Perceptions! How do you perceive yourself vs. How others perceive you.

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
1,097
730
113
#1
Had this thought different times over the years. I think we tend to see ourselves very differently than others. I think I do.
When I was a teen, had to get a school physical. I hated them. I think it was 11th grade. I was very tense and nervous but apparently didn't look it to the Dr. He wanted to put me on blood pressure meds.

I have learned that this has actually helped me in some ways over the years. I can be really nervous about something but I now realize that others don't necessarily know or see it.

Also, when I post things here, I know how I want to come across sometimes and how I can be very lacking in my communication skills. So what I want to convey doesn't always come through like I think it should.

Another example;
I have never considered myself a bold person. But in the last couple of months I have had a couple of people make comments about things I have said or actions they could see me doing and it makes me raise an eyebrow, as I do not see myself that way. I was a bit surprised by this.

And another thing, was that there have been things that I have said to people either just making a statement about something or in a discussion about a particular circumstance. I have come to find out a couple of years later that those things that were said had an impact on what those people thought. I don't see myself as influential, but found out that maybe I am more influential than I realize.

I see myself very differently from others outside of me. I guess this is because I know my weaknesses, insecurities and failings. I guess I think others can see and know those same things in me.

What are your thoughts on this? How have you been perceived by others that was different from your own perception?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,910
8,163
113
#2
Problem with that is, you don't know how you appear to others until they say something. Also how they see you is filtered through how they grew up thinking people should be.

We have a manager at w*rk who comes from California, the part where insult is considered witty repartee. She is always puzzled at how we Tennesseans think she is so rude. That's how she grew up talking and acting and she honestly can't see why it is so off-putting to those around her. Fourteen years she has been here and she still hasn't figured it out.

If I moved over to where she came from, I would probably be considered a dullard, one who isn't very witty and gets offended easily.
 

RisingStar

New member
Sep 3, 2019
2
3
3
#3
Being honest is one thing, but being honest with yourself is another.
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
30,196
6,538
113
#4
I see me...…..

halleluauh.png

Others see me.....

facepalm.png

……….sigh...…...
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
1,709
1,668
113
#5
Ourselves:We must be very careful what mirror we choose when we look at ourselves. Make sure you see yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. All the others do not show you your true image. Too many people suffer because of messages they received from someone who was damaged, and visited their own brokenness on others.
Others: Others see us as they are rather than as we are. Look at who is speaking to you and realize that they might not see you. Be discerning.
One of the most powerful bible study sessions I ever had was when everyone was asked to say something about each person in the room. It was incredible. People shared encouraging observations that broke down some members who had not been loved on in this manner. For some they heard good things about themselves that were a revelation. How we see ourselves can be balanced to the negative so I think we need to make sure, when we look for feedback, from people we trust, who are invested in loving us and building us up.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#6
I think thats why its called YOUtube and not Metube.

When you first hear youself talk after recording.,everyone HATES the sound of their own voices and for some its like do I really sound like that? Lol I know that is for me but I cant change that unless I put a fake accent on.
 

Jimbone

Senior Member
Aug 22, 2014
2,717
827
113
44
#7
I see me...…..

View attachment 203650

Others see me.....

View attachment 203651

……….sigh...…...
Mine seems to be opposite, I tend to have a much lower view of myself than others do, I think it's just because they don't know the real me inside my head. I'm just not good at all, especially at being a father, I'm really bad at that. I just thank God for Jesus, His Spirit is always working in me. I don't know why He saved me, I do KNOW I don't deserve it, and
I DO know what I'm going to do with it. He saved me so I know who I'm going to follow, and what I'm going to proclaim until He calls me home.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#8
How I perceive myself - a blustering idiot, a clown, etc, my favourite flavour is big toe
because I’m always putting my foot in it!

How other probably perceive me - someone who is quite and stoic.
(I’m quite because if I say anything they will know I am a blustering idiot! Lol).
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
1,097
730
113
#10
Mine seems to be opposite, I tend to have a much lower view of myself than others do, I think it's just because they don't know the real me inside my head. I'm just not good at all, especially at being a father, I'm really bad at that. I just thank God for Jesus, His Spirit is always working in me. I don't know why He saved me, I do KNOW I don't deserve it, and
I DO know what I'm going to do with it. He saved me so I know who I'm going to follow, and what I'm going to proclaim until He calls me home.
Yes!
You said very well what I was trying to say.
And I would also say that we are more influential than we realize. I am just starting to learn this.

Thanks for your thoughts.
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
1,097
730
113
#11
How I perceive myself - a blustering idiot, a clown, etc, my favourite flavour is big toe
because I’m always putting my foot in it!

How other probably perceive me - someone who is quite and stoic.
(I’m quite because if I say anything they will know I am a blustering idiot! Lol).
I'm sure you're not as you see yourself. And this is exactly the thing I was asking about.
Thanks
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,261
113
#13
.
(I’m quite because if I say anything they will know I am a blustering idiot! Lol).

God only knows what they might think if they knew you couldn't type. :unsure::eek:
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
1,363
802
113
#14
Definitely not ordinary! Very interesting sense of humor. You really make me laugh!

But you also have a serious deep thinker side
I'm not making fun, but I just found myself at the WaffleHouse ......

"I'll have a side of deep thinker with that"

Waitress yellig to cook ..."One thinker in the hole"
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
30,196
6,538
113
#15
Mine seems to be opposite, I tend to have a much lower view of myself than others do, I think it's just because they don't know the real me inside my head. I'm just not good at all, especially at being a father, I'm really bad at that. I just thank God for Jesus, His Spirit is always working in me. I don't know why He saved me, I do KNOW I don't deserve it, and
I DO know what I'm going to do with it. He saved me so I know who I'm going to follow, and what I'm going to proclaim until He calls me home.
My response was tongue firmly in cheek...… :)
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,339
2,427
113
#16
How Others See us:
Can we really know, and does it matter?



Much Guesswork:

Although others will OCCASIONALLY say things about us we don't expect,
just how exactly could we POSSIBLY KNOW how everyone else sees us?

We do get a partial glimpse of how some other particular person sees us if that particular person TELLS US.
But beyond that, we just have no idea.

It's just like back in grade school, when that one funny teacher used to say, "If you're absent, please raise your hand."
There are some things which just cannot occur.

The acquision of this knowledge, the knowledge of "how everyone sees us", is an aquisition which just cannot occur.

What you "know" is really just a GUESS.
We just have to take a GUESS, or FEEL, or IMAGINE.
And as fallen creatures, our "guesses" and "feelings" are often quite wrong.

However, what we CAN do is study the scripture, and learn how GOD sees us.


The Bible not only TELLS us, but it TELLS us in a way that ACTIVELY CHANGES US.

The Bible always balances out whatever is wrong or missing in our estimations of ourselves.

A. If we are too proud, the bible humbles us, and brings us back down to our rightful place.

B. If we are too insecure, the bible lifts us up, and expresses our great value to God.

C. Since humans are so incredibly fouled up, the Bible often tends to do both A and B simultaneously.

The Bible points out whatever aspect of our "self undestanding" is skewed, and it brings that skewed area back into proper balance.


Conclusion:
1. We probably see ourselves incorrectly, because we are fallen.
2. When we guess at how others see us, it's really nothing more than a guess.
3. When others do occasionally tells us how they see us, it may be very helpful, but they're also fallible because they're fallen, and they don't reflect the views of "everybody."
4. Even if we DID know how everyone sees us (and we cannot), it WOULDN'T EVEN MATTER... because we're to focus on how GOD sees us.
5. So what do we do?
6. We meditate in the scripture, so God can remind us, continually, of how HE sees us.

.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,339
2,427
113
#17
One More Thing...


God does sometimes send lovely people to encourage.

That is truly a wonderful thing.

But even the most wonderful encouraging people are still just people.
They can fail, or fall down, or just wear out.

So ultimately, we want to meditate in the scripture so God can balance us out, and so God can make US into those encouraging people.

.
 

Jimbone

Senior Member
Aug 22, 2014
2,717
827
113
44
#18
My response was tongue firmly in cheek...… :)
To be honest, and I didn't take what you posted as negative in any way so I hope I didn't seem that way, but when we are in Him, in truth, it's much more accurate than how I feel sometimes. I mean self reflection and humility, seeing yourself in Him, in truth, it just exposes the truly bad things I do, as it's intended to and I praise His name for, and is what makes me strive to change the things that dishonor Him.

I'll be a a bit vulnerable here with my biggest battle. I get irate with my two boys way too much, it has been a 10 year nonstop fighting and seething disdain for each other. It makes me so angry(not hypocritical at all right?), I mean so mad that I deal with it how I always have, by yelling, cursing, just really flying off the handle in such an embarrassing way that I not only KNOW is wrong, KNOW is acting the exact way I'm telling them not to making myself the worlds biggest hypocrite in their eyes, most of all I KNOW it not only doesn't work, it undermines the very authority I'm trying to assert. It's so shameful and every single time it happens Matthew 5:21-22 goes through my head. Not so much that I'm "in judgement", I know I've been saved, it's the principle, it's the transgression of His will and knowing that I'm not seeing them as He sees me, and them. My own sons I treat worse than anyone else I deal with, repulsive. This is one of my constant prayers, and please know He has already changed me SO much, and I always grow in this area, but I still know I directly disobey my God and Lord when I do this, but still get caught up in the flesh WAY too often. I hate it, I hate it when I do it because I'm giving my boys a reason to look at Jesus unfavorably, my own sons. This is the biggest battle in my opinion, but may not have even see the biggest battle yet, and I praise Jesus mighty name that there is a battle and I'm not still able to live in my ridiculous hypocrisy comfortably. Somethings He changed overnight, things like this are changing much more slowly than I'd like them to, but I learn from every experience. Thanks and have a great day.
 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#19
One of the biggies I have been learning lately is that other people have generally seen a lot more value in me than I have. A recent EMDR session helped me see how much people have accepted me and it was me pushing them away or inadvertently rejecting them thinking they would never accept me.

Things like depression can skew your things so much. I saw something similar when I went through my yearbook awhile back. So many people said that they had wished they could have gotten to know me more.
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
1,097
730
113
#20
To be honest, and I didn't take what you posted as negative in any way so I hope I didn't seem that way, but when we are in Him, in truth, it's much more accurate than how I feel sometimes. I mean self reflection and humility, seeing yourself in Him, in truth, it just exposes the truly bad things I do, as it's intended to and I praise His name for, and is what makes me strive to change the things that dishonor Him.

I'll be a a bit vulnerable here with my biggest battle. I get irate with my two boys way too much, it has been a 10 year nonstop fighting and seething disdain for each other. It makes me so angry(not hypocritical at all right?), I mean so mad that I deal with it how I always have, by yelling, cursing, just really flying off the handle in such an embarrassing way that I not only KNOW is wrong, KNOW is acting the exact way I'm telling them not to making myself the worlds biggest hypocrite in their eyes, most of all I KNOW it not only doesn't work, it undermines the very authority I'm trying to assert. It's so shameful and every single time it happens Matthew 5:21-22 goes through my head. Not so much that I'm "in judgement", I know I've been saved, it's the principle, it's the transgression of His will and knowing that I'm not seeing them as He sees me, and them. My own sons I treat worse than anyone else I deal with, repulsive. This is one of my constant prayers, and please know He has already changed me SO much, and I always grow in this area, but I still know I directly disobey my God and Lord when I do this, but still get caught up in the flesh WAY too often. I hate it, I hate it when I do it because I'm giving my boys a reason to look at Jesus unfavorably, my own sons. This is the biggest battle in my opinion, but may not have even see the biggest battle yet, and I praise Jesus mighty name that there is a battle and I'm not still able to live in my ridiculous hypocrisy comfortably. Somethings He changed overnight, things like this are changing much more slowly than I'd like them to, but I learn from every experience. Thanks and have a great day.
Thanks.

I hear you!