Some Things That People Have No Automatic Right To Ask You...

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

After watching another thread in which someone was publicly asked a very personal question, I wanted to talk about some things that people may ask you, but that you are NOT required to answer, no matter what their reason or whether or not they claim to be a Christian.

I'm writing this while thinking of our younger friends out there, as well as those who may be new to the world of online chats and forums.

I realize people may have different opinions about this but here are some things that I personally believe NO ONE has an automatic right to ask you, whether online or in real life:

1. No one has the automatic right to ask you what you look like or try to talk you into into sending them a picture. Please walk away from anyone who tries to manipulate you by saying, "Oh, I bet you're really ugly, and that's why you won't send me pictures;" "Stop being shy, everyone shares pictures online!"; "Oh c'mon, I just really want to see what you look like!"

Now of course there can be exceptions. If you are participating in an online dating site, having a picture is pretty much required. But the circumstances I'm thinking of are when someone is practically demanding to know what you look like and you're not even in a dating situation.

A long time ago here in the threads, an older male publicly told a much-younger female that she must be "a fat, old, balding man pretending to be a young woman" because she was apparently resisting his advances. Please don't be fooled or pressured into this kind of manipulation. You don't owe anyone anything here, most especially a picture. Whether you choose to share or not is at your own discretion and it is your own right, whether you do so or not.

2. No one has the automatic right to ask you about your nationality or ethnic background. Although I am generally open about this in my own life, I'm always amazed at how many people seem to think they have an automatic right to know "what I am." And that's exactly how they'll word it, usually in real life: "WHAT ARE you?"

When I was younger I used to be so intimidated that I would give an automatic answer. I finally realized that NO ONE has an automatic right to expect me to tell them this kind of information about myself, and I usually turn the tables by asking the person about themselves instead. If they persist, I just shrug and tell them I only share that information with family and close friends. To be honest, whether or not I share all depends on how the person approaches me and whether or not I feel comfortable with them. Personally, I no longer share this with people who act as if they have an automatic right to know.

3. NO ONE has an automatic right to ask you about your sexual history or status, for ANY reason, and no matter how much they claim that it may be necessary to know for "Biblical" reasons. Now of course, if the person asking is your DOCTOR or fiance/fiancee, that's a different story. But in general, NO ONE, especially a stranger, has the right to ask you questions about your sexuality. It can be similar to someone who wants to know what you look like: "Oh, I bet you're a real prude, huh? I bet you haven't even (insert sexual reference here.)"

Or, someone may ask you about whether or not your hymnal is indeed intact (discussion from another thread)--NO ONE has the right to ask you this, no matter how "Biblical" they say their reason is. Whether or not your hymnal is an open or closed book is between you and God.

YOU DO NOT HAVE to put up with these kinds of questions, especially in a public forum. And if someone is asking you these things via private chats or email, report them to the moderators immediately. If you aren't sure who the moderators are, feel free to PM any member you see here (myself included) and we will be sure to connect you with the right people.

Please remember that you have a right to your own personal information, and there is no reason to share it with anyone who thinks they have a right to ask. If it doesn't "sound" right to you, be on your guard and act on the side of caution.

Several months ago, a user claiming to be a 20-year-old young man persistently tried to contact me via chat and private messages asking me to "advise him as I would a son" about certain sexual matters. Just in case he was being sincere, I told him there is a Men's Discussion group that he could join that would be much more appropriate to ask. He then began asking me about my own personal life. Because I had already given him a sincere answer (to look up the Men's Group) and he completely ignored what I said (asking even more personal questions), I immediately blocked him and reported him to the moderators. (I don't know if he's still here, but I haven't seen him.)

Harassment can come in many shapes and forms. I encourage all of you to protect yourself and not put up with things that others seem to feel they have a right to try to ask other people.

What questions/issues/subjects do you feel no one has the right to ask you? And how have you dealt with it personally when people have asked?
 
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#2
EXCELLENT POST!

If you feel uncomfortable with someone asking questions? Don't answer them. No one on a chat site is ENTITLED to your thoughts about ANYTHING if you don't want to give them. They can ask all they want, but you are not obligated to respond to anyone's prodding or nosiness.

It's your privacy, protect it.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#3
My age. I don't really care if people know how old I am, but it gets on my nerves that they ask. (Does that make sense?) I don't mind them knowing, but it's none of their business asking.

Why I'm not married. Frankly that's not their business either. I already gave a thorough answer in multiple threads. I'm tired of answering that question.

Actually what bugs me most about these questions is not that they ask them, but they seem to be offended if I choose not to answer. So I choose not to answer a lot, just so I can maybe figure out why it offends them so much.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,327
2,358
113
#4
People who are legit shouldn't be asking for personal contact information in the first discussion either. If they aren't content to talk to you through CC for awhile first be wary.
 

Misty77

Senior Member
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#5
"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to seoulsearch again."
 
Jan 27, 2015
2,690
367
83
#6
Someone once asked me when was the last time I [insert explicit phrase here]. I told him it was none of his business. Someone also recently demanded my number, and even persisted after I said no, so I blocked him.

Entitled people these days.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,415
2,659
113
#7
i had one guy gives me his phone number although i didn't ask for it. when i told him i don't give out my info, he said, "so you don't trust me?"

ummmmmmm since we've only chatted once? nope!
 
Jan 27, 2015
2,690
367
83
#8
i had one guy gives me his phone number although i didn't ask for it. when i told him i don't give out my info, he said, "so you don't trust me?"

ummmmmmm since we've only chatted once? nope!
HAHA, WHAT?! Wow! o_O

Sounds like this one guy who asked me to be his girlfriend after chatting once or twice. He asked "do you trust me?" Of course not. And then come to find out he was with someone when he asked me that.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#9
Good post, Kim. :)

I agree that people have no automatic right to ask me for my contact details or my personal information. Thankfully I have not come across anyone who asked me more than what I was comfortable to share.
 

geaux4it

New member
Jul 29, 2018
11
19
3
#10
I totally agree. This is not the place for unethical stuff.
 
J

Jennie-Mae

Guest
#13
I think folks have been asking me every question in the book and then one. They have asked me about sexual stuff, where I live (town, street etc), my real name, my phone number, my email, to give them money, why I’m such an idiot etc.
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,271
113
#14
Hey Everyone,

After watching another thread in which someone was publicly asked a very personal question, I wanted to talk about some things that people may ask you, but that you are NOT required to answer, no matter what their reason or whether or not they claim to be a Christian.

I'm writing this while thinking of our younger friends out there, as well as those who may be new to the world of online chats and forums.

I realize people may have different opinions about this but here are some things that I personally believe NO ONE has an automatic right to ask you, whether online or in real life:

1. No one has the automatic right to ask you what you look like or try to talk you into into sending them a picture. Please walk away from anyone who tries to manipulate you by saying, "Oh, I bet you're really ugly, and that's why you won't send me pictures;" "Stop being shy, everyone shares pictures online!"; "Oh c'mon, I just really want to see what you look like!"

Now of course there can be exceptions. If you are participating in an online dating site, having a picture is pretty much required. But the circumstances I'm thinking of are when someone is practically demanding to know what you look like and you're not even in a dating situation.

A long time ago here in the threads, an older male publicly told a much-younger female that she must be "a fat, old, balding man pretending to be a young woman" because she was apparently resisting his advances. Please don't be fooled or pressured into this kind of manipulation. You don't owe anyone anything here, most especially a picture. Whether you choose to share or not is at your own discretion and it is your own right, whether you do so or not.

2. No one has the automatic right to ask you about your nationality or ethnic background. Although I am generally open about this in my own life, I'm always amazed at how many people seem to think they have an automatic right to know "what I am." And that's exactly how they'll word it, usually in real life: "WHAT ARE you?"

When I was younger I used to be so intimidated that I would give an automatic answer. I finally realized that NO ONE has an automatic right to expect me to tell them this kind of information about myself, and I usually turn the tables by asking the person about themselves instead. If they persist, I just shrug and tell them I only share that information with family and close friends. To be honest, whether or not I share all depends on how the person approaches me and whether or not I feel comfortable with them. Personally, I no longer share this with people who act as if they have an automatic right to know.

3. NO ONE has an automatic right to ask you about your sexual history or status, for ANY reason, and no matter how much they claim that it may be necessary to know for "Biblical" reasons. Now of course, if the person asking is your DOCTOR or fiance/fiancee, that's a different story. But in general, NO ONE, especially a stranger, has the right to ask you questions about your sexuality. It can be similar to someone who wants to know what you look like: "Oh, I bet you're a real prude, huh? I bet you haven't even (insert sexual reference here.)"

Or, someone may ask you about whether or not your hymnal is indeed intact (discussion from another thread)--NO ONE has the right to ask you this, no matter how "Biblical" they say their reason is. Whether or not your hymnal is an open or closed book is between you and God.

YOU DO NOT HAVE to put up with these kinds of questions, especially in a public forum. And if someone is asking you these things via private chats or email, report them to the moderators immediately. If you aren't sure who the moderators are, feel free to PM any member you see here (myself included) and we will be sure to connect you with the right people.

Please remember that you have a right to your own personal information, and there is no reason to share it with anyone who thinks they have a right to ask. If it doesn't "sound" right to you, be on your guard and act on the side of caution.

Several months ago, a user claiming to be a 20-year-old young man persistently tried to contact me via chat and private messages asking me to "advise him as I would a son" about certain sexual matters. Just in case he was being sincere, I told him there is a Men's Discussion group that he could join that would be much more appropriate to ask. He then began asking me about my own personal life. Because I had already given him a sincere answer (to look up the Men's Group) and he completely ignored what I said (asking even more personal questions), I immediately blocked him and reported him to the moderators. (I don't know if he's still here, but I haven't seen him.)

Harassment can come in many shapes and forms. I encourage all of you to protect yourself and not put up with things that others seem to feel they have a right to try to ask other people.

What questions/issues/subjects do you feel no one has the right to ask you? And how have you dealt with it personally when people have asked?
Ok...all these things you listed tend to be in NEGATIVE light..in real life i dont think we'd have such hang ups..when ive tease people bout pics its because its nice to put a face with the comments..nothing more..and sometimes if you know a persons age..certain "things" shouldnt be talked about due to age appropriateness...etc

Location is nice to know too or nationality because what we in the USA might think "normal" might be wierd or offensive to another nationalitu. I think its GREAT to be world wide with different cultures and should be celebrated instead of like a hidden taboo...

How DO people get to know each other? Basic questions..where are you from..how old etc...

BUT if others dont feel comfortable or think theyre being too exposed they can always say "im sorry..not comfortable giving out that info etc. End of story...

It surprises me that people TALK about so much personal stuff..expose thier hearts..families..emotions but yet wont expose basic common knowledge stuff..

Guess..just me..outside looking in..
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,271
113
#16
I think its all mostly common sense. People in this day and age..with ANY social media (be it here facebook..twitter etc) have to use common sense but thanks for the warnings seoul :)
 
J

Jennie-Mae

Guest
#17
I think its all mostly common sense. People in this day and age..with any social forum have to use common sense but thanks for the warnings seoul :)
This thread is so old that social media was hardly a contemporary phenomena whenever this thread was written someplace in the land of ago lol.
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,271
113
#18
This thread is so old that social media was hardly a contemporary phenomena whenever this thread was written someplace in the land of ago lol.
Lol..i didnt even notice a date! Lol. Another "thread revival" huh? Lol. I DIDNT GET THE MEMO..lol
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
8,268
5,510
113
Anaheim, Cali.
#19
Some guy say a pic of me standing beside my yamaha and asked if I had any pics wearing leathers?