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My Mom has just passed and it occurs to me people like to plan their funerals and I’m a bit concerned as to who she may pick for pall bearers – actually just one.
It’s a cousin (a ‘double’ cousin actually - thus very close…) who has harbored secret life long malice and ill will for me. I had esteemed him as a brother tho we were separated by a few years and thus had different social circles. We have no real ‘history’.
The revelation came about by accident in a most spectacular once in a lifetime manner - the details of which I won’t go into. But it was a moment when the mask came off and an imagined terrible downfall for me was a cause of rejoicing for him.
Additionally in looking back in our lives and sifting the clues this malice may not be just limited to me of our side of the family.
I sort of let things go (and to myself) because of the turmoil it would cause our family. I truly loathe making this funeral anything about ‘me’. But it bothers me immensely to have someone so precious to me carried by one who bears me such great and secret ill will.
One more thing, my mother’s selection of him would be mostly out of a sense of tradition – and not of any special affection for him…(who knows maybe she has selected no one! and I’m building up this all in my head…! won’t know for a few days I guess…)
So I wonder dear reader, hypothetically would u be offended if a pall bearer u wanted was scotched by one of your children for similar reasons? Or perhaps if u were a sibling of a brother or sister who wanted to nix the choice made by your parent for a bearer?
.
My Mom has just passed and it occurs to me people like to plan their funerals and I’m a bit concerned as to who she may pick for pall bearers – actually just one.
It’s a cousin (a ‘double’ cousin actually - thus very close…) who has harbored secret life long malice and ill will for me. I had esteemed him as a brother tho we were separated by a few years and thus had different social circles. We have no real ‘history’.
The revelation came about by accident in a most spectacular once in a lifetime manner - the details of which I won’t go into. But it was a moment when the mask came off and an imagined terrible downfall for me was a cause of rejoicing for him.
Additionally in looking back in our lives and sifting the clues this malice may not be just limited to me of our side of the family.
I sort of let things go (and to myself) because of the turmoil it would cause our family. I truly loathe making this funeral anything about ‘me’. But it bothers me immensely to have someone so precious to me carried by one who bears me such great and secret ill will.
One more thing, my mother’s selection of him would be mostly out of a sense of tradition – and not of any special affection for him…(who knows maybe she has selected no one! and I’m building up this all in my head…! won’t know for a few days I guess…)
So I wonder dear reader, hypothetically would u be offended if a pall bearer u wanted was scotched by one of your children for similar reasons? Or perhaps if u were a sibling of a brother or sister who wanted to nix the choice made by your parent for a bearer?
.
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