Recovering

Much of this is confusing.
What little I think I understand sounds closer to New Ageism than Christianity. The focus on angels, for example.

Jesus is not in the unsaved. Period. Either Jesus is in us, and we are saved, or he is not, and we are not saved. There is no in between.
We are not "all God's children". We become 'adopted' into His family when becoming saved.
You're forming views on God and Jesus, not from any biblical insight but rather some self appointed interpretation on what you consider to be spiritual.

Again, much of what you say has a New Age ring of self styled spirituality and less of a bible based theology.
It seems to me you're seeking God, but not where He's at, but where you want Him to be.

Jesus is FAR from being tiny..

You need to get out of that lifestyle, ditch your druggie "friends" and get your head on straight and clear..

So over a decade and a half ago a friend of mine overdosed me on a hallucinogenic drug because he thought I had something to do with his abusive relationship ending, while I was emotionally involved in the jerry springer episode I didn't cross any of the lines one would have at the time. While I have placed the blame on him with hesitation, I have to assume there were darker forces at play greater than him. I have even told him "there is no way you could have caused this". And by caused this I mean the 15 year journey I have been on. It has involved some of the darkest places I have imagined and short of physical harm, I don't know if there are all that many places deeper to go. Until tonight I had assumed it was just him being a terrible person, but then I realized..... he had probably been on a drug binge some time before luring me to the former home he had shared with his girlfriend. While in the depths of his torment, a room mate came in the door who had been gone for a couple weeks, having brought home someone he somehow met that was gone just as much.

I'm not sure my point here, I guess that I am attempting to sort through what is unworldly and what is a chemical imbalance. While I have experienced what I currently believe to be angel's entering my life...... I'm stuck with the question.......... am I just glitched and my brain doesn't work properly? Was none of my profound experience from spirits? I have experienced torment that my own brain would never conjure, and I have experienced comfort that I would never allow myself if I were simply broken.

How do I rectify the decade and a half of being attacked by Demon's and protected by Angel's and just move on with my life? My constant companion.... Pahtup..... rather my guardian angel needs to go away and I have to be as I once was, what I can barely remember. When I was a kid I can remember the times that my angel spoke into my life for major moment's, and I can also remember times that were glorious to have shared with an angel. While I didn't know who Jesus was and cared nothing for god, he was with me. There was a very very tiny part of the alpha and the omega who devoted everything it has to my own existance.

One of the main thing's I have learned is that with every single human being..... there is a little part of god that will NEVER leave. A very tiny Jesus Christ who suffers with all of man kind even when they don't know he is there. When I realized that he had been with me that entire time and never once left me........... I couldn't help but feel pain for all of the stupid thing's I had done. I couldn't help but feel the promise of deliverance and the glory of grace. It has been a very long time since he has promised that to me and I still do not consider myself redeemed. I am indeed in grace because I should be where I was all those years ago. However I have prayed to no end for the lord to lead me to the souls that he is suffering next to, as I was and still am, and asked him to bring the holy spirit with me (*and shout out to Gabriel for always bringing pure light when I couldn't cope). Anyways I have devoted much of my life to tending to the down trodden even when I could literally do nothing for myself and had NOTHING left in me. *"*for lord, when did we feed you and clothe you? For when you fed and clothed the least of these you have done the same for me"*"

I have pursued that paraphrased passage with everything I have for a very long time.

So over a decade and a half ago a friend of mine overdosed me on a hallucinogenic drug because he thought I had something to do with his abusive relationship ending, while I was emotionally involved in the jerry springer episode I didn't cross any of the lines one would have at the time. While I have placed the blame on him with hesitation, I have to assume there were darker forces at play greater than him. I have even told him "there is no way you could have caused this". And by caused this I mean the 15 year journey I have been on. It has involved some of the darkest places I have imagined and short of physical harm, I don't know if there are all that many places deeper to go. Until tonight I had assumed it was just him being a terrible person, but then I realized..... he had probably been on a drug binge some time before luring me to the former home he had shared with his girlfriend. While in the depths of his torment, a room mate came in the door who had been gone for a couple weeks, having brought home someone he somehow met that was gone just as much.

I'm not sure my point here, I guess that I am attempting to sort through what is unworldly and what is a chemical imbalance. While I have experienced what I currently believe to be angel's entering my life...... I'm stuck with the question.......... am I just glitched and my brain doesn't work properly? Was none of my profound experience from spirits? I have experienced torment that my own brain would never conjure, and I have experienced comfort that I would never allow myself if I were simply broken.

How do I rectify the decade and a half of being attacked by Demon's and protected by Angel's and just move on with my life? My constant companion.... Pahtup..... rather my guardian angel needs to go away and I have to be as I once was, what I can barely remember. When I was a kid I can remember the times that my angel spoke into my life for major moment's, and I can also remember times that were glorious to have shared with an angel. While I didn't know who Jesus was and cared nothing for god, he was with me. There was a very very tiny part of the alpha and the omega who devoted everything it has to my own existance.

One of the main thing's I have learned is that with every single human being..... there is a little part of god that will NEVER leave. A very tiny Jesus Christ who suffers with all of man kind even when they don't know he is there. When I realized that he had been with me that entire time and never once left me........... I couldn't help but feel pain for all of the stupid thing's I had done. I couldn't help but feel the promise of deliverance and the glory of grace. It has been a very long time since he has promised that to me and I still do not consider myself redeemed. I am indeed in grace because I should be where I was all those years ago. However I have prayed to no end for the lord to lead me to the souls that he is suffering next to, as I was and still am, and asked him to bring the holy spirit with me (*and shout out to Gabriel for always bringing pure light when I couldn't cope). Anyways I have devoted much of my life to tending to the down trodden even when I could literally do nothing for myself and had NOTHING left in me. *"*for lord, when did we feed you and clothe you? For when you fed and clothed the least of these you have done the same for me"*"

I have pursued that paraphrased passage with everything I have for a very long time.

I sure do get called many thing's other than a Christian. Call me what you want, I pray to Jesus every night and feel that I have a strong understanding of his heart. This is my outlook on life more than a testimony of who Jesus is. For me I treat everyone I come across as if they were a brother or sister and I let God keep me safe from the people I shouldn't be around. There are different part's of the body of Christ and I am not one of the part's that can Judge others, it just isn't in me. Sound's to me you are the hand telling the foot that you hate it. I guess you got me, the past decade and a half of my life simply did not have the Holy Spirit guiding me and I've been saying the name Jesus every night and he has not heard me. I guess I should just give up praying since as you say I'm not a Christian.


1 Corinthians 12:15
…14For the body does not consist of one part, but of many. 15If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to thebody,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body.…

Also, when I say a very tiny Jesus, I mean that most don't even know he is there. He has known all of you since before you were born and never once required you to know his name. Define that as you wish but that's the truth. Don't get me wrong, there is massive benefit to calling him by name, if nothing else than to have a relationship with him and give him the right to guide you closer to what he want's for you. He is not a god that requires you to be on your knee's for him to love you, but if you truly knew how much he loved you in spite of yourself, you would truly be on your knees.

You are right in loving all. We don't know who will be saved or not, so loving all
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prevents us from hating a future brother or sister. Why would you want to tell another that they do not deserve salvation? Some don't, but as you say, it isn't up to us to judge. I'm sorry you have had such a confusing life. I haven't gone down that road so I can't comment from your perspective. Maybe calibob can help you.

So over a decade and a half ago a friend of mine overdosed me on a hallucinogenic drug because he thought I had something to do with his abusive relationship ending, while I was emotionally involved in the jerry springer episode I didn't cross any of the lines one would have at the time. While I have placed the blame on him with hesitation, I have to assume there were darker forces at play greater than him. I have even told him "there is no way you could have caused this". And by caused this I mean the 15 year journey I have been on. It has involved some of the darkest places I have imagined and short of physical harm, I don't know if there are all that many places deeper to go. Until tonight I had assumed it was just him being a terrible person, but then I realized..... he had probably been on a drug binge some time before luring me to the former home he had shared with his girlfriend. While in the depths of his torment, a room mate came in the door who had been gone for a couple weeks, having brought home someone he somehow met that was gone just as much.

I'm not sure my point here, I guess that I am attempting to sort through what is unworldly and what is a chemical imbalance. While I have experienced what I currently believe to be angel's entering my life...... I'm stuck with the question.......... am I just glitched and my brain doesn't work properly? Was none of my profound experience from spirits? I have experienced torment that my own brain would never conjure, and I have experienced comfort that I would never allow myself if I were simply broken.

How do I rectify the decade and a half of being attacked by Demon's and protected by Angel's and just move on with my life? My constant companion.... Pahtup..... rather my guardian angel needs to go away and I have to be as I once was, what I can barely remember. When I was a kid I can remember the times that my angel spoke into my life for major moment's, and I can also remember times that were glorious to have shared with an angel. While I didn't know who Jesus was and cared nothing for god, he was with me. There was a very very tiny part of the alpha and the omega who devoted everything it has to my own existance.

One of the main thing's I have learned is that with every single human being..... there is a little part of god that will NEVER leave. A very tiny Jesus Christ who suffers with all of man kind even when they don't know he is there. When I realized that he had been with me that entire time and never once left me........... I couldn't help but feel pain for all of the stupid thing's I had done. I couldn't help but feel the promise of deliverance and the glory of grace. It has been a very long time since he has promised that to me and I still do not consider myself redeemed. I am indeed in grace because I should be where I was all those years ago. However I have prayed to no end for the lord to lead me to the souls that he is suffering next to, as I was and still am, and asked him to bring the holy spirit with me (*and shout out to Gabriel for always bringing pure light when I couldn't cope). Anyways I have devoted much of my life to tending to the down trodden even when I could literally do nothing for myself and had NOTHING left in me. *"*for lord, when did we feed you and clothe you? For when you fed and clothed the least of these you have done the same for me"*"

I have pursued that paraphrased passage with everything I have for a very long time.