Who would want someone w/ my problems?

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JesusWhereRU

Active member
Apr 16, 2021
840
275
43
#1
I have a lot of problems so I always think anyone w/ a brain wouldn't want to marry me. But that has kind of worked out for me bc I don't really (most of the time) want to be married anyway. in fact marriage scares me since... well, does anyone REALLY know anyone? I remember the story of how Ted Bundy's girlfriend didn't have a clue what he was doing when he was away... not sure I buy that? I mean, she must have at least sensed that something (spiritually) was... off. But anyway, I've been in relationships where it always seems to happen: you find out one day that the person u thought u knew was... someone u don't know... not in a hurry to go THERE again...
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
3,671
2,889
113
#2
I have a lot of problems so I always think anyone w/ a brain wouldn't want to marry me. But that has kind of worked out for me bc I don't really (most of the time) want to be married anyway. in fact marriage scares me since... well, does anyone REALLY know anyone? I remember the story of how Ted Bundy's girlfriend didn't have a clue what he was doing when he was away... not sure I buy that? I mean, she must have at least sensed that something (spiritually) was... off. But anyway, I've been in relationships where it always seems to happen: you find out one day that the person u thought u knew was... someone u don't know... not in a hurry to go THERE again...
Phsychopaths are master manipulators. Look at John Wayne Gacy, he was a children's clown and often had high levels friends, such as mayor's.
Bundy married into a wealthy family by lying about his own wealth. So he managed to convince what was likely a suspicious father of his motives and wealth.
How about the BTK killer? He was never caught, but decades later he started killing again. When they finally caught him he was a deacon at a church and married.

This false notion that someone should be suspicious "at least spiritually" doesn't float either. These people are Masters of deception and spend their whole lives learning how to fit in and be viewed how they wish.
And most people are bad at detecting lies. Nor do most people suspect or want to entertain the idea that who they're with is a killer, for obvious reasons. People are more likely, understandably, to suspect adultery or something more commonplace.
Mostly, though, the spouse is safe. Psychopaths tend to not be able to develop bonds with people, but there is usually one exception. A spouse or a child. At least in the case of serial killers.

If you don't want to be married why are you here fishing for compliments and reassurance that you're fine and have no reason to worry? Seems to me if you Actually didn't care you wouldn't be bringing this up.
More likely you Do care, but pretend not to because you're so deeply insecure.

There are people so overweight they literally cannot take care of themselves. People with random disabilities. Deformities. Mental illness. And they find people. And there are normal, healthy attractive people who are alone.
Granted some things do decrease your chances, but that also means that if/when you do find someone it's likely to be more genuine.
I've known people with some serious issues that found someone. I, myself, feel I have so much wrong that who'd want me? But currently I am dating an amazing woman whose love for me is unexplainable. Yet it's there. And she makes it obvious every day. And she, too, has issues that made her feel the same way about herself, yet I love her deeply as well.
So, it can happen.

This whole "does anyone ever really know someone" attitude is one I used to have. But you could say that about anyone and everyone around you.
I used to sit at a restaurant every night. After about a year it came out one of the night cooks broke into a families house and tried to murder them with an axe.

So unless you plan on locking yourself away, life has risks. Something you have to live with.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#3
If nobody wants to marry you, then dont get married, problem solved.

Oh wait a minute, what was the problem again?
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#4
I have a lot of problems so I always think anyone w/ a brain wouldn't want to marry me. But that has kind of worked out for me bc I don't really (most of the time) want to be married anyway. in fact marriage scares me since... well, does anyone REALLY know anyone? I remember the story of how Ted Bundy's girlfriend didn't have a clue what he was doing when he was away... not sure I buy that? I mean, she must have at least sensed that something (spiritually) was... off. But anyway, I've been in relationships where it always seems to happen: you find out one day that the person u thought u knew was... someone u don't know... not in a hurry to go THERE again...
Nothing wrong with staying single if that's what you want. If you continue to pursue relationship however, just know that it's normal to have that phase where the first infatuation cools and you can start to see the flaws of your partner and yeah they aren't who you thought they were because you were seeing them through the lens of infatuation which exaggerates all the good and minimizes all the bad. So welcome that moment as a chance to readjust your perceptions to something closer to reality.
 
L

Live4Him

Guest
#5
I have a lot of problems so I always think anyone w/ a brain wouldn't want to marry me. But that has kind of worked out for me bc I don't really (most of the time) want to be married anyway. in fact marriage scares me since... well, does anyone REALLY know anyone? I remember the story of how Ted Bundy's girlfriend didn't have a clue what he was doing when he was away... not sure I buy that? I mean, she must have at least sensed that something (spiritually) was... off. But anyway, I've been in relationships where it always seems to happen: you find out one day that the person u thought u knew was... someone u don't know... not in a hurry to go THERE again...
Jesus Christ wants you to be a part of his bride, and in him "are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" (Col. 2:3).

You can also take all of your problems and cares to him because "he cares for you" (I Peter 5:7).

Be encouraged.
 

JesusWhereRU

Active member
Apr 16, 2021
840
275
43
#6
Phsychopaths are master manipulators. Look at John Wayne Gacy, he was a children's clown and often had high levels friends, such as mayor's.
Bundy married into a wealthy family by lying about his own wealth. So he managed to convince what was likely a suspicious father of his motives and wealth.
How about the BTK killer? He was never caught, but decades later he started killing again. When they finally caught him he was a deacon at a church and married.

This false notion that someone should be suspicious "at least spiritually" doesn't float either. These people are Masters of deception and spend their whole lives learning how to fit in and be viewed how they wish.
And most people are bad at detecting lies. Nor do most people suspect or want to entertain the idea that who they're with is a killer, for obvious reasons. People are more likely, understandably, to suspect adultery or something more commonplace.
Mostly, though, the spouse is safe. Psychopaths tend to not be able to develop bonds with people, but there is usually one exception. A spouse or a child. At least in the case of serial killers.

If you don't want to be married why are you here fishing for compliments and reassurance that you're fine and have no reason to worry? Seems to me if you Actually didn't care you wouldn't be bringing this up.
More likely you Do care, but pretend not to because you're so deeply insecure.

There are people so overweight they literally cannot take care of themselves. People with random disabilities. Deformities. Mental illness. And they find people. And there are normal, healthy attractive people who are alone.
Granted some things do decrease your chances, but that also means that if/when you do find someone it's likely to be more genuine.
I've known people with some serious issues that found someone. I, myself, feel I have so much wrong that who'd want me? But currently I am dating an amazing woman whose love for me is unexplainable. Yet it's there. And she makes it obvious every day. And she, too, has issues that made her feel the same way about herself, yet I love her deeply as well.
So, it can happen.

This whole "does anyone ever really know someone" attitude is one I used to have. But you could say that about anyone and everyone around you.
I used to sit at a restaurant every night. After about a year it came out one of the night cooks broke into a families house and tried to murder them with an axe.

So unless you plan on locking yourself away, life has risks. Something you have to live with.
some of what u say is good and interesting, etc

but why do you just automatically assume that I am "fishing around" for... what.. compliments? was that it?

sheez... you couldn't be more wrong..
 

JesusWhereRU

Active member
Apr 16, 2021
840
275
43
#7
Jesus Christ wants you to be a part of his bride, and in him "are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" (Col. 2:3).

You can also take all of your problems and cares to him because "he cares for you" (I Peter 5:7).

Be encouraged.
thanks. I do take my problems to Him and in fact if i couldn't do that... i would be a bigger "mess" than I am (meaning, a "mess" comparatively speaking. I realize that I also have a lot going 4 me in a lot of ways. Mostly, I have this going 4 me: I have been committed to Jesus 4 many yrs... need to find someone who can say the same.. But then again, it could very well be that God wants me to be 'alone" (with Him) for the rest of my life... sure seems to be the case
 

JesusWhereRU

Active member
Apr 16, 2021
840
275
43
#8
Nothing wrong with staying single if that's what you want. If you continue to pursue relationship however, just know that it's normal to have that phase where the first infatuation cools and you can start to see the flaws of your partner and yeah they aren't who you thought they were because you were seeing them through the lens of infatuation which exaggerates all the good and minimizes all the bad. So welcome that moment as a chance to readjust your perceptions to something closer to reality.
yes, i havebeen through what u describe more than once.. I once thought i was too much a perfectionist when looking for the right person but then i looked @ the people (um... meaning: took a GOOD look, a 2nd look at the people) i was attracted to and it was like... uh... no, Self, you were totally right to let that one go.. kind of a long story (stories) but anyhow

yeh, i tend to think I am one of those who should not marry
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#9
Yep sometimes you look back at the one that got away and say "Thank you Lord for my narrow escape".
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,374
204
63
#12
There's nothing wrong with being single, especially if you're afraid of marriage. Some people aren't meant to be married, and that's okay. As long as you aren't doing the thing where it's like "oh yeah on afraid of marriage so I'll just sleep with people until I find out what's wrong with them" type deal that seems to be going rampant these days.
Everybody has various problems. IDK what kind you have. But if you think that it would hinder you from marrying someone good, I'm not going to blindly tell you that you're wrong. It just kind of depends on if you're the one causing the problems or if it's out of your control. But thanks to Jesus, even if it is you he is able to help us change and become better people - in fact, that's what He wants for us regardless of if we are looking to marry or not!
 

kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
3,679
1,435
113
#13
Nothing wrong with staying single if that's what you want. If you continue to pursue relationship however, just know that it's normal to have that phase where the first infatuation cools and you can start to see the flaws of your partner and yeah they aren't who you thought they were because you were seeing them through the lens of infatuation which exaggerates all the good and minimizes all the bad. So welcome that moment as a chance to readjust your perceptions to something closer to reality.
This is a good post.