you desire members here to pray for you also.
 

Akerswife

New member
Nov 24, 2018
3
3
3
#6


Hello, Akerswife, what a terrible situation to be caught in. My heart goes out to you.



It sounds like you love your husband, though he is incapable
on his own of changing those things which drive you away.



Sometimes people need consequences before they will take the dire need for
change seriously enough to actually do anything to start the process of change.




It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into how to proceed.


Divorce may not be the solution you are looking for, but temporary separation.



Is your husband under a doctor's care and on meds for his condition?
Yes he’s on a lot of medication but he’s in denial he thinks nothing is wrong with him.
 

Akerswife

New member
Nov 24, 2018
3
3
3
#7
Welcome to CC and so glad you're here. I agree w/Magenta. The only way he is going to take you seriously is if you separate AND don't go back unless you know he is serious. Lack of respect is a big no-no and definitely not good for your children to witness. If you don't respect yourself, they won't either. Get some prayer partners that will agree for open doors for you to stay while you work this out. Is he saved....either way sincere prayer partners would help, as the Word says.
GOD BLESS YOU and there is a prayer forum here is you desire members here to pray for you also.
I’ve left him like three times already and he never changes. No he’s not into god or anything that has to do with that. He’s a very negative person
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
2,621
2,151
113
#8
If there is any church that offers counselling around you, see what they say. Something needs to change for the sake of your 4 children. God bless.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
13,681
1,639
113
#9
I’ve left him like three times already and he never changes. No he’s not into god or anything that has to do with that. He’s a very negative person
So my sister has been going through this very situation. If you post over in the Family or Womans forum I will say more. Will check back later.
 
Aug 3, 2019
65
49
18
#10
I’m currently married and am as miserable as I’ve ever been. He’s bipolar and a narcissist so it’s very difficult being married to him. We have four kids so I’ve tried staying together for them but I think it’s better for the kids if we weren’t together. He’s always rude to me accusing me of cheating when I haven’t. Calls me names when he’s upset in a bipolar flare up. I’m just getting so depressed from it. He’s a great guy when not having his flare ups but when is enough enough? I can’t keep being told f you and called names anymore. He blames me for his mood swings. My oldest daughter who’s 8 tells me I should divorce him so we can be happy again. I’ve tried leaving him three times before but he begged me to take him back and that he’d get help and change. But it always goes right back to this. I feel in my heart the best thing to do is leave him but something inside me fills me with fear. Fear of how will I ever get by financially with four young kids. Fear of where would we live. Fear of being single for forever and unwanted. The list goes on and on. Or even the judging eyes that I would have on me if I did. I don’t tell anyone but my family what he puts me through so people think he’s great when in reality it’s a nightmare. I feel alone and wished I had more emotional support. Any special bible verses that I should read to help give me guidance or support? I just want to be my happy self again. ☹️
This breaks my heart, I am actually in tears, because this is so much like my story. My husband was very handsome, outgoing, hardworking, the life of the party kind of guy, and everyone loved him. But at home he was controlling, demanding, angry, blaming, verbally abusive, everything had to be his way, for or about him, even though we had 3 kids. He could be sweet and loveable at times, but mostly not. I was miserable, I wanted out but did not believe in divorce as a Christian. Like you, I was full of fear....what would people say and think, how would I survive financially, where would I go, would I be unwanted and single the rest of my life....sound familiar? I also worried about putting my kids through that. There were actually times he threatened my life. There were also times I considered taking my own life, but I could not leave my kids with him. He was a Christian, a Pastor, there was no alcohol or drugs involved, no diagnosed mental illness. After 23 years he decided to divorce me for another woman, it was a terrible time for me. But soon I realized it was a good thing, my chance for a new and happier life, free of his abuse. The kids were glad too. He is currently in his 3rd marriage, and he is still doing the same stuff to this wife but she believes she deserves it. In those darkest days, full of fears, God directed me to my new life verse 3 times, and blessed me in some special ways, including a 2nd marriage. Don't get desperate, don't give up. Turn it all over to God, pour your heart out to Him, including all those fears. PRAY. Get Godly counsel. Read Jeremiah 29:11 and have faith.
 
Jul 20, 2019
90
61
18
#11
Unfortunately there are many narcissist people out there. They are not nice people. Can be very charming but stab you in the back real quick. Get out of there asap
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
67,946
5,876
113
#12
Welcome to CC!

Your story is best shared in the Family forum; this forum is for introducing yourself. If you post your story there, you're likely to get more responses. :)

Yes, the subject of divorce belongs in the Family forum, not the Introductions forum. Welcome to CC. :)
 

Leastamongmany

Well-known member
Jun 2, 2019
3,270
1,220
113
Usa
#13
Welcome to cc. I feel very deeply for you situation. I have lived thru this. My first husband was a bit older than I was,we had two good yrs. After my son came life fell apart! Both of us were in church,and actively involved there. This is a chemical imbalance in the brain and meds are a temporary fix. My children and our lives were horrible as the disease progressed. There would be times we had no food,no electricity but I believed in til death do we part. He went from having an excellent job to eleven jobs in one yr. There is no cure and it's a genetic disorder that is passed on. My son and grandson both had this( my son passed away five yrs ago) they also heard voices and were paranoid. I too left several times after counceling,much prayer and suffering. I stayed in this marriage for 17 yrs until one night he held a knife in my side and was going to kill me. Oh how I prayed! I thought it be wants me dead,what of our children? The next morning I left and immediately filed for divorce. My life was a mess for many yrs after.. Two more marriages failed( they cheated). I will say to you,you alone know all the facts of your situation! Fear is against faith and yes you probably will stumble and may even fall! We serve a JUST and mighty God who cares about everything we suffer through. He alone can give you strength and wisdom in what to do. I will be helping pray for your family and this situation for the right choice in your life.God does not fail! Be strong and loving until you receive your answer from him,don't let bitterness take control. When my first husband was dying,I brought him in to our home and cared for him. He had fast acting cancer,I stayed at His side giving him pain meds and giving him personal care until he passed,it took 33 hrs. I became a nurse after my divorce. I say pray then act when you know what God has said to you,then move forward. You can do anything thru Him. As someone said don't be desperate,you will need healing as well. My heart and prayers are with you!
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
9,776
5,166
113
73
#14
Hello Akerswife, welcome to Christian Chat. I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.

glitter-hello-text-smiley-emoticon.gif

 

oyster67

Senior Member
May 24, 2014
1,705
1,215
113
#15
I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say, but all I can do is pray. Stay close to the Lord. Don't let the bad things of this life make you angry or bitter at Him. He loves you so much that He died for you. I don't know why He allows such terrible things to happen in this life, but I do know that someday He will wipe all the tears from our eyes.

You have done all you can do. Thank you for bringing this to us so we can stand together with you in prayer.

It is time to go to Him in simple childlike faith. Time to confess our helplessness. He wants us to look to Him in times like these.

Psalms 121
121:1 A Song of degrees. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
121:2 My help [cometh] from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
121:3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
121:4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
121:5 The LORD [is] thy keeper: the LORD [is] thy shade upon thy right hand.
121:6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
121:7 The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
121:8 The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

We love you, sister.
 

Ashton307

New member
Aug 9, 2019
4
1
1
#16
I’m currently married and am as miserable as I’ve ever been. He’s bipolar and a narcissist so it’s very difficult being married to him. We have four kids so I’ve tried staying together for them but I think it’s better for the kids if we weren’t together. He’s always rude to me accusing me of cheating when I haven’t. Calls me names when he’s upset in a bipolar flare up. I’m just getting so depressed from it. He’s a great guy when not having his flare ups but when is enough enough? I can’t keep being told f you and called names anymore. He blames me for his mood swings. My oldest daughter who’s 8 tells me I should divorce him so we can be happy again. I’ve tried leaving him three times before but he begged me to take him back and that he’d get help and change. But it always goes right back to this. I feel in my heart the best thing to do is leave him but something inside me fills me with fear. Fear of how will I ever get by financially with four young kids. Fear of where would we live. Fear of being single for forever and unwanted. The list goes on and on. Or even the judging eyes that I would have on me if I did. I don’t tell anyone but my family what he puts me through so people think he’s great when in reality it’s a nightmare. I feel alone and wished I had more emotional support. Any special bible verses that I should read to help give me guidance or support? I just want to be my happy self again. ☹️
I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say, but all I can do is pray. Stay close to the Lord. Don't let the bad things of this life make you angry or bitter at Him. He loves you so much that He died for you. I don't know why He allows such terrible things to happen in this life, but I do know that someday He will wipe all the tears from our eyes.

You have done all you can do. Thank you for bringing this to us so we can stand together with you in prayer.

It is time to go to Him in simple childlike faith. Time to confess our helplessness. He wants us to look to Him in times like these.

Psalms 121
121:1 A Song of degrees. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
121:2 My help [cometh] from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
121:3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
121:4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
121:5 The LORD [is] thy keeper: the LORD [is] thy shade upon thy right hand.
121:6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
121:7 The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
121:8 The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

We love you, sister.
"..............................................................................

My firm belief is that you must first get clarity as to what you really desire to do. No one but you can do that because all of the decisions are yours to make.

1. No where do you state that you are earnestly praying for godly wisdom in this matter.

2. Your husband doesn't love you, and he loves himself more than he loves God, or you, or the children.

3. It is clear that you have done little to educate yourself as to how to survive after a divorce.

4. It appears that you're the 'responsible' parent in your home so stop waffling and make a decision; but make the necessary decisions and don't look back. Stop being selfish considering what someone else thinks.

5. Grow up and get out or stay there and suffer. Be certain the results are that your children will resent you both. Him, for not getting the help he so desperately needs, and you for putting them through a miserable marriage to a weak, uncaring, self-defeating father.

Finally, you and I both know things won't get better by themselves ... and neither will you until you 'grow a pair' through committed prayer!

Being married is tough on everyone who is married no matter what; but God made us to "couple." Get on with it.

And marriage was never about marrying the right person, but more so about being the right person. And your marriage has far and long ago been over about you being happy ... and him playing a tennis match in his brains about who and what he wants or supposed to be. It is about those children ... full stop!

P.U.S.H. ... and make the decision!
 

Leastamongmany

Well-known member
Jun 2, 2019
3,270
1,220
113
Usa
#17
"..............................................................................

My firm belief is that you must first get clarity as to what you really desire to do. No one but you can do that because all of the decisions are yours to make.

1. No where do you state that you are earnestly praying for godly wisdom in this matter.

2. Your husband doesn't love you, and he loves himself more than he loves God, or you, or the children.

3. It is clear that you have done little to educate yourself as to how to survive after a divorce.

4. It appears that you're the 'responsible' parent in your home so stop waffling and make a decision; but make the necessary decisions and don't look back. Stop being selfish considering what someone else thinks.

5. Grow up and get out or stay there and suffer. Be certain the results are that your children will resent you both. Him, for not getting the help he so desperately needs, and you for putting them through a miserable marriage to a weak, uncaring, self-defeating father.

Finally, you and I both know things won't get better by themselves ... and neither will you until you 'grow a pair' through committed prayer!

Being married is tough on everyone who is married no matter what; but God made us to "couple." Get on with it.

And marriage was never about marrying the right person, but more so about being the right person. And your marriage has far and long ago been over about you being happy ... and him playing a tennis match in his brains about who and what he wants or supposed to be. It is about those children ... full stop!

P.U.S.H. ... and make the decision!


Welcome to cc,Ashton. I pray blessing in your journey here!
 
Aug 11, 2019
20
17
3
54
Indiana
#19
I’m currently married and am as miserable as I’ve ever been. He’s bipolar and a narcissist so it’s very difficult being married to him. We have four kids so I’ve tried staying together for them but I think it’s better for the kids if we weren’t together. He’s always rude to me accusing me of cheating when I haven’t. Calls me names when he’s upset in a bipolar flare up. I’m just getting so depressed from it. He’s a great guy when not having his flare ups but when is enough enough? I can’t keep being told f you and called names anymore. He blames me for his mood swings. My oldest daughter who’s 8 tells me I should divorce him so we can be happy again. I’ve tried leaving him three times before but he begged me to take him back and that he’d get help and change. But it always goes right back to this. I feel in my heart the best thing to do is leave him but something inside me fills me with fear. Fear of how will I ever get by financially with four young kids. Fear of where would we live. Fear of being single for forever and unwanted. The list goes on and on. Or even the judging eyes that I would have on me if I did. I don’t tell anyone but my family what he puts me through so people think he’s great when in reality it’s a nightmare. I feel alone and wished I had more emotional support. Any special bible verses that I should read to help give me guidance or support? I just want to be my happy self again. ☹️
Sorry to see what you're going through...I had difficulty breaking away from my "Gaslighting" Ex...until she dropped a tv on my head. I guess you could say it wasn't safe anymore lol! Don't drag it on, do what you have to do for you and your child. He will get over it eventually and maybe even learn something. Likely, from his kid. Kids are great teachers, and they instinctively know what is right.
Trust in the Lord and do what you have to do. There are programs to help monetarily for situations like that, don't be ashamed to ask.
Perhaps a move to the next state is in order. God bless you and your child, trust in Him and get help.
 

dizzychad

New member
Aug 11, 2019
4
3
1
#20
I’m currently married and am as miserable as I’ve ever been. He’s bipolar and a narcissist so it’s very difficult being married to him. We have four kids so I’ve tried staying together for them but I think it’s better for the kids if we weren’t together. He’s always rude to me accusing me of cheating when I haven’t. Calls me names when he’s upset in a bipolar flare up. I’m just getting so depressed from it. He’s a great guy when not having his flare ups but when is enough enough? I can’t keep being told f you and called names anymore. He blames me for his mood swings. My oldest daughter who’s 8 tells me I should divorce him so we can be happy again. I’ve tried leaving him three times before but he begged me to take him back and that he’d get help and change. But it always goes right back to this. I feel in my heart the best thing to do is leave him but something inside me fills me with fear. Fear of how will I ever get by financially with four young kids. Fear of where would we live. Fear of being single for forever and unwanted. The list goes on and on. Or even the judging eyes that I would have on me if I did. I don’t tell anyone but my family what he puts me through so people think he’s great when in reality it’s a nightmare. I feel alone and wished I had more emotional support. Any special bible verses that I should read to help give me guidance or support? I just want to be my happy self again. ☹️
Marriage is a hard relationship. It’s most likely the most difficult relationship you could pursue. I can’t give you an easy answer. There isn’t one. The words of the New Testament describe it as being endebted to another person for life. If that was with a perfect person that would be like paradise. However, no one is perfect. If you chose to enter into Christian marriage, you chose to be forever endebted to your husband and he chose the same for you. Your happiness is his concern and he will be judged for how he treated you. He is obligated and endebted to serve you as Christ served the church and Christ willingly was crucified and experienced hell. Which was infinitely worse. That is the debt your husband signed up for if he entered into a Christian marriage. You also signed up for the same. A marriage has nothing to do with your happiness and everything to do with serving your spouse. Anything other than that is not a biblical version of marriage. If you need to get divorced I advise to accept the fact that you should never get married again unless he dies. Some people are not meant to be married. That’s ok. It is not best to divorce and remarry. The foundation of such a thing defies Christian marriage.