When you feel you do not belong ( in a church)

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unabashedlly

Junior Member
Mar 15, 2018
24
8
3
#1
What should one do if one feels he does not belong to/ in a church/ group in the church? Should one keep volunteering/ serving?
 

oyster67

Senior Member
May 24, 2014
6,599
5,416
113
#2
What should one do if one feels he does not belong to/ in a church/ group in the church? Should one keep volunteering/ serving?
That is what I do. I have given up on looking for a warm, cozy church. I just go to the one up the road. After 25 years of service, they still speak of me as an outsider (due to cultural and ethnic differences.) I feel that CC is my real family and Church.
 
Jul 16, 2021
8
11
3
#3
Hi,
Why are you feeling this way? What are you looking for in a church?
Have you spoken to the Pastor or other church leaders about this? I'm assuming you have and have not gotten any response. If you haven't, speak to the Pastor. If he is dismissive and defense look elsewhere. If he listens and shows he is trying be patient.
The most important thing is this are you hearing the Word of God being preached? Are the sermons focusing on Jesus Christ? If so stick with the church. Continue to volunteer and serve. If not, definitely look elsewhere.
God's blessings to you!
Greg
 

Seeker47

Well-known member
Aug 7, 2018
506
483
63
#4
I have learned that church is not my primary way to worship and honor God. I enjoy fellowship and occasionally get something from a sermon but don't count on church for much more. Try to live it daily.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
38,809
15,533
113
#5
What should one do if one feels he does not belong to/ in a church/ group in the church? Should one keep volunteering/ serving?
I can relate. In my early days/years of my Christian walk, I attended multiple churches
for various reasons before settling down in a church I have been attending for perhaps
a dozen years now. I feel fortunate to have been able to experience a wide variety of
church blessings, environs, and teachings, and absolutely love my church! However,
not feeling settled is no reason not to continue being of service to others :D




Romans 8:28 :)
 

Marcelo

Senior Member
Feb 4, 2016
2,339
853
113
70
#6
I have learned that church is not my primary way to worship and honor God. I enjoy fellowship and occasionally get something from a sermon but don't count on church for much more. Try to live it daily.
Unfortunately most churches think of themselves as the primary way to serve God. In their minds, to serve the denomination means to serve God.
 

TenderHeart

Active member
Jul 5, 2021
188
178
43
Florida
#7
Great thread. I have a feeling I’ll be an outsider no matter what church I’ll go to. That’s just how my life is LOL.

But let’s look at the positive, someone mentioned above how we worship daily.

Because we feel like outsiders, it makes us strive even further to have a very close relationship with God and Jesus Christ, every day in every way! Amen to that! So grateful for online communities to fill that gap. There’s some church sermons online that I take in, And because of that I’m not limited to a church by its location.

And I spread my genero$ity across many different avenues as a result.
 

unabashedlly

Junior Member
Mar 15, 2018
24
8
3
#8
That is what I do. I have given up on looking for a warm, cozy church. I just go to the one up the road. After 25 years of service, they still speak of me as an outsider (due to cultural and ethnic differences.) I feel that CC is my real family and Church.
I guess you are right. People are flawed, no matter where on this earth. Even in church. Thanks so much. But would I not be a hypocrite if I invited people to a church I feel unwelcome in? Oh well, maybe it is just my small group or a ministry that makes me feel so. Maybe I better change involvements (ministry) r transfer to another small group.
 

unabashedlly

Junior Member
Mar 15, 2018
24
8
3
#9
Hi,
Why are you feeling this way? What are you looking for in a church?
Have you spoken to the Pastor or other church leaders about this? I'm assuming you have and have not gotten any response. If you haven't, speak to the Pastor. If he is dismissive and defense look elsewhere. If he listens and shows he is trying be patient.
The most important thing is this are you hearing the Word of God being preached? Are the sermons focusing on Jesus Christ? If so stick with the church. Continue to volunteer and serve. If not, definitely look elsewhere.
God's blessings to you!
Greg
I do not know for sure. My small group is the functionally assistant pastor, of our satellite church. Wouldn't I be a hypocrite if I invite peple to attend where I do not feel welcome or where I feel like an outsider?
 

unabashedlly

Junior Member
Mar 15, 2018
24
8
3
#10
Hi,
Why are you feeling this way? What are you looking for in a church?
Have you spoken to the Pastor or other church leaders about this? I'm assuming you have and have not gotten any response. If you haven't, speak to the Pastor. If he is dismissive and defense look elsewhere. If he listens and shows he is trying be patient.
The most important thing is this are you hearing the Word of God being preached? Are the sermons focusing on Jesus Christ? If so stick with the church. Continue to volunteer and serve. If not, definitely look elsewhere.
God's blessings to you!
Greg
I look for a church that teaches the true, complete word of God. No , I am hesitant to talk to the pastor because the associate Pastor is my small group leader and he is one of those that make me feel like an outsider. I do not agree with all my church teaches but these are only minor details. Still, I am tempted to try other churches. Largely because I feel like an outsider. Should I stay or keep volunteering?
 

unabashedlly

Junior Member
Mar 15, 2018
24
8
3
#11
I can relate. In my early days/years of my Christian walk, I attended multiple churches
for various reasons before settling down in a church I have been attending for perhaps
a dozen years now. I feel fortunate to have been able to experience a wide variety of
church blessings, environs, and teachings, and absolutely love my church! However,
not feeling settled is no reason not to continue being of service to others :D




Romans 8:28:)
I am no newbie to the faith but I still feel like an outsider. Maybe I am wired like this. I dunno.
 

unabashedlly

Junior Member
Mar 15, 2018
24
8
3
#12
I have learned that church is not my primary way to worship and honor God. I enjoy fellowship and occasionally get something from a sermon but don't count on church for much more. Try to live it daily.
Absolutely. Still it is very important to life as a believer. I wonder if this uneasiness is not the Holy Spirit telling me to move on.
 

de-emerald

Well-known member
May 8, 2021
1,355
531
113
#13
What should one do if one feels he does not belong to/ in a church/ group in the church? Should one keep volunteering/ serving?
Followers of Christ repersent one body and one church, you will allways belong, no matter how you may be feeling.

Welcome to cc may the lord bless you and keep you :)
 
Jul 16, 2021
8
11
3
#14
I do not know for sure. My small group is the functionally assistant pastor, of our satellite church. Wouldn't I be a hypocrite if I invite peple to attend where I do not feel welcome or where I feel like an outsider?
"I look for a church that teaches the true, complete word of God. No , I am hesitant to talk to the pastor because the associate Pastor is my small group leader and he is one of those that make me feel like an outsider. I do not agree with all my church teaches but these are only minor details. Still, I am tempted to try other churches. Largely because I feel like an outsider. Should I stay or keep volunteering?"

How are the church members making you feel unwelcome, like an outsider? Do they say hi to you or talk to you at all? Do they look at you in a uncomfortable way? What kind of volunteering and service have you given this church? Were you unappreciated?

It is good that you are there for the Word of God. Church is not first and foremost about what I feel. I am there to hear His Word and to glorify and pray to Him. God serves us in Word and Sacrament. We respond by serving Him. God accepts you in Christ.
 

Unearthed

Active member
May 18, 2021
201
70
28
#15
What should one do if one feels he does not belong to/ in a church/ group in the church? Should one keep volunteering/ serving?
This is a great question, one which will be very useful for others too.

I used to go to a Hillsong affiliated "church".
I always felt like an outsider. In fact, 'they' make you feel like an outsider especially if you do not tithe. If you do tithe, especially if you have just started, they make you feel welcome and accepted in a way that they would never do if you do not tithe.
It boils down to manipulation and spiritual abuse.

I was put under pressure to begin tithing by the 'elders' of the church as well as the pastor himself.
Rather than just do what somebody else says I should do, I conducted an in-depth study on tithing and realised that what they were teaching (tithing being a requirement for modern Christians) is absolutely incorrect.
The next time I was 'talked to' about tithing, I presented the 'elder' with a three page Word document which summarised my study.
They shut up and went away with my document.

About 3 weeks later I was asked to not share the document with anybody else in the 'church', and asked if I could please find another church to attend.

The reason I have shared this story is because it almost certainly isn't you that is the problem.

As others have said in this thread, church's can be awkward places to navigate socially.
 
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,044
113
#16
What should one do if one feels he does not belong to/ in a church/ group in the church? Should one keep volunteering/ serving?
I belonged to a church that felt more like family than my blood family. They fully accepted me into the ranks (clique). I was preaching and helping with the youth group and other classes. Their wives, didn’t accept my wife though. As much as she tried to be a part and serve, they unfortunately snubbed her. We tried to find a church that accepted her but never did.

What is interesting is when I saw these brothers and sisters after that, I greeted them like long lost family and they acted like I was just another dude on the street. For the better part of a decade we prayed, ate, celebrated, laughed and cried together. We didn’t even get invited to a reunion they had although other families we brought there did. Maybe the wives made the guest list. Several times I reached out to members I was particularly close with. They just say, “We should meet for lunch. I will call you,” but they never do. I guess that’s the difference between belonging to “a church” or belonging to “the Church”. Christ never makes me feel like an outsider.
 

Seeker47

Well-known member
Aug 7, 2018
506
483
63
#18
I belonged to a church that felt more like family than my blood family. They fully accepted me into the ranks (clique). I was preaching and helping with the youth group and other classes. Their wives, didn’t accept my wife though. As much as she tried to be a part and serve, they unfortunately snubbed her. We tried to find a church that accepted her but never did.

What is interesting is when I saw these brothers and sisters after that, I greeted them like long lost family and they acted like I was just another dude on the street. For the better part of a decade we prayed, ate, celebrated, laughed and cried together. We didn’t even get invited to a reunion they had although other families we brought there did. Maybe the wives made the guest list. Several times I reached out to members I was particularly close with. They just say, “We should meet for lunch. I will call you,” but they never do. I guess that’s the difference between belonging to “a church” or belonging to “the Church”. Christ never makes me feel like an outsider.
I had very similar experience with a church. I taught classes and helped others in their ministry until I made a comment that irritated an associate pastor. My comment, "Seniors attend church for reasons other than just Gaither Music." Shortly after I was relieved of my teaching responsibilities and shunned by church leadership. I too had some long standing relationships but they faded just like yours. This experience was actually positive (in the long run). I now find my primary source of faith and ministry outside the church. It is better!
 

Seeker47

Well-known member
Aug 7, 2018
506
483
63
#19
Absolutely. Still it is very important to life as a believer. I wonder if this uneasiness is not the Holy Spirit telling me to move on.
It was for me, but understand it does not need to be "Either/Or". You may still find fellowship and maybe even instruction (be careful) but still seek venues of service that more reflect Yeshua's teachings.
 

oyster67

Senior Member
May 24, 2014
6,599
5,416
113
#20
But would I not be a hypocrite if I invited people to a church I feel unwelcome in?
I used to think that evangelism was getting people to come to church. Now I believe that evangelism is getting people to come to Jesus.