Midnight Confessions

wow I never figured out how to make my words coloured all the time. I wonder if anyone would mind if I wrote in green or blue or book antiqua all the time.

Or the Bible. Words of Christ in red

Like a Geronimo Stilton book.

Does this book have passages in color?

i just have alphabet letters at school, they can spell Jesus I suppose.
Though I was a bit disappointed in them - crayola. Not magnety enough. And only come in a few colours. and expensive.

Still looking.

I figured this would be an appropriate place to post this: “Midnight Confessions” -- those thoughts that are always in your head but you never dare voice them! I find if I don't find some sort of outlet for expression, I might just go mad (that is a confession in itself right there!!)

The irony is I told myself I was ‘done’ on the forums. Yet here I am back again… still searching, still seeking.
And with that, here is my confession, my confusion, my plight.
Read it – judge it if you will –
but these are the confessions of one “TimothyGirl”…
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Someone once sent me a meme of a bunch of kindergarteners on Halloween; the caption read: “in a world full of princesses, dare to be batman!”

Ever feel like you’re the batman? I must confess that I would love to be the princess in this story, but I definitely feel more like batman! In more ways than one. I sometimes wish I knew if there were more “batmans” out there – those that are prepared to break away from the status quo. My whole life I have always felt like I’m the ‘odd one out’ – from the way I think to the choices I make. I suppose being home-schooled has a lot to do with it! (Shout out to all of you homeschoolers who can relate!! )

But it’s more than that. It has to do with calling. It has to do with being a Christian; it has to do with choosing to bear the reproach of Christ over “fitting in.” Sometimes I wish the road were easier… sometimes I wish it weren’t so lonely. But then, if it were, it wouldn’t build the same sort of character, would it?

I think what I would love to know is: is there anyone out there who can relate?! I often think of Elijah when he was having a fat whinge to the Lord. He also felt like he was the ‘only one’. The Lord assured him that He had reserved 7,000 others like him who had not bowed the knee to Baal. I’d certainly like to meet up with some of them!! Guess that’s why I decided to join the forums in the first place.

Perhaps lockdown is getting to my head. But maybe its more than that. See, where I come from everyone will tell you they’re a Christian, but not many can relate with the walk of the Cross: with denying yourself and your flesh in favour of pursuing Christ.

I was talking to my “ex” Youth Pastor the other day whom I haven’t seen in years; it was my turn to have a bit of a whinge. I was… expressing myself… as to how I had just moved towns and am really struggling to find Christian friends here where I am. I commented to him that because of lockdown, I can’t even go to church and find friends there! He laughed rather dejectedly and said to me, “Don’t waste your time looking for [like-minded Christian] friends in church; you won’t find them there.” That’s really sad. But unfortunately, it’s true; especially here where I’m from, and especially amongst my culture. I have actually started wondering to myself where the Christians are hiding and why it’s so difficult to find them?!

So this is my confession, my confusion, my plight:
There is something I am searching for, something in which my soul would delight,
and that is to find like-minded people who serve the Lord with all their might.
This, dear brothers, dear sisters, is what often haunts me in the night.

I can certainly relate to your story. I believe that most Christians are in their own particular lockdown. The good news is that God will provide a way to breakout. Elijah certainly traveled down a lonely road as well as yourself because to humbly serve the Lord you must, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit take the road that is less traveled. It is a hard journey that you are on and that reminds me of a few lines of a poem that has to do with serving God:

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

Each one of us has a story to tell. Thank you for sharing a chapter of yours. I pray that you have a safe passage and that you will indeed meet a few, or just the one, Christian friend that will make a positive difference in your humble service to the Lord. I am on such a journey too and there are others as well walking the road less traveled.

Many such journey's are possible for those that love the Lord and have a desire to serve.

It is approaching midnight here and I don't really know what to say lol. That's it.

A lot of the time I don't know what to say either.

And yet you always manage to say it so well

Im still not feeling that social
everything starting up again but I want another year off.
Maybe if I lived all on my own and worked alone all the time I would be dying to meet with people?

When people say its too quiet at the bookshop Im like hooray no customers. Or nobody comes into the library and I have it all to myself Im like YES.

Is this perverse of me?

I thought I would go to this bible study, but turns out my family have gone to my bros and left me alone, so Im like YES the house is all to myself so I wont go out.

Ive canceled lots of meetings. I just think well if I dont have much to say at the meeting besides not getting a word in edgewise and Im so tired that I want to fall asleep in them they dont REALLY need me there do they?

I don't feel social either so I will continue to practice social distancing. Because of our move from Florida to Tennessee I have not worked since Nov 10. I have no contacts here and this town is small so it will be a challenge to find employment. I am sort of semi-retired but would still want to work at least part-time somewhere as the extra money would come in handy. Regarding the meetings that you have mentioned, I am of the opinion that your input would be quite valuable. I get the wanting to fall asleep part though.