Admitted Feelings=Lost Salvation

It’s honestly a long and complicated story that I’m hurting about too much to type out so I’m going to keep it brief.
I met someone that had/has a lot of pain and issues in their life so naturally I encouraged them to reach out to God.

Skip a little while later, I tell them I’d only date a Christian. (Can’t even remember how this part happened.)

Skip even later and I’m debating whether or not to admit my feelings for this person cause i don’t want them to try to become a Christian just so they can date me.

Later still, I admit my feelings and now we’re both frustrated that we can’t date because I’m refusing to date an unbeliever, even tho this person said that they don’t mind my faith and won’t try to change my mind on it, and is even somewhat interested in Christianity.

Now I feel like I ruined their chances at becoming a Christian in order to pursue a real relationship with Christ, cause now I’m afraid it would mostly be to date me. They said that they’re interested in trying Christianity and developing faith, but it’s something they’d want to take slowly.

I have no idea where to go from here.

Essentially what you've created is perpetual doubt in your mind regarding this person. So this will result in one of two likely responses.
1) That you will always doubt the sincerity of any claims of salvation this person may ever make. Which may always prevent you from moving forward with them, or if you do progress a relationship you will forever have a seed of doubt, no matter what.
2) You will want to believe it's true and accept it and ignore anything that suggests otherwise, especially if you move forward. Though likely you'll still always have a doubt buried away still.

Two things people should never do when considering dating anyone. Never expect them to change into something you want them to be.
Never expect them to stay the same, they will change and likely in ways you didn't expect.

Really if you can't accept a person for who they are, now, you have no business being with them. Whether that is mental problems, health problems, conflicts in beliefs, intelligence, their job situation...

And the problems with expressing feelings for someone you refuse to date because they aren't Christian is will you not dating them turn them from God? Will they be hurt and angry and blame God?
And will a fear of that push you into a relationship with someone you aren't convinced you should be with?

It’s honestly a long and complicated story that I’m hurting about too much to type out so I’m going to keep it brief.
I met someone that had/has a lot of pain and issues in their life so naturally I encouraged them to reach out to God.

Skip a little while later, I tell them I’d only date a Christian. (Can’t even remember how this part happened.)

Skip even later and I’m debating whether or not to admit my feelings for this person cause i don’t want them to try to become a Christian just so they can date me.

Later still, I admit my feelings and now we’re both frustrated that we can’t date because I’m refusing to date an unbeliever, even tho this person said that they don’t mind my faith and won’t try to change my mind on it, and is even somewhat interested in Christianity.

Now I feel like I ruined their chances at becoming a Christian in order to pursue a real relationship with Christ, cause now I’m afraid it would mostly be to date me. They said that they’re interested in trying Christianity and developing faith, but it’s something they’d want to take slowly.

I have no idea where to go from here.

From what you've said, it's hard but it doesn't sound like anything is necessarily ruined yet. This other person has said they're interested in Christianity and exploring faith, while it's tough right now with covid is there a good church you know to help them get connected with or are there other people (ideally of the same sex) that you could introduce this person to to help disciple this person? If someone is going to develop a faith that lasts beyond their association with a certain person, they need a wider faith community than just that one person.

It would also be good to expand the circle of Christian support because if you spend a lot of time with this person and are their main go to for support, those frustrating feelings are naturally going to deepen. So for probably both of your sanity you need to find a way to reduce the time you spend together without leaving this person feeling abandoned. And avoid the temptation to sweep in and be the one to save said person from all their wounds and struggles; they need to learn to depend on God first not you first.

That's the best advice I've got. But do want to say well done for sticking to your convictions even when it's costly and painful. Many don't and it shows the true depth of your character and commitment to the Lord.

Essentially what you've created is perpetual doubt in your mind regarding this person. So this will result in one of two likely responses.
1) That you will always doubt the sincerity of any claims of salvation this person may ever make. Which may always prevent you from moving forward with them, or if you do progress a relationship you will forever have a seed of doubt, no matter what.
2) You will want to believe it's true and accept it and ignore anything that suggests otherwise, especially if you move forward. Though likely you'll still always have a doubt buried away still.

Two things people should never do when considering dating anyone. Never expect them to change into something you want them to be.
Never expect them to stay the same, they will change and likely in ways you didn't expect.

Really if you can't accept a person for who they are, now, you have no business being with them. Whether that is mental problems, health problems, conflicts in beliefs, intelligence, their job situation...

And the problems with expressing feelings for someone you refuse to date because they aren't Christian is will you not dating them turn them from God? Will they be hurt and angry and blame God?
And will a fear of that push you into a relationship with someone you aren't convinced you should be with?

I fully concur with your estimation. Either accept the person for who they are or leave. No one should have any expectation that a person may change in such a way that they now approve of who they are.

From a woman who dated an unbeliever a broken man and a spiritually dead man. Here is my advice.... Let God change their heart before you try to start a relationship with them...I would advice you to stick to what God put in your heart about not dating an unbeliever....No matter how long you gonna wait...it is worth it bro.


I understand your desire in seeing this lady to come to faith,it was the same feeling I felt when I entered a relationship with an unbeliever.


But, You don't need to be with her for her to be saved...find someone who will keep in touch with her and become her spiritual mentor... See from there if she is still interested in God even if you are out of the picture.

Sometimes some people become interested in God because you are interested in the Lord...just to please you...and get you...(please, I am not saying she is the same she could be genuinely seeking God )

Forming a relationship with an unbeliever is a great risk you can go ahead with caution...there is a chance you can bring her to Christ but there is a huge chance that she will pull you away from the Lord that is a very clear truth, that happens, sadly...


Thanks for sharing this to all of us,here ❤
May God's will be done in your life and in her life. In the future, even if you and her will not end up together may the seed of truth and love of God you shared with her will grow in her heart In Jesus name! And if it is the will of God for you and this woman to be together Praise God it would be awesome! God bless you ❤

It’s a bit tough for you to see the situation realistically due to your bias. If you feel this relationship could lead to marriage, this would be good to pursue, but you need to ask for the help of a man you can trust from your family who can see the other man’s intentions more accurately and decide what the best course of action is going forward. For example, the man could take care of your date’s catechism and setting some conditions that need to be met before your date could date you any further. I think at minimum, the conditions should include attending church every Sunday for six months assuming no lockdown and getting baptized ASAP. These could be reasonable conditions to test the waters before moving forward. If the man attends your church, you can continue meeting there only as attendees, not for dating.

I pray that you get the help you need in dating.

Godspeed.

It’s honestly a long and complicated story that I’m hurting about too much to type out so I’m going to keep it brief.
I met someone that had/has a lot of pain and issues in their life so naturally I encouraged them to reach out to God.

Skip a little while later, I tell them I’d only date a Christian. (Can’t even remember how this part happened.)

Skip even later and I’m debating whether or not to admit my feelings for this person cause i don’t want them to try to become a Christian just so they can date me.

Later still, I admit my feelings and now we’re both frustrated that we can’t date because I’m refusing to date an unbeliever, even tho this person said that they don’t mind my faith and won’t try to change my mind on it, and is even somewhat interested in Christianity.

Now I feel like I ruined their chances at becoming a Christian in order to pursue a real relationship with Christ, cause now I’m afraid it would mostly be to date me. They said that they’re interested in trying Christianity and developing faith, but it’s something they’d want to take slowly.

I have no idea where to go from here.

I think non believers think they can sway you away from God because their love is stronger and sadly this happens alot, thus the warning God gives us to not go there. He knows we are weak. Then we all use the excuse that God is love and surely he would approve of this relationship and we would be bringing this person to Christ. Sometimes this does happen.
But I have found that the non believer will resent you because of your faith and you will resent them because of their lack of it.
I would pray for this person and play the role of friend only. Leave their salvation to the Lord and give your feelings for them to the Lord as well. This person may not be the person for you. Right now it is high emotions. Do you really know what this person is like behind the scenes?
Give it all to God and be a friend only. Don't go past that boundary and see what the Lord says about it all and be obedient to that. I have made this mistake already and was upset with the Lord when he said no but down the road I saw this person who I thought was so wonderful at the time not so. I was totally fooled. I am not saying this will be the case for you but I am suggesting give it to the Lord and be obedient to what he says. It will be in your best interest.

Don’t take this to be rude, but, yeah, that was kind of the point of this thread. I’m dealing with those thoughts all swirling in my head now and wondering what to do about it.

Everybody knows the details to their problems. Not everyone sees the correct perspective of them. Which is what I've done, given a more clear perspective. And one can easily draw a line from a to b to see that there is no scenario which gives this a good chance to work out. And through basic deduction you can recognize that if No scenario looks promising, then there's the answer.
What you're looking for is not an answer, because you already have one, it's just not the one you want. You came here to find an answer that goes along with what you want to do. In fact I'd say most people that come to this site seeking an answer actually come for that exact reason. And usually when you reinforce the answer they're looking to get around, they have plenty of reasons to bypass it till that one person comes along telling them what they want.

I think non believers think they can sway you away from God because their love is stronger and sadly this happens alot, thus the warning God gives us to not go there. He knows we are weak. Then we all use the excuse that God is love and surely he would approve of this relationship and we would be bringing this person to Christ. Sometimes this does happen.
But I have found that the non believer will resent you because of your faith and you will resent them because of their lack of it.
I would pray for this person and play the role of friend only. Leave their salvation to the Lord and give your feelings for them to the Lord as well. This person may not be the person for you. Right now it is high emotions. Do you really know what this person is like behind the scenes?
Give it all to God and be a friend only. Don't go past that boundary and see what the Lord says about it all and be obedient to that. I have made this mistake already and was upset with the Lord when he said no but down the road I saw this person who I thought was so wonderful at the time not so. I was totally fooled. I am not saying this will be the case for you but I am suggesting give it to the Lord and be obedient to what he says. It will be in your best interest.