Granddaughter doesn't Drive

My 19 year old doesn't drive, nor does she want to learn. She has a good job about 10 miles from home, and she depends on her father to drive her to and from work. I believe that her sticking point is taking an online drug course. She is afraid that she won't be able to pass it.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get her to get her driver's license?

I would suggest a reward, one significant enough to light a fire.

Wait...they do online drug tests now?

Fear of failure is a booger for sure. I failed the written exam when I was 16, but it turned out to be a good thing. I had to really take the time to prepare the next time around. Plus...😀 success is sooooo much sweeter after failing the first. I not only passed the test but I got up and tried again....a winning formula.

Yay, praise the Lord!!!

I hope you keep us updated.

I had a male friend of mine that didn't get his license until he was out of college. He had to have been 23 or so...

Did I understand it? Nope.

Everyone has some sort of a quirk and I wouldn't exactly begrudge the extra time spent with someone giving them a ride. There's a cool little bit of communion that you share on a car ride that I'll gladly put up with the boring to and fro without them if I support their direction.

I do think you could possibly put forward the emergency need and encourage it for that purpose. It could be she needs a nudge or it's just a quirky situation, vehicles are deadly after all and I've been in the car with some people I don't think should probably always have a provisional license. Somehow the Lord protects them though...

It could be there's a deep unspoken respect for a vehicle (like a gun) and they don't want to or are unable to consciously voice aversion and have defaulted to a surface level excuse?

Hi Billy,

Have the parents tried just plain old tough love?

What you're saying is very relatable -- I have some friends and family members who are saying that their teenagers, and even college-aged kids, have no interest in driving.

But the other thing I've noticed is that the parents do everything for them with no expectations or cut-off dates, so there's no absolutely no motivation in the first place. Why take on the scary responsibility and expense of driving if the parents are willing to do it for them? Why pay money for things like driver's ed, gas, insurance, etc., when they can let Mom and Dad pay for it and taxi them around while they keep their money to spend on the things they actually want?

I think it's a lot different now as well because when I was growing up, the internet didn't really take off until college, so back "in my day" (go ahead and laugh, lol), driving meant freedom, getting out of the house, and being able to see your friends. Nowadays, young people can just stay at home and talk with their friends nonstop or play games with them on their phones or computer.

As I was growing up, my parents pushed me to take on various jobs from a young age (babysitting, paper route, etc.) and pretty much dictated that part of the money was to be saved for a car and insurance. When I was 15, my Dad announced to me that he was taking me to the local fast food places so that I could get another job, and that they would match what I saved for a car and would pay half of my insurance. My parents laid down the law that they would no longer be carting me around once I had a license, so at 16, I had a car and all the responsibilities, but really, the only places I ever went was school and work. I also had a curfew, and had to check in with my folks as to where I wanted to go, why, and what time I would be back for as long as I was living in their house.

Maybe another thing holding your granddaughter back is the cost? When I got my license, driver's ed was free at the public school, even though I went to a local Christian school. I hear now that it's about $500 to take the course, with additional fees to take your license (I would imagine it varies from state to state?)

But if your granddaughter has a good job, hopefully saving up to get a license shouldn't be the problem. If she doesn't see a license as a priority, perhaps she sees no need to spend money on it (and hopefully, her parents will require her to pay for at least part, if not all of it.)

My suggestion would be to give her a deadline of when she will have to drive herself to work and her father will stop doing so for her, even if it's just her driving the car (and not actually owning or purchasing one.)

Keep us posted on how things go. Maybe they'll have to handle it differently but I'd be interested in hearing what happens.

I have a friend whose child was the same way, refusing to drive until well into adulthood when a change in living situations allowed for no other choice.

She has a car that she pays insurance on. It sits in the yard, unless someone drives her around in it. She will drive her dad around in it, but she won't even try a solo drive. She won't even attempt to take the driver's tests. She even pays rent and buys gas and groceries.

I told her that I'd drive her the the DMV testing site, and I'd pay for her license. She said okay, but she is using the mandatory online drug course as an excuse.

Sounds like she's a very responsible young lady... Kudos to her.

Could she have been through some kind of frightening experience (maybe with friends) that has her terrified to drive by herself?

Thank you.

Drug test is misleading. It is more appropriately drug and alcohol safety course.

I don't know of any frightening experience. Her friends meet online. I haven't asked her if her friends have driver's licenses.

When I was 16 I passed the written test but failed the road test. The DMV lady said I drove very well but I was failed for driving with one hand when you're suppose to have your hands on the 10 o'clock / 2 o'clock position. I took the test again a week later and easily passed.

Many years later I was trading in my Michigan drivers license in exchange for a Florida drivers license. The DMV clerk said that it was unfortunate that my Michigan license had expired the day before so now I would have to take a road test. They had a little driving course in their parking lot. I had to parallel park but I was driving this large Plymouth and nudged a cone causing me to fail. I went back a week later with my Ford Escort and handled the parallel parking easily. So, I drove a whole week driving in Florida with an expired Michigan license. Good thing I didn't get stopped by the police.

I'm not sure what the anxiety is about the online drug course as this is not a drug test but apparently a test about the hazards of driving stoned or even buzzed.

In my opinion, the young lady is simply afraid to take the road test in fear that she may fail. Well, she might or night not. If she does fail they will simply tell her what she did wrong and she will be prepared to take it again and pass.

What you stated was key - you get up and try again. You only truly fail if you refuse to try.

Booger.. lol

I guess as with all things it requires study.