Would you ask your future spouse to sign a prenup?? (Poll)

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Would you ask your future spouse to sign a prenup?

  • Yes

    Votes: 11 25.6%
  • No

    Votes: 22 51.2%
  • Unsure/Don't Know

    Votes: 7 16.3%
  • Other (please explain)

    Votes: 3 7.0%

  • Total voters
    43

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#1
First, an awesome prenup story..

I just read the story of a woman who grew up poor in China and won a scholarship to Princeton University (a prestigious college in the US), and she was about to get married when her fiance asked her to sign a prenup. She refused, cancelled the wedding and instead threw a reception for poor children! :) See the whole story and video below...

Bride refuses prenup, throws 'reception' for poor



So the question is..
Would you ask your future spouse to sign a prenup?? Why or why not? :rolleyes:

(Poll should be up in a minute or two)
 
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C

crosstweed

Guest
#2
Absolutely not. If I didn't have trust my fiance enough to marry him without a prenup, why on earth would I marry him in the first place?

Prenups are a horrible way to start off a marriage, imo. It's a foundation of distrust.
 

Born_Again

Senior Member
Nov 15, 2014
1,581
127
63
#3
Well, I felt I could trust my ex spouse when we married. And, now, after getting mowed over in court, I was mislead. Now, I'm not saying I'm in favour of a pre-nup, however its amazing how much character comes out when the divorce comes to be, for whatever reason the divorce.

I guess just marry wise.....
 

BruceWayne

Senior Member
Aug 7, 2013
3,694
357
83
Gotham City
#4
Maybe. I'm not for or against it. It's easy to trust when things are good, but some people learn it was better to be safe than sorry.
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#5
Well, I felt I could trust my ex spouse when we married. And, now, after getting mowed over in court, I was mislead. Now, I'm not saying I'm in favour of a pre-nup, however its amazing how much character comes out when the divorce comes to be, for whatever reason the divorce.

I guess just marry wise.....
Lawyers have a saying; they say when they are representing criminals they do their best to present bad people to the court in their best light. When they handle divorce cases, the court sees good people at their worst.
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#6
I have witnessed way to many divorces where the party with the most money loses a good chunk of their net worth. Sometimes, taking into account circumstances like length of marriage, age of the spouse, number of children, education level and earnings power of the spouse with less money, and contributions the spouse has made to the business, it seems like a fair and equitable split. Other times, it has been unfair to the spouse with the most money. And other times still, the spouse with the least money has gotten a raw deal.
So from a practical and business standpoint, a prenup makes sense. People can change, or sometimes the parties don't really know each other well enough before they get married, which is actually more the factor then them changing.
But with all that said, it just doesn't feel right to do a prenup. Triple that sentiment for two Christians. How can two children of God begin a life long marriage relationship like that? And what does it say about the persons views and outlook of marriage and relationships and character asking for a prenup?
To me it also seems like its something from the devil.
And after all that, a lot of them, for various legal reasons, don't completely hold up in court anyway.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#7
Marriage is supposed to be for life, so prenups are supposed to not be necessary. 'Supposed to be' being the key words.

I don't know if prenups are right or not, but if any part of one is ruled unenforceable the marriage ought to be annulled because it occurred under false pretenses (which would be that the parties only agreed to the marriage because of the belief that they were protected by the prenup).

My first marriage, I went to the minister the day before to call it off. He cornered me in his office and blew happy smoke up my rump until he talked me into going thru with it. Wish I'd had a prenup on that one. I got taken to the cleaners.
 
C

coby2

Guest
#8
First, an awesome prenup story..

I just read the story of a woman who grew up poor in China and won a scholarship to Princeton University (a prestigious college in the US), and she was about to get married when her fiance asked her to sign a prenup. She refused, cancelled the wedding and instead threw a reception for poor children! :) See the whole story and video below...

Bride refuses prenup, throws 'reception' for poor



So the question is..
Would you ask your future spouse to sign a prenup?? Why or why not? :rolleyes:

(Poll should be up in a minute or two)
I wouldn't ask for it and if he asked for it I'd immediately know he's way too concerned about his money, so that would be a no.
My ex did it with his second marriage because she had a lot of debts with her ex. Made me wonder why he married her. It was smart because she tried to get his money, not that he had any, but to come out best and let him pay for stuff when she left 6 months later, but smarter had been nor to marry her.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#9
The problem with pre-nups is that they let the term 'divorce' in the door of your mind (and possibly heart) before the marriage has even begun. I don't believe that's a good idea. That's a terrible way to begin to grow in trusting each other for life. Divorce is a sad reality for many, but I think there's more of a chance when divorce isn't seen as option for either party (I'm not talking about cases of abuse or adultery etc.).
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#10
Yes, exactly, that's the whole point of it; If your suspicious of someone marrying you for money reason, or think that financially your views on how to budget and spend are worlds apart, why go down that path in the first place?
 
C

coby2

Guest
#11
If you want to know if someone isn't after your money look at how much they give to others and how much they spend on themselves, pretty good indication.
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#12
If you want to know if someone isn't after your money look at how much they give to others and how much they spend on themselves, pretty good indication.
Excellent observation.
 
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#13
Absolutely not. If I didn't have trust my fiance enough to marry him without a prenup, why on earth would I marry him in the first place?

Prenups are a horrible way to start off a marriage, imo. It's a foundation of distrust.
in this day an age, its called protecting your assets.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,327
2,358
113
#14
At this point in time I say no, and as long as it's just me I have to be concerned about and I have the freedom to take time to vet the potential husbands before marriage the answer will continue to be no. I have to agree that that's starting out with giving yourself the option to quit when the going gets tough (which is when you need to stick by the marriage vows the most).

There may be some situations where it is a good idea (and if you know you are crappy at spotting liars and frauds then maybe you should consider it just in case your wonderful spouse turns into Mr (or Ms) Hyde the day after the wedding), but for me being asked for a prenup would probably make me reconsider the relationship and just how committed to it the guy really is.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#15
in this day an age, its called protecting your assets.
I went against the grain and was the only person to vote "yes", apparently. I understand about trust and so forth, but I believe a person must also be realistic (having already been through one marriage in which the other person left for a girlfriend.) And I've heard plenty of stories of husbands who have been abandoned as well, so I'm not trying to paint men as the bad guys at all.

I am also coming from the viewpoint of anticipating that my spouse would ask ME to sign a prenup, which I would do without hesitation as long as we agreed on the terms.

When I was younger, I would have given the same answer as most other posters have given here about it being a matter of trust. But things happen. And the older the I get, the more I've seen happen. I'm not 25 anymore, and if I marry someone around my age or older, he may have something like a 401K that he's worked hard to build up, and I would see that as his alone, unless he decided differently.

My time on CC has had a big impact on my thinking as well. I've read countless stories of men who are bitterly angry at being used for money (and who could blame them for feeling that way,) so I see signing a prenup as saying, "I'm marrying you for YOU and not an income." I would also do it so that NO ONE ELSE (nosy relatives and sweet-faced church people who love to gossip) could say I married him for money, either.

In fact, I might carry a copy of the agreement in my wallet and if anyone ever accused me of marrying for money, I'd tell them, "No, I didn't. In fact, I have the paperwork right here (you idiot)."

A man could call me ugly to my face and I'd find that a lot less insulting than being called a gold digger (which, ironically, I've been called before on CC :rolleyes:.) A long time ago, I went on a first (and only) date with a guy who was an engineer and obviously thought he was hot stuff. When he found out my job isn't nearly as prestigious, there was an immediate sense of disdain in his voice, and I'll never forget that. Obviously, he saw me as a potential blood sucker.

He seemed to relax when I paid for our entire meal (he'd driven an hour. I figured that was fair, and I always try to keep things as fair as possible just SO THAT a man can't say I used him for anything.)

My father raised me to work, plan, and be prepared. I don't need someone else's money. Beyonce declares, "Put a ring on it."

And my hollaback to that is, "And sign the papers (prenup)."

(I am only voicing my OWN opinion here--most others will disagree with me and I completely understand that. I know and respect that different things work for different people.)

By the way, don't be fooled by someone with a supposedly high income, because their amount of debt can be a total game changer. Mr. Engineer confessed in the midst of our conversation that he was close to foreclosing on his house and living paycheck-to-paycheck. I don't have a big, fancy job with a cute title. But I also don't have any debts, either.

And seeing as he'd looked down on me from the very beginning, I saw no point in telling him that. Or anything else.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#16
The problem with pre-nups is that they let the term 'divorce' in the door of your mind (and possibly heart) before the marriage has even begun. I don't believe that's a good idea. That's a terrible way to begin to grow in trusting each other for life. Divorce is a sad reality for many, but I think there's more of a chance when divorce isn't seen as option for either party (I'm not talking about cases of abuse or adultery etc.).
I've got a prenup with the second wife, which will never see the light of day because we will never split up. I know because we tried and it didn't take :)
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#17
I went against the grain and was the only person to vote "yes", apparently. I understand about trust and so forth, but I believe a person must also be realistic (having already been through one marriage in which the other person left for a girlfriend.) And I've heard plenty of stories of husbands who have been abandoned as well, so I'm not trying to paint men as the bad guys at all.

I am also coming from the viewpoint of anticipating that my spouse would ask ME to sign a prenup, which I would do without hesitation as long as we agreed on the terms.

When I was younger, I would have given the same answer as most other posters have given here about it being a matter of trust. But things happen. And the older the I get, the more I've seen happen. I'm not 25 anymore, and if I marry someone around my age or older, he may have something like a 401K that he's worked hard to build up, and I would see that as his alone, unless he decided differently.

My time on CC has had a big impact on my thinking as well. I've read countless stories of men who are bitterly angry at being used for money (and who could blame them for feeling that way,) so I see signing a prenup as saying, "I'm marrying you for YOU and not an income." I would also do it so that NO ONE ELSE (nosy relatives and sweet-faced church people who love to gossip) could say I married him for money, either.

In fact, I might carry a copy of the agreement in my wallet and if anyone ever accused me of marrying for money, I'd tell them, "No, I didn't. In fact, I have the paperwork right here (you idiot)."

A man could call me ugly to my face and I'd find that a lot less insulting than being called a gold digger (which, ironically, I've been called before on CC :rolleyes:.) A long time ago, I went on a first (and only) date with a guy who was an engineer and obviously thought he was hot stuff. When he found out my job isn't nearly as prestigious, there was an immediate sense of disdain in his voice, and I'll never forget that. Obviously, he saw me as a potential blood sucker.

He seemed to relax when I paid for our entire meal (he'd driven an hour. I figured that was fair, and I always try to keep things as fair as possible just SO THAT a man can't say I used him for anything.)

My father raised me to work, plan, and be prepared. I don't need someone else's money. Beyonce declares, "Put a ring on it."

And my hollaback to that is, "And sign the papers (prenup)."

(I am only voicing my OWN opinion here--most others will disagree with me and I completely understand that. I know and respect that different things work for different people.)

By the way, don't be fooled by someone with a supposedly high income, because their amount of debt can be a total game changer. Mr. Engineer confessed in the midst of our conversation that he was close to foreclosing on his house and living paycheck-to-paycheck. I don't have a big, fancy job with a cute title. But I also don't have any debts, either.

And seeing as he'd looked down on me from the very beginning, I saw no point in telling him that. Or anything else.
All valid points. There is no right or wrong answer here. I guess its just if the individuals agree to it or not.
In some ways a prenup could help relieve tension and stress.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,327
2,358
113
#18
Oh seoulsearch, you have a way of making the other side of the story seem super reasonable and practical. That's one of the reasons you're one of my favorite CCers. And should I end up getting married around retirement age, I'll keep some of your comments in mind.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#19
Oh seoulsearch, you have a way of making the other side of the story seem super reasonable and practical. That's one of the reasons you're one of my favorite CCers. And should I end up getting married around retirement age, I'll keep some of your comments in mind.
Beh.

Cinder, there are some days... When I think I should just run off and marry YOU. :D

(Kidding!! Totally kidding here, people!!)

I had to laugh when you mentioned marrying "around retirement age".

Oh my goodness. Am I ever getting old.

But yes, the older I get, the more I realize that men seem to think you're going to want them for their money (real, or imagined, via a credit limit or high income... but with even higher debt ratio.)
 
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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#20
Oh seoulsearch, you have a way of making the other side of the story seem super reasonable and practical. That's one of the reasons you're one of my favorite CCers. And should I end up getting married around retirement age, I'll keep some of your comments in mind.
Welcome to dark side, my sweet.

And, I can pay for the cookies. :D