Which is more important looks or personality?

I have read through majority of the thread and am encourage how the general sentiment is that 'personality overrules looks'. That said, is there a minimum standard or boundary that some might adhere when it comes to looks?

Reason I ask is that I am a short, homely and unattractive male, whom despite just turning 57 has never married, never had a girlfriend or never even dated. Honestly, I can say every women I have met in life has rejected me for my height and looks. All the feedback I have received from women is negative (i.e.: 'you are not attractive'; 'you are short'). Not once in life have I met a women that looked beyond my lack of physical attractiveness and reinforced any positive personality or character traits I might have.

It is not uncommon to go out in public and be marginalized by women in terms of scoffing (at my looks), 'smirky' contempt and critical looks. I have even received such treatment from Christian women at church.

Speaking of which, as a single never married it can easy to feel without a home or out of place at church in that most single groups are made up of singles previously married. Obviously, I do not fit in with the married crowd at church, particularly the leadership. I recall some time ago meeting with a pastor for the first time at a church I had started attending, and the first words out of his mouth (laced with contempt) were 'women do not like you'.

I always thought that as Christian people we are 'fearfully and wonderfully made' and that as a body of believers we need to be 'devoted to one another in brotherly love' and to ultimately 'honor one another above yourselves'.

I know I Corinthians 7 reinforces how 'it is good for a man not to marry'. Perhaps the point is that there are those within the church body whom can accomplish things single that they might not be otherwise? And shouldn't we pinpoint such people and support them?

As for character qualities in a women, I feel it begins with Proverbs 11:16: 'a kindhearted woman gains respect'

But also includes I Timothy 3:11: 'In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.'

On numerous occasions I have prayed to God and said if you bring a women with those qualities into my life I will be happy to marry her. However, God is silent on such matters. Where He is not silent, however, is when I pray about my general single status, and Proverbs 3:3-4 comes to mind: 'let love and faithfulness never leave you'.

Perhaps the message driven home is that 'love and faithfulness' are qualities to seek and obtain prior to finding a mate. Or perhaps, love and faithfulness should define a person and not single status.

😝

I have read through majority of the thread and am encourage how the general sentiment is that 'personality overrules looks'. That said, is there a minimum standard or boundary that some might adhere when it comes to looks?

Reason I ask is that I am a short, homely and unattractive male, whom despite just turning 57 has never married, never had a girlfriend or never even dated. Honestly, I can say every women I have met in life has rejected me for my height and looks. All the feedback I have received from women is negative (i.e.: 'you are not attractive'; 'you are short'). Not once in life have I met a women that looked beyond my lack of physical attractiveness and reinforced any positive personality or character traits I might have.

It is not uncommon to go out in public and be marginalized by women in terms of scoffing (at my looks), 'smirky' contempt and critical looks. I have even received such treatment from Christian women at church.

Speaking of which, as a single never married it can easy to feel without a home or out of place at church in that most single groups are made up of singles previously married. Obviously, I do not fit in with the married crowd at church, particularly the leadership. I recall some time ago meeting with a pastor for the first time at a church I had started attending, and the first words out of his mouth (laced with contempt) were 'women do not like you'.

I always thought that as Christian people we are 'fearfully and wonderfully made' and that as a body of believers we need to be 'devoted to one another in brotherly love' and to ultimately 'honor one another above yourselves'.

I know I Corinthians 7 reinforces how 'it is good for a man not to marry'. Perhaps the point is that there are those within the church body whom can accomplish things single that they might not be otherwise? And shouldn't we pinpoint such people and support them?

As for character qualities in a women, I feel it begins with Proverbs 11:16: 'a kindhearted woman gains respect'

But also includes I Timothy 3:11: 'In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.'

On numerous occasions I have prayed to God and said if you bring a women with those qualities into my life I will be happy to marry her. However, God is silent on such matters. Where He is not silent, however, is when I pray about my general single status, and Proverbs 3:3-4 comes to mind: 'let love and faithfulness never leave you'.

Perhaps the message driven home is that 'love and faithfulness' are qualities to seek and obtain prior to finding a mate. Or perhaps, love and faithfulness should define a person and not single status.

I have read through majority of the thread and am encourage how the general sentiment is that 'personality overrules looks'. That said, is there a minimum standard or boundary that some might adhere when it comes to looks?

Reason I ask is that I am a short, homely and unattractive male, whom despite just turning 57 has never married, never had a girlfriend or never even dated. Honestly, I can say every women I have met in life has rejected me for my height and looks. All the feedback I have received from women is negative (i.e.: 'you are not attractive'; 'you are short'). Not once in life have I met a women that looked beyond my lack of physical attractiveness and reinforced any positive personality or character traits I might have.

It is not uncommon to go out in public and be marginalized by women in terms of scoffing (at my looks), 'smirky' contempt and critical looks. I have even received such treatment from Christian women at church.

Speaking of which, as a single never married it can easy to feel without a home or out of place at church in that most single groups are made up of singles previously married. Obviously, I do not fit in with the married crowd at church, particularly the leadership. I recall some time ago meeting with a pastor for the first time at a church I had started attending, and the first words out of his mouth (laced with contempt) were 'women do not like you'.

I always thought that as Christian people we are 'fearfully and wonderfully made' and that as a body of believers we need to be 'devoted to one another in brotherly love' and to ultimately 'honor one another above yourselves'.

I know I Corinthians 7 reinforces how 'it is good for a man not to marry'. Perhaps the point is that there are those within the church body whom can accomplish things single that they might not be otherwise? And shouldn't we pinpoint such people and support them?

As for character qualities in a women, I feel it begins with Proverbs 11:16: 'a kindhearted woman gains respect'

But also includes I Timothy 3:11: 'In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.'

On numerous occasions I have prayed to God and said if you bring a women with those qualities into my life I will be happy to marry her. However, God is silent on such matters. Where He is not silent, however, is when I pray about my general single status, and Proverbs 3:3-4 comes to mind: 'let love and faithfulness never leave you'.

Perhaps the message driven home is that 'love and faithfulness' are qualities to seek and obtain prior to finding a mate. Or perhaps, love and faithfulness should define a person and not single status.

I have read through majority of the thread and am encourage how the general sentiment is that 'personality overrules looks'. That said, is there a minimum standard or boundary that some might adhere when it comes to looks?

Reason I ask is that I am a short, homely and unattractive male, whom despite just turning 57 has never married, never had a girlfriend or never even dated. Honestly, I can say every women I have met in life has rejected me for my height and looks. All the feedback I have received from women is negative (i.e.: 'you are not attractive'; 'you are short'). Not once in life have I met a women that looked beyond my lack of physical attractiveness and reinforced any positive personality or character traits I might have.

It is not uncommon to go out in public and be marginalized by women in terms of scoffing (at my looks), 'smirky' contempt and critical looks. I have even received such treatment from Christian women at church.

Speaking of which, as a single never married it can easy to feel without a home or out of place at church in that most single groups are made up of singles previously married. Obviously, I do not fit in with the married crowd at church, particularly the leadership. I recall some time ago meeting with a pastor for the first time at a church I had started attending, and the first words out of his mouth (laced with contempt) were 'women do not like you'.

I always thought that as Christian people we are 'fearfully and wonderfully made' and that as a body of believers we need to be 'devoted to one another in brotherly love' and to ultimately 'honor one another above yourselves'.

I know I Corinthians 7 reinforces how 'it is good for a man not to marry'. Perhaps the point is that there are those within the church body whom can accomplish things single that they might not be otherwise? And shouldn't we pinpoint such people and support them?

As for character qualities in a women, I feel it begins with Proverbs 11:16: 'a kindhearted woman gains respect'

But also includes I Timothy 3:11: 'In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.'

On numerous occasions I have prayed to God and said if you bring a women with those qualities into my life I will be happy to marry her. However, God is silent on such matters. Where He is not silent, however, is when I pray about my general single status, and Proverbs 3:3-4 comes to mind: 'let love and faithfulness never leave you'.

Perhaps the message driven home is that 'love and faithfulness' are qualities to seek and obtain prior to finding a mate. Or perhaps, love and faithfulness should define a person and not single status.

I have read through majority of the thread and am encourage how the general sentiment is that 'personality overrules looks'. That said, is there a minimum standard or boundary that some might adhere when it comes to looks?

Reason I ask is that I am a short, homely and unattractive male, whom despite just turning 57 has never married, never had a girlfriend or never even dated. Honestly, I can say every women I have met in life has rejected me for my height and looks. All the feedback I have received from women is negative (i.e.: 'you are not attractive'; 'you are short'). Not once in life have I met a women that looked beyond my lack of physical attractiveness and reinforced any positive personality or character traits I might have.

It is not uncommon to go out in public and be marginalized by women in terms of scoffing (at my looks), 'smirky' contempt and critical looks. I have even received such treatment from Christian women at church.

Speaking of which, as a single never married it can easy to feel without a home or out of place at church in that most single groups are made up of singles previously married. Obviously, I do not fit in with the married crowd at church, particularly the leadership. I recall some time ago meeting with a pastor for the first time at a church I had started attending, and the first words out of his mouth (laced with contempt) were 'women do not like you'.

I always thought that as Christian people we are 'fearfully and wonderfully made' and that as a body of believers we need to be 'devoted to one another in brotherly love' and to ultimately 'honor one another above yourselves'.

I know I Corinthians 7 reinforces how 'it is good for a man not to marry'. Perhaps the point is that there are those within the church body whom can accomplish things single that they might not be otherwise? And shouldn't we pinpoint such people and support them?

As for character qualities in a women, I feel it begins with Proverbs 11:16: 'a kindhearted woman gains respect'

But also includes I Timothy 3:11: 'In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.'

On numerous occasions I have prayed to God and said if you bring a women with those qualities into my life I will be happy to marry her. However, God is silent on such matters. Where He is not silent, however, is when I pray about my general single status, and Proverbs 3:3-4 comes to mind: 'let love and faithfulness never leave you'.

Perhaps the message driven home is that 'love and faithfulness' are qualities to seek and obtain prior to finding a mate. Or perhaps, love and faithfulness should define a person and not single status.

I don't know if you're just venting...

...and may God bring into you precious life a lovely woman who let you know just how great you are and how attractive a guy you are in jesus name

That pastor was totally wrong to say what he said to you...he should know better.

Agreed, but that is not the rare exception but rather much of the norm in regards to marginalizing treatment I have encountered from church leadership over the years. This could be a topic for another thread, so do not want to go into too much detail.

There's a thread for that. Although it seems to be not so much church leadership specifically as church culture and modern culture in general.

The thread:
https://christianchat.com/miscellaneous/this-affects-us-all-and-needs-to-be-addressed.197170/

The article it references:
https://churchleaders.com/outreach-...lrWtUO6QfcM__p6ahLkzXKbRPJ3pGAHMY58-Yuj8dTZuw

I have read through majority of the thread and am encourage how the general sentiment is that 'personality overrules looks'. That said, is there a minimum standard or boundary that some might adhere when it comes to looks?

Reason I ask is that I am a short, homely and unattractive male, whom despite just turning 57 has never married, never had a girlfriend or never even dated. Honestly, I can say every women I have met in life has rejected me for my height and looks. All the feedback I have received from women is negative (i.e.: 'you are not attractive'; 'you are short'). Not once in life have I met a women that looked beyond my lack of physical attractiveness and reinforced any positive personality or character traits I might have.

Hello some guy from mars I was once and for a long time in love with a man who would no doubt describe himself as you do. He would call himself ugly (and blame his parents for that), and he once told me one of the reasons he liked me was because I was shorter than him. He may have been 5' 6" or 7"? I used to be 5' 4.5" though I am even shorter now due to osteoporosis (though that is beside the point). The point is, he allowed his self assessment to get in the way of truly opening up to people. We probably both had that same problem back then, though I did once tell him he was one of the most beautiful people I knew. His lack of sense of self worth and the behaviors that stemmed from it eventually led him to becoming quite an abusive hateful person, blaming others for his failures, and seemingly incapable of taking any personal responsibility for how people responded to him. He did not start out that way, as when I first knew him, he was quite charming, even if guarded, though he ended up mean and vengeful. I really hope you do not allow this to happen to you. Of course there is a big difference in being a late teen into early twenties to becoming an almost sixty year old person, in how we view love and romantic relationships, and the differences in how we view these things may be stark. However, I still hope for you. When love finds you, you will treasure it all the more.

100% personality. Looks are going to fade, I promise.

Hi just through to put this question out there.When it comes to meeting someone special which is more important to you their personality or their looks,?
I know that a person's looks and personality can both be very appealing yet which one seems to tip the balance more..looks or personality?Or are they equally important?Sometimes people can say well personality is more important than looks..but God made us also to also find a person physically attractive too.I guess what will ultimately make a person happy iam sure would be what's within a person...yet there has to be some degree of physical attraction of some kind.
Sometimes a person with a great personality actually can become even more attractive..whereas a person whose physically attractive can also seem unattractive if they don't have a good personality.
Yet each of us are unique and different things appeal to different people.I know some ladies who view that a guys shoes is the number 1 thing that determines their level of interest in him.So any guy they meet they check out his shoes 1st..wrong shoes.....it's basically over for him..🤪🤪
So what are your views is how a person looks more important than their personality of visa versa?
Personally I have been drawn to someone by either...some times looks alone initially...other times their lovely personality...I guess something would draw me to them and what draws me can varie quite widely really.
Beauty is most definatley in the eye if the beholder which makes it so unique and individual as to what can appeal to us about someone
Look forward to hear your thoughts😊

Thank you for your well thought out and WELL written response. Sorry for any miscommunication or misunderstanding, but I am nothing like this. I am NOT a bitter and lonely old man.

I believe Hebrews 12:15 applies in this scenario: "See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many"

Values I live my life on a daily basis include the two 'all's':

"Let your gentleness be evident to ALL" (Philippians 4:5)
"Showing true humility to ALL men (Titus 3:2)

Also, thank you for the encouraging words of your last sentence. However, I believe finding love also encompasses an element of individual accountability. In other words, perhaps I need to take the initiative and play a role in finding that love in question by going out and first meeting people, making acquaintances and making new friends. Let any potential love form and grow out of that.

The truth (reality)....

Looks = romantic interest




Personality without looks = friendzone