Advice to the single ladies out there on finding a romantic relationship with a guy (coming from a guy)

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kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
3,631
1,426
113
#21
You're overanalyzing everything. Just tell her she has nice eyes and ask her if she wants to talk over coffee tomorrow

I feel like this is recipe for disaster, but if someone likes a disaster, then you have your recipe.

More important questions to ask a lady...

Are you rich and do you want babies?

The answers provided will speak volumes on what to expect in the future. You could pretty much project how it plays out from there, but maybe exceptions can be in play. Do you want to hope for exceptions, or play it safe in life long decisions?



The real questions to ask yourself, do you want babies, and can you afford it? If you can't afford raising children, then please don't, especially in uncertain economic times.

Opinions expressed by kinda are just his opinion and may not be the best conclusions for every situation.. Why don't you just trust God in all matters, rather than trying to educate yourself on how relationships work? Relationships are to complicated generally, so let it be.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#22
yea why dont people just say off the bat.
None of this pussyfooting around.

I think 99 percent of women want to be with a man so they can have babies with said man. You fooling yourself if you dont want that, cos you can just be friends with a man without having his babies.
 

true_believer

Well-known member
Sep 24, 2020
762
323
63
#23
Attracting a good partner requires patience, skill and confidence.
 

true_believer

Well-known member
Sep 24, 2020
762
323
63
#24
yea why dont people just say off the bat.
None of this pussyfooting around.

I think 99 percent of women want to be with a man so they can have babies with said man. You fooling yourself if you dont want that, cos you can just be friends with a man without having his babies.
There are plenty of women that are mature that already have children or don't want children. They want a husband for emotional and physical needs.
 
Oct 7, 2014
34
54
18
#25
I feel like this is recipe for disaster, but if someone likes a disaster, then you have your recipe.

More important questions to ask a lady...

Are you rich and do you want babies?

The answers provided will speak volumes on what to expect in the future. You could pretty much project how it plays out from there, but maybe exceptions can be in play. Do you want to hope for exceptions, or play it safe in life long decisions?



The real questions to ask yourself, do you want babies, and can you afford it? If you can't afford raising children, then please don't, especially in uncertain economic times.

Opinions expressed by kinda are just his opinion and may not be the best conclusions for every situation.. Why don't you just trust God in all matters, rather than trying to educate yourself on how relationships work? Relationships are to complicated generally, so let it be.
Nope no kids. I value my peace and sanity
 

true_believer

Well-known member
Sep 24, 2020
762
323
63
#26
Just so we're clear, I am a 34 year old single man. Never been married, no kids (I'm a virgin), I am a Christian, and, yes, I just got out of a relationship not too long ago. Currently, I'm not seeing anyone and I don't know when I will. Can be today, tomorrow, next week, a month, a year, years, or never (which I hope doesn't happen in this manner). So what I'm about to say, take it for what it's worth because some (or a lot) of it (depending on how you look at it) may sound like venting. That's not the intent here, nor am I trying to get myself set up with another woman on here. And I am not trying to criticize women nor belittle them. I'm here to offer some advice based on the experiences I've been through with a woman. Now that we cleared the air on that, let's get started.

If you ever wondered why good guys leave a relationship, have you actually asked yourself "what am I doing wrong? Am I being too picky, setting standards too high, asking too much of them, or am I not good enough for them?" Well, the last thing listed in the last sentence, most guys don't think that. Otherwise, they wouldn't ask you out, let alone be interested. It's a harder for men, however, on that last one because there's times where they feel as if they may not be able to live up to the standards that many women are looking for in a man, even if the guy is a good person and is hardworking. Not saying there's nothing wrong with having certain qualities that you may find attractive in a man, but there's going to be times where they may feel like you're moving the goal post. What happens, more often than not, the good guys that are out there simply give up on seeking a relationship.

I would take it a step further and say it's even harder for Christian men because we do want to be with a godly woman and is deeply invested with Christ. However, when a Christian man sees himself facing down these same obstacles, there's a good chance he may begin to lose faith. Now, you may be asking yourself, since the last paragraph, what these obstacles may be. It may not sound like it, but when there are unrealistic standards that are established, it makes it harder for men. Such as:

-being wealthy
-high college degree
-well sculpted body (supermodel status)
-beautiful face
-not having to work as much, making more time to play
-accepting and not expecting her to change (physical, mental, and spiritually) while doing what she wants

These are only some of the standards, but go to some of these dating sites, research data, or even among friends, and hear the answers coming from them. Wealth, we're talking hundreds of thousands (or more) of dollars made every year. College degree, typically a masters. Physical appearance, talking about looking like Jason Mamoa, Pat Robitson, Brad Pitt, etc. Work life, hardly not much at all but still gets paid. Finally, and probably one of the most important ones to note, acceptance, no push back and not questioning. I put that one last because if there's no questioning and simply doing everything that one person wants them to do and still having a healthy relationship, it's doomed to fail.

To be fair, men can be the same way, so we're not exactly perfect either. However, living in a world where feminism is widely more accepted than what God had planned for men and women, men feel isolated and alone. Especially when it comes to Christian men. If you're looking for a godly man, there's nothing wrong with having standards, but make them realistic.

When it comes to wealth, so long as they are working (and doing good work) and getting paid decent, that should more than suffice. When it comes to education, they don't necessarily have to go through college. Many guys may go through tech schools or, like I did, apprenticeship, which are both the equivalent to a college education. College isn't what it use to be (as we all, at least should, know). When it comes to physical appearance, so long as they are not becoming gluttons, having an average look isn't a bad thing. I understand looking good. I lost, over the past decade, 125 pounds, and I have been giving my wardrobe a makeover, while also using products that make me smell better and keep my hair tight (but nice). But don't expect the supermodels to be your Prince Charmings because 99% of the time they're not and it's typically the Average Joe that ends up being that way. When it comes to accepting a woman, a guy doesn't necessarily have to accept you. It sounds harsh, yes, but guys have standards too, and they do have breaking points. If a guy does something for you, without or with you asking, he cares about you. However, don't push him too hard because he can just simply leave the relationship.

Two more important pieces of advice that I didn't mention earlier. Like the man because of who he is, if it's the type of personality you're attracted to. Don't try to change him. If he needs to change, he needs to do it on his own will. Otherwise, if he's just not a good person, don't bother with him. Pray for him, but don't pursuit him until he changes for the better. The most important aspect of all this is he must accept Christ in order to be in a real relationship or on the path of doing so. He must be Christ like because if he isn't, the relationship is doomed to fail. This also applies to men as well when looking for women.

I know this is lengthy and it might sound like virtue signaling, but I assure you it's not. You have to allow men to be men, and allow each one us to be ourselves. Give the guy the opportunity to ask you out, and if it's someone that has accepted Christ into their lives, go out with them (assuming you're not seeing anyone). Good godly men do still exist and want good godly women. I'd want to see Christian men and women together and happy. I understand having other standards that go along with it because it has an effect on the relationship, but make sure that it lines up biblically, not with what the world's unrealistic standards are. I'm still looking and it's hard out there trying to find someone for myself. However, back in late August, I believe God intervened, before I broke up with this one woman a month ago, and had shown me that godly women are still out there by having a woman with the qualities I'm looking for come through my work place. I had seen her again just the other day, but I don't know if I'll see her again after that day. I hope so or at least someone like that, but I think it's confirmation, to me, that I shouldn't give up and continue to live my life. So for you women out there, don't give up. Continue living your life, live by Christ's teachings, and God will introduce to the man that you've been looking for!
There are plenty of Christian dating and relationship coaches that have written books or have videos Youtube. I would start there.
 
May 22, 2006
88
2
8
#27
The church is busy conditioning single men to be nice guys, who then come across as a used car sales man who isn't being themselves. The women reject these guys naturally as they don't come across as being honest, just putting on the act that they've been taught to display. They teach the women that they're all valuable to the same degree and all deserve the same kind of unicorn knight in shining armor entrepreneur high status 8,9,10 looks man. The women ( Not all obviously, there are those who are grounded in reality and know their self worth and value within reason ) don't perceive their own unique values realistically and overlook all the great men that are around waiting for that same man the girls who are 8,9,10 are waiting for. Meanwhile they're on an imaginary ego pedestal drilled into their minds self image based on what the church is telling them they should be and should wait for this imaginary man and anything less is settling, and this is enforced by peer pressure. When two unicorn people come together and create an instagram life that is picture perfect it gives hope to the delusional that they too can live that life and so just wait... even though they're a 4,5,6.. waiting for that one 8,9,10 guy to show up and choose them. There be numerous senior single cat ladies in church one day in the future.
 

Mak33

Well-known member
Nov 12, 2019
373
369
63
#28
Hi everyone,

Can we reverse this? I don't wanna start another thread if you all don't mind.
What if the guy was the one telling that he has lowered his standards that's why he met you or went out with you?
How do you handle that?
 

true_believer

Well-known member
Sep 24, 2020
762
323
63
#29
Hi everyone,

Can we reverse this? I don't wanna start another thread if you all don't mind.
What if the guy was the one telling that he has lowered his standards that's why he met you or went out with you?
How do you handle that?
If anyone hears that disrespectful remark from the opposite sex, they should walk away.....NOW
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
1,487
1,305
113
#30
I wonder if I should post something about the horrible experience of going out with a man who picked his nose and then assume all men pick their noses and post lots of advice to men I dont even know and to say dont pick your nose its disgusting.

...insert whatever disgusting unprintable thing for 'picking your nose'

but you know it could be just I have to get used to the nose picking. Or not. After all, people say you cant change a man. Maybe I should ask myself how desperately do I want to marry this nose picker?
Sounds far too gross..🤢🤢🤢🤢...Imagine hin picking his nose .then wanting to be holding hands with ya....or handling ur phone..or worst still...making you a sandwich straight after.😫😫😫..nah...maybe buy him a gift of hand sanitizers an a billion boxes of mens tissue paper...😉😉😉
 

up

Banned
Oct 8, 2019
4,175
2,470
113
#31
Hi everyone,

Can we reverse this? I don't wanna start another thread if you all don't mind.
What if the guy was the one telling that he has lowered his standards that's why he met you or went out with you?
How do you handle that?
very valid good point - like that you said that!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#32
Hi everyone,

Can we reverse this? I don't wanna start another thread if you all don't mind.
What if the guy was the one telling that he has lowered his standards that's why he met you or went out with you?
How do you handle that?
I think they already have a dating service for lowered expectations. In fact it's actually called Lowered Expectations.

 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#34
Hi everyone,

Can we reverse this? I don't wanna start another thread if you all don't mind.
What if the guy was the one telling that he has lowered his standards that's why he met you or went out with you?
How do you handle that?
It depends on just how salty I was feeling at the time...

But if a guy told me he went out with me because he lowered his standards, I'd probably tell him, "What a coincidence! Right before I met you I decided to raise mine, so obviously, we're unequally yoked, so good luck out there!"

I hope there are enough people left here who know me from my posts that this is just sarcasm and not a reflection of my actual personality (although yes, you might say that at times, I can have a somewhat sarcastic personality!) :D

One of the many reasons I'm single is because I've been in the game way too long to just sit back and take any garbage like this.

I have learned through mistakes o'plenty that it's far better off being single than to be around someone who thinks their presence around you is an act of generosity. :rolleyes:
 
J

Johnjo

Guest
#35
Thankfully I’m done with the dating, marrying and raising kids period.

It’s nice just being able to pursue my own ways. My kids got their own families and I can just be an irresponsible granddaddy😁.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
1,362
800
113
#36
Hi everyone,

Can we reverse this? I don't wanna start another thread if you all don't mind.
What if the guy was the one telling that he has lowered his standards that's why he met you or went out with you?
How do you handle that?
Good grief Mak! Did somebody actually say this to you?? My earth is kinda spinning on a fragile axis as it is, please tell me no one said this to you of all people. I don't want to go hurling off into space somewhere.

Be that as it may, I believe there are more harmful animals Mak. The kind that lure and don't bite till you're cornered. The kind, like that songs goes, with a face for every season and a man no stranger to treason. At least the guy who says he's lowering his standards is showing his cards from the get go.

Now I can't get the song "Telling Me Lies" out of my head. I saw this group the other day and thought they were well with it. Cheers!

 

Mak33

Well-known member
Nov 12, 2019
373
369
63
#37
If anyone hears that disrespectful remark from the opposite sex, they should walk away.....NOW
It depends on just how salty I was feeling at the time...

But if a guy told me he went out with me because he lowered his standards, I'd probably tell him, "What a coincidence! Right before I met you I decided to raise mine, so obviously, we're unequally yoked, so good luck out there!"

I hope there are enough people left here who know me from my posts that this is just sarcasm and not a reflection of my actual personality (although yes, you might say that at times, I can have a somewhat sarcastic personality!) :D

One of the many reasons I'm single is because I've been in the game way too long to just sit back and take any garbage like this.

I have learned through mistakes o'plenty that it's far better off being single than to be around someone who thinks their presence around you is an act of generosity. :rolleyes:
Thanks @seoulsearch, I couldn't agree more!
 

Mak33

Well-known member
Nov 12, 2019
373
369
63
#38
Good grief Mak! Did somebody actually say this to you?? My earth is kinda spinning on a fragile axis as it is, please tell me no one said this to you of all people. I don't want to go hurling off into space somewhere.

Be that as it may, I believe there are more harmful animals Mak. The kind that lure and don't bite till you're cornered. The kind, like that songs goes, with a face for every season and a man no stranger to treason. At least the guy who says he's lowering his standards is showing his cards from the get go.

Now I can't get the song "Telling Me Lies" out of my head. I saw this group the other day and thought they were well with it. Cheers!

Lol yes @17Bees, unfortunately a "friend". But then that's cool. He's honest. Thanks!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#40
I hope there are enough people left here who know me from my posts that this is just sarcasm and not a reflection of my actual personality (although yes, you might say that at times, I can have a somewhat sarcastic personality!) :D
*Lynx crams a paw in his mouth and walks away quickly.