One last blow

Sorry to hear about this very bad situation. However, it would appear that you should be the sole custodian and parent of your children. Meet with a lawyer who deals with these kinds of issues, and petition the court immediately (since you have good grounds for making this request).

The courts do not grant sole custody in situations where abuse is not proved. At this point the best interest of the children is a complicated issue and if things can be settled out of court it will bring less stress to the children. Definitely have a lawyer but trying to strip the mother of her parental rights is almost impossible. There is also the chance that she may fight back in a way she wouldn't have if she wasn't threatened with losing the children. I know the moral climate is a worry but do listen to good counsel that knows the law, the situation and takes the best interest of the children to heart.
I have one piece of advice that is really important. Do your best to not criticize your ex in front of the children. They will not thank you for it later. She is their only mom and they love her. Even if the two of you do not get along, do your best for their sakes and for your testimony as a Christian. We say, "Love your enemy" but we can trash others if they hurt us. No. This can't be. This is part of what makes our beliefs so radical. When my husband left, it was like God put his hand over my mouth and said no. If I loved my son I was not to interfere with him ability to love his dad. Do nothing that interferes with your children's ability to love their mother. In time they will see what is true. It is hard but we cannot share the gospel and not live it, especially when it hit so close to the heart. Be wise, be brave and you will feel a freedom you have never had before. I have lived it and I know.
All the best brother.

What if this man is abusive? How do I deal with such a thing

I was a wretched man.
Sin is a deviation from God’s holy standard. We cannot be like Him on our own. By our very nature we are enemies of God. But we are His workman ship. He so loved us He send His Son to atone. The way is narrow. I have had full knowledge of God for quite some time I chose to ignore. I’m paying the price for that heavily. God is remaking my soul and there has to be pain involved for me to truly be understand and accept His saving grace.

My wife left me for a "better Christian." The hypocrisy in that is astounding. I had the same fear you do now, except I knew this guy she ran off with was actually a narcissist. How did I know that? He was my best friend for over 12 years.

I am not saying this to one-up you. I just want to let you know I have been where you are at. I also want to let you know right off the bat that it is not 1000% your fault. After all, she agreed to the divorce. she was not perfect, either; no one is.



You sound like 95% of the pastors out there who berate us guys for not being perfect Christians. Do not beat yourself up over this. It takes two to have a marriage relationship. Instead, it is time to fight back, and I don't mean against your Ex.

Satan is delighting in this breakup, and he is not going to stop until your life is in total shambles. He's going to keep coming after you and the anger is going to build, I promise you.

But there is a way to get peace quicker than I got it. The key is to drive the enemy out of your life by rebuking him in the name of Jesus. You may have to do this several times a day.

Check out this video and let me know what you think.




And yes, I am praying for you

My last day at my job was March 1st.

I don't want you to respond to this, but I am hoping you didn't quit your job to try and lessen the amount you have to pay in child support, which in your case, will be at least 30% of your gross income before taxes.

Some younger men will try this tactic, but it always catches up with them. The truth is, it doesn't matter if you have a job or not, you will go to jail if you don't pay. Because of the trouble collecting child support in the past, enforcement has been turned over to the men-hating, militant feminists in each state.

Don't expect any understanding or sympathy, either. The judge will never take into consideration your situation. It does not matter if your Ex ran away and left you with all the bills. It doesn't matter if you live under a bridge and have no job. You are still going to pay, even if it has to be at gunpoint.

I find it amusing how the media brainwashes people into thinking the man is always at fault and should pay dearly for his mistakes. Even the church is culpable for this perverse attitude. Even people I have known for years become militant when it comes to the child support issue; which incidentally, they have no clue what they are talking about.

Just the other day, one of my very pleasant, older, female clients asked me how things were going. I told her things were fine, but It was difficult for some months to keep up with my child support payments.

Her response was, "Good, it really needs to be."

Keep in mind, this is someone who I see as my second mom. She has been with me for over 10 years.

I am not telling you all this to scare you. I just want you to know what is probably ahead so you can plan for it. Expect no understanding or sympathy from anyone, especially when it comes to child support.

Also, there is a very high probability your ex-wife will use child support as a weapon against you at some point. Don't be shocked by this. Even if you think "she would never do that," at least keep it in the back of your mind. People change. I guarantee, she will too, especially since she already has a new man in her life to agree with her about what a jerk you are.

Here are a few things you can do to protect yourself:

1. If you can afford it, hire a lawyer. If you can't, there are legal aid resources in each state. Don't be too proud to use their services.

2. Make some kind of payment to your Ex each month, even if it is $20.00. You have to pay something so you can show you at least care. If you have trouble paying, go to your local enforcement division and confront them head-on. I've heard that they are becoming more willing to work with men who genuinely care about their kids, but are underemployed.

3. Try and stay self-employed. Not only will you potentially make more money, but the state will also be unable to garnish your wages. I know this sounds a bit crass since I know you want to do what is best for your kids.

But wage garnishment is virtually automatic in a lot of cases. All a feminist judge has to do is ask your Ex one question, "Do you think he will pay his child support?" If she says no, you will be having at least 30% of your wages taken out before taxes each payday, whether you can afford it or not.

4. Keep a cash reserve on hand for emergencies. Nuff said there.

Awesome post

Child support is for the child's needs yes?

What do you children really need physically speaking beside housing, food, clothing and medical care?

I am also not trying to be crass but if a father did the legwork to get food, clothing, and financial assistance from churches directly paying for these needs specifically it makes sense that in court that would go a VERY long way. It would to me as a juror at least

I have little experience with this other than that income typically goes toward frivolities such as recreation and luxuries and it makes sense that a mother may use leftover capital on her needs as a sort of human justice for wrongs suffered when this is not what it's f

Why should a father have to pay beyond the bare bones minimum of what the government allows to poverty stricken families that don't have a divorce and have a family?

Thanks. I wasn't sure what kind of reaction I would get from being so direct.



Great point. Unfortunately, we now live in a world where it is considered child abuse if your kids don't have the latest video game systems.



Unfortunately, the churches aren't going to do that. A single mom, maybe. A guy struggling to pay his child support, never. After all, he got what he deserved.



I'll go one further. I believe that, in a lot of cases, child support is used as a defacto alimony payment. For example, I was talking to a female client the other day. She was telling me how her daughter wasn't working, but that she was doing okay because she was receiving child support.



I go back to the point I have made for some time, now. Child support is designed to be punitive.

The courts do not grant sole custody in situations where abuse is not proved. At this point the best interest of the children is a complicated issue and if things can be settled out of court it will bring less stress to the children.

Even if the two of you do not get along, do your best for their sakes and for your testimony as a Christian.

We say, "Love your enemy" but we can trash others if they hurt us. No. This can't be. This is part of what makes our beliefs so radical. When my husband left, it was like God put his hand over my mouth and said no. If I loved my son I was not to interfere with him ability to love his dad. Do nothing that interferes with your children's ability to love their mother. In time they will see what is true. It is hard but we cannot share the gospel and not live it, especially when it hit so close to the heart. Be wise, be brave and you will feel a freedom you have never had before. I have lived it and I know.

My wife and I are separated at the moment. I'll keep this short. My wife left her journal open and in the laundry room on my day to do the wash, and turned to the page where she said she wanted to take a break. And why.
I'll say this. Being an insensitive, blind, deaf, selfish ahole in a marriage, costs. We're men. We seem to pay attention to everything but what matters, and maybe that is because we take it for granted it will always be there. The marriage, the wife, the family. No one has to put up with us when we're not fully in the marriage and paying attention.

I look at our separation as ahole tax. I earned it, I made the trip down the road to where it has come due, and now I'm paying.
If it is meant to be it will be. But why would she want to return to me if I'm the same man she left?

Some couples work out better when they're friends. Friends that love one another and live apart. So far, we're better now than we were in the last two years we were in the marriage.

Take heart. It'll all work out.

I'll say this. Being an insensitive, blind, deaf, selfish ahole in a marriage, costs. We're men. We seem to pay attention to everything but what matters, and maybe that is because we take it for granted it will always be there. The marriage, the wife, the family. No one has to put up with us when we're not fully in the marriage and paying attention.

If it is meant to be it will be. But why would she want to return to me if I'm the same man she left?

Some couples work out better when they're friends. Friends that love one another and live apart. So far, we're better now than we were in the last two years we were in the marriage.

It sounds like you also have been brain-washed by the extreme militant, feminist media who degrade men and want to devalue any contribution we make to our marriages and families.

The sad thing is, most pastors feed this humiliating hysteria by castigating men in the congregation for not being perfect leaders of their families like they are. The hypocrisy in that is not only sickening, but it can also be devastating to our Christian marriages. Wives are being encouraged to leave their husbands because we are not good enough Christians. However, the bible says to the contrary:

"It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' 32But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. " Matt. 5:31-32.

These are not my words, but the words of our Lord, Jesus.

He didn't say, "If your wife or pastor feels like they just haven't molded you into a perfect Christian, she is justified in leaving you, taking the children, and finding a new boyfriend. "



Because I am assuming she vowed, "Till death do us part."



But are your kids better off? There's nothing more devastating to a child than when a couple, or one party, decide to selfishly shred their marriage to pieces.

Hello Brothers and Sisters. This has been quite a rough month for me. My marriage officially came to an end. My last day at my job was March 1st. And now I found out that my ex wife has a boyfriend. It hurts, but I’m also concerned about our 4 kids. I’m trying to install biblical truths into them, and I see troubled waters ahead. I don’t want to fall into sin over this, so I have asked the Lord give me wisdom and a steadfast heart. I am open to Godly advice(and prayers as well) as how to deal with such a mountain. The kids will see and experience things that are not of God in their mothers house. What if this man is abusive? How do I deal with such a thing? Only God knows the course, and I ask for Him to guide us through to the other side. Thank you all for your blessings!

It sounds like you also have been brain-washed by the extreme militant, feminist media who degrade men and want to devalue any contribution we make to our marriages and families.

The sad thing is, most pastors feed this humiliating hysteria by castigating men in the congregation for not being perfect leaders of their families like they are. The hypocrisy in that is not only sickening, but it can also be devastating to our Christian marriages. Wives are being encouraged to leave their husbands because we are not good enough Christians. However, the bible says to the contrary:

"It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' 32But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. " Matt. 5:31-32.

These are not my words, but the words of our Lord, Jesus.

He didn't say, "If your wife or pastor feels like they just haven't molded you into a perfect Christian, she is justified in leaving you, taking the children, and finding a new boyfriend. "



Because I am assuming she vowed, "Till death do us part."



But are your kids better off? There's nothing more devastating to a child than when a couple, or one party, decide to selfishly shred their marriage to pieces.

You’re correct. Thus far things have been cordial. No need to rock that boat. I tell the children to love and honor their mother and I don’t speak any ill of her. Prayer is the biggest asset, only the God that created us can direct ones heart.

I don't want you to respond to this, but I am hoping you didn't quit your job to try and lessen the amount you have to pay in child support, which in your case, will be at least 30% of your gross income before taxes.

Some younger men will try this tactic, but it always catches up with them. The truth is, it doesn't matter if you have a job or not, you will go to jail if you don't pay. Because of the trouble collecting child support in the past, enforcement has been turned over to the men-hating, militant feminists in each state.

Don't expect any understanding or sympathy, either. The judge will never take into consideration your situation. It does not matter if your Ex ran away and left you with all the bills. It doesn't matter if you live under a bridge and have no job. You are still going to pay, even if it has to be at gunpoint.

I find it amusing how the media brainwashes people into thinking the man is always at fault and should pay dearly for his mistakes. Even the church is culpable for this perverse attitude. Even people I have known for years become militant when it comes to the child support issue; which incidentally, they have no clue what they are talking about.

Just the other day, one of my very pleasant, older, female clients asked me how things were going. I told her things were fine, but It was difficult for some months to keep up with my child support payments.

Her response was, "Good, it really needs to be."

Keep in mind, this is someone who I see as my second mom. She has been with me for over 10 years.

I am not telling you all this to scare you. I just want you to know what is probably ahead so you can plan for it. Expect no understanding or sympathy from anyone, especially when it comes to child support.

Also, there is a very high probability your ex-wife will use child support as a weapon against you at some point. Don't be shocked by this. Even if you think "she would never do that," at least keep it in the back of your mind. People change. I guarantee, she will too, especially since she already has a new man in her life to agree with her about what a jerk you are.

Here are a few things you can do to protect yourself:

1. If you can afford it, hire a lawyer. If you can't, there are legal aid resources in each state. Don't be too proud to use their services.

2. Make some kind of payment to your Ex each month, even if it is $20.00. You have to pay something so you can show you at least care. If you have trouble paying, go to your local enforcement division and confront them head-on. I've heard that they are becoming more willing to work with men who genuinely care about their kids, but are underemployed.

3. Try and stay self-employed. Not only will you potentially make more money, but the state will also be unable to garnish your wages. I know this sounds a bit crass since I know you want to do what is best for your kids.

But wage garnishment is virtually automatic in a lot of cases. All a feminist judge has to do is ask your Ex one question, "Do you think he will pay his child support?" If she says no, you will be having at least 30% of your wages taken out before taxes each payday, whether you can afford it or not.

4. Keep a cash reserve on hand for emergencies. Nuff said there.

My last day at my job was March 1st. And now I found out that my ex wife has a boyfriend. It hurts, but I’m also concerned about our 4 kids. I’m trying to install biblical truths into them, and I see troubled waters ahead