What Would You Say to a Young Person Who Asks You, "Does True Love Really Exist?"

Hey Everyone,

This summer, I had the chance to spend time with an old friend. Many years ago, I was given the privilege of growing up with her, and now I get the double privilege of watching her and her husband's kids grow up as well.

My friend and her husband have raised a wonderful Christian family which gives me a lot of hope, but one of their children (a son) observes EVERYTHING and asked me about the only date I had ever brought around while spending time with the family. He asked me why, in all these years, was I still alone, and why had things not worked out with that guy? (He was essentially asking why I wasn't married and why I didn't have my own family, like his.)

As if to summarize the actual life dilemma my beloved adopted nephew had REALLY been contemplating, he suddenly asked me, "Aunt Seoul, does true love REALLY exist? TELL. ME. THE. TRUTH."

Oh my goodness. My heart about split down the middle, because I just wanted to hug this precious little guy and shield him from never, ever having his heart broken.

Even though it's been 20 years, it brought me right back to a time in my life when I was asking myself the exact same question.

I've never been very good at sugarcoating the challenges of life, which sometimes gets me into trouble. But when I was going through an especially difficult time in my life, I told God, "I don't want to be a cliche -- I want to be real", and I knew this was a major test.

And so, after taking a deep breath (with both his parents and his siblings right there listening), I explained plainly to my little friend that I had only dated the guy he remembered for a couple of weeks (it was many years before, but he still remembered!) and that the reason it hadn't worked out was because I found out this guy was still talking to, and eventually got back with his ex-girlfriend.

I probably didn't do a very good job of telling him what I was trying to say, but what I essentially tried to get through to him was, "True love exists, but look for it among family and friends you can depend on first. Work on building a strong, independent life of helping others as much as you can. Don't settle for being anyone's mug shot -- just a face and a name in their on-going lineup of prospects they're working o all at once. Don't let someone use you for attention or their own agenda -- get up, walk away, and keep looking for what God really has for you, significant other or not."

And I couldn't help but smile as my spunky little fellow announced to his parents, "I'm going to be like Aunt Seoul -- I'll be ok by myself."

But admittedly, a part of me felt like a total hypocrite, because I left out the details of how many years and how many times I've fallen to pieces (and still do) in the process.

Now, this was just my own approach when I was being put on the spot, because, to tell you the truth, he TOTALLY caught me off guard!!! But I also felt it was a test from God, and a summary of all the work that God has patiently been doing in my life for so many years.

I believe true love exists. But just not in the way that the world (and the church's interpretation) told me to find it.

* How do you feel about true love?

* Does it really exist, and how do you find it, and what does it look like?

* What would YOU tell someone younger than you if they asked you, "Does true love really exist?"

I think it depends on how you define it. Maybe I am too cynical but I’m not sure humans are really capable of something like unconditional love except for children or pets, and there are enough cases of abuse and neglect to make me wonder about that, as well. Well, God is capable, fallen people not so much.

It makes me think of Disney type fantasies where you meet The One and live happily ever after. The concept of marrying for love is relatively new, where it used to be more political or about power or getting resources.

it does seem to me that in a lot of ways people put how they are feeling up as both and the measuring rod for how things are going. It is too easy to leave once the spark is gone, so many couples never really learn to deal with the rough times and grow together. As long as how you feel the sole arbiter od whether things are going okay, whether you stay is more a flight of fancy.

That’s why it is smarter to find someone who has a good enough head on heir shoulders to deal with things when they are rough. Someone willing to stick it out through the bad times, of there any and aren’t going to give in impulsively whenever someone catches their eye.

First thought: this song (maybe just because the first words are " you know love is true, when it comes to your rescue")



Second thought: we really need to define what we mean by true love in this discussion.

I'm not a believer in the true love at first sight idea, nor in the idea of people having a "one true love" like anyone or anything else they could love is somehow less true or less really love. So in the sense of some sort of perfect (or even perfect for me) person, I don't think it exists.

But I do think that the quality of love can vary. Some people love better, more selflessly, more sacrificially, etc than others, and refining the quality of how we love is something that any of us can work at. And of course in such discussions love isn't limited to romance.

Under that definition I'm not sure when or how the quality of love becomes such that it's true love, but it's at least possible for such to exist and the best way to find it is to love as well as you can and set the expectation that the other person will reciprocate. It'll look a lot like pursuing the best interest of the one loved regardless of what is most advantageous or enjoyable for you.

But what I'd tell someone asking if true love really exists: Only for those who have learned to love truly with a love that is worthy to be called love.

I honestly think true love can only be found, if both parties have some
sort of true genuine experience of God’s love. Both God’s love towards themselves
and a desire to see the outworking of that love and spiritual growth in their own lives and
in the lives of others.

It doesn’t have to be a perfect understanding, but at least a work in progress.

Too many Christians get together, they have hang ups, hate themselves, have hurts,
seek affirmation from others. Get hurt when their needs are not met by the other.
Or pay scant lip service to what it means to be a Christian.

Too many people are looking to a boyfriend, girlfriend etc to fix all their problems
instead of turning to God. Then things fall apart when they realise the other person
isn’t super human after all and also has issues to work out. The best thing a couple can
do is submit their humaness and failings to each other, look to God to be healed and both
be willing to support each other along the way as true friends and eventually husband
and wife if it progresses to that point.

Too many hurting people get together expecting to heal each other. They just end up
driving each other away.

This is an excellent point, Cinder.

One of the things I failed to explicitly point out in the original post is that in my own life, the definition of "True Love" -- and many other popular concepts -- has changed drastically over the years.

For example, I realized early on that I had to conceptualize a different definition of "Family" than most other people, because most people see "blood" as being family, and being adopted, I don't have a single known blood relative. So for me, "Family" became the relationships I developed and not what I was born into, which is something tailored to my own individual life.

Likewise, when I was younger, I bought into the idea of "True Love" that the church gives us: "The Only Way To Achieve True Human Love is to Get Married and Have Children."

Somehow, this golden brass ring of Christianity always gets thrown in with a few worldly ideas that every man or woman, Christian or not, buys into: True Love is a Big, Flashy Diamond, $10,000 Dress, and 1st Class, 200-Guest Wedding. True Love is Rainbows and Butterflies and Happy Feelings, All the Time. True Love is the Person Who is Going to Fulfill My Every Need, Heal My Every Hurt, and Fulfill My Every Sexual Whim at Every Given Moment, Eliminating My Dependence on "Alternatives," Thus Ending All My Sexual Sin and Shame.

And nothing dispels these ideas like going a few (hundred) rounds of Real Life.

I can openly admit that I lost my fight with Reality years ago and it shook me to the core, breaking down all the Socially Acceptable Cliches I had been taught and then molded in my own head, leaving me no choice but to have God rebuild my reality from the ground up, including my definition of "True Love."

VERRRY rarely does infatuation, what I like to describe as something akin to "imprinting" in the Twilight movies, go along with what true, deep love is. I know the 1 Corinthians 13 definition of love is meant in the broad sense, but I also think it applies to marital relationships.

I have been "infatuated" several times before I met my wife, and UN-imprinting can be a painful thing!

The type of true love described in that Chapter, happens AFTER Christ has come into a person's life. It is one of the reasons we should not yoke ourselves to unbelievers, although I am well aware that even believers, or at least those we THINK are believers, can fall well short of "true love".

Your precious nephew sounds like such a blessing. Thanks for sharing...


* How do you feel about true love?
I think the truest, most sustaining love I have ever known is God's love. I find more love when I am seeking to love rather than being loved. I do not always give love selflessly, nor am I always feeling loved. We have seasons in that area too but when our main source of love is found in God, we are more apt to find stability in love's arena.

* Does it really exist, and how do you find it, and what does it look like?

Yes. I think we find it in every moment of selflessness, in every genuine act of mercy and forgiveness, in every act of sincere kindness, in every moment we seek to take precious care of another more than ourselves.

* What would YOU tell someone younger than you if they asked you,
"Does true love really exist?"

I would say the first part of finding true love starts with you.

When we ourselves learn how to love for no other reason than to care deeply about others in our thoughts, words, and actions, we can not help but find genuine love. True love exists when both parties operate from a position of caring for the other more than themselves.

Will it always be that way...no we are humans. We will always need His grace to help us learn how to love.

I think that is very hard to find. I think the odds of success are increased greatly when we work on our own capacity to love and give selflessly.

Having said all that...Lord knows, it is a struggle for me. He is patient and gracious with me.


My every failed relationship, when looking at it honestly, came down to not love failing but rather our capacity to genuinely love, selflessly, failed.

God's love is true.

I don't believe in true love in the sense of a man and woman, but anything is possible. In my view, some relationships offer a stable, caring, and peaceful home. While many others are a work in progress. I see most relationships going through the same storms as everyone else, but they have someone there to make it worse or better when the wave of disappointment hits.

Hollywood romanticizes love, which gives many a false representation.

Darn unmet expectations are boogers, lol, huh?

Lord help us all, single or not.

Yes John 3:16

That sounds really expensive. If that were what true love is I would never be able to afford it.

True love does exist, but it does not and can not have anything to do with how a person looks, what a person does for another or even the kind of personality somebody has. If I love somebody just because that someone makes me happy, my love is no better than the reason my dog gets excited when he sees me.

Yes it does. Buy a dog and you'll discover it.

And true love is back within my grasp. I keep saying someday I'm going to get a dog. And right now getting a dog seems much more likely than getting a guy.

Try not to depend others love. this is easier said than done especially if we have the people pleaser gene.
human love tends to be very conditional even superficial.
the answer lies within....
oops that may trigger a theological earthquake 😁

When you do find a guy, please let me know what the guy is like.

See, Kim is STILL commenting on how alike you and I are. As alike as we (allegedly) are, there would be no point in dating each other because we would both be good at the same things and lacking in the same things.

However... when you find a guy (yeah I know you will correct my WHEN to IF, but whatever) then all I have to do is look for a lady who is just like that guy you found.

I couldn't say this a few years ago, but I now believe that He is enough.

"What a man desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar." Proverbs 19:22.

The only one capable of unfailing love is God.

If anyone loves hip hop.... this is Shai Linne - My Portion


"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." Psalm 73:25 NIV.

steadfast love. how many of us can say we have that?

Well I follow that logic completely, maybe there is some truth to this we think alike after all.

If a child had asked, I would have simply said, "Of course it does!" Then make my way to the dessert table..

If an adult asked, I would say, "It probably does, but few ever find it."

If a teenager asked, I would say, "I believe it does. And if you ever fall in love with someone who loves you more than life itself and would do anything in the world to make you happy, then you might have found it."


But as for me, true love only exists for my taste buds...