wishing for death

I can't even afford my basic health care needs. Much less "luxury stuff" like counseling. So no I haven't ever spoken to a counselor not since i was 6.

I remember God saying something similar to me when I glorified martyrdom.
He said "Dying for me is not hard. Living for me is." But I just don't want to anymore. I don't care if anyone knows or remembers me anymore. I just want to be gone.

You are blessed to have this burden upon you. In this broken world it is easy to coast to it's voice, but some of us (myself included) have been chosen to endure from birth and until the Lord calls us home. It is a Holy calling.

do others ever wish for death?
I can't think of anything else. I just wish God would end my misery. I wish he hadn't made me. I hate every minute I have to keep going and i am sick and tired of having to pretend that God has some purpose for me.

I wish some person who died of this stupid virus could have their life back in exchange for mine. I just don't want to go on.

Sometimes my wishes are not so much for death, but a different version of life. Hugs.

"
As the deer [b]pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall I come and [c]appear before God?
3 My tears have been my food day and night,
While they continually say to me,
“Where is your God?”
4 When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
For I used to go with the multitude;
I went with them to the house of God,
With the voice of joy and praise,
With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.
5 Why are you [d]cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
[e]For the help of His countenance.
6 [f]O my God, my soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,
And from the heights of Hermon,
From [g]the Hill Mizar.
7 Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
8 The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song shall be with me—
A prayer to the God of my life.
9 I will say to God my Rock,
“Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
10 As with a [h]breaking of my bones,
My enemies [i]reproach me,
While they say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The [j]help of my countenance and my God"

- Psalm 42 NKJV

Heart_Melody, God will never leave you or forsake you.

Also consider the account of the woman with the 12-year issue of blood:

"
5 Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, 26 and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. 27 When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. 28 For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.”
29 Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the [a]affliction. 30 And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My clothes?”
31 But His disciples said to Him, “You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’ ”
32 And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. 33 But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. 34 And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”

- Mark 5:25-34 NKJV

I don't know what afflictions you are dealing with, but just meditate on the fact that this woman's faith is what made her well, according to Jesus.

Hugs to you, sister!

Sometimes my wishes are not so much for death, but a different version of life. Hugs.

You are blessed to have this burden upon you. In this broken world it is easy to coast to it's voice, but some of us (myself included) have been chosen to endure from birth and until the Lord calls us home. It is a Holy calling.

Pastor or his wife?

I've begged god to heal me over and over and he ignores me - like always.
So I have decided to not go to the doctors anymore. If he don't heal me I assume I am done. Like I have wanted to be done.
And then we can all go on.

And if he is just sitting there watching misery unfold, what kind of a sick person is he really. He has the power to help people then why doesn't he. I am tired of pretending the bible makes any kind of sense and all those stupid scriptures that say "Suffering produces endurance" bla bla bla. I don't want to hear it anymore. I want to see God move and if he doesn't want to then that says enough about who he is. All I ever do is suffer but pretend I am not. What a load of rubbish. I am sorry but listen to yourself.

God does not ignore, He always listens. We can pray and request all we want but His timing might not be the same as our timing. We should never question His power or because He never answered our prayer He is a sick person. My mom died of cancer 20 years ago. I don’t ever blame Him for taking my best friend away. Sometimes the questions are and will never be answered, but I trust and have faith He is in control. Keep on praying and worship Him. He can perform miracles, He has on me.

I am sorry for your loss Mike. Twenty years or two, it is still a sorrow.