Lust

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Dpax1231

New member
May 11, 2021
8
12
3
#1
I'm single and 30, from a small town, quite literally there are no single christian woman near my age, so I am staying single until the Lord leads me to a wife. But I struggle badly with lust and I can almost be tempted to seek a relationship just in attempt to be free of lust. It's an uncomfortable topic but do any other singles struggle with lust and what biblical steps are you taking to put it to death.
 

TimothyGirl

Active member
Jul 19, 2019
187
152
43
#2
Hey Dpax, this is one of those awkward posts where you wonder whether you're brave enough to reply or not ... but it's real, and I'm drawn to real, so I figured I'd respond. I'm not a guy, so there are certain elements to your post that I can't help you with.

But as a single young lady in her 30s from a small town with literally no suiters here either, I can totally identify with what you're saying... Wish there was a magic formula to share with you on such topics, but all I can do is share the wisdom that has been shared with me. The biggest struggle is in the mind. Win that battle and you're well on your way.

We're all familiar with 2 Timothy 2:22, FLEE YOUTHFUL LUSTS... easier said than done, right? But the key is contained in the next half of the verse: PURSUE. And that really is the key.

Flee also youthful lusts;
but pursue righteousness, faith love, peace
with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.


With this verse I want to quote Hebrews 12, which is also a well known Scripture, but hopefully I can help you see it with new eyes:

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us lay aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensares us,
and let us run with ENDURACE the race that is set before us,
looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.


It's the word LOOKING that I want to pick up on. I'm blessed to have an amazing Study Bible (New Spirit Filled Life Bible by Jack Hayford -- highly recommend it :)), and it contains the Greek and Hebrew words for many of the key words in the Bible.
So I want to share with you the Greek word for "looking" in this verse:

Looking, aphorao.
From apo, "away from," and horao, "to see."
The word signifies UNDIVIDED ATTENETION, looking AWAY from all distractions in order to FIX ONE's GAZE on one object.

My Pastor always tell us youngsters that it's not enough to run away from something; you'll eventually get tired and give in to it. But when you are running TOWARDS something, that's a whole different story. The question is: what is your pursuit? Is it a wife? Because then you're going to notice every girl and that will be your perspective: whether "yay" or "nay" as a suitor...

But when your pursuit is JESUS, when He becomes your focus, it is the only thing that blinds you from the power of lust.

Again, it's something that my Pastor always says that comes to mind: lust is a fire that you can't put out. You've got to fight fire with fire; and the fire you fight lust with is called passion: passion for Jesus. There is no easy solution. It's a change of focus, and that requires a death to self.

I'm not saying I'm there. If anything I need the reminder, which is why I'm taking the time to respond to you. The fight only becomes harder as you get older, so I've discovered. I think all us singles can vouch for that. But once again, there's another key word found in 2 Timothy 2... it's the word with. You can't fight the battle alone. Even in reaching out over here, it's a good step in the right direction.

John tells us that when we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His son cleanses us from all sin... and if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to FORGIVE us our sins and CLEANSE us from all unrighteousness...

My advice, for whatever it might be worth, is find someone you can be accountable to: someone you can keep walking in the light with and keep confessing to... (preferably another male!! ;)) nothing kills a sin like having to come clean every time we struggle with it. It's embarrassing to say I'm there again, and again, and again... but it's the way we move forward and eventually conquer. When we keep things in the darkness, these things grow, but nothing kills sin like walking in the light!
This one I've lived, so I can vouch for it.

But definitely, I've discovered that when my focus is Jesus, pursuing Him, seeking His Kingdom -- looking out for others, the desire for marriage diminishes. You flee by pursuing, and it helps when you're not pursuing it alone.

Hope what I've said helps a little. It's a battle, it's a journey and the question is: will we set our minds to conquer??

...let us run with ENDURACE the race that is set before us,
looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.


One final comment: it's also a faith walk (is it necessary to state the obvious? :)) You've got to trust, like Isaac trusted, that your Father God knows when to bring your wife to you. It's one of my favourite stories -- go check it out. Isaac was coming from Beer Lahai Roi when Eliazer brought Rebekah to him.
Eliazer in the story represents the Holy Spirit. Beer Lahai Roi, as you may already know, means "the well of the Living One who sees me."
That was Isaac's revelation and enlightenment when God responded to his desires. God knows; God sees you, and in time, He will bring her to you. But it's for you to keep going to the field and meditating on Him in the mean time: understanding and TRUSTING His heart towards you. That He knows when it's time. Fear and lust go hand in hand. It might sound crazy, but it's true. When we fear it will never happen, the cycle of lust grabs hold of us. So let's grab hold of Him and trust...

May the Lord help you, Dpax, as you seek Him and fight this battle. Just remember: you're not alone :)
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
3,645
2,865
113
#3
I'm single and 30, from a small town, quite literally there are no single christian woman near my age, so I am staying single until the Lord leads me to a wife. But I struggle badly with lust and I can almost be tempted to seek a relationship just in attempt to be free of lust. It's an uncomfortable topic but do any other singles struggle with lust and what biblical steps are you taking to put it to death.
Just remember, seeking a relationship for the wrong reasons will never lead to a positive outcome.
You'll just make a bad choice in a partner and that marriage will likely fall apart. That, alone, is not a valid reason.

https://christianchat.com/christian...ng-with-single-sexuality.195976/#post-4423530
 
L

Live4Him

Guest
#4
I'm single and 30, from a small town, quite literally there are no single christian woman near my age, so I am staying single until the Lord leads me to a wife. But I struggle badly with lust and I can almost be tempted to seek a relationship just in attempt to be free of lust. It's an uncomfortable topic but do any other singles struggle with lust and what biblical steps are you taking to put it to death.
Hi, Dpax1231.

I'm going to ask you the question that I always ask people who are struggling with lust, so please don't feel like I'm singling you out.

Have you ever looked at porn?

I'm asking because I've found, time and time again, that it is the gateway to problems with lust. I know that it was in my own case, but there is a cure.
 

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#5
Hey Dpax, this is one of those awkward posts where you wonder whether you're brave enough to reply or not ... but it's real, and I'm drawn to real, so I figured I'd respond. I'm not a guy, so there are certain elements to your post that I can't help you with.

But as a single young lady in her 30s from a small town with literally no suiters here either, I can totally identify with what you're saying... Wish there was a magic formula to share with you on such topics, but all I can do is share the wisdom that has been shared with me. The biggest struggle is in the mind. Win that battle and you're well on your way.

We're all familiar with 2 Timothy 2:22, FLEE YOUTHFUL LUSTS... easier said than done, right? But the key is contained in the next half of the verse: PURSUE. And that really is the key.

Flee also youthful lusts;
but pursue righteousness, faith love, peace
with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.


With this verse I want to quote Hebrews 12, which is also a well known Scripture, but hopefully I can help you see it with new eyes:

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us lay aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensares us,
and let us run with ENDURACE the race that is set before us,
looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.


It's the word LOOKING that I want to pick up on. I'm blessed to have an amazing Study Bible (New Spirit Filled Life Bible by Jack Hayford -- highly recommend it :)), and it contains the Greek and Hebrew words for many of the key words in the Bible.
So I want to share with you the Greek word for "looking" in this verse:

Looking, aphorao.
From apo, "away from," and horao, "to see."
The word signifies UNDIVIDED ATTENETION, looking AWAY from all distractions in order to FIX ONE's GAZE on one object.

My Pastor always tell us youngsters that it's not enough to run away from something; you'll eventually get tired and give in to it. But when you are running TOWARDS something, that's a whole different story. The question is: what is your pursuit? Is it a wife? Because then you're going to notice every girl and that will be your perspective: whether "yay" or "nay" as a suitor...

But when your pursuit is JESUS, when He becomes your focus, it is the only thing that blinds you from the power of lust.

Again, it's something that my Pastor always says that comes to mind: lust is a fire that you can't put out. You've got to fight fire with fire; and the fire you fight lust with is called passion: passion for Jesus. There is no easy solution. It's a change of focus, and that requires a death to self.

I'm not saying I'm there. If anything I need the reminder, which is why I'm taking the time to respond to you. The fight only becomes harder as you get older, so I've discovered. I think all us singles can vouch for that. But once again, there's another key word found in 2 Timothy 2... it's the word with. You can't fight the battle alone. Even in reaching out over here, it's a good step in the right direction.

John tells us that when we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His son cleanses us from all sin... and if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to FORGIVE us our sins and CLEANSE us from all unrighteousness...

My advice, for whatever it might be worth, is find someone you can be accountable to: someone you can keep walking in the light with and keep confessing to... (preferably another male!! ;)) nothing kills a sin like having to come clean every time we struggle with it. It's embarrassing to say I'm there again, and again, and again... but it's the way we move forward and eventually conquer. When we keep things in the darkness, these things grow, but nothing kills sin like walking in the light!
This one I've lived, so I can vouch for it.

But definitely, I've discovered that when my focus is Jesus, pursuing Him, seeking His Kingdom -- looking out for others, the desire for marriage diminishes. You flee by pursuing, and it helps when you're not pursuing it alone.

Hope what I've said helps a little. It's a battle, it's a journey and the question is: will we set our minds to conquer??

...let us run with ENDURACE the race that is set before us,
looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.


One final comment: it's also a faith walk (is it necessary to state the obvious? :)) You've got to trust, like Isaac trusted, that your Father God knows when to bring your wife to you. It's one of my favourite stories -- go check it out. Isaac was coming from Beer Lahai Roi when Eliazer brought Rebekah to him.
Eliazer in the story represents the Holy Spirit. Beer Lahai Roi, as you may already know, means "the well of the Living One who sees me."
That was Isaac's revelation and enlightenment when God responded to his desires. God knows; God sees you, and in time, He will bring her to you. But it's for you to keep going to the field and meditating on Him in the mean time: understanding and TRUSTING His heart towards you. That He knows when it's time. Fear and lust go hand in hand. It might sound crazy, but it's true. When we fear it will never happen, the cycle of lust grabs hold of us. So let's grab hold of Him and trust...

May the Lord help you, Dpax, as you seek Him and fight this battle. Just remember: you're not alone :)
I can say to you guys is that it doesn't get any easier as you get older. And it's almost harder in a big city because of the level of temptation and anonymity in relationships puts available even in bigger churches where people seem to come in and out. I think it's very brave of you to raise this topic and put it out there are. I would suggest focusing on hobbies and charity work may help. Do any of the people in your church have friends they can introduce you to?
 

christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
594
280
63
#6
There is a sermon series by Andy Stanley, The New Rules for Love, Sex, & Dating (look it up), and this has certainly helped me personally in dealing with lust/temptation. While it does not approach the subject fully from the scriptural perspective, it does address the subject from this angle of how, and more importantly WHY, singles have to keep themselves pure and holy before marriage in a powerfully convincing/practical way. He is an excellent communicator/writer and it's a fun read also.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#7
you gotta move to a bigger town or find ways to make your small town bigger.
Because a lot of small towns are not thriving when they cant attract anyone to them.

sorry I cant do anything about your lust, or coveting, thats an issue you need to confess to God. I am going to say marrying someone just to satisfy your lust is not gonna work. That lady is just gonna feel used.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#8
sorry I dont mean to say cant help you in sense well since we are all single why not satisfy our lusts together obvious solution...NOT!

if I remmeber early in my own walk when lust was a problem I sought delieverance through prayer. and yes it might be something hard to confess before someone else (an elder) but an elders prayers can be so much more powerful as they been throught it. Though our own can be effective to you just need to be determined. King David had problems with lust obviously and some of the prayers he wrote as psalms are good to pray.

when temptations present themselves you know what to do. You stop, tell them to go away, flee or quit whatever it is you are doing. You find other things to think about or look at. lust is a trap. Dont fall into it.
 

Kireina

Well-known member
Aug 26, 2020
1,439
1,365
113
#9
I'm single and 30, from a small town, quite literally there are no single christian woman near my age, so I am staying single until the Lord leads me to a wife. But I struggle badly with lust and I can almost be tempted to seek a relationship just in attempt to be free of lust. It's an uncomfortable topic but do any other singles struggle with lust and what biblical steps are you taking to put it to death.
My advice are:

Be aware of boredom and stress--- when you are alone...did you notice that when stress or boredom strikes your mind starts to find something to ease your boredom? Yep...


Make yourself busy...I mean dont sit in front of your computer the whole day find something to do...a hobby for example to occupy yourself

Throw the things that triggers your eyes...inappropriate magazines,pictures etc


Run away from lustful siruations don't try yourself...flee.

If you can find a christian accountability partner a buddy or an accountability group of men....it helps so much too....

Focus on God...meditate the word of God.




Sorry my post is too long already 😅

But Let me tell you my story of my struggle with lust,masturbation and pornography...


It started when i was a teen...my bestfriend a pastor's granddaughter invited me to sleep in their house and we watched porn video.


The video that we watched got stuck in my mind and That day was the beginning of my sinful life...

I learned to read erotic novels,started to watch porn videos and masturbate.


I watched porn when bored,when stressed,when sad,when alone when frustrated when angry it gave me a temporary relief temporary happiness that never lasts longer than a few seconds instead after the temporary relief ...it left me unsatisfied,it left me empty and left me feeling guilty...

I lived a lusful life for so long even after i became a Christian...I go to church in the morning and go home and do my secret sin. I lived like that for many years...

I knew that I was a fool...I knew that indulging in pornography,lust and masturbation will send me to hell but I could not stop...I tried to stop many times but I failed Him a hundred times...I get discouraged over and over again because I could not Find a way to instantly be freed from lust....I kept on failing Him...


I prayed the same prayer every day. I wanted to tear down the wall of sins that I know are obstacles to my faith and my relationship with God. I begged and pleaded. I asked Him to free me...but My journey to victory wasnt instant. It wasnt not easy....but I learned to put everything under His feet and grow in my walk with Him. He forgave me even during those days where i struggled to forgive myself He He still thinks that i am worthy of His love eventhough I failed Him countless times, 😢


Brother bring it to God 😇 Jesus can grind it underfoot !and you can be set free ❤
 

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#10
My advice are:

Be aware of boredom and stress--- when you are alone...did you notice that when stress or boredom strikes your mind starts to find something to ease your boredom? Yep...


Make yourself busy...I mean dont sit in front of your computer the whole day find something to do...a hobby for example to occupy yourself

Throw the things that triggers your eyes...inappropriate magazines,pictures etc


Run away from lustful siruations don't try yourself...flee.

If you can find a christian accountability partner a buddy or an accountability group of men....it helps so much too....

Focus on God...meditate the word of God.




Sorry my post is too long already 😅

But Let me tell you my story of my struggle with lust,masturbation and pornography...


It started when i was a teen...my bestfriend a pastor's granddaughter invited me to sleep in their house and we watched porn video.


The video that we watched got stuck in my mind and That day was the beginning of my sinful life...

I learned to read erotic novels,started to watch porn videos and masturbate.


I watched porn when bored,when stressed,when sad,when alone when frustrated when angry it gave me a temporary relief temporary happiness that never lasts longer than a few seconds instead after the temporary relief ...it left me unsatisfied,it left me empty and left me feeling guilty...

I lived a lusful life for so long even after i became a Christian...I go to church in the morning and go home and do my secret sin. I lived like that for many years...

I knew that I was a fool...I knew that indulging in pornography,lust and masturbation will send me to hell but I could not stop...I tried to stop many times but I failed Him a hundred times...I get discouraged over and over again because I could not Find a way to instantly be freed from lust....I kept on failing Him...


I prayed the same prayer every day. I wanted to tear down the wall of sins that I know are obstacles to my faith and my relationship with God. I begged and pleaded. I asked Him to free me...but My journey to victory wasnt instant. It wasnt not easy....but I learned to put everything under His feet and grow in my walk with Him. He forgave me even during those days where i struggled to forgive myself He He still thinks that i am worthy of His love eventhough I failed Him countless times, 😢


Brother bring it to God 😇 Jesus can grind it underfoot !and you can be set free ❤
So sorry to hear that you are went through the pain. I was confused with similar issues and had affairs for decades due to the tangled mind. Took me 35 years to get beyond. The topic is awkward for most i talked to. Self have struck. In the end only god could help. But the taboo held me back from gaining support. It's a burden. My life held back my issues I cant share.
 

Kireina

Well-known member
Aug 26, 2020
1,439
1,365
113
#11
So sorry to hear that you are went through the pain. I was confused with similar issues and had affairs for decades due to the tangled mind. Took me 35 years to get beyond. The topic is awkward for most i talked to. Self have struck. In the end only god could help. But the taboo held me back from gaining support. It's a burden. My life held back my issues I cant share.
I dont really understand when you say it is a burden and your life is held back by issues you can't share...but here's what came in my heart...


Your past takes no hold in your present and in your future anymore....God already has freed you from your past look to Him Focus your eyes to Jesus. And HE will continue to transform you to the person HE created you to be 🤗 God bless you ❤ And hey! Welcome to CC! 😊
 

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#12
I dont really understand when you say it is a burden and your life is held back by issues you can't share...but here's what came in my heart...


Your past takes no hold in your present and in your future anymore....God already has freed you from your past look to Him Focus your eyes to Jesus. And HE will continue to transform you to the person HE created you to be 🤗 God bless you ❤ And hey! Welcome to CC! 😊
You are kind. I'm sometimes not very clear. Typically the emotional feeling gets strong and my typing or speech gets muddled. Thanks
 

Kireina

Well-known member
Aug 26, 2020
1,439
1,365
113
#13
You are kind. I'm sometimes not very clear. Typically the emotional feeling gets strong and my typing or speech gets muddled. Thanks
It is ok you dont need to elaborate or explain to me anything I am happy and grateful for your courage to share yourself here with us 🤗 please take care ❤
 

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#14
It is ok you dont need to elaborate or explain to me anything I am happy and grateful for your courage to share yourself here with us 🤗 please take care ❤
I will share one day. Takes me a long time to open up. Sometimes people start with kind, then switched to manipulative behaviour. So I'm taking my time here