"I Forgive You" -- But What If You Haven't Done Anything Wrong?

mm I havent been too into the whole church culture thing.

But I did leave one church where I was doing some minsitry and the board were like we dont want you to do it because it makes us look bad or cheap.

It was kinda weird, and could never get my head round it. They had this meeting and everything where they ganged up on me and basically told me off for doing stuff.

well, they got a garden for free which I hope someone else is kinda looking after now Im not there anymore. If I didnt. do it, then the place would just be full of weeds still.

I should also make a DISCLAIMER:

In the original post, I am neither Sister Abby nor Sister Beth in the given story.

They are, however, based on two real women that I used to know at a church I was once part of.

Hey Everyone,

Growing up smack-dab in the middle of church culture, I often find myself trying to process the many things I've seen that still troubles me on a regular basis.

For instance, have any of you ever been told by someone, "I forgive you," but you're left wondering exactly what it was you did wrong? I'm certainly not saying that there aren't times when we haven't wronged a person who said that, but I was thinking of two examples in particular.

I've had many situations at work where someone wants me to break the rules for them because they see themselves as being an exception, and when I try my best to politely refuse, they will say something like, "Shame on you!" There was one time when I'd finally had enough, and I just told the person, "No, because doing my job isn't anything deserving of shame."

Now please understand, I'm certainly NOT saying that I never do anything wrong -- like anyone else, if I do something right, it's all because of the grace of God. But with today's "Entitlement" culture, things like this seem to be happening more and more, and I was wondering how others deal with it.

My second example involves two women in the church. I'll call the first, Sister Abby -- a woman in her 50's who has been in ministry most of her life. Abby has taken a young woman in the church, Sister Beth (in her 20's) under her own wing, and sees her as someone who could be a good helper to Abby's own personal ministry, as well as someone who might be able to take it over in later years.

Sister Abby has a very introverted, guarded personality; by contrast, Sister Beth is very extroverted, warm, and outgoing. Sister Abby almost always waits for people to approach her first; while the young Sister Beth always makes an effort to approach others first and ask how they are doing.

Over time, Sister Abby sees that the people are becoming much more drawn to Sister Beth, and starts to see this young woman as basically stealing her ministry. She starts to cut Sister Beth out of the loop, excluding her from important events and information, and when Sister Beth asks why, Sister Abby tells her, "I forgive you for all the wrong you've done to me. We just have to forgive each other and move on."

But Sister Beth is left utterly confused over exactly how it is that she has wronged Sister Abby, since she has done everything that Sister Abby asked for her without complaint and in an honoring way.

Now again, I am not saying that the other person may not have done anything wrong. But I am seeing this time and time again among Christian groups I know: Person X doesn't like the way Person Y is handling things or is getting a larger/more positive following, and therefore, Person X accuses Person Y of doing something wrong to them (such as "stealing their sheep.")

But would God say that Person Y has actually done something wrong? And if they haven't, what should this Person Y do? In my younger days, if someone would accuse me of doing wrong, I was much more apt to hang my head, immediately apologize, and beg the other person's forgiveness. These days, I'm much more prone to analyzing the situation first rather than immediately catering to the first accusation.

* Have the rest of you been through this, or seen it happen to someone else, and if so, how do you feel is the best way to handle it?

I'm looking forward to hearing how other Christians deal with this.

I actually feel this is very important to talk about within the Single Christian Community. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like singles are often targeted within the church to be molded into things that other people want them to be, and if we hesitate or question their motives, we are often accused of being rebellious or not being true Christians to begin with.

The older I get, the more I've come to discern between people who want me to be more like Jesus -- and people who simply want me to be more like them.

How about the rest of you? What's your story?

... I am not saying that the other person may not have done anything wrong. But I am seeing this time and time again among Christian groups I know: Person X doesn't like the way Person Y is handling things or is getting a larger/more positive following, and therefore, Person X accuses Person Y of doing something wrong to them (such as "stealing their sheep.")

But would God say that Person Y has actually done something wrong? And if they haven't, what should this Person Y do? In my younger days, if someone would accuse me of doing wrong, I was much more apt to hang my head, immediately apologize, and beg the other person's forgiveness. These days, I'm much more prone to analyzing the situation first rather than immediately catering to the first accusation.

I am NOT claiming I have achieved this level of Christian maturity, but it seems to me that saying something along the lines of “ thank you for forgiving me, I’m terribly sorry for any wrong I’ve done to you. Please tell me how I can avoid doing it again” might be a productive course of action.


This would be a type of “dumping hot coals”, while possibly either finding out how they think they were wronged, or get them to think about how they actually weren’t.

Hey Everyone,

Growing up smack-dab in the middle of church culture, I often find myself trying to process the many things I've seen that still troubles me on a regular basis.

For instance, have any of you ever been told by someone, "I forgive you," but you're left wondering exactly what it was you did wrong? I'm certainly not saying that there aren't times when we haven't wronged a person who said that, but I was thinking of two examples in particular.

I've had many situations at work where someone wants me to break the rules for them because they see themselves as being an exception, and when I try my best to politely refuse, they will say something like, "Shame on you!" There was one time when I'd finally had enough, and I just told the person, "No, because doing my job isn't anything deserving of shame."

Now please understand, I'm certainly NOT saying that I never do anything wrong -- like anyone else, if I do something right, it's all because of the grace of God. But with today's "Entitlement" culture, things like this seem to be happening more and more, and I was wondering how others deal with it.

My second example involves two women in the church. I'll call the first, Sister Abby -- a woman in her 50's who has been in ministry most of her life. Abby has taken a young woman in the church, Sister Beth (in her 20's) under her own wing, and sees her as someone who could be a good helper to Abby's own personal ministry, as well as someone who might be able to take it over in later years.

Sister Abby has a very introverted, guarded personality; by contrast, Sister Beth is very extroverted, warm, and outgoing. Sister Abby almost always waits for people to approach her first; while the young Sister Beth always makes an effort to approach others first and ask how they are doing.

Over time, Sister Abby sees that the people are becoming much more drawn to Sister Beth, and starts to see this young woman as basically stealing her ministry. She starts to cut Sister Beth out of the loop, excluding her from important events and information, and when Sister Beth asks why, Sister Abby tells her, "I forgive you for all the wrong you've done to me. We just have to forgive each other and move on."

But Sister Beth is left utterly confused over exactly how it is that she has wronged Sister Abby, since she has done everything that Sister Abby asked for her without complaint and in an honoring way.

Now again, I am not saying that the other person may not have done anything wrong. But I am seeing this time and time again among Christian groups I know: Person X doesn't like the way Person Y is handling things or is getting a larger/more positive following, and therefore, Person X accuses Person Y of doing something wrong to them (such as "stealing their sheep.")

But would God say that Person Y has actually done something wrong? And if they haven't, what should this Person Y do? In my younger days, if someone would accuse me of doing wrong, I was much more apt to hang my head, immediately apologize, and beg the other person's forgiveness. These days, I'm much more prone to analyzing the situation first rather than immediately catering to the first accusation.

* Have the rest of you been through this, or seen it happen to someone else, and if so, how do you feel is the best way to handle it?

I'm looking forward to hearing how other Christians deal with this.

I actually feel this is very important to talk about within the Single Christian Community. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like singles are often targeted within the church to be molded into things that other people want them to be, and if we hesitate or question their motives, we are often accused of being rebellious or not being true Christians to begin with.

The older I get, the more I've come to discern between people who want me to be more like Jesus -- and people who simply want me to be more like them.

How about the rest of you? What's your story?

Hey Everyone,

Growing up smack-dab in the middle of church culture, I often find myself trying to process the many things I've seen that still troubles me on a regular basis.

For instance, have any of you ever been told by someone, "I forgive you," but you're left wondering exactly what it was you did wrong? I'm certainly not saying that there aren't times when we haven't wronged a person who said that, but I was thinking of two examples in particular.

I've had many situations at work where someone wants me to break the rules for them because they see themselves as being an exception, and when I try my best to politely refuse, they will say something like, "Shame on you!" There was one time when I'd finally had enough, and I just told the person, "No, because doing my job isn't anything deserving of shame."

Now please understand, I'm certainly NOT saying that I never do anything wrong -- like anyone else, if I do something right, it's all because of the grace of God. But with today's "Entitlement" culture, things like this seem to be happening more and more, and I was wondering how others deal with it.

My second example involves two women in the church. I'll call the first, Sister Abby -- a woman in her 50's who has been in ministry most of her life. Abby has taken a young woman in the church, Sister Beth (in her 20's) under her own wing, and sees her as someone who could be a good helper to Abby's own personal ministry, as well as someone who might be able to take it over in later years.

Sister Abby has a very introverted, guarded personality; by contrast, Sister Beth is very extroverted, warm, and outgoing. Sister Abby almost always waits for people to approach her first; while the young Sister Beth always makes an effort to approach others first and ask how they are doing.

Over time, Sister Abby sees that the people are becoming much more drawn to Sister Beth, and starts to see this young woman as basically stealing her ministry. She starts to cut Sister Beth out of the loop, excluding her from important events and information, and when Sister Beth asks why, Sister Abby tells her, "I forgive you for all the wrong you've done to me. We just have to forgive each other and move on."

But Sister Beth is left utterly confused over exactly how it is that she has wronged Sister Abby, since she has done everything that Sister Abby asked for her without complaint and in an honoring way.

Now again, I am not saying that the other person may not have done anything wrong. But I am seeing this time and time again among Christian groups I know: Person X doesn't like the way Person Y is handling things or is getting a larger/more positive following, and therefore, Person X accuses Person Y of doing something wrong to them (such as "stealing their sheep.")

But would God say that Person Y has actually done something wrong? And if they haven't, what should this Person Y do? In my younger days, if someone would accuse me of doing wrong, I was much more apt to hang my head, immediately apologize, and beg the other person's forgiveness. These days, I'm much more prone to analyzing the situation first rather than immediately catering to the first accusation.

* Have the rest of you been through this, or seen it happen to someone else, and if so, how do you feel is the best way to handle it?

I'm looking forward to hearing how other Christians deal with this.

I actually feel this is very important to talk about within the Single Christian Community. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like singles are often targeted within the church to be molded into things that other people want them to be, and if we hesitate or question their motives, we are often accused of being rebellious or not being true Christians to begin with.

The older I get, the more I've come to discern between people who want me to be more like Jesus -- and people who simply want me to be more like them.

How about the rest of you? What's your story?

Hey Everyone,

Growing up smack-dab in the middle of church culture, I often find myself trying to process the many things I've seen that still troubles me on a regular basis.

For instance, have any of you ever been told by someone, "I forgive you," but you're left wondering exactly what it was you did wrong? I'm certainly not saying that there aren't times when we haven't wronged a person who said that, but I was thinking of two examples in particular.

I've had many situations at work where someone wants me to break the rules for them because they see themselves as being an exception, and when I try my best to politely refuse, they will say something like, "Shame on you!" There was one time when I'd finally had enough, and I just told the person, "No, because doing my job isn't anything deserving of shame."

Now please understand, I'm certainly NOT saying that I never do anything wrong -- like anyone else, if I do something right, it's all because of the grace of God. But with today's "Entitlement" culture, things like this seem to be happening more and more, and I was wondering how others deal with it.

My second example involves two women in the church. I'll call the first, Sister Abby -- a woman in her 50's who has been in ministry most of her life. Abby has taken a young woman in the church, Sister Beth (in her 20's) under her own wing, and sees her as someone who could be a good helper to Abby's own personal ministry, as well as someone who might be able to take it over in later years.

Sister Abby has a very introverted, guarded personality; by contrast, Sister Beth is very extroverted, warm, and outgoing. Sister Abby almost always waits for people to approach her first; while the young Sister Beth always makes an effort to approach others first and ask how they are doing.

Over time, Sister Abby sees that the people are becoming much more drawn to Sister Beth, and starts to see this young woman as basically stealing her ministry. She starts to cut Sister Beth out of the loop, excluding her from important events and information, and when Sister Beth asks why, Sister Abby tells her, "I forgive you for all the wrong you've done to me. We just have to forgive each other and move on."

But Sister Beth is left utterly confused over exactly how it is that she has wronged Sister Abby, since she has done everything that Sister Abby asked for her without complaint and in an honoring way.

Now again, I am not saying that the other person may not have done anything wrong. But I am seeing this time and time again among Christian groups I know: Person X doesn't like the way Person Y is handling things or is getting a larger/more positive following, and therefore, Person X accuses Person Y of doing something wrong to them (such as "stealing their sheep.")

But would God say that Person Y has actually done something wrong? And if they haven't, what should this Person Y do? In my younger days, if someone would accuse me of doing wrong, I was much more apt to hang my head, immediately apologize, and beg the other person's forgiveness. These days, I'm much more prone to analyzing the situation first rather than immediately catering to the first accusation.

* Have the rest of you been through this, or seen it happen to someone else, and if so, how do you feel is the best way to handle it?

I'm looking forward to hearing how other Christians deal with this.

I actually feel this is very important to talk about within the Single Christian Community. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like singles are often targeted within the church to be molded into things that other people want them to be, and if we hesitate or question their motives, we are often accused of being rebellious or not being true Christians to begin with.

The older I get, the more I've come to discern between people who want me to be more like Jesus -- and people who simply want me to be more like them.

How about the rest of you? What's your story?

Hi yes this happens lot in life.Within most interactions with other people its bound to occur.
Being falsely accused of wrongdoing when you havent actually done anything wrong then being told by the person that they forgive you when you "know" you havent done anything wrong isnt easy to deal with sometimes.The actual truth can be manipulated within the persons mind in such a way that the actual things you did that were actually not even wrong in the 1st place become twisted in their perception.
I think you would have to forgive the person for somehow implying that you have done wrong and feeling they need to forgive you because this very act against you of falsely implying you did wrong is an offence within itself.
Even worse if they behave differently towards you because that believe you have done wrong.You both basically belive you are right when clearly one is wrong but cannot even see it.
I did a thread here about "how important is it to prove yourself as right"..and in this thread many of us may have a desire to show the other person we haven't done anything wrong to kind of prove our innocence.Yet most of the time that just makes things worse.
We all have different ways of interpreting others behaviour and many times a persons motives as to why they are seeing another person as doing something wrong when they actually haven't is often the main factor.
The example you showed is a classic example of the womans motivation of jealousy and insecurity being the root to her motives which created the wrong kind of feelings and attitudes towards the other person..yet she couldn't see this within herself and wasn't going to take any responsibility for how she was responding to the other lady who was innocent.
The bible says the heart is deceptive and so is the enemie and many times person is self deceived and just cannot see that they are actually the one in the wrong.
To be told they are forgiving you when you have done nothing wrong is a bit like them throwing a dart into thin air..coz they are forgiving you for a nonexsistant offence/sin which only deceptively exsist with their own mind and NOT in real life.
Often this deceptive situation is generated within themselves is often just a reflection of themselves more than anything and one shouldn't allow then to make you confess to a sin you never committed or to entertain the notion you did wrong..but I guess being graceful and even after trying to show then you aren't wrong saying "well ok.we will just have to agree to disagree.God bless"..maybe the only way to resolve it.
I dont think I could be accepting their misplaced forgiveness because there has to be a degree of standing for the truth before then because you know that God is seeing all what's going on.To accept it would be like accepting a prison number when you didnt commit a crime...you would be playing at their game.
Opps I have done another novel...again.. 😂
"A person always had a problem with their feet and so were very sensitive about people making comments abouwhtheir feet or even looking at them.At a church function someone just happened to look at their feet in a queue for foot and that look deeply affected them.They were big angry and hurt and belived this person was rude to look at their feet and struggled to forgive them..but they did eventually."