i was a satanist for most of my life after being raised by a fake Christian who used the bible as a weapon. Im back with Christ but not sure about the nature of God. And how to proceed with it. i was told(rebuked) recently that God isn't cruel but loving and im interested in this narrative. Gnostic philosophy was a big part of my previous belief structure, now i need to get closer to God. Im a weird guy who found Christ because of my research into the masons(albert pike and manly palmer hall mostly) who claim that all other religions are from lucifer if you look hard enough eg. vishnu (a lord of darkness that brings light). it sync'd up with the biblical view of other faiths, and they love everything but Christianity. so i have found the larger church of lucifer, even bigger than the TOS COS TOL. I got here by a back road but im here now. I might need to talk with a pastor or something. Im not used to giving up my likes and desires anymore, its hard. So if you all know any good Christian metal music that sounds like thrash or norwegian black metal that does not suck, im not ready for gospel as it still makes me uncomfortable for some reason, and i feel so guilty when i listen to satanic music now. Can't listen to my old taste and cant find a taste for the new stuff. I also struggle with my intellect vs. things i can't explain like the presence of God. Ive basically screwed up my life and im tired of all of it by now, maybe God can help but i pray and im not sure if im being answered. i see tons of false teachers these days they are everywhere. and even my own kin are fooled time and time again by a flashy money hungry cultleaders like hillsong Brian allah lover Houston and angus buchan look at my faked miracles and unsubstantiated healing and unproven bringer of the dead back to life. its a weird time, the catholic church protects pedophiles, and jorge mario bergoglio who let the nazis into argentina in the dirtywar is pope and grand jesuit now. the times are screwed up. This is proof of God to me, they all try to corrupt the faith with eastern mysticism(hindu kundalini snake worship). Why would they do that if God did not exist?