Lying to my parents

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Raphael07

New member
Aug 23, 2018
19
24
3
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#1
I am in an uncomfortable situation at the moment in my family. My parents caught my brother smoking pot, he lied and said it was the first time he had smoked it, my parents asked me if I'd ever seen him smoke it before and I said no. I don't think it's my place to tell my parents what he does. Afterwards, I told him that he should be honest with our parents because their going to find out sooner or later and him telling them will get him in less trouble compared to them catching him smoking it again. He's 20 years old - he needs to be able to reflect on his actions and choose to be honest for himself or he's going to continue doing bad things and not learn anything from it. Lying to them is going to backfire on him, but I'm afraid that that will push him further away because getting in even more trouble is going to make him even angrier at our parents. Me and my brother are really close and I don't want to snitch on him and lose that, especially since he is moving out soon.
How can I help him get to the point where he will be honest with them?
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,860
9,579
113
#2
Sooo, your brother lying to your parents will backfire on him? What about YOU? You are lying to them too, so it's going to backfire on you also.

Just tell him that you're not going to lie for him and cover his butt anymore..
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
You can't. You can't make people change. And some people need to experience consequences before changing, while others may never change.
All you can do is offer advice and it's up to them to listen or not.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,894
113
#4
I am in an uncomfortable situation at the moment in my family. My parents caught my brother smoking pot, he lied and said it was the first time he had smoked it, my parents asked me if I'd ever seen him smoke it before and I said no. I don't think it's my place to tell my parents what he does. Afterwards, I told him that he should be honest with our parents because their going to find out sooner or later and him telling them will get him in less trouble compared to them catching him smoking it again. He's 20 years old - he needs to be able to reflect on his actions and choose to be honest for himself or he's going to continue doing bad things and not learn anything from it. Lying to them is going to backfire on him, but I'm afraid that that will push him further away because getting in even more trouble is going to make him even angrier at our parents. Me and my brother are really close and I don't want to snitch on him and lose that, especially since he is moving out soon.
How can I help him get to the point where he will be honest with them?
Encourage him to be truthful :)

Also, it’s a good idea not to lie for him as well, cause it usually doesn’t end up well and you’re just being as deceitful as he is by covering up for him.

As much as you are close with your brother, the truth will set you free.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#5
I am in an uncomfortable situation at the moment in my family. My parents caught my brother smoking pot, he lied and said it was the first time he had smoked it, my parents asked me if I'd ever seen him smoke it before and I said no. I don't think it's my place to tell my parents what he does. Afterwards, I told him that he should be honest with our parents because their going to find out sooner or later and him telling them will get him in less trouble compared to them catching him smoking it again. He's 20 years old - he needs to be able to reflect on his actions and choose to be honest for himself or he's going to continue doing bad things and not learn anything from it. Lying to them is going to backfire on him, but I'm afraid that that will push him further away because getting in even more trouble is going to make him even angrier at our parents. Me and my brother are really close and I don't want to snitch on him and lose that, especially since he is moving out soon.
How can I help him get to the point where he will be honest with them?

I realise there are differences in culture and age of accountability, age considered
to be an adult etc.

Over here in the UK a 20 year old would be considered a grown up and no longer
answerable to his parents, unless he was still living at home. In which case he would
still have to live by his parents house rules.

As your brother is still living at home and he should not smoke weed in
the house, then he has two choices. Stop smoking weed, or find somewhere
else to live.

It’s also not good for your parents to involve you in this, if they have a problem with
your older brother it’s between them and him.

Maybe tell your brother you will not cover for him again and to leave you out of
any dispute. Also you could tell him you worry about him and will gladly pray for
him about anything.

It might be hard, but maybe you can also tell your parent that you would rather not
get involved in any arguments between them and your brother, as you love them all
and they are being unfair on you asking a 14 year old about his 20 year old brother.

They will no doubt be very surprised at your reply but it might help them to see that
you are growing up too and are not some little kid any more.

Oh and we all have to learn and grow, things change at a rapid pace once you become
a teen, then into your 20s. You will come to discover that for yourself. Your
personality and opinions change you go from being told what to do, to having
to make your own choices in life. Sometimes they are good choices sometimes bad.

Sometimes it’s easier to just go along with the crowd and do what others do until you
reach a stage where you can think for yourself. Actions have consequences but there
can be a steep learning curve to realise that.

Your older brother is pushing at previous boundaries, pray that as he is becoming a
man that he doesn’t get himself too entangled in things he may regret later in life.
Keep that in mind for yourself too. 🙂
 

Raphael07

New member
Aug 23, 2018
19
24
3
20
#6
I have spoken to both my brother and my parents.
I told my brother that if it happens again I don't want to be involved in it and I don't want to lie for him. He said that that was fair and he wouldn't use me as a defense anymore.
My parents tried to ask me some more questions - I'm guessing that they think that I was probably lying before. I told them that they should be asking the questions to him because his actions have nothing to do with me and I don't want to be in the middle of their fight with him. They seemed a little mad that I didn't give them a straight answer but they are currently trying to figure things out with him so I think that's good.
Really appreciate the advice that everyone has given to me - it has helped. xx
 

YHello

Well-known member
Aug 12, 2018
508
281
63
#7
I don't really know what I would do in that situation but honestly you should pray for him. Pray is so powerful and it literally is like being a warrior.
 
#8
Love God above all, follow Him (Deuteronomy 6:5), Honour thy Father and mother (Exodus 20:12) and love thy neighbour (near brother) as thyself (Leviticus 19:17-18), and therefore, pray, ask God for guidance and wisdom, and speak to your Father and Mother, trusting them, in the experience they have as elders of the house family church, and go to your brother, and tell him his error in these things (Matthew 18:15), lying, hiding, destroying himself with (tares; weed, get it?), and speak with your parents about this, and all three of you pray together, and then approach your brother together as family in love, as the father speaks, then mother, and then you, each praying while the other is speaking. The Holy Ghost will do wonderful things.
 
Aug 21, 2018
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#9
How can I help him get to the point where he will be honest with them?

If your brother has not been born-again, he needs to hear the gospel. Share the gospel to your brother. And if he’s already a Christian, he still needs the gospel to see that:

  1. He is to honor his father and mother.
  2. Lying is a sin and is offensive to God. And someone who has a pattern of lying will spend eternity in hell.
  3. Through your testimony of obedience and godly living, your brother may wonder what makes you obedient and truthful.
  4. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY...